by Cate Rowan
“Perhaps.” He shrugged. “But they still live their lives under the sun and stars. They still grow up and fall in love, raise families and celebrate the gods. They still enjoy their world.”
“You can have a tutor. I’ll find someone to come teach you.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I chose long ago. I have my realm. That’s what I want.”
“But you don’t have to settle for one or the other,” she pleaded. “Alvarr is both, and the stronger for it—”
“Is he?” Kuramos stepped closer. “Highly paid armies are a reliable strength. I may know little about the kyrra I have, but I know magic can create weakness, too. The mystical domain has its own vulnerabilities. Keep in mind that Teganne’s thrones were nearly usurped by a magic-wielder, yet my armies have kept Kad’s borders sacrosanct.”
“Yes,” she sighed. “I’m well aware of how Alvarr and Jilian met. But there can be a middle ground. If not for you,” she added quietly, “then what about for Mishka?”
His gaze grew hooded, and he waited a moment before speaking. “How did you know?”
She wasn’t sure what to divulge about her interaction with Maitri, so she stuck to the simplest truth. “I watched her. She seems to find it easy to use her kyrra, as untrained as she is.”
He sank onto a pillow by the table as if the weight of the skies had been heaved onto his broad shoulders. “No one was to know of it but us,” he said. “Mishka, Maitri, and myself.”
“Your daughter’s still a child, with a power others don’t have, one that hungers to be used.” Worried, she lowered herself onto a pillow beside him and tucked her feet beneath her. “Are you ashamed of her?”
His gaze whipped up to hers. “Never! But if she isn’t careful around others, she’ll be in danger. You remember what they tried to do to you.”
Her hands clenched on the pillow. “Too well, thank you. And such atrocities will continue—if the beliefs encouraging them aren’t changed. As the sultan, you have the power to begin that change.”
A glower gripped his features. “Are we talking about sacrificing my daughter again?”
“Not at all. Go as slowly as you like. But you lead Kad by example. Your words, your beliefs, your choices have an impact. Consider the options. That’s all I ask.”
He went silent and turned his eyes to the vista outside. When he spoke again, his voice was thoughtful, almost musing. “What I said before, about no one but myself and my servants entering these rooms, wasn’t quite true. My mentor, Dabir, taught me the secret of this window. He’d done that for my father and grandfather, as well. He wielded magic, but not in the same way as your mages. And he taught me what I know. A hidden bond between us.”
Kuramos watched the other side of the table as if seeing his mentor there. “We’d sit here for hours and talk about what was happening within Kad, and what should be done. How to keep the peace, maintain rule, hold my realm together. Dabir loved to think about the future, to imagine what paths would bring the right results.” He glanced down at the rug and smiled. “He even foretold your arrival.”
“Mine?” She tilted her head, intrigued. “What did he say?”
“Call for her. She will come.” Kuramos turned to her, a turbulent ocean in his eyes. “Will you bend, or will she? Perhaps neither.”
Varene shivered and slid her gaze away. Perhaps neither…
“And now Dabir is gone.” His voice was a low rumble. “No one alive knows of the special nature of this window but me. And you, Varene. Now you know.”
Another frisson slid down her spine as she darted her eyes back to him. “Why have you shared this with me?”
He rose to his knees in front of her, so close that he bracketed her thighs between his own and his warm breath cascaded over her cheeks. He took her face in his calloused, warrior palms and stared into her eyes as if she were the only thing in his world that would ever matter.
“Because, Varene na Seryn of Teganne, I love you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Stunned, Varene stared up at Kuramos. His words tumbled over and over in her head. Miniature earthquakes quivered along her limbs, and she reached up, sliding her fingers around his wrists. “You love me?”
“I do. More deeply than I’d ever thought possible.” He lowered his forehead to rest against hers. Her pulse thumped like the rhythm Kuramos had beat on his garden drum—sensual, seductive…dangerous.
He loved her. He loved her!
And yet…
Kuramos raised his head and gazed into her eyes, searching, newly wary. His fingers lightened on her cheeks. “Do you not…feel the same for me?”
Thud, went her heart. Wouldn’t it be easier to lie?
Thud. Better to tell him she didn’t love him. She’d walk away with her heart broken now, rather than later, when the pain of leaving would be so much worse.
Thud. But she was so tired of pretending…
He stiffened and withdrew his hands. Hurt chiseled his face an instant before a blank facade erased any trace of emotion.
Thud. She touched her fingers to his lips, then cupped his cheeks in her hands, mirroring how he’d held her.
Traces of guarded hope flecked the sea of his eyes.
“Kuramos,” she whispered. “Yes, I love you.” A tear slid down her cheek.
Perplexity drew his brows together, and a gentle finger wiped the moisture away. “You are sad? Unhappy that you love me?”
She closed her lashes and another tear slipped out. “What is between us…cannot succeed.”
His clothing rustled as he moved toward her. When her eyes popped open in alarm, he’d braced his hands on her pillow, trapping her body between his arms. His gaze slid to her mouth. Suddenly she was no longer sure there was oxygen in the room.
“Varene, shouldn’t you let your heart lead you?”
Her lips heated under his gaze. His mouth moved toward hers, relentless, delicious.
“I…I’m not sure my heart is the best guide.” Her chest tightened, seeking air.
He gave a slow, devastating smile. “How can you know, unless you give it the chance?”
“It’s not…” a simple matter, she wanted to say, the phrase Sohad had used when she’d encouraged him to tell Priya of his love. But when Kuramos’s warm breath glided over her parted mouth, she forgot about words and saw only his eyes, looking down at her as if she were the only woman he loved, that he could ever love, in eons of time under the sun of Kad. His lips grazed hers and pleasure cascaded through her.
“Is this what your heart wants, Varene?”
Every nerve in her body pulsed. She lost herself in the heat, in the liquid sensation of his lips gliding over her own. His hand cupped her nape, lowering her toward the pillows, and he leaned over her and pressed his hot, hard body to hers. His tongue teased her mouth open, drew the breath from her lungs until she melted against him like warmed honey.
Warning bells tolled a klaxon in her mind. You’ll be lost…
Groaning beneath his kiss, she grabbed his shoulders and rolled him onto his back, moving with him. Then she raised herself up a fraction and stared into his eyes. Keep kissing, shouted her heart. Walk away, screamed her head.
She released him and sat up.
His gaze punched to the ceiling and his hands gripped the azure pillows at his sides. “Why do you do that? Why do you pull back from me?”
She shook her head, feeling miserable. “So many reasons.”
Despite his desire, which made itself remarkably evident through his thin churidar, he slowly raised his torso and seated himself cross-legged. “Tell me of them.” He reached out and touched her ring. “Start with why you wear this.”
She jerked her hand back, staring at the scuffed silver. “To remind me of a mistake I once made. A long time ago.” Her heart beat sideways and she closed her eyes, panicked by the images that would flood her, afraid of reliving it all again.
His hand slid over hers, gentle and wa
rm, and tethered her safely to the present. After a deep breath, she began. “I was born in Fallorm, not Teganne. My father was a minor moneylender, and when I was old enough to itch for adventure but still young enough to be a terrible judge of what qualifies, a nobleman came for a loan.”
Beneath his palm, her thumb twisted the ring around her finger. “Tharkin was charming, handsome, mysterious…all the things I thought I wanted. He was also remarkably talented at flirtation. And seduction. His attention was exhilarating. Before I knew it, I was madly in love. And then…I became pregnant.” Opening her eyes to his, she caught a flash of anguish, of jealousy, before he schooled his face.
She took a breath and pushed herself to continue. “Young fool that I was, I thought he’d marry me. Little did I know he already had a wife tucked away.” Bitterness abraded the edges of her voice. “Oh, he claimed he wanted me, loved me. When I found out, he insisted she meant nothing to him, and he’d soon leave her to be with me. That we’d raise our child together.”
She glanced once more at her ring and moved that finger, watching the light glint off the dull metal. “He gave me this as a token. When I found it too small to fit my marriage finger, he laughed, said he’d buy another as soon as we were together. But all the while, he told his wife nothing. As it turned out, he hadn’t inherited his nobility, but married into it. And wasn’t about to give up his rich, blue-blooded wife. But when she found out about me…” Her shoulders hunched as a chill rippled through her.
“What happened?” he asked in a low voice.
Her vision grew hollow. “Men came to my father’s house in the dark of night. They slaughtered everyone inside and set fire to it. An ailing friend had needed my aid that evening, or they would have caught me, too. When I returned, I found my family there amidst the smoldering beams and rubble. My father,” she whispered, “my mother, my two young sisters… And that night my child joined them. I miscarried.” Anguish stirred in the marrow of her bones. She slid her hand from his and drew her knees up to wrap her arms around them.
“By the god and goddess.” His free hand flexed as if holding a scimitar and fury roiled in the hush of his words. “The retribution I would wreak on those who harmed you… I’d give all the rays of the sun to have been there by your side. But I wasn’t. You endured it alone.”
Alone. Moisture gathered in her eyes and she nodded, shuddering. She wanted to reach for him again, to feel his solid warmth on her chilled skin, but couldn’t release her knees. “A distant cousin was a musician for the royal court of Teganne, so I journeyed across the border, and there found a home. Soon I found myself called to be a Healer.” Her voice shook. “I’ve always wondered what might have happened to my child, had I the skill then that I do now. She never felt the breath of life or knew the warmth of the sun.” Her lashes lowered, but a tear escaped and hung heavy on her cheek.
His voice grew hoarse. “You lost your family, your child. I, too, know that grief.” Two vertical lines of pain incised the space between his brows. “No matter how many years have furrowed the earth since, the pain of it lingers in the spaces between your thoughts, ready to rise up and bury you anew.” His eyes darkened with bleak loss and an empathy so deep it nestled into her soul.
With her heart quaking, she lowered her knees sideways to the floor where they came to rest against his. A thousand silent, gossamer words lingered in the air between them as they watched each other.
When he tipped his chin, nodding at her to continue, her heart ached for his past, and then for his pride.
“I never set foot in Fallorm again,” she said quietly. “Even after Alvarr and Jilian defeated its usurper and brought it out of darkness. I didn’t return even when Qiara and Rokad were crowned to rule it. I couldn’t go back. My shelter and salvation was Teganne. My light, my sanctuary, all these long years. And almost, almost, did I stay there and not come here to Kad.” She brought her gaze to his, and the smile that brushed her lips was bittersweet.
“After all that,” he whispered into the silence, “you still wore Tharkin’s ring?”
“I thought it wise to remember my folly so I’d never repeat it.” She bit her lip. “Last night in the bath, I tried to take off the ring. It wouldn’t move. And then… Well, I thought that might be best.”
“It’s worst.” He locked his gaze to hers and slowly leaned forward. “I want that thing off your finger, that remembrance of death and folly. We share grief, you and I, and will always bear that pain through the pleasures of life. But that ring shackles you to misery.”
Ever so gently, he lifted her hand to his knee. For the first time, she saw that the silver encircled her finger like a thin noose. “And yet, Varene, your ring has also magnified my admiration for you a hundredfold. When I think of the courage it must have taken for you to survive, and then to choose to keep such a reminder… You have a will as strong as the bedrock that upholds the world.”
His words widened her eyes and she stared at him. Courage was one of the things she loved most about him, yet here he was admiring hers?
Perhaps, despite the world around them and all that stood between them, they weren’t so different. She squeezed his hand.
Lifting her palm, he held the circle between his thumb and forefinger and studied the decades of wear scratched into its dull surface. She moved her fingers to give him a better look…and her pinky slid free of the ring.
“Oh!” She stared at her bare hand in shock. “How—did you use your magic?”
“Nothing more than a wish.” He rolled the silver into his palm and held it out to her.
Solemnly, she retrieved it.
“Do you need the ring anymore?” he asked softly.
“Yes… No. It’s complicated.” Her fingers closed over it, then laid it on the floor beside her.
“Varene,” he whispered, “if you had known what was coming, here in Kad—if you had known about us—would you have stayed in Teganne?”
A hush grew until she heard the tinkling notes of the fountain behind them. In the silence, his head tipped down, lips tightening.
“No, Kuramos,” she said quietly, her decision made. “I would have come to you. Even with my past, even knowing all that would happen. I journeyed here to heal your family, but I would have come anyway. For you.”
And I will go home with memories of you and I making love.
He was right, she had courage. Enough to see the vast differences between Kuramos and Tharkin. Enough to love this honorable man before her whose voice, whose touch, felt like home. Tomorrow she’d return to Teganne and a life she would sew back together with sutures and her tears. But first, she and Kuramos would create memories to be savored when they were long gone from each other’s worlds. Her love for him would survive in the sweetness of remembrance.
She rose to her feet. He stood as well, and gazed down upon her with love filling his eyes… and then more. The space between them shifted, heating like smoke.
She stepped forward, slid her hands into his hair and tugged him down for a hot, ravenous kiss.
He yanked her against him, hands roaming over her curves until her body thrummed, sang for him. His mouth nipped and teased her, a luscious torment. Her desire had been flush for days, and now every nerve sparked with need. This man owned her heart and always would. She surrendered it to him gladly, filling every fiery touch with love.
His palms rose to her breasts and warmed them. He slid his hands over her nipples, peaked against the linen, and caught them gently in the vees of his fingers. He tightened them, pulsing his hands, until a sensual wave washed any regrets from her limbs. Lines of pleasure blazed from her breasts to the top of her thighs, and she cried out at the tension.
Her own hands pressed against his waist, the top of his muscular, firm buttocks, pulling him closer. If all she could have was this time in his arms, she would take it. I love him and need him. For these few moments we have left, he is mine. She would take all the pleasure he offered and store it in her heart. That wou
ld have to be enough.
He dipped his head to her shoulder, licked the sensitive skin in the hollow above her collarbone, brought up a hand to dive into the hair at her nape and bare her neck. Into her ear he whispered, a driving, primal groan. “I want you, Varene. Let me make love to you, now and forever.”
Her eyelids closed in sorrow, even as her body shivered at the caress of his breath. Forever was not an option. But she would accept the now. She would take the now.
She tugged him toward his bedchamber.
Exultation pulsed up Kuramos’s spine. At long last, Varene was surrendering to his love for her.He would take her sorrow into himself and give her joy. She would be his, irrevocably, completely, for always.
Just as he was to be hers in every way.
His gaze caressed the sway of her gown-clad hips as she led him. When she paused by the green canopy, he twirled her toward him like a dancer. She grinned, new light sparkling from her eyes, then her smile transformed into a sigh as she brushed up against his chest.
She yanked off the damned string that confined her hair. Free at last, her golden mane tumbled down her back and over her breasts. He ran his hands through it, stroking the shimmering gold, inhaling the scent of jasmine and herbs. He trailed kisses along her jaw and brushed his fingers down her back. “You,” he said, reaching for the laces at the sides of her waist, “are wearing entirely too many clothes.” He loosened them, skimming his fingers through the side-slit and along the layer underneath.
“That’s my chemise,” she whispered. “The dress must come off, first.” Her coy glance slanted up through her lashes.
“So be it.” He knelt and let his hands glide down to her hips and pause there, his head level with the juncture of her thighs.
Watching him, Varene’s fingers twitched at her hips. For a few breaths he merely looked at her, as if he could see through the gown to her feminine core. She imagined what was soon to happen and need flushed her skin. He leaned in, his breath warming her through the fabric, until her blood throbbed in her veins. Just as the tension rose to a toe-curling pinnacle, he pressed his nose and lips into her, nuzzling…