Breaking Shaun
Page 31
“Room five sixteen!” she yelled after me.
I jogged down the hall until I found the right door, and I knocked on it. When the door opened, a nurse let me in, and Shaun was standing next to Rachel’s bed, feeding her ice chips. She had an IV in her arm and something strapped around her bare stomach. Monitors next to her bed seemed to be tracking her contractions and the baby’s heartbeat.
Shaun’s face lit up when he saw me, and I reluctantly made my way into the room. I kept expecting the nurse to tell me to leave.
“You made it,” he said.
I came to stand beside him, and he curled his arm around my shoulders. I gave Rachel a small smile as I took her hand in mine. She squeezed her eyes shut, and the screen next to the bed showed another contraction. Her hair was wet with sweat, and her face was red as she tried to breathe through the pain.
“Breathe. You’ve got this, Rachel. You’ve got this,” Shaun said as he brushed her hair away from her face.
A male doctor walked in and began washing his hands at the sink by the door. “All right, Miss Rachel. It’s time to get this baby out. Are you ready?”
“She’s been ready,” Shaun said, smiling down at her.
She gave Shaun a weak grin, but I could tell she was nervous. I was nervous for her.
For the next ten or fifteen minutes, we all helped count while Rachel pushed. Shaun fed her ice chips between each one. She looked more and more exhausted with each push, but she kept at it. The energy in the room was high when her final push came.
“Okay, Rachel, the head is out. Just one more push, and you’re done!” the doctor said from behind his mask.
Her eyes came to mine, and we held each other’s gaze. Her jaw clenched, and she pushed again. In the next second, I heard the loud cry of a tiny little baby, and Rachel’s body went limp with relief. Shaun and I both looked at his child, and we turned to smile at each other once we realized it was a girl.
Shaun cut the umbilical cord. Then, the nurses went to work and moved the baby to another table to clean and wrap her in a blanket. Shaun’s eyes followed them, and I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. The nurses knew Rachel didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, so all they said was that everything was fine and she’d done a great job.
Once the nurse had the baby wrapped tightly in a blanket, she motioned for Shaun to come over. He went across the room and delicately took his daughter into his arms for the first time. I stayed with Rachel and held her hand as I watched him.
Shaun looked at me, and the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen curled onto his lips before he looked down at the precious baby in his arms. He studied her face, and his eyes glossed over with tears as he moved one of his hands to slip a finger into her tiny little ones. She tightened her grip, and he wiggled his finger, smiling down at his daughter.
In that moment, I knew I’d made the right choice.
The night before I left New York, I made my decision. No matter how hard things might be with Shaun, I’d rather fight through them together than be alone. I wasn’t going to stand aside and lose the only real chance I’d ever had at being happy.
I was sitting at the bar in my sister’s kitchen, telling her all of this, as she poured each of us a glass of wine. Her fiancé, Seth, had gone out with his friends to give us some privacy.
She gave me a warm smile as she slid a glass toward me. “I knew you’d figure it out.”
I picked up my glass and paused with it in the air as I eyed her suspiciously. “What do you mean?”
Lili met my gaze as she lifted her glass and leisurely took a sip, making me wait for her response. “You deserve all of it, Nat. Friends, family, love, happiness—you should have all of it. After what Mom did and everything we went through, I know it’s hard to believe the good things when they happen. It’s hard to believe that people might actually love us enough to stay. But how will we ever know if we don’t try? What’s the point of living a life without hope?”
I smiled as I sat there, looking at my little sister. She was a grown woman now, and I was so proud of the person she’d become. Seeing her happy made every hard moment, every sacrifice I’d made, worth it…because I loved her.
Just as I was about to tell her, there was a knock at her front door.
“Must be the Chinese,” she muttered as she put her glass down before going to answer it.
I ran my hand through my hair as I thought about Shaun, wondering if he would still be waiting for me when I got back. I was lost in my own thoughts when Lili surprised me by calling my name.
Getting up from my stool, I made my way toward the door, and I froze when I saw Shaun standing in my sister’s doorway. He had a gray beanie on his head, and his hands were tucked into his black coat. When our eyes met, I could see the Shaun I remembered—the man who knew what he wanted and got it.
“Shaun, what are you—”
“I had to see you,” he said, interrupting me.
My sister stood between us, her head swiveling back and forth, as she realized what was going on.
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” she said, giving me a quick wink, before making her way back to the kitchen.
I stood there as Shaun’s eyes searched my face. I was still in shock that he had come all the way to New York to see me.
“Shaun, I—”
Taking a step forward, Shaun got closer, and I suddenly lost my train of thought.
“This past week has been hell. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t fucking breathe without you, Natalie. I want you in my life. I want to build a future with you…a family. Marry me.”
My mouth was hanging open, and my eyes were probably as wide as saucers, but I couldn’t help it. Shaun had just proposed—marriage.
“What? I mean…are you asking me to…”
Shaun chuckled a little at my expression and my loss for words. He took another step closer, and he laced his fingers through mine. “Well, technically, I didn’t ask.”
I’d said yes, of course.
Now, standing in that hospital room and watching Shaun hold his daughter, I knew I’d found my place, my purpose.
Reaching down to grab my camera, I took the lens cap off, but before I could lift it to take a picture, I heard Rachel call my name. Peering down at her, my chest tightened when I saw how alone she looked as the doctor and nurses worked to clean her up. Our eyes met as I let my camera fall back to my side. Taking her hand back in mine, I gave her a reassuring smile.
“Promise me that you’ll take care of the baby,” she whispered.
I nodded. “Don’t worry.” I smiled as I looked back over at Shaun.
She squeezed my hand tighter, and I turned back to look at her.
“That baby is going to need a mother, someone gentle but strong…like you. Promise me, you’ll do it. Promise me, you’ll give her a good life.”
“How did you…” I paused, realizing Rachel must have known it was a girl, either by her own intuition or she had seen for herself.
“I promise,” I said, holding her hand tighter in mine. “I promise.”
Rachel smiled as tears clouded her eyes. “Thank you.”
Just then, someone walked in the door. “Oh my God, Rachel. I’m sorry I’m late. Are you okay? How are you?”
I looked up to see a blonde standing on the other side of the bed. I guessed that she must be Rachel’s stepsister. Taking a step back, I gave Rachel one more smile before letting her fingers slip from mine.
Once the nurses got Shaun’s daughter ready, they told us they would take her to the nursery. Shaun had a lot of paperwork to fill out, including a birth certificate. We’d discussed different names for a girl, but I wasn’t sure what he’d decided on.
“What do you think about Hope?” Shaun asked as we held hands and made our way toward the waiting room.
I stopped walking and turned to face him, and his green eyes searched mine.
Smiling brightly at him, I squeezed his hand. “It’s perfect.”
One Year Later…
We were on our way to Hawaii for our wedding, and the entire family was coming with us. Natalie and I had been planning this trip for the past year. Hope was going to fly home with Asia and Marcus, and Natalie and I would be traveling the world for our honeymoon. Japan, Brazil, and Australia were just some of the stops we had planned. Leaving our daughter for so long was going to be hard, but I couldn’t wait to get Natalie alone and to experience our dream together.
I already had two surfboards strapped to the top of the car, waiting to come with us on the journey.
“Did you make sure to pack enough diapers?”
“Don’t worry, Killer. There are, like, ten in there, and the flight is only ten hours, so I’m sure we’ll be good.”
Natalie nodded as she pulled her camera bag onto her shoulder. She must have packed Hope’s entire wardrobe. The girl was only one, and her suitcase was heavier than mine.
“Did you talk to Asia? Are they at the airport?” Natalie asked as she took one more look around the house.
“Everyone is there and checked in already,” I told her as I hoisted Hope up further on my hip.
She looked up at me, and her big green eyes sparkled when she spotted the sunglasses on my head. My little girl loved sunglasses. I smiled at her before tilting my head down and letting her take them.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I think we’re ready.” Natalie rushed toward the door to grab another suitcase.
“Hey.”
She stopped with her hand on the doorknob and turned to face me, her beautiful eyes shining.
“We’ve got this.” I leaned down to give her a kiss.
She smiled against my lips before she whispered, “Yeah.”
I never could have known that one night at an art gallery would change my life forever or that a one-night stand would leave me with a beautiful daughter who had me wrapped around her tiny little finger. The things I’d once seen as mistakes had ended up being the best decisions of my life.
If someone were to ask me now what I would have done differently…I’d say, Not a damn thing.
THE END
I sat silently as the woman in front of me continued talking about herself. She had grown up on a farm, riding horses. Her mother was a dancer, and her father a surgeon. She giggled as she pushed her perfectly styled hair behind her bare shoulder. Her well-manicured hand grazed her tan skin.
My mother had insisted I have dinner with this woman. Apparently, she came from a good family. She met her criteria—rich, conservative, and fucking boring.
But I’d lost interest thirty minutes ago when our drinks arrived.
Taking a deep breath to stifle the sigh I was dying to release, I brought my gin and tonic to my lips, and I didn’t miss the fact that her eyes followed. Her painted lips lifted on one side, and her eyes narrowed, giving her that seductive look women often went for while stalking their prey. I was no stranger to that look. I’d seen it often enough.
“So, what about you?” the woman asked.
I placed my glass back onto the table separating us. I hadn’t been listening. “What about me?”
She smiled like she’d caught me fantasizing about bending her over and fucking her when it really couldn’t be further from the truth. I was sure plenty of men had imagined it because she was a beautiful woman, but I wasn’t one of them.
“What kinds of things do you like?” She uncrossed her legs and then crossed them again, careful to graze my leg.
I took another sip from my drink and contemplated my response. I could keep playing this game, pretending I gave a shit if she liked me, or I could just be honest and get it over with.
“I like women with tattoos. I like a woman who genuinely gives a shit about what I think and not what’s in my bank account. I enjoy fucking women like I own them, and as you probably already know, I only own the best of everything.”
By the time I finished, her pretty pink lips were parted, and her big blue eyes had widened. It wasn’t until I lifted my hand, signaling the waiter for our check, that she realized it was a rejection. Her look of shock quickly morphed into appalled disgust.
I knew it seemed harsh to reject a woman I’d only just met, but I’d been dealing with women just like her my entire life. I could see the insincerity in her eyes as they had scanned the room around us for a bigger conquest. I could smell the fresh leather of her three-thousand-dollar purse that she hadn’t lifted a finger to earn. I could hear the manipulation in her voice as she’d tried to convince me that she was interesting and cultured. She was a fucking snob. She had nothing to offer me besides a blow job in the back of my car, and even that would probably be mediocre. There was nothing worse than a person who had never been desperate, never known what it was like to suffer. She lacked the compassion and soul I craved.
She still hadn’t said anything when the waiter came over with the check. I removed a random card from my wallet and slipped it inside without checking the balance. I never had to check the balance because, like the woman in front of me, I never had to work for my money. I chose to work mostly because I was scared I would end up just like her.
Often, the things we detested the most in others were the things we feared becoming. And I didn’t want to see myself in her eyes.
To my wonderful husband—Thank you for always being my rock. Thank you for making sure I take care of myself first, even when I fight you every step of the way. Thanks for dealing with my freak-outs and the hours I spend locked away, writing, while you take care of the kids. Your love inspires me every day. I love you—always and forever.
To my amazing family and friends—Your love and support give me strength. Thank you.
To Jen and Aly—Thank you for always having my back and for supporting me from day one. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it wasn’t for your help. I will never forget what you’ve done for me.
To my editor, Jovana—You’re amazing, and your love and dedication to your work show. I’m incredibly lucky to have you in my corner.
To all my critiquers (Yes, I made up my own word.)—Thank you so much for reading my work and for giving me your honest opinions. I know my first drafts can be pretty rough, but you got through it. I hope I’ve made you proud!
To all the authors who inspire me—Thank you for being you and for having the courage to share your writing with the world.
To bloggers—You’re amazing. Indie authors could not survive without you.
And last but most certainly not least, to my readers—I cannot express in words how much your love and support mean to me.