by M. G. Morgan
Image of Me
M.G. Morgan
CHAPTER ONE
I tried to shrug out of Brody’s grip but he insisted on holding on to me. As though he was worried that if he suddenly let me go, I’d run off and do something stupid.
“Let’s get a coffee?” He said, keeping his arm tightly wrapped around my shoulders as he towed me towards his car.
“But what about the office? Stephanie?”
Brody grinned at me before he finally couldn’t hold it in any longer and he started to laugh. “Did you see, Stephanie’s face when that woman dumped her on her ass? I’ve never seen her look so angry in all my life.”
He was right, the look on Stephanie’s face had been utterly priceless. But after I had just watched Matt, race from the parking lot after the woman who had helped to destroy my life, I just couldn’t fully appreciate the humour in the situation. I tried to smile but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes.
Brody squeezed my shoulders once before pressing the button on his key, unlocking the car with one touch. He tugged open the passenger door and gestured for me to climb in. Once inside, I watched him race around to the driver’s side and hop in behind the wheel.
“Why are you doing this?” The words came out before I had the chance to stop them.
Brody paused for a minute, his hands hovering over the ignition. “You really don’t know the answer to that, do you?”
I shook my head, my eyes slowly welling with tears. I swallowed hard in an attempt to push the tears back down, deep inside where they would never see the light of day. But one escaped. It slid down my cheek. Brody turned and watched me, his hand automatically reaching out to me. As though he could simply halt my tears by touching me. But he stopped himself. A look passed through his eyes, making his movements wooden.
He sighed, “I just thought you could do with a friend, that’s all.” He shrugged his shoulders and gunned the ignition. The car leaped forward, kicking gravel up around us as he pulled from the parking lot and joined the queue of traffic.
I held my face in my hands as he zipped through the city streets. I didn’t utter a word to him as he pulled the car up in front of a small cafe. Even when we made our way inside and he picked a small table in the window, I couldn’t find the words to thank him. It felt as though I’d been struck mute.
I was a fool. There was no other way to look at the situation. I had done the very thing I had sworn I wouldn’t do. And what was worse, I had told him my secret. The one I’d held inside me forever. The minute he’d asked I’d spilt my guts. And the very next day he’d run after one of the demons from my past. I should have known better. Matt had no interest in me in high school, a few years down the road wasn’t going to change that.
“I was an idiot, wasn’t I?” I gripped the cup of coffee that Brody had bought for me. I wasn’t even normally a coffee drinker, but today I wanted to be different. I wanted to do all the things that I had ever been afraid to do. Today I wanted to be anyone but the pathetic fool that I was.
“No, you weren’t an idiot.”
I swallowed down a bitter gulp of the dark liquid and nodded vehemently. “I was. I fell for his charm… I wanted to believe that I was special and that he saw something in me that no one else had…”
Brody reached across the table and tentatively placed his hand across the top of mine.
“Kat, you can’t blame yourself. You’re a beautiful, sweet, smart, young woman. If anyone should feel bad it’s him. He took advantage of you.”
I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. I couldn’t blame Matt for this. There was only one culprit and that was me. Matt was used to women throwing themselves at him. I had behaved like every other girl out there.
“No, Brody, you’re wrong. I was an idiot. I knew who he was and still I went along with it… I was flattered and I let it cloud my judgement… But…”
Brody cocked his head to one side and stared at me inquisitively. “But what?”
“That’s not even the part that kills me… I told him about my past… I told him what happened…”
Brody’s expression changed from curious to surprised in the blink of an eye. “You told him that you assaulted your teacher?” He watched me confusion clouding his eyes. “I don’t understand? How did that even come up in conversation?”
“Well,” I paused. I’d never told Brody the full story. How could I suddenly tell him now? Would he understand?
“Well, that’s not the full story…”
Brody watched me intently, his gaze completely trained on mine. “You can tell me anything, Kat.”
“It doesn’t matter…” I wrapped my hands tighter around the cup and dropped my gaze until I was focused completely on the liquid inside. “None of it matters now.”
“Kat, if it matters to you, it matters to me… You can tell me anything.”
Lifting the cup to my lips I gulped down some of the coffee before lifting my gaze and plastering a smile across my lips.
“Really, it’s not important. I’ll be fine. This morning was just a little bit of a surprise is all but it’s not really a big deal.”
Brody drew away and leaned back into his chair. “Well as long as you’re not blaming yourself… For any of this. I’ll dump Matt from the books this afternoon. I can’t have him treating my employees this way. It’s not right.”
I shook my head. “No, you can’t do that. It’s not his fault. When Angela turned up today, he seemed as surprised by it as we were.” Even saying her name was hard. After high school I had hoped to never see her again. I couldn’t shake the smug look she had given me when she had backed Mr Craigsdale.
I stood suddenly pushing the chair back hard enough that it slammed into the wall. “I’ve got to go. I can’t… I need to be alone… I’m sorry.”
I dashed out past Brody. He tried to follow me and grabbed my arm as I raced out through the door.
“Kat, wait… Don’t go.”
I shook my head again, tears blurring my vision. Thinking back on the past had brought it all back to me. The hurt, and betrayal I’d suffered at their hands. And now the betrayal I felt because of Matt. Having Brody telling me that I wasn’t at fault, that I hadn’t made a fool of myself was too much. I didn’t want people being nice to me, it was more than I could bear.
“No, let me go. I have to go.” I hardened my voice and shook free of Brody’s grip. My legs carrying me from the cafe and out into the street. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to look over my shoulder and see the look on his face. He would hate me… And I didn’t want to see that.
CHAPTER TWO
Wandering the streets I let my feet take me where they wanted. It wasn’t until I looked around that I realised where I was. The Monkey House was quiet now. The only time that club came alive was at night. I stared up at the sign hanging above the front door and swallowed back my hurt. This was where I had softened towards Matt.
He had seemed so vulnerable, so hurt and damaged. And I could understand that. I knew what it was like to be broken. So broken that you had nothing else left to do but try and destroy yourself. Self-destructive. It was easier to continue down that path rather than heal. Healing was painful but it was a different type of pain.
I knew all about that black pit of despair. And last night for the first time in my life I had wanted out. I didn’t want the pain anymore. The guilt that I carried with me as though what had happened to me I had asked for it. I hadn’t. I had been let down by everyone in my life, everyone that mattered to me had found it easier to believe the lie.
But when Matt had held me. When his fingers brushed against the tears on my cheeks, I had felt alive again. There was hope. He had believed me. He didn’t laugh and tell me how I’d probably asked for it. All the things I was u
sed to. Gone. Just understanding and something else. Something kindred. I hadn’t imagined it. It was real. It had to be.
Turning from the club I ran. I ran from the thoughts in my head, and the feelings that tried to rise to the surface. Dangerous thoughts and feelings, ones I couldn’t afford to have. I couldn’t lose my heart to Matt. Not when he had so readily ran from me.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, slowing my desperate headlong dash through the streets. Staring down at the screen I flicked up the messages that were filtering in. Most were from Brody. Wanting to know if I was safe. Where I was? Was I alright? The last was from Maggie.
“You need to get home, asap… There is someone that wants to see you.”
My heart ground to a shuddering halt. Had he come back for me? Maybe Matt had decided to come back, not leave things the way they were… But that didn’t make any sense. The way he was when he had seen Angela, that wasn’t just something you got over. She had dropped a bomb and Matt was in pieces… Only Angela could do that… It was her gift… How to destroy people’s lives.
I started in the direction of the apartment. I was curious. I couldn’t help it. I wanted it to be Matt but deep down I knew there wasn’t a chance that it was him. He had gone after Angela. The look in his eyes had told me all I needed to know. If it was choice between her or me… It would always be her.
Picking up my pace I allowed myself to imagine what it would have been like if she hadn’t arrived in this morning. Matt and I would have gone for lunch… But that didn’t matter anymore, even in my fantasies I couldn’t make him stay with me. Even my own mind knew that we didn’t belong together, no matter what I thought we had shared.
Reaching the apartment I let myself in and climbed the stairs slowly, my heart thumping in my chest. That was my gift, the eternal optimist. Pushing the front door open I made it to the centre of the room before I saw her.
She sat on the couch, her small shoulders hunched in on her self, as though she could block the world out if she made herself small enough. I knew that look. It had taken a long time to shake myself free of it. But who the girl was? There was something terribly familiar about her. But I couldn’t put my finger on it. Part of me felt as though I knew her, but I didn’t and it frustrated me.
Maggie moved from the kitchen and gestured for me to follow her. I went with her, casting curious glances back over my shoulder at the teenager sitting on the couch sipping from a mug.
“Who is that?” I whispered to Maggie as soon as I thought we were out of earshot.
“I thought you’d know… She seems to know you… Says you went to high school with her sister…”
I glanced back at her. I couldn’t shake the feeling of familiarity but my brain refused to cooperate. I was too caught up in my own thoughts of Matt and what had happened with Angela. The last thing I needed right now was another blast from the past.
Squaring my shoulders I made my way back into the living room and sat on the table in front of the girl. Her long dark hair hung in front of her face like a curtain, obscuring most of her features. But I caught her watching me, her dark eyes large and expressive. She was pretty, far too pretty to spend her time hiding herself away from the world.
“I’m…” She cut me off before I had a chance to continue.
“Kat Faulkner. I know who you are…”
I nodded and folded my arms across my chest. “But I don’t know you? It’s not fair that you have my name but I don’t have yours?”
“Emma…” She practically breathed the word out and I barely heard her.
Something caught my eye and without even really thinking I reached out and pushed her hair back from her face. The bruise stood out in stark relief against her pale skin. She trembled and jerked out of my reach, her hair dropping back into place across her face once more.
“Don’t touch me…” The words were filled with emotion. Emotion that I was all to familiar with. I shivered. Hearing that tone from someone else… It was like standing inside a cold shower.
“Why are you here?” I whispered the words. I wasn’t even sure why I felt the need to whisper but it was the only way I could get the words to leave my lips. I knew why she was here. I could feel it in my bones. My entire world was sitting on a foundation made of sand. And the moment she uttered those words it would collapse in on itself.
“I want to know if its true…”
“If what’s true, Emma?”
“Did he really…” She swallowed as though even saying the words would somehow make him appear.
“Did he really try to…” She dropped her voice to a whisper, “To rape you…” Her eyes were wide and frightened. Unshed tears shimmered, hiding just beneath the surface of her brown irises.
“Yes…” The word hung in the air. It seemed to slow everything down to a crawl. I watched her release a deep breath, as though she’d been holding it until I gave her my answer.
“I thought I was the only one… I thought it was me, that I’d done something to deserve this… He told me it was my fault…” One fat tear appeared, balancing on the edge of her lashes before it finally rolled down her cheek and dripped onto her hands.
“It’s not your fault, none of this is your fault, Emma, you have to believe that. He’s sick, he’s the one that’s wrong…” My words came out much fiercer than I’d expected. They shocked me. It was always something I’d thought, wondered, but never said aloud. Getting it out there felt good, cathartic even.
“He said if I ever told anyone that he’d kill me…”
Her words surprised me. It wasn’t something Mr Craigsdale had ever threatened me with but maybe that was simply down to the fact that he hadn’t gotten the opportunity. Angela had walked in and caught me with the ruler in my hand. And everything had snowballed from there.
“Did he do that to you?” I asked gesturing to the bruise on her cheek. She nodded rather than answering and picked her mug back up from the table. She held it in her hands and I watched her tremble. She was so young and fragile. What he had done was beyond despicable.
“I couldn’t fight him off… I couldn’t even scream… The sound wouldn’t come out, it was like I was frozen there… just waiting… waiting for him to be… done…” She choked on the last word.
I hopped up from my seat on the table and sat beside her, my arms wrapping around her slender shoulders drawing her body in against mine. I was the lucky one. I’d gotten lucky and broken free of him. But things could have so easily been different… I held her as she cried, her body shaking with each sob.
She grew silent and pulled out of my grip, her hands automatically going to her face, brushing the tears away. “How did you manage after? No one believed you…”
I shrugged, “I ran away as soon as I could. Came here… Changed my name, and tried to hide… Obviously I didn’t do a very good job if you found me.” I smiled at her.
“I found you because of him…”
The colour drained from my face. “I don’t understand?”
“Mr Craigsdale he has your address… I found it in his planner in his desk afterwards…”
I shook my head and swallowed back the nausea that threatened to overwhelm me. “He can’t possibly know… Who would tell him?”
Emma shrugged her shoulders and watched me with her large brown eyes carefully. As though at any minute I might freak out and run around the room screaming like a crazy person.
The sound of knocking on the door made us both jump. It was quickly followed by the sound of Brody calling my name.
“Kat, are you in there? Kat?” He sounded concerned, almost panicked. I hopped up from my seat on the couch and made my way to the door. Emma shrank down against the couch and folded her legs up underneath her frame, hugging her knees to her chest. I could see the fear in her eyes, and it made me wonder what exactly Craigsdale had said to her.
Pulling the door open I stared at Brody in confusion, folding my arms across my chest in a defensive manner. “What are you doing? I
said I needed to be left alone.”
He pushed past me into the apartment and stared around at Maggie and Emma. “He didn’t beat me here…”
“Who, Brody? What is going on?”
“When I got back to the office there was a man waiting in the reception. Said he knew you when you were younger, from your home town high school… Now I know you haven’t told me the whole truth. Whether that is because you don’t trust me, or you can’t, I don’t know? But this guy he was odd… There was something I didn’t like about him and the questions he was asking about you… I had to get over here and make sure you were safe…” He paused to take a breath.
The look in his eyes hurt me. How I had never seen it before was beyond me? Perhaps Matt had done more than help my ability to trust. He had woken me up, before he had come back into my life I’d spent my time wandering around in a haze. Never really seeing the world around me or the people in it… Until now. And now I could see Brody clearly and it hurt. The look of concern and caring in his eyes was almost enough to make me want to burst in to tears. But what he had told me kept me going.
Ice filled my veins and my lungs constricted making breathing almost impossible. It couldn’t be happening all over again? Had he really found me? Emma had buried her face in her arms and I could see the tremor that ran through her body. Why had he come here? Had he come after her? Or was it the fear of what might happen if she found me?
“Did you tell him where I lived?”
Brody shot me an incredulous look. “Do you think I’m mad? I would never give your address to a stranger? He wanted me to verify your address but I said I couldn’t… Confidentiality… That I couldn’t even tell him if you worked for me or not… Kat, who is he?”
“Someone I thought I’d gotten away from…”
The faint sound of my cell phone ringing was enough to pull me from the dark thoughts that filled my head. Did I really think I could run from him forever? That my past would never come back to bite me in the ass? Apparently I had…