She turned and pressed her face against his arm. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You didn’t even tell me you were dating anyone. You were gone so long, and I haven’t even spoken to you since you came home.”
He said it softly, his voice echoing with regret and pain, not recrimination, but she still winced. “We didn’t date, exactly. One minute I was smacking him and the next we’re engaged.”
“Yeah.” He blew out a deep breath. “Knowing you, I can see how that would happen.” His voice became wistful and younger, like a kid asking for a bedtime story. “I can see you love him. I just didn’t expect it to happen. Not like that. I thought…” He sighed again and leaned back against the wall. The movement drew her with him, shifting so she almost faced him. “What about me, Ginny?”
She pulled back to look into his face. Illuminated by the streetlight, he gave her a stricken look as if she’d just kicked a dog for no good reason. “What about you?”
He raked his hand through his hair, dragging it down over his forehead and roughing it up as if he’d been out on a bender all night. “Yeah. What about me. I guess that says it all.”
“Jeb…”
“No, no, you’re right. I’m just your best friend.” He tried to pull away, but she pressed her hand on his chest, and that easily, she kept him pinned instead of letting him escape. “I just… I can’t…”
“What? What are you trying to tell me?”
He looked down at her, his eyes wild, his hair tumbled, and suddenly his mouth was on hers. As soon as his lips touched hers, he froze, his eyes flaring wide as he stared down at her.
Shock fissured through her. After so many years of waiting and wondering and calling herself an idiot, Jebadiah was finally kissing her.
His lips trembled against hers, soft and hesitant, but when she didn’t immediately pull away, he clutched her close and opened his mouth against hers on a long sigh.
Automatically, she hooked her arm around his neck. She turned her head slightly, rubbing her lips softly against his. Gently. Coaxing. He held his breath, shaking with intensity, like a green-broke colt feeling the saddle on his back for the first time. Jeb said he was still a virgin. Did that mean he hadn’t kissed anyone either? She found that hard to believe. He’d been one of the most popular boys in school, tall—though not as tall as Ty—dark haired, dark eyed, all-state running back and valedictorian to boot. Certainly gorgeous enough to draw any of the college girls’ eyes and his dad was a well-off respected doctor. Surely…
“Ginny,” he whispered, letting the words rub his lips against hers. “Please.”
“You’ve had how many years, now, to kiss me, yet you wait until I’m engaged to someone else to make your move? Why? You didn’t want me until someone else showed interest, is that it?”
“No, God, no,” he breathed out, his eyes flaring with hurt. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“I don’t believe you. I can’t, not when—”
He sealed his mouth over hers like wanted to swallow her doubt. He tasted like alcohol, as if he’d had to take a drink or two to get up the courage to approach her. Ridiculous. Because Jeb was her friend, her best friend in the whole world, and he’d never…
She settled against him and whatever she’d been thinking flew out of her head. His erection pressed against her belly, so thick and wide that she caught her breath and had to do a mental double take. Yep, that was him, all him.
He groaned, deep and rough in her mouth, yet he still didn’t touch her. He was braced against the wall like it was going to fall down if he didn’t hold it up. Pulling back, she could only stare at him, stunned. He suddenly wasn’t Jeb her friend any longer. The friend who’d danced with her countless times and taken her on rides in his car whenever she fancied ice cream down the road or needed a ride to school. Jeb her friend had never had a massive erection. For her.
Or had he?
She’d never touched him like this before. She’d never looked at his crotch to see if he was aroused, let alone checked him out to measure his size. They’d even gone swimming in their skivvies together last year. Had he been interested in her then? Could she have stripped out of her shirt and jeans if she’d known he was looking at her bra and wondering what her breasts would look like bare?
In all the innocent daydreams she’d had about him, she’d never imagined she’d be the experienced one. That she’d be the one pressing him flat against the wall to kiss him again. That’d she’d love the sounds he made. That she’d be tempted to unzip his pants and see for herself how big and thick he was, just to see if he’d let her out here in the open with a street just feet away.
Suddenly she could see herself taking him all the way. She could imagine the way his eyes would burn when he was inside her. How he’d move. The sounds he’d make. She jerked his shirt open so she could stroke the muscled planes of his chest. He was hairier than Ty, more heavily muscled, his thighs thicker and broader, the quadriceps built up over years of training to be one of the best running backs in the state.
Oh God. Ty.
“No.” A harsh cry wrenched out of Jeb and he clutched her closer. “Don’t stop, Ginny. Please. I’ve wanted this for so long.”
Shaking her head mutely, she took a step away, shame and guilt tearing her in half. How could she? She was cheating on Ty with another man. He’d never forgive her. Granted it’d just been a kiss, this time. But could she ever look at Jeb again and not remember this?
Jeb wrapped his arms around her and slid down her body, pressing his head to her chest. “Please, Ginny. Don’t walk away. Don’t leave me.”
He was one of the best men she knew. Kind. Generous. Polite. Handsome. Smart. Strong. Not a mean bone in his body.
And he was on his knees. Clutching her. Begging her.
“Jeb, get up. You don’t have to do this.”
“Please.” He pressed harder against her, banding her tightly with his arms. “Don’t stop.”
“I have to.” She tried to say it gently, but he still flinched as if she’d laid his skin wide open. “I love him.”
“I know. I don’t care.”
“I care. God knows he’ll care. We can’t—”
“Ginny,” he ground out, his voice breaking.
She closed her eyes, blocking out the sight of this big strong man clinging to her on his knees. God. She’d never be able to get the image out of her mind, though. Every time she thought about him, she’d see him like this. “Get up. I said get up, Jebadiah Garrett!” She used her voice like a weapon, deliberately making it harsh and sharp. “Get your hands off me!”
He did it. Exactly as she said. She had a feeling if he’d been holding a pistol in his hand, she could have told him to blow his brains out and he would have done it without hesitation. The thought made her sick. Because she wanted to push him. She wanted to tell him to open up his pants. She wanted to take him beneath her, feel his mouth on her while she climaxed.
“Don’t ever touch me again. Don’t touch me, don’t kiss me, hell, don’t even call me. If I want to talk to you, I’ll call you. But don’t hold your breath. Do you hear me?”
“Yes,” he whispered, his voice a broken, wounded thing that made tears pour down her cheeks.
God, what a mess. What had she done? She’d lost her best friend in the world and likely her fiancé at the same time. The only man she’d ever loved.
The only man…
She whirled away, blindly walking down the street, trying to remember where Sissy had parked the car. One of the guest lots. She couldn’t leave Sissy stranded nearly three hours away from home, but she couldn’t stay here another minute. She had to get away. Clear her head. Try to figure out how she was going to save her relationship with Ty.
Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned and saw Jeb following her, his shoulders slumped, head down. If he’d been a dog, he’d have been slinking on his belly like his beloved master had just taken him out to the woods and abandoned him for good. “
Get away from me!”
“I have to make sure you’re safe. Don’t worry about Sissy. I’ll make sure she gets home. Let me walk you to the car. It’s not safe to wander around this part of town and you might get lost.”
In truth, she was already lost. So lost. Everything she wanted was gone, turned upside down and off kilter. She swiped angrily at her tears, so furious she wanted to hit something. She wanted to pound with her fists. Scream and kick and wail at the unfairness of it all. Ty would have loved letting her beat on him, but he wasn’t here. He’d probably never see her again once she told him what she’d done.
Jeb walked her to the car. He even gave her the key off his ring, because they’d driven Sissy’s car. An ancient boat of a Cadillac that she hated so much she’d let Virginia drive the whole way. “Did you have anything to drink? Because I can drive you…”
“No,” she whispered, though the single word cut her throat like broken glass. She fisted her hands, refusing to look at him. She fought to keep her body still. Her words locked away. Her heart…
“You’re shaking. I’m sorry, Ginny. The last thing I wanted to do was scare you.”
A sound escaped her throat, breaking fresh tears loose. “I’m not scared. I’m mad. I’m so mad I could break the windshield with my bare hands.”
He was silent a few moments as if mulling her words over. “That’s what he gives you. He gives you a way to release the anger.”
She averted her face, so ashamed and yet so desperate. So furious. Her jaw ached from clenching her teeth. Her muscles cramped, tight with strain.
“Hit me, Ginny. It’s okay. I can take it. Hell, I’ll probably like it as much as he does.”
It broke her heart to hear such a thing from him, her noble, loyal friend who’d already humiliated himself by going to his knees for her. So many times he’d taken the blame for whatever scrape she’d gotten them into. Even this mess. “I don’t…”
“You’re not going to lie to me, are you? Give it to me. I want anything you’ll give me. I can take whatever you need to dish out.” And then, because he was Jeb and he was always there for her, he did what she needed so she could have an excuse. He touched her, drawing her back into his arms even though she’d ordered him to never touch her again.
She slammed her fist down on his chest, pounding out her frustration, grief, guilt. Her terror that she’d ruined everything, both with him and with Ty. How was she ever going to face her fiancé? He’d take one look at her face and know. He’d see the guilt. She thumped her fists on Jeb’s chest until her arms were too tired to lift her hands and then she simply laid her head against him and bawled her eyes out. While he held her. Her friend. Her rock.
For the very last time.
6
Virginia stared at the woman in the mirror. It took all her self-control not to smash her fist into the glass.
“Oh, Mama,” Vicki said softly, clapping her hands. “I thought I could pull it off, but wow. You look fantastic!”
She fussed at the material, smoothing invisible wrinkles from the deep crimson fabric that hugged the hard lines of Virginia’s body. Life on the ranch had always been more hard work than a dozen men could do on any given day. She didn’t have the time let alone the inclination to go to the gym for Zumba and if she wanted to eat nothing but bacon and biscuits for breakfast, by God, that’s what she was going to have, because she’d work it off in an hour. Time had taken its toll, sure, but a good bra did wonders.
“I swear you don’t look a day older than thirty.”
I don’t look like me. Virginia tried to think of something positive to say. She especially didn’t want to hurt her daughter’s feelings, and she’d gone above and beyond to design a dress that was easy to slip on over her cast. She’d been able to get it on by herself, with an easy to reach side zipper she could manage with her one good arm. It wasn’t too tight or provocative. It was appropriate for a woman of her age. The gauzy sleeves even helped disguise the sling.
But not for me.
“What do you think?”
She tried not to sigh, and even managed a tremulous smile. “You do fine work, honey.”
“But…?”
Virginia met her daughter’s eyes in the mirror, trying to gauge how truthful she ought to be. “Don’t you think this is a bit…much? For me?”
“Nothing’s too much for you.” Vicki smiled, her eyes softening. “That’s what Jesse said to me once. I didn’t really believe him at the time, and I can tell by the look on your face, even though you’re trying to be nice, that you don’t believe me either.”
“I knew I liked your young man for a reason.” Virginia smiled back, trying not to look stony and furious. It wasn’t her daughter’s fault that she saw a foreign woman in the mirror. “You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Of course you ought to dress up and go out for a night on the town looking your best.”
“And you shouldn’t? Don’t be ridiculous, Mama.”
“My time is done.”
“You’re not dead yet,” Vicki retorted, “so don’t stop living.”
Virginia flinched, the words cutting her as sharply as a vicious slap to the face.
“I’m sorry, Mama.” Vicki reached out a shaking hand but didn’t touch her, as though afraid she might retaliate. “We almost lost you in that accident, but we didn’t. You’re still alive. You’re healthy except for your arm. A few weeks of physical therapy and you’re going to be as good as new. But don’t you wonder if it wasn’t a sign? A wake-up call?”
“For what? That I’m alone?”
Her words sounded bitter to her ears. Harsh and strident and angry.
Yeah, I’m angry. I’ve been angry for twelve years.
“You don’t have to be. Look at yourself, Mama. You’re beautiful and Mr. Garrett is a nice, attractive man. He’s not younger than you. He’s someone you know. Weren’t those your requirements?”
Virginia stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes burning hot and dry. “I wish to hell I didn’t know him. That I’d never known him.”
“Why? Mama, please, talk to me. You helped me so much when Elias and I were going through hell. Why can’t I help you now?”
“You have no idea what it’s like.”
“What, Mama? I know you’ve been lonely all these years—anyone would be. I just didn’t know why. I mean, when I was younger I would have been jealous and upset if you’d started dating soon after Daddy’s death, but there’s no reason for you not to have some enjoyment in life. You deserve a good man who’ll take care of you and make sure you’re happy.”
Virginia closed her eyes a minute, trying to decide whether she dared tell anyone the truth. Let alone her daughter. No one knew. Except Jebadiah Garrett. Well, Miss Belle would claim that her supposed psychic ability had revealed the truth to her, when in reality she’d probably been spying on her teenaged daughter all those years ago.
“It was a long time ago.” She waited, hoping Vicki would say something, or at least demand an answer that she could take as a challenge or twist into an argument. Maybe Vicki had finally grown up, though, because she waited in silence with a painful look of encouragement on her face. Virginia sighed heavily and turned away from the burning image in the mirror. “In all the years I was in a relationship with your father, including the years before we were officially married, I was never unfaithful in any way, except once.”
Vicki gasped. “With Mr. Garrett?”
“Like I said, it was a long time ago and before I even married your daddy. We were engaged except for the ring. Ty wouldn’t put a ring on my finger until he had the ranch I wanted and he was working himself nigh to death to raise the money as quickly as possible. I was helping him any way I could, but his pride was a treacherous thing. He wouldn’t take any money from me or Daddy, but I could use our connections in town to make sure he got the best pay for his side jobs and the lowest prices on everything else. Jeb was away most of the time at Texas A&M and I don’t even know fo
r sure how he found out about it. He got his sister to promise I’d come to the Texas A&M orientation that spring break, even though I’d already decided I wasn’t going to college. It wasn’t even a huge secret—I told Ty right away. Yet the very next day, they were both marked and bruised as if they’d beaten the tar out of each other.”
“Who won?”
“Who do you think? Though Jeb must have put up a pretty good fight. I expected them to avoid each other like the plague, but they continued to be friendly for the most part. Ty never said a negative word about Jeb to me. He even told me to go to Texas A&M if I wanted. That an extra four years would be good for both of us. So we’d be sure. But I wasn’t having any of that. We never mentioned it again, not in all the years we were married. In fact, Ty stood up for Jeb at his wedding. Isn’t that strange?”
“I think it just showed how much Daddy loved you, and how much he valued Mr. Garrett as well. I used to love all of Miss Belle’s stories about the shenanigans you used to get into together. So what happened between you two?”
“We kissed. Once. That’s it.”
Vicki let out a low whistle. “One kiss and they beat the tar out of each other? That must have been one hell of a kiss.”
Virginia busied herself sorting through the top drawer of the vanity to pick a lipstick that wouldn’t clash with the rich red of the gown. “Oh I don’t really remember,” she managed to reply breezily. “It was a long time ago. I’d be surprised if Jeb even remembers.”
“Oh he remembers all right. I could see it on his face that night at dinner.”
By the slightly smug tone of her voice, her daughter must have noticed the very careful way Virginia was avoiding her gaze. She selected a nude lipstick and leaned closer to the mirror to apply it, irritated that the skin of her throat was starting to color. She didn’t blush like most people. Her cheeks didn’t betray her until later. First, her throat and chest darkened with splotches of red.
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