by Lydia Deyes
Suddenly overcome with fear, I tried to stop. Instead of obeying my wishes, my body propelled itself forward. Nivek wanted me to go on, and he used my mind to take control of my wings for a moment. Forced to fly much faster, I passed Amery; she hurried to catch up. When I stole a glance back at her, I felt Nivek’s fury pulse in my blood. I was horrified. I steeled my mind, focusing all my energy on escaping his grasp… and was surprised when I succeeded. Now that my body was back under my control, I plummeted from the air. I hit the ground hard. My head and wings ached from the rough fall and struggle to regain control. I could feel my heartbeat in my temples. But this small victory, no matter how painful, proved I could still have some control over myself. Nivek hadn’t won me over. Not yet. I could still fight him.
Amery landed next to me, her eyes wide with concern. “Are you okay?”
“I’m all right now,” I murmured, picking myself back up stiffly. “I just…”
She nodded, full of understanding, and I wondered how much she really knew. She nudged my side, helping me get back up. Her kindness made me want to cry.
Why is she being so nice to me? What did I do to deserve this?
If that weren’t enough, the skies decided it was time to rain. I shuddered and squinted up into the trees as my back was splattered with water. I wanted to hide, to get away from this terrible substance that caused me nothing but anxiety and gloom, but I knew I had to push on. This journey needed to be over as soon as possible, before I changed my mind. I wondered if Nivek had somehow made it rain, just to test me. If it was in his power, I wouldn’t put it past him to utilize it.
As I stared straight ahead through the downpour, I struggled to keep myself sane. I wished I wasn’t afraid of the rain. All I wanted to be was fearless and brave, like Samuel’s family thought I was. All I felt was the exact opposite.
I could sense Amery’s concerned gaze boring into the back of my head, but I refused to look back at her. When I could barely control my own paranoia, how could I possibly control Nivek’s anger?
Samuel once told me to face my fears to escape their oppression. It had helped me get this far, at least, without memories of the storm incapacitating me every time I saw water. I stared defiantly at the droplets dripping from leaves as we passed by. Then a bolt of lightning shattered my resolve and I quaked in fear again.
I’ll never be rid of this fear.
I needed to think of something else — anything other than the storm. I risked a glance at Amery. The anger came just as I’d predicted, but I tried to ignore it. This, at least, was something I knew was foreign. All the other thoughts in my mind were impossible to distinguish, but I knew she didn’t deserve the hatred Nivek had for her.
To my surprise, Amery seemed to be enjoying herself despite the miserable, cold rain. Why is she so happy? As I watched her, a different emotion seeped through the cracks in Nivek’s wrath. A different emotion; a stronger one. I had no idea what it was, and it scared me. Even more frightening, I couldn’t tell whether the emotion was mine or Nivek’s. I quickly looked away.
At that moment, something odd caught my eye. I stopped and landed on a low branch to get a closer look. Amery followed behind me, curious as well.
Below us was a chubby, soggy muskrat. He was half-buried under a tree, digging for roots. Every once in a while, a little pile of dirt and mud would scoot out from underneath him as he dug deeper. After a few moments, he paused and wiggled his way out tail-first. He turned around with a fat white root in his mouth, then stopped. He spotted Amery first, since she’d landed one branch below me.
“What?” he said, dropping the root. “What’s wrong?” I couldn’t help noticing a peak of untidy fur in the middle of his back, which seemed to be pointing the wrong way. Then his eyes drifted to me and he staggered backwards. “You!” he exclaimed. “Is it really you?”
“Me? What do you mean?” I asked.
“You… You’re the…” he ended with the same quizzical phrase Ryan often used. I felt a pang in my heart for leaving behind my warriors, but frustration from not understanding his words quickly surpassed it. I looked to Amery for help, and she fluttered down next to us.
“The Silent Warrior,” she wrote in the mud. I blinked rain from my eyes. Is that what they’re calling me? She nodded to the muskrat, affirming I was who he thought I was.
“You’re the Sheer, the Silent Warrior? The mighty one from the thirteenth floor who defeated the snake, the crow, and the wolf, all on his own?” The rodent nervously tried to straighten the ridge of hair on his back but only succeeded in making it messier.
Why does everyone seem to know this? “Well, it wasn’t all by myself,” I said, nodding to Amery. “I did have help.”
“It’s such an honor to meet you, sir!” The muskrat exclaimed, practically shivering with joy. “Tales of your deeds have spread far, even beyond the forest. There’s no one from one mountain range to the dark cliffs who doesn’t know the name of the Silent Warrior.”
The way Amery looked at me as he said this tore at my heartstrings and carved guilt into my soul. I didn’t deserve the awe and respect the name offered. I bowed my head in shame but lifted it again as the rodent continued to speak, this time with hesitation. “Are you really deaf?” he asked. “As the legend says?”
“Yes,” I replied.
He nodded as if determining something. “My name is Al,” he said, pausing to let Amery write it down in the mud where the previous words had already faded. “I don’t know where you’re going, but I want to come with you.”
“Are… are you sure?” I asked. “We’re going to the western cliffs. I really don’t think you want to go there.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You don’t understand. I feel like I’ve waited my entire life for this moment. I don’t care where, as long as it’s alongside a hero like you.”
I shook my head in amazement, but I couldn’t persuade him. The three of us continued westward, Al sharing far too many facts about roots, until the sun began to set. By then, my head was throbbing, and it was time to rest for the night.
Between waves of pain, I watched the rain stop, the clouds roll away, and the moon rise to its highest point in the sky. I tried to sleep, but every time I nodded off, my pounding head jerked me awake again. Before long, the moon had fallen, and the sun began to peek over the horizon. Even then, I still wasn’t free from my torment.
XLVI
Nivek. He was even angrier now, and I had no idea why. I shouted out, so accustomed to deafness and overcome with pain, I barely noticed my inability to hear my own cries of affliction. Icy blades reached out from my pounding head, through the bones in my wings, and I felt as if I might be shattered into pieces by the sheer force of the pain. The torture in my wings surged, and I could think of nothing else.
I blacked out for a moment, then suddenly found myself on my back. The ground was cold and hard beneath me. My breast was thrust in the air, my wings arched in agony; my claws were clenched tightly, as if I could squeeze out whatever was hurting me. It did no good, of course, for Nivek wasn’t in my body. He was in my mind.
With a final shudder, the pain in my head softened, but my wings burned from the damage. I realized I’d been holding my breath, so I let it out in a mixture between a shout and a sigh.
My eyes were squeezed shut. When I opened them, the light blinded me. Another wave of convulsive throbs crashed into my head, so I shut it out again, still shuddering from my burning wings. I took several deep breaths, calming myself and attempting to release the tension in my muscles. My back was in spasms from arching it so long, and with so much force.
Nivek is getting the better of me, I thought miserably. Amery must be worried… and Al must think I’m a raging lunatic.
Once more, I opened my eyes. How much time had passed? The sun seemed higher in the sky. I tried to get up, but my back and wings immediately spasmed again, so I stopped. I sensed Amery’s presence somewhere nearby, but not Al’s.
; I moaned, automatically trying to sit up so my wings weren’t in pain, but movement made it worse. I craned my head to look at Amery, pleading for her help.
“Lay still, Sheer,” she said when our eyes met. “We’ll do all we can to ease your suffering.”
“Where’s Al?” I asked slowly, struggling to speak through the agonizing pulses in my wings.
“He went to collect something from the forest that will dull your pain. Just lie still, and we’ll help you.” She looked down at me with sympathy. I suddenly felt angry at her, furious even.
Why is she treating me like a child?
Then, as soon as it had come, the feeling passed. When I realized it hadn’t been my own, I was afraid. It had felt so real!
Nivek, I thought. He’s getting stronger.
I shuddered. What if he gained full possession of my mind? What if I gave in without even realizing it? What would he do with me? What would I become? Was I even strong enough to fight him?
I suddenly knew why he wanted me. Because I was strong. Because I was trying. Perhaps he hoped sometime soon I’d regain my powers… but not before he controlled me. With me in his power, so too would be my ability to move things with my mind.
His mind, I thought miserably. At that point, no one would be able to stop him.
I knew I had to keep fighting. No one else but me was able to keep him from seizing complete control of my own mind. Even if someone out there was also able to destroy him, there was no hope left if I gave in.
I felt Al’s soft footsteps approaching and looked up at Amery again. “Al’s coming with the roots,” she said. “I’m going to see if I can find a dense bush nearby so you can have a safe place to rest without needing to fly.” I nodded, and she took off with a gentle gust of wind.
“Thank you, Al,” I said when I recognized the sharp scent of Valerian root.
He nodded, a strange look glistening in his eyes. “You’re welcome.”
I paused, suspicious. If he tries to poison me, I swear… “What was that look for?”
“What? I was just surprised that you knew my native language.”
“I… what?” I craned my neck to look for Amery, but my back protested. Instead, I called for her.
“What is it, Sheer?” Amery asked, landing beside me a moment later. She looked at Al, who quickly explained. Then she tilted her head in confusion. “You know his language?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed, agitated. “I don’t understand what’s going on. I could use some help getting up, though. Trying to talk from my back is exhausting.”
As Amery helped me up, I mulled over what Al had said.
Had I really spoken another language? One besides Montin and Kisalan?
It had been so long since I was in the sole company of animals other than birds and small forest creatures, I’d almost forgotten I could speak Samuel’s language. The chance that this muskrat spoke the same language as foxes and lynxes, though, was slim.
“What is your language?” I asked him when I was settled in the shade of a nearby bush.
“Flussish,” he said, sounding it out to Amery and beckoning her to write it down. “All the creatures that live most of their lives in and near water speak it, except for fish, of course.” He looked up at me. “Many of the sounds share similarities to the bubbles of water,” he explained, “though if you ask me, that was a poor decision. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when someone’s talking and when it’s just the creek. But when you’re by yourself, you can pretend that the water is talking back.” I chuckled, imagining the muskrat having a full conversation with a brook. He’d probably tell it all about the hundreds of varieties of roots.
The revelation that I could speak three languages rolled over in my mind as Al went back to foraging by the stream. How was I able to speak in these different tongues without even realizing it? It seemed I only spoke languages other than my native Kisalan when I was alone with speakers of Montin, or recently, Flussish. I wondered if I could hone in on this ability, as I had with my visions and the ability to move matter. And now that I was thinking about language, there was one other thing that I didn’t understand: the wind that had whispered to me in several dreams.
“Amery,” I piped up, turning towards where she was foraging for seeds. “Have you ever heard of a language spoken by the wind?”
She slowly shook her head. “No, but I was raised by Nyoka, remember? She never told me stories or myths. All I know is the little I picked up since you rescued both of us.”
“Oh, right.” How could I have forgotten?
“But,” she continued, “Al might know. Plus, if you ask him, maybe he’ll talk about something other than roots for once.” She nodded towards the stream. When I looked over, Al popped his head up from where he’d been digging behind a rock, then bounded over to us.
“Did I hear my name?”
I chuckled. “Al, we were wondering if you’ve ever heard of a language spoken by wind.”
He paused. After a moment, he gestured for Amery to fly down next to him. He sounded out a word, and she scratched it into the cold but soft ground. Cíelen, I read when they were finished.
“I’ve only heard the name a handful of times,” Al said, gesturing on my behalf and closing his eyes as if seeing something blissful. “Usually, it’s simply referred to as the language of the wind. I heard that it’s the most beautiful tongue, different from all the rest, and the purest source of all song and color. Then again, that could be an exaggeration. It’s extremely rare for anyone to be able to understand it, so there aren’t many first-hand accounts.”
I wondered whether the language I’d heard, and even spoken, in my dreams was really Cíelen, or if it was just part of the dream. It had certainly seemed real, but I decided not to mention it.
XLVII
By that evening, the weather took another bleak turn. We still had made no progress towards the western cliffs because of my wings, and now it was raining again. Al was out and about digging for roots as always, and I pecked away at the Valerian root he’d fetched for me. Thanks to my medical training with Anna, I knew how much was safe for me to eat, and at what intervals.
While water streamed from the leaves above me and dripped onto my head, Amery was out in the midst of it. She danced and sang in the downpour, fluttering about happily. Nivek despised this, of course, and the intensity of my headache increased. I wished my powers hadn’t sapped away. I wanted to move myself to an even drier spot, or at least shield myself from the wetness. I stared at a broken leaf in front of me, and tried to call on my powers to move it. Nothing. A desperate longing surged inside me. I missed the feeling of strength and invincibility I’d held when I’d been able to freely manipulate the world around me. Now, I felt useless and weak. I thought about Kevin’s suggestion — if I joined Nivek, would he restore my powers? Would he increase my strength? Could we rule together? My mouth watered, thinking of the taste of power, the taste of strength. A tiny voice deep inside me squealed in resistance, but I couldn’t understand it. My head rang with sharp pain, and I tried to think of something else. I focused on the rain.
I hated the rain. Sure, I knew it brought new life to the plants, but it could also bring death. It had almost caused my own; I recalled the flashbacks that had haunted me before I arrived on the thirteenth floor. I wished I understood why I was still so afraid of the rain. The flashbacks were gone, but the fear remained. Perhaps it was ingrained after that traumatic event; perhaps something had just gone wrong inside me. I wondered if Nivek was manipulating my mind to increase my fear, too.
When the shower’s strength lessened and Amery finished her song, she landed happily beside me. “No!” I barked, suddenly filled with rage I knew was foreign. I struggled to contain it. “Please. You… can’t trust me right now. Please go somewhere else.”
Amery’s expression fell. She was clearly disappointed, but she nodded. “Okay, Sheer. If that’s what you want. I’ll just be over in that tree next to Al,” she said, poin
ting her beak to where the muskrat was curling up for the night.
“Right,” I replied, refusing to meet her gaze. I didn’t want to know what would happen when I was vulnerable to Nivek’s influence on my mind, and she was within reach of my claws. The branch bounced when she took off, and the breeze felt cold in her absence.
Trying to think of anything other than Amery, I turned my mind back to the language of the wind. Did it always carry a message? As if in response, the breeze caressed me gently, ruffling my feathers. I closed my eyes, welcoming it, and did my best to clear my mind like I had when I wanted to procure a vision.
Although I couldn’t hear it, I felt I could understand. The wind did have something to say, though not in the way one would normally expect something to be said. Rather than sound, the breeze carried scents and feelings, a tone — sad tidings from the west, of a portion of the forest wrought with suffering.
Suddenly, before me whipped a swift vision. I saw terrible things. A vast, dark cloud, darker than the smoky substance I’d seen in my visions before, crept along the ground. It spread, originating from the dark western cliffs. Everywhere it went, it consumed plants and animals and light. It left nothing but death and destruction. As animals were sucked into its grasp, they were subdued by its power and became one with it.
Some tried to resist, to fight, but they were far too weak to overcome its fearsome strength. How could they fight a cloud? I knew Nivek himself was behind this. Perhaps he was the smoke.
Then a shadow flitted across the image. I only saw it for a moment, but it struck horror into my soul. Half-bird and half-shadow, the massive vulture’s red eyes were blazing fiercely, and a fiery grin ripped the darkness with flames.
Malvador.
With Nivek’s spreading darkness, he had free reign over the lands. Two competing feelings rushed to fill me at the same time: fear, and excitement. The thrill of the beast’s power made me want it. If I had control over this shadow vulture, I could do anything.