So we walked in there and he seemed to trust me until the heavy metal door closed behind us.
"You think you are untouchable because of your importance for Jay. But you’re wrong," White’s expression was frozen and I believe I saw him slightly tremble, trying to restrain himself; he was most definitely angry, if not feeling betrayed, and I had no idea why. "It only means that I cannot kill you," he added monotonously.
I knew this would have been one of the least horrible things he could do to me, at least obviously. He still had no idea that I was pregnant – and I owed that one to Valerie – and that was the only reason I could keep my cool. He was onto us, it seemed, but it already was too late.
“Sir,” I sounded as if I was pleading, taking on that very demeanor he liked most about me. “Why would you say such a thing?”
White was definitely startled by my acting, looking at me for a moment as if he was doubting his very own judgement; and I tried to rub in more of that doubt to make him falter, as I stepped closer, pretending I needed his closeness to feel secure, as I had so often.
I’ve spent so much time to become his special girl that I am disgusted by myself, and secondly cannot accept that my work doesn’t blossom. And ultimately all I want him to do is give the signal to lift those bars from Nina’s cage.
I know he doesn’t trust Jay, and he doesn’t feel save being around him and me to utter that order, but maybe, without having Jay close, his arrogance will play into my hands. Eventually, all of this is just one big poker game.
I have pretended to turn to him whenever I would feel insecure. I first teased Daniel – Four – often enough, risking my own safety so that I could run to White and act as if I needed him to feel safe every time he sent Jay out on a mission. I allowed him to touch me, so that he would think he was the one calming me down. I allowed him to stroke my hair, pet my cheek, and pull me into an embrace, all of that to make sure that I was his good girl.
Oh, and Nina, she definitely had a blast acting like I asked her to. I was right about her, she was just simply pretending. She had been well aware of her situation and in control over her body right from the start. Whenever we had a chance to whisper to each other, it was her who helped me through the transition. I will miss her, badly.
Let’s get back to where we were. So, I tried to convince him that his words were a result of him being paranoid and it looked like I had pulled the right strings, because his expression softened. However, I never trusted him, my instinct sure as hell didn’t. And they screamed at me right then and there, and I knew I should have listened.
This wasn’t the day I had planned for our escape to fall into action. I had wanted to wait for at least another two weeks, if not a month, because I didn’t want for my third pregnancy to fail. But I knew when I looked at Dr. Clay Severin in the eyes, that my time had run out.
My instincts jumped in, but it already was too late.
“I know why you have been so guarded and shy,” White spoke to me so softly that my stomach started to churn. “I have noticed the way you look at me, Meghan.”
I hadn’t noticed myself walking backwards until the wall behind me stopped my retreat. This wasn’t the time to show him that I had become a beast. I knew that I still had to pretend that I was this meek and insecure girl that was yearning for his approval, just as his brother did.
“Sir?” This question spoken with a weak, broken word was all I could utter.
My body was in shock. I always had suspected him to be interested in me, but I only realized right then and there that my assumptions had been correct. I had expected him to see me as tainted because I had been Jay’s sexual toy for so many months. I never had expected him to overcome his repulsion.
But here I was, grinding my back into the wall, hoping that I would find an invisible passage as he stalked closer. All I knew was that I couldn’t beast out, not until he ordered the bars to be disengaged. I needed his voice to be recorded onto my adjusted wristband before I could do anything. And there was this wishful thinking that I wanted Jay to be the one to kill him, which was ridiculous, because I had every reason to do it myself. Apart from that, I knew how much Nina longed for being the one to kill him. And in the end I didn’t care who killed him, as long as he was killed.
“You have proven to me now that you are worthy to be trusted,” White suddenly explained. “I have doubted you over and over again, but all you have done is proven your worth to me. And I admire your commitment.”
I wasn’t sure if I understood him right. I wish he wouldn’t have talked this way, I wish that he wasn’t that blinded by his own pretentious glory. I still needed him to speak the order.
“I just want...” I responded, ending up speechless; I couldn’t say trust and I couldn’t come up with a good lie, either; all I wanted was to be free, was for Jay to be free, and for our child to grow up in freedom, protected by its parents.
“I wanted to see you as nothing more than a means to an end, but you have proven yourself as worthy, as so much more than I have expected,” White declared. “You have shown a natural talent in leading the soldiers I have created. I know that you’ve become one of them, your blood tests showed it, and I know that you are aware of your change. I believed that Flynn was the answer to my problem, but I know now that you are the solution.”
His words were like ice cutting through my veins. I knew where this was headed and I didn’t know how to face them. I was repelled, all I wanted was to show my second nature and rip him to threads and bathe in his blood, yet I needed him to say those few words that meant my freedom, our freedom.
“I can give you everything you want,” he promised as he closed in on me while I did my best to fight my gag reflex. “I can turn you into a respected woman. I can give you all the riches, dresses, and security you want.”
While listening to him I had to swallow down the bile that was crawling up my throat. Why hadn’t he been able to wait until later? Why had he waited to bring his speech now? Why hadn’t he been able to wait a little longer?
“I can remove you from this. I can have you teach others to do what you do.” He continued and the world started spinning.
The last thing I had expected was for White to fall for me, to want me for himself. I had never expected for this to happen, but it had. All I could think was that I wanted to throw up all over his face. And yet he hadn’t spoken the words I needed him to say.
Val’s friend, the scientist I had once met, Dr. Austin Pavlovich, who was a scientist per day and a hacker at night, was waiting for me to get the record of White’s order to remove the gates.
“All I need from you is to tell me that you are willing to agree to this,” White urged. “I will remove you from this facility immediately, and you will never have to return to this place. This I promise to you.”
My stomach was dancing a waltz when I heard these words from the mouth of the only person I would easily rip to tiny, minuscule shreds myself.
How could this have ended up like this? Did I really make him believe that I would want to give myself to him? I must have been an Oscar worthy actress to make him believe that I wanted to be with him. What a shame that the world would never notice.
“Sir...” I spoke, searching for words that would make him stop without drawing his attention, which was close to impossible.
When White had made his mind up with something it was unbreakable law, and if he thought that I wanted to be his it was a fact and not an idea. I would not have any say in his decision.
“Not in front of the subject,” I managed to bring out, but he already had closed in on me.
I wasn’t sure if my words would have any impact on him, because I knew that when he acted his mind had already been made up. The thought alone was horrifying. I knew that Nina was there, lurking in the shadows, watching everything. I didn’t want her to believe that I had been playing her all along, and even if our relationship should make sure that she knew better, I was terrified.
; How could I be sure that White would utter the words when he was distracted by me?
“Please, Sir,” was all I could bring out when he closed in on me.
I couldn’t show my new other side to him, he would never say the words, but I couldn’t stand him being close.
Why now? That’s all I could think. Why of all times did he have to make a move on me now? Now, as I had to play my part and allow him make a move on me. It just wasn’t fair. If it was anything, it was disgusting.
“Sir, please,” I repeated myself and turned my back on him. “Please.” I continued, but something inside him had been cut, whatever it was, it probably was the one thing that had helped me to respect him; respect as an enemy, that is.
I had planned on allowing Nina to kill him. There had been a small piece of myself that hadn’t been tainted by all this. I hadn’t killed someone and I wanted to keep it that way, no matter how badly I wanted to taste his blood and see the expression of utter disbelief and surprise in his eyes when he stared at me, his life slowly fading from his body. Now, I could either fall into action, show him what I had managed to keep a secret for so long, and force him to utter the words I needed him to speak, or continue to keep up the act I had played.
It was the moment I realized that turning my back on him was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done this to begin with, never make yourself vulnerable to your enemy. He was suddenly behind me, scooting me against the wall with his body. I was so surprised that I didn’t react at all. I just brought my hands up to soften the impact. When realization sunk in, I tried to turn around, but he was crowding me, pressing me against the wall while his hands were at me hips, pulling the t-shirt from my track pants and then connected with my skin. Feeling his hands on me was equal to him electrocuting me with a heavy current.
“I have failed to bring results, improvements, you know,” he talked to me, his breath wafting against my neck as he brushed my hair aside. “Yes, you helped me turn Ten into a proper solider, and he has managed to train a respectable amount of his subordinates, but Rook wants natural offspring. He wants a whole hybrid race, because that’s actually cheaper and more legal than turning dying soldiers via virus therapy. Can you imagine?” His hands snaked up along my ribcage and I was paralyzed by shock and disgust. “I created werewolves for him and it’s not enough!”
His hands had stopped at my bra, retracing the rim of the fabric along my skin. I didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, I wanted to know what Rook was up to, on the other hand, I needed White to say the words so that I could record him with my wristband, then again, I felt the utter need to rip out his throat for touching me.
I could feel my beast raging beneath my skin. It was marching along the bars I had set up to keep it restrained, but I could hear it, asking, pleading, demanding to kill him.
“But why does he want Nina?” I managed to say, hoping that White would back up in surprise, but he didn’t.
I could feel his hard-on between my butt-cheeks. That was when I knew that arousal isn’t solely the result of physical senses; it also comes from the mind. Feeling him there, hard and hot, was the most repulsing thing I had ever felt. I wanted him to bring as much space between us as possible, but he didn’t, no. First he cupped my breasts through my bra; thankfully there was fabric separating us. My beast roared in my head and coiled up in my stomach while I tried my best to clear my mind so that I would know what to do. There had to be a way.
The problem wasn’t my mind though, but White’s. I knew Val and I had talked about drugging him to make him more compliable, but I didn’t want a disciplined psychopath to lose control. Had she ignored me? Had she decided to go through with her suggestion although we all had been against it? And that was Jay, Peter, even Val’s guy Austin Pavlovich, and me.
Day 193
I remember meeting Austin Pavlovich for the second time after that strange venipuncture and now I didn’t feel that I could trust him because his behavior was so different from the first time we had met, but then again, not that different. He acted like an excited bunny once I entered Val’s office with her, and he jumped right onto his feet and walked towards me hastily with his hand stretched out, as if he hadn’t met me before, and I was some sort of rock star. All I could do as he shook my hand exaggeratedly was to look at Val skeptically and cock one brow.
“Well, it’s something different to finally meet you in a place without eyes,” he stated. “I’m Austin,” he introduced himself.
“Meg,” I simply responded, not knowing how else to react to him; and he smiled at me widely. “How do you two know each other?” I asked, as I didn’t want an awkward silence to spread between us.
“We’re childhood friends,” Austin instantly answered and I saw how Val’s cheeks started burning, so I brought my entire attention back to him. “Cousins,” he added.
“Twice removed,” Valerie threw in and I couldn’t stop myself from grinning.
“So, she got you the job?” I inquired and followed Austin back to Val’s desk where he sat down in one of the seats opposite her own office chair on the other side of the desk.
“Well, she just handed in my application and the paperwork did the rest.” Austin was eager to continue our conversation, which was sort of strange, because he had been acting so indifferent the last time we met.
“He’s a genius,” Val threw in as she walked past us and sat down herself. “Hacking is just his hobby.”
I flinched as I heard her say that, not because I didn’t like people who were able to invade the digital world and cause mayhem or steal information undetected, it was because it was hard for me to accept that one could speak that openly.
“That’s why she brought me in around the time you arrived,” Austin continued, and I couldn’t help but look at Valerie and study the expression on her face.
“You made me realize that they are still people,” she explained, being aware of my behavior. “That was when I knew...”
“That Peter wasn’t beyond saving, am I right?” I cut her off and the reddish heat on her cheeks that just had vanished came back with a vengeance.
This time I welcomed the awkward silence spreading, noticing that Austin’s attention was on her now, too. Maybe I had brought up something they hadn’t talked about. I didn’t really care, because if we were going to break out from here, there were no secrets allowed. I needed full honesty.
“Yes,” she said and let out a deep, almost inaudible sigh. “I had already tinkered around experimenting on an anti-virus, because I was ordered to do so, not because I believed in it. I was told to experiment because Severin refused to go there.”
“We experimented,” Austin corrected and looked at me again. “But it led to nowhere.”
“Until you,” Val continued her cousin’s words.
“We believe that thanks to you we will have an anti-virus in a few months,” Austin explained.
“In a few months?” I repeated, questioningly. “When we escape you can’t expect me to control them all.”
“We have a place where we can put all of the beasts that haven’t been domesticated yet.” Val explained.
“So you break them out of a cage to put them in a different one?” I asked incredulously and shook my head.
“Yes,” Austin answered bluntly and I could see in Val’s expression that she would have used different words. “But we won’t force them into training to kill people.”
So, I sat there, my eyes jumping between Austin and Valerie trying to contemplate whether she was bringing everyone out of the frying pan into the fire. Then something else came up in my head.
“Who’s paying?” I asked, and when I got nothing but confused looks, I added impatiently. “Who is funding the place where we imprison the beasts once again?”
Both cousins looked like they had been caught red-handed and I couldn’t despise it more.
“I’ve been diverting small amounts of the money that they have been processing to the accounts of this project,”
Austin finally answered my question and his words made a lot of sense to me, once I knew that he was a ‘hacker’. Val had brought him in, so that he could hack from the inside, which was probably easier than from the outside, at least as far as I understood.
XXX
It was not until weeks later, I realized, that not our entire undertaking was financed by the money which was meant for White – which actually has been quite a satisfaction – but that there was another party joining in and supporting our plans. It was the second time Val was able to sneak me into her office.
Day 237
When I entered the room and closed the door behind my back I was surprised to not see Austin sitting in one of the chairs, as I had been looking forward to seeing him.
“I wouldn’t have risked your cover if it wasn’t urgent,” Val explained and offered me to sit down with a gesture of her hand; I did, but I couldn’t help being suspicious.
“I know, we have agreed on setting our plan in motion in a week from now, but there is something we need you to do when the time has come,” Val explained and I froze hearing her say ‘we’.
“We?” I asked doubtingly, with a feeling of betrayal and the beast in me agreed, humming deeply.
“Yes, in order for us to break free ourselves and the beasts, you will have to record specific words spoken by Severin in order for your plan to fully come to fruition.”
“That wasn’t the plan,” I growled, and stood on my feet before I realized that I had moved.
“It is now,” Val gave back and my whole body became a flexed muscle ready to spring into action.
“You are not in charge, Val, I am,” I hissed at her.
“That’s where you are wrong,” she responded, trying to sound collected, but I could hear in the tiny tremble of the voice that she wasn’t, just as her exhilarated heartbeat. “Did you really expect that we would be able to pull this off without support from the outside?” She asked, furrowing her brows, pretending to be confident when she wasn’t facing me. “We had an additional financer and supporter who will make sure that we all are safe once we escape, and that the beasts that aren’t in control are confined.”
The Beast In Us (The Beast And Me Book 3) Page 14