Without saying a word or turning toward him, she stepped away. He let her go without trying to hold her back. Trailing her fingers along the fabrics, she walked down to the opposite end of the shelving, straining up high to reach a shimmering bolt of blue-lagoon silk.
It’d been an impulse buy, rather embarrassing, actually, because she’d never thought she’d end up using it, and it had cost her a small fortune. The color was too bright, too jewel-toned for business wear, and too seasonally restrictive for all-year wear. Or so she’d thought as she’d shoved it on the highest shelf out of her way.
Bracing herself mentally, she raised her gaze to his face as she walked toward him. His eyes, so bright, so hot and intense, were made darker and richer by the silk in her hands. Her chest constricted with an answering surge of attraction, deeper and more compelling every time she looked at him. If he’d stop looking at her like that, begging her with his eyes to devour him whole, then maybe she could pretend nothing had changed.
He was just a good guy who’d fallen on hard times.
She was just a good Samaritan.
He didn’t have to get in the middle of her romantic mess.
Her cheeks burned at the thought. The image of him and Elias both touching her seared her mind, burning her to ash. She’d never once thought about such a thing, but now…
She draped the silk over the center rack and stepped back to look at her entire collection. If she made a simple turquoise shell to wear with the black pantsuit, and maybe something with gray and turquoise mixed together, it might work. However, she needed to settle on the signature piece for herself.
“What do you think?” She didn’t turn to look at him, afraid that he’d see the growing need in her eyes and take the next step himself. “Is it too much?”
“Nothing’s too much for you.”
A lump crowded her throat, making it impossible to breathe. “Jesse—”
“Hear me out, please.” He stepped closer, hovering behind and to the side without touching her. “Keep your cop. I don’t care. Just keep me too.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“You’re my guest. I’m gladly helping you and I want nothing in return.”
“You think I want you only because you helped me?” He dropped his forehead against her shoulder. She let out a soft sigh. If he’d put his hands on her, she could have taken him to task for touching her, but his head was such a tender gesture that she couldn’t be upset. “Why do you think I made you that card? Why did I carry it all these weeks, hoping beyond hope to find you again? When you get the chance, look closer at the card. See my message to you. If you’d simply thanked me for the card and sent me on my way last night, I would have gone, happy to have only seen your face, and loving you as much as I do now.”
Her breath seized up in her throat. She’d dated Elias off and on for months and he’d never told her his feelings. He’d never show such vulnerability. He couldn’t let down his guard long enough.
“I came to find you because I couldn’t face life without seeing your smile at least every once in a while.” He rubbed his mouth on her shoulder. “I’m not offering myself to pay you back. I just need to be with you, whatever that means.”
She let go of the silk, afraid her sweaty palms would ruin it before she could ever implement a design. Swaying, she fought to keep her head and remain calm, untouched. “You don’t know me, Jesse. Not really.”
“Yes, I do.” He whispered in her ear. “I know your heart. No one else has even considered helping me in five years. That’s proof of what kind of woman you are, and I want to belong to you. I’m yours to take, Vicki, if you want me.”
So close, so tempting, if she turned her head just a little, she could touch him. She could kiss him. She knew he wouldn’t make the move himself. No, he wanted—needed—her to take him, as he’d said.
His hair tickled her cheek and she couldn’t resist him any longer. She turned and pushed her mouth to his. Groaning deep in his throat, he opened his mouth and melted into her. He surrendered completely, giving everything to her, no hesitation, wide open and eager. Taller and bigger, he still managed to drape himself on her, making himself vulnerable. Even though she knew he could have put her in the wall like Elias had done him last night, she was the one slamming Jesse backward.
His back hit the wall and he made a low, whimpering sound that wasn’t pain, but a plea, as if he were saying, Drink me down, possess me, use me, take me hard.
And God help her, that’s exactly what she did.
He spread his arms out against the wall to resist the temptation of touching her and silently begged with every muscle in his body for her to take every inch of him. Gripping his hair in both hands, she inhaled his mouth. She gnawed on his bottom lip, pressing the sore spot from his introduction to her cop last night until he groaned and arched into her, pleading for more.
Finally, her tongue sank into his mouth as deeply as he wanted to be buried in her. So ravenous, she took his mouth, her fingers twisting his hair until he couldn’t help but moan out his enjoyment.
She tore her mouth from his on a soft cry of regret.
He realized, then, that she was ashamed of that desperation, as he’d felt this morning when his stomach had betrayed him so loudly.
With her eyes squeezed shut, she whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“Why? I’m begging you to kiss me again, every day, all day, just like that, please.” He tucked his cheek against hers. He had to squeeze his hands into fists to resist the urge to clutch her, desperate to keep her from withdrawing. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had. I’ve never had a woman do me like this, like I need.”
She didn’t pull away, not yet, as though she couldn’t bear to let him see the lust and shame on her face. “You’d rather have a man?”
“Hell, no. I think I’m bi, though I’ve never had a relationship with a man. Just… transactions. A lot of men like my looks. I did what I needed to survive.” He was proud that his voice didn’t quiver. Hopefully she had no idea how much he’d hated selling himself. The degradation, the shame of servicing a man, often against his will, to keep from getting the shit beat of him or worse. He didn’t want that part of his life to touch her, not if he could help it. “I like my partner to be in control, but I want a woman to take me. I want you.”
She groaned against his ear, turned on, he hoped, but she shuddered, a slight withdrawal that had him leaning into her, trying to entice her with his body to stay.
Desperately, he whispered his fantasies into her ear. “I like sex rough, hard, sweaty, up against a wall, frantic, wherever you’ll take me. I love you in control, taking what you want, demanding I give it up, everything, for you.”
“I can’t take advantage of you like this. It’s wrong. You trusted me—”
He couldn’t help but laugh and shift his hips forward, pressing his erection into her stomach. “How could something that feels this good be wrong?”
She slid her right hand down his back and wrapped her fingers around the waistband of his pants, hauling him tighter against her. “I’m going to hell for this.”
“Then you might as well enjoy me fully.”
Laughing raggedly, she buried her face against his neck. “Hold me, Jesse. Just hold me. It’s been so long.”
Wrapping his arms around her as tightly as she held him, he didn’t ask any questions. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like he was pushing her to choose him over her cop. But if that son of a bitch had been neglecting her, then Jesse would be more than happy to fulfill her every need.
“I’m going to go upstairs and make some calls, so feel free to help yourself to the laundry, take a nap, whatever you’d like. First thing tomorrow, I want you to see a doctor. Then we’ll go shopping so your baggy pants don’t make me think about how easily they’d fall down, and we’ll go by VCONN and you can meet my brother. Right now, I need…to think. About all this.”
S
he must be seriously considering taking him to her bed if she wanted him to get checked out, but at the same time, she wanted space. She needed to slow down. He understood that. He wasn’t her whole world, not like she was for him. “I’ll do whatever you want, Vicki. I’ll stay down here until you call me.”
“I…” Pulling back, she blew out her breath. “You don’t have to stay down here or wait for me to call you. I want this to be your home.”
“It is, as long as you’re here.”
5
Sitting on the edge of her bed with the door shut, Vicki stared down at Jesse’s birthday card. Her hand trembled, making the butterfly wings blur, but she already knew his subtle message to her. At first glance, the black lines had merely seemed to be outlines to emphasize the soft watercolors. But the longer she’d stared at the card, she realized the lines were actually curves—no, letters—long, graceful cursive to spell out his message over and over.
I love you.
Her phone rang, making her jump. Elias. Sick at heart, she hit the button. “Please don’t tell me that you can’t make it tonight.”
“What’s wrong, Vik? Is your houseguest starting to scare you?” He laughed, telling her he wasn’t really serious.
“You were right, Elias,” she whispered, fighting back the tears. “You were right, and I’m in trouble.”
“Trouble like you need me to come over and bust his mouth open again?” His hard cop voice echoed over the line. “I can be there in twenty minutes. If you’re in danger, then I’ll send the closest squad car to pick him up.”
“No, no, I’m not in danger. He is. I’m scaring myself.”
“Hold on a minute, Vik. Let me find a private room.”
She heard the chatter of the office and finally the door shut, sealing off all noises.
“Okay, spill. What has you so freaked out?”
“He does love me. He told me. Even the birthday card—that he made months ago—says that he loves me.”
“Yeah,” Elias said slowly, drawing the word out. “How’d you react to that earth-shattering news?”
She squeezed her eyes shut and held the phone away from her ear in case he started yelling at her. “I kissed him.”
It took her a minute to realize the muffled sounds coming from his phone weren’t curses, but might actually be laughter.
“You aren’t laughing at me, are you? I kissed him. No, I slammed him up against the wall like you did last night, only instead of splitting his lip open, I damned near bit it off.”
Elias laughed harder. “Did he thank you for it?”
“Yeah, yeah he did. In fact, he begged me to do it again. Why aren’t you pissed?”
“Oh, Vik, I don’t know. It’s not like I have any right to be pissed at you for kissing another man when I haven’t been around in months. Besides, you’re too upset for me to be mad, and he’s not a bad kid. No, he’s a real good-looking kid, a nice tender morsel.” He laughed harder, like one of his buddies had told him the most hilarious joke he’d ever heard. “Making love to you has always been like wrestling a hungry crocodile. Did you shock the hell out of him?”
Stricken, she could barely breathe through the tightness in her chest. “I’m that bad?”
“Aw hell, no, Vicki, you’re that good.” His voice was as tender as she’d ever heard him. “You’re the hottest, sexiest, most passionate woman I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. But you’re not a soft, passive woman in bed, far from it. Half the fun is wrestling you for dominance, and the other half is making sure you enjoy the consolation prize as much as I am. Any smarter man would never have left you simmering all these months. It’s as much my fault as yours that you’re so attracted to Jesse.”
“So you’ll come over tonight? Please?”
He let out a wicked, low laugh that made her blood smolder. “Oh, I don’t know, Vik. Your couch isn’t that comfortable. Besides, you’ve got that hot cabana boy to tend to you now. Why do you need me?”
“I won’t make you sleep on the couch tonight. I swear.”
“We’re going to be loud, babe,” he purred, drawing a rough groan from her. “I’m going to make you scream. We’re going to hit every surface of your bedroom, hell, your whole apartment, and your boy’s going to hear every whimper, thud, curse and shout of release. Are you sure you’re up for that?”
Her nipples were so hard the lace of her bra felt like sandpaper. “Can you come home now?”
Now it was his turn to groan. “I wish I could, but I’ve got a meeting with the lieutenant in five minutes. I expect we’ll go out on a tip this afternoon, so don’t hold dinner for me.”
“Elias, please, you have to come tonight.”
“I will,” he promised. “It might be late, but as soon as we’re done with the bust, I’ll drive straight to you.” He hesitated, an edge coming to his voice. “You know he’s probably loaded with STDs or worse. God only knows what he’s been exposed to in prison, let alone the streets.”
“I know,” she whispered, lying back on her bed. “I’m taking him to the clinic tomorrow. I already made an appointment.”
“You’re serious, then. Jesus, Vik.”
“I know.” She closed her eyes and rubbed her temple with her free hand. “What does this mean for us?”
“Hell if I know. I’d say I should simply take the hint and get the hell out of Dodge, but you’re begging me to come over tonight.”
“I’ve missed you.” Her voice broke but she refused to bitch and moan about the past. Elias had chosen to bail on her. He’d played both judge and jury and blamed her for everything that had gone wrong, but she couldn’t stop loving him. Even when he’s an uncompromising ass. “I don’t want to lose you all over again.”
“But you want him too.”
Her relationship with Elias had always had a lot of failings, but one thing she’d never done was lie to him. “Yeah, I do.”
“Well, fuck.”
“Yeah, I want that too.”
Laughter exploded out of him, startling them both. “Don’t do anything rash, Vik. I don’t want you to get burned.”
“You either. He’s not a threat to you, so don’t let your macho ego get in the way of this.”
“This?” He drawled out, making her toes curl. “What exactly are you offering me, Vik? Sharing you with that young pup? I’m a junkyard Rottie named Spike and I guarantee my bite is just as mean as my bark. I don’t tolerate cream-puff poodles around my woman.”
“You know you’re my top dog. Jesse…well…I guess I’m his top dog.” At least Elias hadn’t cursed her out or driven over to break Jesse’s arm as he’d threatened last night. Definitely an improvement. “You don’t bite, do you, Spike?”
He snorted. “You know I do, babe.”
“Yeah, me too.” Her neck throbbed right below her ear, his favorite place to grip her with his teeth while they made love. Her voice had gone sultry and thick, but she didn’t care. “Just to be clear, babe, you don’t have to worry about my cream-puff poodle biting you. That’ll be all me with my crocodile teeth.”
6
Watching Jesse come up the stairs toward her apartment, Vicki tried to swallow around her heart that felt like it’d lodged in her throat. His freshly washed jeans were comfortably worn, threadbare and ragged in spots, which was all the rage anyway. He’d pulled his hair back in a ponytail, tight in contrast to the simple cotton T-shirt and jeans.
He’d left his shoes and socks off too. Barefoot and vulnerable, he made her heart ache. He trusted her to take care of and protect him. In the cold on the streets, he’d never walk around without his shoes for fear someone worse off might take them.
To break the intensity, she asked, “Hungry?”
He stared at her mouth, pausing several steps below so his head remained lower than hers. “Starving.”
Blood pounded a vicious tempo in her ears. Slowly, she reached out to lightly brush her fingers across his jaw to the ponytail holder. “May I?”
“You ca
n do anything you want to me.”
She worked the rubber band loose, trying not to pull his hair, but his eyes darkened like a mysterious lagoon. Experimentally, she wrapped her hand in his hair and tugged, mesmerized by the way his mouth softened, opened. His tongue darted out, his eyes falling shut. “What do you like?”
“Anything you want.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. I’m up for anything you tell me to do. You said your brother was a sadist, so if pain runs in the blood, try me. I can take a lot of punishment.”
She blew out her breath, frustrated and scared spitless. Maybe I should have gone with Victor a few times so I’d know what the hell I’m getting into. “I don’t want to punish you. I want you to feel safe and secure with me. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”
“Not even your cop?”
He didn’t say it like an accusation, but dread still made her stomach queasy. She owed Elias her allegiance first and foremost. He was a good man, an excellent cop and a fabulous lover. But when it came to his pride, he could be a loose cannon. In the end, aren’t I cheating on him with another man? How can I ask him to allow this?
“Because if you want him to fuck me, I’ll accept him gladly.”
Blood drained from her face. She cupped his cheeks in both hands and leaned down with her sternest look. “I will never ask you to do such a thing. If you don’t want to do something, I need to know. No one’s going to use you against your will ever again, so don’t make that kind of offer to me. It’s not necessary. In fact, it’s repulsive to me, and to Elias, that you’d think we’d require such services from you in order for you to stay. You have to tell me the truth or I can’t protect you.”
His eyes shimmered and his mouth trembled. “I’ll do anything, Vicki. Please don’t send me away.”
“I’m not going to send you away, but we have to take this slowly. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t want to lose Elias just to have you, but the thought of losing you…” Letting out a rough growl, she pulled Jesse into her arms. Eagerly, he went to his knees, pressing as close to her as possible. “I’m going to get help for you, for me, whatever it takes. You’ve been abused, and I don’t want to screw this up out of ignorance.”
The Connaghers Series Boxed Set Page 53