by Sally Bayley
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It was my grandmother who first helped me read, my grandmother, Edna May Turner. When she was young, Edna May was like one of Miss Marple’s girls. She was a girl who came to polish silver and serve tea on the lawn; a girl who came to shine up the oak banister; a girl to make gooseberry fool and collect the windfall apples in the autumn; a girl to answer the doorbell; a girl to run errands in the village.
In 1930 or thereabouts (what year was my grandmother born?) Edna May Turner was carrying out the tea; she was crossing a hot lawn in a pretty English village. Edna May, the maid who was coming on nicely; Edna, the maid Miss Marple had found through her friend Dolly Bantry, was carrying a silver teapot towards an old lady sitting in the shade. Edna was concentrating so hard on the tray in front of her that she couldn’t see that the woman in front of her was lifting a large pink bloom towards her companion.
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Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner.
(The Murder at the Vicarage)
How old is Miss Marple? Nobody knows. My grandmother was in her sixties and then her seventies when she was living with us, but we never really thought about how old she was. Grandmothers are just there, always and forever. They never go away and they never get older. Grandmothers are like the stone lion that sits on the corner of our front steps. Maze sits on her kitchen stool and slowly grows green lichen around her ears. We pat her on the way in and on the way out and sometimes we sit down on the steps with her and cry.
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What did I know about Maisie? Not much, just scraps. She had white hair and she was ‘five foot five and shrinking’. That’s what she told us anyway.
‘Then you’re five foot four, Maze,’ I said.
‘A little bit more than that dear, a little more … you’re always a bit more than you think you are.’
Maze weighed eight stone five, she told me. Eight of the boulders at the bottom of the garden, eight of those rocks that fall down the hill like Jack and Jill in the stories she read to us; eight of those pebbles I picked up from the beach and put on top of my book to keep it flat. At eight stone my grandmother was both heavy and light. One day, she might just roll away.
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When are grandmothers born? Nobody knows that either. What year was Miss Marple born? Before or after Queen Victoria? Sometime after Queen Victoria was dead, I think, perhaps before the king of England abdicated. ‘Abdicated’ means he left the throne; got up and walked off and left that shiny polished throne right behind him.
‘Flounced out,’ Maisie said. ‘He flounced right out to that beaming woman with her handbag.’
The king of England flounced right out of his throne room. He ab-di-ca-ted. The king got his sums wrong on the abacus. He pulled too many red balls over when he was counting. Or he began a different sum and no one could make sense of it: not all the kings and queens of England added up together, and one white king with one red wife meant that the one in the middle, in between, wasn’t a queen. She wasn’t even a lady. Her name begins with W and it sounds like a man’s name.
‘What was he thinking, rushing off to that woman with her big red lipstick and smile … that woman with her pointy elbows? She has too much powder on her face! It isn’t decent! Too much powder and not enough sense! Powder should stay on babies’ bottoms!’
Maze spoke as though she had been there, in the crowds outside Buckingham Palace, standing at the front. Sometime in 1936 Edna May was pushing her way through thick arms and legs, she was pressing her small blue beret to her head. Maze was waving her flag and looking hard for a glimpse of that bad lady with the bright red lipstick and the big white forehead.
‘She looked like the moon,’ my grandmother said. ‘The moon wearing a large smile.’
‘Always put on your best smile,’ Mum said. ‘You never know who might be looking. Now wipe off that silly grin and go and wash your hands.’
History is remembered by a series of smiles.
3
The Village
She lives in a village, the kind of village where nothing ever happens, exactly like a stagnant pond.
(Sleeping Murder)
In the Miss Marple stories everything begins and ends in the village. Whatever happens in the village, Miss Marple knows about it. People tell her things, often without their knowing. Somehow she’s always there, just when someone’s spilling the beans. Usually she’s sitting in the corner somewhere, like my grandmother with her coffee in the morning, enjoying a nice bit of peace and quiet. Now shoo!
Most of the time St Mary Mead is lovely and quiet. Every day is like being on holiday. There are no chores, at least not for Miss Marple. In St Mary Mead, Miss Marple wakes up to breakfast served by a girl called Mavis or Edna or Mary, which by the way is my middle name; she walks to the village shop with a wicker basket; she stops at the greengrocer’s, the baker’s, the butcher’s; then she has tea at the Copper Kettle.
This is the kind of life I dreamed of; and when I closed my eyes and dreamed this is where I would be: in St Mary Mead at the Copper Kettle, having tea and cake in the corner.
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Villages are full of secrets. If I want to know something, Greta will tell me what is going on. Greta is the vicar’s wife. She loves secrets; but above all, Greta likes to gossip.
When women gossip they usually sit in circles. Gossiping is going round and round in circles until you come back to the same thing. Usually that’s someone’s husband or wife, but sometimes it’s the maid. Gossiping women are witches making spells from other people’s names, women making spells and sipping their tea. Now that I think of it, ‘Greta’ sounds just like a witch, a good witch.
Greta asks Miss Marple to tea because she hopes she can make her spill the beans. Then something might actually happen in St Mary Mead. But Greta doesn’t realise how much Miss Marple already knows, how much she can tell about Greta just by looking.
Greta Clementine was the sort of girl who relished a piece of scandal. Miss Marple took a quick glance around the room. There was Miss Wetherby jabbering away, talking loudly about the rise in prices at Dentons.
‘Two shillings for a jar of marmalade. That isn’t right, Rosemary, surely? Disgraceful. Simply disgraceful. I think we should all boycott the place.’
Miss Marple looked back at Greta’s flushed face. She’s married someone far too old for her, and now she’s stuck inside this village with nothing to do except listen to idle gossip.
Miss Marple looks carefully at Greta. The poor man couldn’t help himself. She’s a very pretty little thing, very lively, dresses nicely, nice figure. Still, it was rather selfish of him, because she’ll get bored. She’s terribly bored already. Look at her fidgeting away. Poor thing, she won’t get much from us that isn’t commonplace. And she won’t get it from her sweet vicar. He’s only interested in learning his psalms!
Greta lifted the big brown teapot and turned to Miss Marple eagerly.
‘Do you think it’s ready, Miss Marple?’
‘Oh, I should think so, dear.’
What a sweet old lady, Greta thought. She looks as though she knows everything but she just won’t say. Oh, why won’t she say? Why won’t someone tell me something interesting about someone at last?
Greta picks up her teacup and sighs. She catches Miss Marple looking at her and smiles.
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Let me tell you something about Mummy, because I’d like to spill the beans.
Mummy grew up in a village called Sompting. Sompting is a place in Sussex next to Lancing and Lancing is near Worthing and Worthing is a town by the sea.
Mummy went to school in Worthing. She walked to school with her sister Di. Mummy and Di walked to school holding hands.
Mummy and Di spent all their time together. Their favourite thing to do was to draw maps. They walked around Somp
ting village and made a map of all the places they knew. They put a cross where the church with the tower was, and an oblong for the school, and a square for the village shop. Mummy said she learned to draw maps from reading the Milly-Molly-Mandy books. They have those in the library. I’ve read all of them now. The librarian says she can’t get me any more because the person who wrote the books has run out of ideas. Or perhaps she’s having a baby. Or perhaps she’s found a better way to spend her time, gardening. In any case, there aren’t any more Milly-Molly-Mandy books so I will have to find something else to read.
Every Milly-Molly-Mandy book begins with a map. If you follow the map you can pretend you are walking around Milly-Molly-Mandy’s village. I follow the names of the roads with my finger until I get to the Nice White Cottage with the Thatched Roof where Milly-Molly-Mandy lives; then I go next door to Billy Blunt’s house and ask him to come and play.
Billy Blunt lives with Mr Blunt and Mr Blunt owns a shop in the village. Billy gives me sweets from his dad’s shop, but I think sometimes he steals them when his dad isn’t looking. Billy Blunt’s pockets are always stuffed with sweets.
I read the Milly-Molly-Mandy books before I read Agatha Christie. Those were my very first books, after Peter and Jane, which we had to read at school, so slowly I nearly died. There are no murders in Peter and Jane and there are no murders in Milly-Molly-Mandy’s village, but there are lots of cottages with roses round the door. There’s Mr Blunt’s sweet shop which Mummy says reminds her of the sweet shop in the village where she grew up.
In Milly-Molly-Mandy’s village there is a girl called Sue; everyone calls her Sweet Sue. Sweet Sue is Milly-Molly-Mandy’s best friend from school. Sweet Sue and Milly-Molly-Mandy spend a lot of time together. They put buttercups under their chins to see which of them likes butter best. ‘A little bit of butter and a slice of white bread,’ they sing.
Milly-Molly-Mandy and Sweet Sue make daisy chains; they put them on top of their heads and then they twirl around and around. ‘Now you are the May Queen,’ says Sue to Milly-Molly-Mandy. ‘We shall go dancing upon the green. Put your plimsolls on Milly-Molly-Mandy, you don’t want to ruin your nice new white socks.’
Sue and Milly-Molly-Mandy are very happy together. Sue is now Milly-Molly-Mandy’s best friend.
Sweet Sue and Milly-Molly-Mandy are always seen around the village together. Mrs Mount at the greengrocer’s says they are inseparable. Every day Milly-Molly-Mandy and Sweet Sue walk to school holding hands. Mr Blunt watches them through the sweet-shop window. He knows they will pass every weekday morning at half past eight and that either Sue or Milly-Molly-Mandy will stop and pull up one of their socks just outside his gate. Then he will see a flash of pale rose skin beneath a white cotton hem.
At a quarter past eight every morning, Mr Blunt is ready at the window; he’s waiting for the sweet girl with dark brown plaits and her fair-haired friend. Mr Blunt knows too that every afternoon at four o’clock they will come back past his shop. They will step inside and buy either a quarter ounce of sherbet bonbons or a quarter of licorice allsorts. The fair-haired girl prefers the sherbet and the dark-haired likes licorice. He always adds an extra one or two because he wants them to come back.
Mr Blunt closes the shop at six o’clock. He pulls down the strip blinds and looks out across the green. He sees Milly-Molly-Mandy and Sue playing with a hoop and ball. He watches and he watches. Beads of sweat begin to form across his brow. The corners of his mouth twist into a smile.
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People say nothing ever happens in villages. But that isn’t true. A lot goes on. Miss Marple knows this. Peculiar things happen in English villages all the time. You only need think of Poor Sue Blunt.
One day over tea at the Copper Kettle Miss Marple tells Greta, the vicar’s wife, the story of Poor Sue. Greta tries to remember it so she can tell it to someone else.
‘As a child, butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. But she grew up into an odd woman … Poor Sue.’
Miss Marple paused and looked out the window.
‘Please do go on, Miss Marple.’ Greta looked anxious. She did so wish that Miss Marple would stop being so vague and distracted. Miss Marple turned back to Greta. The poor girl was looking worried.
‘Something went wrong with Sue. The village people blamed her husband. David Blunt was quiet as a church mouse and very serious. And of course he was far too old for Sue. Three times her age.’ Miss Marple paused again. ‘Then one day she disappeared.’
‘Disappeared?’ Greta squeaked, stirring her tea more quickly. ‘Someone can’t just disappear.’
‘Of course they can, dear, if things are managed cleverly.’
‘Well she must be somewhere … unless she’s dead!’
‘Mysterious things happen all the time, dear. You can live alongside people for years and years and not know things about them. Sometimes you are none the wiser for living in such close proximity. Husbands and wives can do the most surprising things …’
Miss Marple suddenly looked serious. ‘You can have suspicions, of course. We all have our suspicions.’
‘What are your suspicions, Miss Marple?’ asked Greta, stirring her tea furiously.
‘Sue was tangled up in religion. But it was all too emotional for her. She was a very quiet, modest sort of woman. She wasn’t suited to all of that. Sue would have done better as a mother I think.’
‘All of what, Miss Marple. All of what? Do tell!’
Later, when Greta told Miss Cram over tea at the vicarage, she was disappointed to find that Miss Cram already knew all about it.
‘Old enough to be her father. Disgusting,’ said Miss Cram. ‘It shouldn’t have been allowed, a man of over sixty marrying a girl of twenty.’ Miss Cram sniffed hard. She opened her bag and pulled out a tissue. She patted her lips.
‘And they never had children. I don’t think they could. That’s the price of unnatural relations if you ask me!’
Greta nursed her hot coffee and looked thoughtful.
‘Perhaps. More a case of too much religion and not enough fun. What she needed was more parties instead of prayers. And you know, people say, well …’ Greta lowered her head to the table and leaned across towards Miss Cram. ‘Well … that they spent all their time, you know …’
‘No, I don’t know, dear,’ said Miss Cram sternly, raising her eyebrow.
Greta leaned in further. ‘Summoning spirits … shrieking at God – whatever it is you do when you’ve gone a bit demented.’ She paused and tried to look thoughtful again.
‘You’ve heard that from Jane Marple, I suppose,’ said Miss Cram, looking quite put out. ‘She oughtn’t to be gossiping like that. Doesn’t she know it’s one of the seven deadly sins?’
4
Jane Eyre and Verity
Every story has a backstory. Backstories are stories in disguise. Sleeping Beauty has a backstory, Jane Eyre too, but I should tell you about Sleeping Beauty, because she came first.
Beauty is born to a king and queen who can never have children. For years the royal cot in the palace hallway sits empty. Finally, after ten years, the queen loses hope. She pushes the cot behind the hallway curtains and tells her staff never to touch it again.
Then out of the blue, as if by magic, the queen produces a child, a child so beautiful that anyone who sees him can’t help exclaim, ‘What a beauty! What a delight! How lucky you are! May God bless you and your child! May he grow fair and tall!’
An old fairy living on the fringes of the palace hears news of the child and she is filled with jealousy. She cannot bear that a child so beautiful and so loved should live. Her heart begins to fill with wicked thoughts.
Every day at noon the child sleeps beneath a rosebush in the garden. One day, the fairy takes a stroll to the rosebush where the child is sleeping. She bends down towards the cot and lifts the white muslin veil that protects him from the sun. Her knobbly fingers are cold and bent and the child, feeling something, stirs. His eyes open
and he screams. The fairy pinches the small rosebud mouth between her fingers.
After that, there is only the sound of tweeting.
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When people die before their time they turn into ghosts. Ghosts are what the people left behind have to puzzle over. When Miss Marple meets Miss Temple, the schoolteacher, she knows she must help her draw out her ghost. Luckily, ghosts can come out of hiding with the mere mention of a name.
‘We had been talking,’ said Miss Marple, ‘about a young girl called Verity.’
‘Ah, yes.’
‘I did not know her surname. Miss Temple, I think, mentioned her only as Verity.’
‘Verity Hunt disappeared years ago,’ said the Archdeacon.
‘Yes,’ said Miss Marple. ‘Miss Temple and I were talking about her. Miss Temple told me something I did not know.’
Most ghosts are familiar; you know who they are when you see them. Mum looks like a ghost when she passes down the hallway in her nightie; she’s pale all over, grey as congealed porridge. The bottom of her nightie is ripped and torn as if a wild cat has got at it. Sometimes, when the hall light is off, I don’t see her coming and I scream. Then Mum gets cross and goes back into her room and slams the door. We don’t see her for hours.
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Women waft about in their nighties when things are going wrong. Clotilde Bradbury-Scott walks into Miss Marple’s room in a purple nightie in the middle of the night because she’s afraid. She’s had a bad dream about nasty secrets hidden beneath pink polygonum flowers.