“I’ve a mind to hurt him either way,” Nash went on.
“Nash,” Reuben called. “Let’s go and speak alone.” There were footsteps traveling down the hallway.
Alex went on, most likely to Chris. “I don’t know what to do. Justin is upset, of course, but he’ll not agree to give up his friendship with Gerard, which I understand, yet where is his loyalty to me?”
“Go rest,” Chris said. “Your anger does your body no good.”
Rose turned to look at the doorway and watched Chris place a hand on Alex’s shoulder before steering her away. Guilt rose as she realized the danger she was putting her friend in with her sadness. It seemed she was a burden to everyone.
She watched Chris return and stood. “I should go. I wish to return to London.”
He was silent as he walked toward her, his eyes gold and expressionless. Those eyes reminded her of Gerard.
“Chris—”
He wrapped his arms around her, and Rose inhaled his familiar scent and the feel of his arms, but instead of the safety that Chris offered bringing her peace, his grasp only seemed to rip at the last strains of fabric that were holding her together.
She heaved in great breaths as screams of pain were ripped from her. She didn’t know how much time had passed, but when she calmed, it was to find that Chris had carried her to the room she’d been given and had placed her on her bed while he took a chair and moved it to her side.
There was only a moment of silence and then Chris spoke. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again, so don’t ever ask it of me.” His gaze was so serious that she knew he was telling the truth. He’d been apprehensive about her going to the party, and his worry had not been for naught.
She moved her hand toward him, and he took it, holding her gently.
“You’re strong,” he told her. “You’ll get through this.”
But would she? Between the two of them, he was the only one who sounded sure.
Since his arrival that morning, they’d not spoken alone. She’d only seen him at breakfast before she’d retreated to the sitting room downstairs. She’d been trying to hide from her family, but they’d found her and had proceeded to speak of her as though she lay on her deathbed.
Her fault, she supposed.
They cared for her greatly, and she was reminded of what she’d read in the news article about herself. There had been mention of not only her father, but of Christmas’ faith in her survival as an infant.
He’d believed in her strength once, and she’d survived.
So perhaps she could do it again.
She untangled their hands and touched his cheek. “Thank you for having faith in me when I was a baby.”
He narrowed his eyes. “When I find out who has given the papers Mary Elizabeth Best’s journal, they will pay.”
“But I’d never have known how much you cared had it not been printed,” she told him. And she’d never have learned who her real father was. Lord Stonewhire hadn’t seen Rose before she’d slipped away from Avon Park on the night of the party. She hadn’t wanted him to, but she’d been told that he would be arriving in a few weeks after seeing to some business in London. Alexandra had invited him, hoping that Stonewhire’s presence would make Rose feel better.
“I did nothing,” Chris told her. “You did it. You survived the fevers and chills. You did what Stonewhire’s other children had all been unable to do.”
Her chest squeezed painfully. “What a horrible thing to say.” She took her hand from his, but Chris took it back.
“It’s the truth all the same. The beau monde claim that their blood is better than ours, but you’ve proven them wrong. And when you return to London, you will continue to do so. You may weep for what you have lost, but you will not let it break you. You defeated a weak body as a babe. You will not be defeated by a broken heart as a woman.” He looked at her in a way that challenged her to defy him.
She stared at him and realized she had no wish to… and that he was right. She was a Smith. Her heart was shattered, but that didn’t mean her world had to end. Still… “I can’t quite find my way out of the sadness.”
“But in time you will,” he told her. “For now, Nash has invited Lady Emma to come and instruct you on how to fit into Society.” Lady Emma Honeysett was a friend of Nash’s, and though no one knew how he and the heiress had met, Emma claimed that she owed Nash her life. She’d instructed Alex the year before, and it had been a relationship that had turned to friendship. Rose thought Emma’s presence good not only for herself but for Alexandra.
She wasn’t sure the distraction of classes on etiquette would do, but she was more willing to try than she had been an hour ago.
* * *
31
CHAPTER
THIRTY-ONE
.
.
.
* * *
* * *
.
Bastard.
“Gerard!”
He heard the shout but instead of slowing, it only drove him harder. He kicked his horse, and the beast rode at a full gallop across the field toward the short wall that encompassed the old abbey that sat on the east side of his property.
He struggled to breathe around the air that pushed its way into his lungs and fluttered in his hair, blinding him.
His vision blurred a moment, but he regained it just in time.
“Gerard!” Justin guided his own horse to follow. “Stop!”
But it was too late. Earl and animal flew through the air and landed easily on the other side. Gerard grinned and turned to watch Justin approach. His horse slowed and remained on the other side, the crumbling brick a barrier between them that nearly hid Justin’s stallion. It was a large wall indeed.
Justin glared. “You could have killed yourself.”
Gerard straightened. “I always wanted to jump that wall.” But his father had forbidden him to.
As of late, he’d been doing quite a few things his father had always forbidden, but what the duke thought of it, he didn’t know, since Gerard refused to speak to him.
He refused to speak to anyone.
Only Justin pushed the issue.
“Shall we speak or are you going to force me to watch you die?”
Gerard started his horse down the path along the wall and was not surprised when Justin followed. “I’ve nothing to say.”
“Then it is death you wish for?”
Gerard chuckled. He knew better than to wish for anything ever again.
“What happened between you and Rose?” his oldest and most stubborn friend asked.
Bastard.
“Nothing.” He’d been surprised when Justin had first asked him the question last night upon his return to Avon Park. He’d been sure that Rose would have cried the entire scene out to Alex and, in return, the countess would have shared every bitter detail with her husband, but in fact, that was not so at all.
Though while speaking of it made sense, not doing so also made sense. Rose likely did not wish to embarrass herself with the truth.
Really, however, there was nothing to be embarrassed about on her end. She’d given her heart to a monster. She should have known better than to do such a thing. He was, after all, his father’s son.
He’d told himself to stay away from her that night, but the moment she’d disappeared with Harland Upton, he’d excused himself from Miss Louisa and had followed.
Witnessing their passionate kiss had made Gerard feel as though a hand had reached into his chest and run its sharp nails across his heart.
It had taken all his strength to remain in the shadows when the viscount passed and not push him over the balcony. And when he’d approached Rose…
Just once, he’d told himself.
For one moment in his terrible life, he wanted to know what if felt like to possess the sun, to be warmed by her inner goodness and let her light flow within him. Just one kiss, he’d promised himself, and then he would return to the shadows and ded
icate the rest of his life to duty.
But the price of that kiss had been far higher than he’d ever imagined.
He’d been forced to do the one thing he knew would change them forever.
He’d destroyed their friendship and, with it, every beautiful moment they’d ever shared. It was the only way to ensure that Rose never came to him again seeking anything. He knew he could have told her about his father’s threats, but without proof, there was no way to stop him. While Rose still possessed feelings for him or even gave the gift of her smile again, Gerard would always chase after her and forget the consequences. So long as there was hope, there would be danger for everyone. He’d had to do more than let her go. He’d had to crush any good that remained between them to ensure they never sought one another again.
That kiss was both a blessing and a curse and had ruined him in ways he’d not been prepared for.
“Are you listening to me?” Justin asked. “My wife is worried and with child. This is not good. You must come and make this right.”
Gerard looked at Justin as though he’d lost his mind. There was no making right the grave wrong he’d done. “I can’t.” Not only was it a horrible idea, but it was impossible. Rose would never forgive him. Gerard would never forgive himself.
Justin opened his mouth but was caught off guard by the sound of horses.
A footman from the house approached with another gentleman at his side.
The footman said, “My lord, your father requests your return to the home. He wishes to speak with you.”
“Tell my father that although it pains me to displease him, anything he has to say to me can be left in his will.” Gerard was done.
The footman and the guest both looked startled.
Gerard gave a meaningful look to the other gentleman.
The footman cleared his throat. “Lord Obenshire, this is Mr. William Montgomery.”
The name rattled Gerard so greatly that his horse gave a sound of protest as though he felt his master’s anxiety. This man, who was tall with blue eyes and dark blond hair, was related to Rose. He didn’t see the resemblance at all, but it didn’t make having the man near him any better. A man of both average looks and height.
The man bowed his head low then snapped back into place and smiled. “My lord, I hate that I’ve caught you at a bad time, but I was wondering if you knew where I might find Miss Rose?” He had a very dramatic way of speaking, as though he were on a perpetual stage and the world was his audience. The movement of his hands was distracting. “I’ve yet to meet her, but the moment I heard of her existence, I knew I had to. I searched London for her but was soon told that she was at your residence for a house party. So I am here and would like to meet my cousin.”
A cousin.
What did this man want with Rose? Gerard narrowed his eyes. It wasn’t uncommon for cousins to marry. Did he think he could take Rose away from him?
Mr. Montgomery visibly swallowed and backed his horse away slightly.
Gerard relaxed his expression… as best he could. “Why are you looking for Rose?”
“Well, my lord…” William looked startled once more. “She is my cousin, after all. I bring good tidings from my father, her uncle. We wish to welcome her into the family. I’m sure she’ll be pleased to have our humble support.” There was another dramatic bow, and Gerard wondered if he should take the man seriously.
Support? Rose was an heiress. She didn’t need this man’s support. Maybe he needed hers. Gerard would kill anyone who sought to take advantage of her.
“You will never go near—”
“Wonderful!” Justin cut in before Gerard could finish his words. “I’m sure Rose will be pleased to know that there is someone in the world who cares for her.”
The remark hit right where Justin wished it to. Gerard had not shared his feelings for the woman with his dearest friend, yet Justin knew he could taunt him with them all the same.
Justin turned to Gerard. “You’ll come as well.”
“No,” Gerard said. And that was final.
Justin turned and smiled at William and the footman… whose name Gerard now remembered was William as well. He chuckled but stopped as Justin glared at him. Then Justin turned back to the others. “Please give us a moment alone, would you?”
The footman reached into his pocket and passed Gerard a note. “From your father. He seemed to know you would refuse.”
Gerard crumbled it in his hand but held it fast and gave his attention to Justin.
The men left with Montgomery, giving his thanks before turning away.
Justin spoke the moment they were far enough not to hear. “You’ll come and apologize to Rose. You will make this right and then you will leave as soon as you wish but not before Rose is left whole.” His green eyes were more serious than Gerard ever remembered them being.
“I can’t.”
“You’ll do this—”
“No.”
“Then this is the end of us.”
Gerard looked at him and narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?” His heart filled with great panic. Justin was his last friend. When the duke had managed to chase everyone else away, Justin had remained, standing beside him and suffering because of his loyalty. Gerard depended greatly on Justin. “You can’t mean that.”
Justin’s eyes filled with pain, and Gerard knew he was speaking the truth. “I do mean it, Gerard. I’d never jest about something so important. You know this. My family must come first. Alex is with child, and whatever is between you and Rose brings her great grief.” He paused as if he were struggling to speak and then said, “My mother wished me dead, but my father was always close to me.”
Gerard knew this, and while he’d never envied Justin his mother—a woman who’d tried repeatedly to kill Justin because she thought him an abomination—Gerard had envied Justin’s connection with his father. Their relationship had been better than most. Certainly, better than Gerard and the duke.
Justin went on. “From the moment Alexandra told me that we were to have a baby, I knew she would make a great mother and prayed that I would be a great father as well.” Justin looked toward the crumbling wall that rested between them and then at Gerard. “She bled four months ago, and a few days ago she began to feel pains. It’s far too early for the baby to come, Gerard,” The worry was clear in Justin’s eyes.
Horror rushed through Gerard’s blood. “Justin, why didn’t you tell me when it happened?”
“Alexandra didn’t wish anyone to know,” Justin said. “And the doctors said it was fine if she didn’t do anything strenuous.” That Justin had kept such a secret from Gerard told him just how much the dynamic of their friendship had changed. His wife came first.
Gerard’s own anger rose. “I would have never asked her to assist with the party if—”
“She was fine during the party,” Justin told him with a glare. “I’d not have let her come if I had thought she couldn’t handle it. Besides, staying abed for months on end would never suit Alex. It had been four months since the first bleeding. We thought it would be fine, but this last event…”
“I’m sorry,” Gerard whispered, feeling for his friend.
Justin turned away. “If Alexandra loses this baby—”
“She won’t.” Yet Gerard struggled to breathe at the thought.
Justin’s stare was like a pressing blade. “Alex cares for everyone far too deeply for her own good. If I try to send Rose away with her grief, even if it is to the rest of her family, it will only stress her more. So Rose must remain, but she cannot remain as she is. If any harm comes to Alexandra because of this… I won’t be able to forgive you.”
It seemed the wind understood the seriousness of the moment and ceased its dance across the field.
He often wondered why Justin had remained at his side all these years when he’d never done a thing to deserve it. And now, his friend needed him, and Gerard wasn’t sure he could do what was being asked.
Gerard l
ooked down at the note in his hand and gave Justin the only reply he could. “I’ll pack my things.” He was unsure if anything he tried would work. He didn’t even know what he would say, but he knew that if Alexandra lost the baby, even Gerard would feel a heavy wound.
Justin said nothing as he rode away.
Gerard opened the letter and was not surprised by its content. He was being summoned with the knowledge that his refusal would mean being cut off financially.
Less than an hour later, Gerard was in his father’s bedroom.
“I’m going to see Rose.”
Avon glared from where he sat by the open window. “You will do no such thing.”
Gerard walked over to the table and took the seat across from his father. “Why do you hate her?” He didn’t know why he’d asked it, but he imagined it was the fact that his father was sitting by an open window while drinking tea. Both suggestions had come from Alexandra. “Why do you hate them both?”
“They’re bastards,” Avon said plainly. “Abominations!” The cup clattered from his hand and fell to the table. His father’s hand trembled until he laid it on the table. His golden eyes burned with fury. “They’re poisonous fruit. Do you hear me?”
Gerard leaned toward him. “How can you say that? Both have been nothing but kind to you.”
Avon grunted. “That’s because I’m a powerful man.”
“No!” Gerard slammed his hand on the table. “That’s because they don’t recognize your power at all. It’s their power that allows them to be gracious in the face of such ugly and blind hatred—”
“Mind your tongue,” the duke said. “Or I will silence it for you.”
Gerard stood. “There is no need. After this moment, you will never have to hear from me again.”
His father’s eyes cooled, but before he could speak, Gerard cut him off.
“Who is Henry?” It was the last thing he wanted from his father.
The Games the Earl Plays Page 18