by Daisy Allen
“It’s nothing. Don’t listen to them.” I wave my hand dismissively.
“She broke his fucking heart. Like, broke it into a million pieces or however the saying goes,” Jez growls, pulling on Hailey’s blanket.
“Aww, Bradley!” the girls coo at me.
I wander over to the bar, and pour myself a drink. “Ugh, shut up. That’s not what happened.”
“Oh yeah? So, you just moped around for a year sighing and writing bad poetry and drinking bourbon straight from the bottle ‘cause that was your emo phase?” Jez interrogates me, with a little too much accurate detail.
Hailey pinches Jez, who lets go of the blanket with a squeal. “Oooh, Bradley, did you really? I don’t remember that.”
“Yeah, he was a fucking mess,” Marius continues, settling on the floor in his yoga position. “You were only sixteen then and still at school. You weren’t around for everything.”
“So you guys dated? For how long?” Cadence continues the questioning even while I cover my ears, just wishing for it to end.
“No, they didn’t date,” her fiancé discloses, not without a hint of glee, the corners of his lips twitching. “They just slept together. Once.”
“Apparently it was enough,” Marius mumbles, tumbling over onto his head.
I down my glass and slam it onto the bar. “Argh, guys! Shut up!”
Jez ignores me and gets up from the couch to refill my drink, giving me a pointed look as he does. “Anyway, we hate her. And right now we’re not happy with Dennis either, for lugging her on us. No offense, Hailey.”
She shrugs. “Hey, what my dad decides is up to him. I’ve got my own job to do. And well, I like her. From what I know of her.”
“Me too,” Cadence chimes in, tugging on Sebastian’s ear when he scoffs. “I think you guys are just being jerks. If Brad’s okay with it, you should be too.”
I smile at them gratefully. “Thanks girls. Take care of her, okay?”
I wander back to my room, trying not to stare out the window and wonder if she still sleeps like she used to, on her back, with one leg bent up and the other stretched out straight, an arm flung over her eyes to block out the light.
Just the way she looked the last time I saw her.
Chapter Eleven
Brad
Eight Years Ago
She smells like jasmine. Skin porcelain white, delicate, fresh, of the night. Even now, with the sunlight softly filtering through her lace curtains, the day slowly dragging itself awake, she smells like the absolute stillness of night. Like mystery and something hidden, dangerous but undeniable.
Her arm is warm against my bare chest and I pull on her waist, cradling her against me. She wriggles and mumbles something in her slumber. I wonder if she’s dreaming of us last night. There’s a tensing around my middle as the memory floods my own brain. Her hot, damp body under mine as she held herself open, waiting for me. Then finally, feeling myself slide into her, taking her and giving to her all at once. My heart races as I remember the way she arched her back, pushing herself against me, taking me deeper.
“Hmm, Brad?” she mumbles softly into her pillow.
I press my lips against her bare shoulder. “Shh, Butter, I’m here. Get some more sleep.”
“Mmmokay. Don’t leave okay?”
“No, I’m not leaving. Ever. Just… just get some more sleep.”
My fingers brush a curl from her face and follow the curve along her neck and down her spine. She shivers a little at my touch and it thrills me.
I roll over onto my back, not wanting to disturb her. The clock on her nightstand tells me it’s 6:26 a.m. Her favorite coffee shop opens in four minutes and it gives me an idea. Inching at a snail’s pace to the bottom of the bed, I quietly slide my pants on and creep out the front door, careful not to stir the rest of her family.
***
“Two double caramel lattes and two croissants and a Greek yogurt to go, please,” I order at the coffeeshop ten minutes later.
“YO, BRADLEY!”
I turn to see my bandmates strolling through the cafe door. I’m not surprised to see them wearing the tattered remains of their suits from last night either.
“Good God, what stinking gutter did you guys climb out of?” I grin at them.
“Yo mama!” Jez hollers back.
“OOOH!” Seb and Marius exclaim in unison.
I let my mouth drop open in mock offense before replying. “Hey! I’ll tell her you said that and that’ll be no more roast dinners for you.”
“Shit. Sorry, reflex. You know I love Mrs. Windsor,” he apologizes sheepishly.
Marius comes over to me and slings his arm around my shoulder. “What about you? You fucked off outta there so fast, I barely had time to throw your violin after you.”
“Ah shit, did you...?”
“Relax, I’ve tucked your precious Ivy all tight and snug in her case.” He’s referring to my nickname for my violin.
“So? Where were you?” he asks me again.
“Nowhere. I just went home,” I say, bracing for a round of questions.
“You’re wearing the same clothes, pecker-breath,” Sebastian grins.
“So?” I busy myself with gathering sugar and napkins hoping they’ll take pity on me.
“So, you went home and went to bed. Then woke up and put on the same clothes and decided to go get a coffee at 6:40 a.m. on a Saturday morning.”
“You are so smart, you could be a detective if only you had half a brain.”
“Two lattes, two croissants, and a yogurt!” the girl at the counter calls out.
I ignore it, turning to Sebastian and pinching the underside of his arm.
“Ow!” he yells and tries to pinch me back, but I duck out the way. “Fuck-knuckle! Isn’t that your order?”
“Is it?” I say, putting on my innocent face that has never fooled anyone, ever.
“Nice try. Sounds like you ordered for two,” Jez says with a grin spreading across his face. “Oooh, you dog you, don’t tell me, you finally infiltrated the lion’s den!”
“Shut up,” I growl at him as I collect my order from the counter.
“I knew it”
“Fuck off, I’ve gotta go.”
“Yeah, maybe brush your teeth before you climb back into your bed in those clothes you wore last night!” Marius calls after me, as I run out the door to my car.
“Fucking idiots,” I mumble as I drive back to Emily’s house. Juggling the drinks and paper bag, I quietly shut the car door and make my way up the driveway, hoping her family are still asleep and I can creep back into her room.
“Windsor! What are you doing here?”
I spin around to see Silas following me up the driveway. Unlike me and my mates, he appears to have already showered and changed into non-prom-wearing attire.
“Um. I’m here to see Emily,” I explain, almost dropping the coffees in surprise.
He stares at me for a moment, sunglasses hiding the expression in his eyes. “It’s a bit early, don’t you think?”
“Well, you’re here, aren’t you?” I reply, shrugging my shoulders.
He sticks his hands in his pockets, his chest suddenly seeming a little wider. “Well, I’m her boyfriend.”
It takes everything I have in that moment not to throw the coffees in his face. Instead, I calmly ask, “You sure?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, last I heard you guys had called it off.”
“Nah, that was just a fight. She just needed some space. Anyway, she texted me last night. She said she wanted to see me. So here I am.” He lifts his sunglasses up on top of his head and gives me a wink.
“She texted you?” I don’t believe him. She can’t have.
“Yeah.”
“When?” When could she have sent it?
“Last night.”
He’s making it up. He has to be. “When, man, when?”
He frowns, his eyes searching mine, wondering why I’m so invested in his answer. �
�I don’t fucking know, late last night. Why does it matter?”
“Show me.” I don’t care how desperate I seem. I need to know the truth.
“You’re outta your mind.” He takes a few steps up the driveway to the front door.
I follow him, the hot coffee spilling from the unsealed lid, burning my hand. “Just...come on, man, humor me.”
“Fine!” He gives in and flicks through his phone before holding it out for me to read.
It only takes a few words to make the whole world start spinning around me.
Hey Si :) didn’t see you at Prom. Sorry I haven’t been answering your calls. I just needed time to think. I’m ready now. Really, really want to see you and talk. Can you come around tomorrow? Thanks, E x
It was sent at 2 a.m. After I’d made love to her, been inside her, fallen asleep naked next to her.
She’d been thinking of him the whole time.
I think I’m going to be sick.
“I…I gotta go,” I say, not specifically to Silas, just out loud. I stagger down the driveway, still carrying what was meant to be breakfast in bed.
“Hey, is that stuff for her?” Silas reminds me.
I walk back and shove it into his open hands. “Yeah. Um, yeah. Have at it. See ya ‘round, man. Have a nice life.”
Once inside my car, my head drops onto the steering wheel as I try to regain my breath. It had all meant nothing to her. Nothing. She’s been wanting Silas the whole time. Even sleeping with me was probably all part of a scheme to make him jealous.
I force myself to start the car and as I drive past, I see the front door open and Silas walk inside.
***
“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” our manager asks us as we all arrive at rehearsal a few days later.
“Good news, then stop!” Marius yells out.
“Okay, the good news is...” Dennis starts, drawing out each word, enjoying the looks on our faces. “The good news is you’re GOING ON TOUR!”
“What?” we all exclaim in unison, jumping out of our chairs.
“You’re going on your first-ever, full-on, blown-out, month-long tour,” Dennis announces, like he’s announcing the winner of a three hundred million dollar lottery.
“NO!” Marius yells and jumps onto Jez’s back, almost knocking him over.
“A TOUR!” I scream into Sebastian’s face and he pulls me into a huge man-hug. “Where? When?”
Dennis grins at us as he lays out the details. “All over France and Switzerland. Turns out they love your ugly mugs over there. I told you some of your songs from your EP have been getting some airplay? Well, they’ve organized an eighteen-stop tour starting in a month’s time. Here’s the bad news though: as soon as you guys can pack your bags I’m taking you to the studio my friends have in Cambridge to lay down some tracks and put in some rehearsal time. You’re gonna need to bone up on your live performances. These venues aren’t going to be like your high school gym.” Our stunned faces just stare back at him. “You stunned mullets in?”
My bandmates all yell “In!” in turn as Dennis asks them one by one.
When he gets to me, all I can say is, “Just tell me when we fucking leave.”
***
It’s a week after prom and I still haven’t heard a word from her. The guys have taken to hiding my phone whenever I’m with them, to stop me checking it every two minutes. And every time I mention her name, I know to expect a hard slap up the side of my head.
I don’t care. Couldn’t hurt worse than when I conjure up her face, and the thought that it seems like already she’s completely forgotten me. If I did mean something, anything at all, she’d have tried to reach out to me already. At least as friends. Because I thought we’d at least have that. The memory of being friends.
“You can’t do this to her,” Marius says walking me home after our last briefing from Dennis before we go.
I grab at a bird-eaten, low-hanging apple off the neighbor’s tree. “Do what?”
“Leave without saying anything. You guys have been friends for years.”
“She did it to me.” I fling the apple down the empty street with all my strength, watching it shatter when it hits the hot asphalt.
“Doesn’t mean it’s right. At least write her a note, man. Do it for you if not for her. You can’t leave it like this.”
“And say what? Give me my heart back, you nefarious bitch?” The last few words come out harsher than I expect, and I cringe, not wanting to feel this way, this anger, this resentment.
“Sure. That’s one idea, or… ‘I’m leaving, come with me?’?”
“What’s the point?” I ask.
“Because what’ve you got to lose?”
***
Went out for our hangover cure. Came back to find Silas there.I’m leaving on tour. Not sure when coming back. Not asking you to come with. Just asking you to come say goodbye. We leave from King’s at 2 p.m. on Thursday. Don’t reply if you’re not coming. Just be there. Please. That night with you was the best moment of my entire life.
The buzz tells me that the text message is sent.
***
Sebastian tugs on my sleeve. “We gotta go, buddy.”
I don’t move, my eyes scanning the station. “Just...please, just one more minute.”
Jez comes up behind Sebastian, and picks up the suitcase at my feet. “She’s not coming, mate. We gotta go, we can’t miss another train.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. I know they’re right.
“I’m sorry, B,” Jez says, his arm coming up around my shoulder.
“I thought she would come,” I say, before taking one last look, then letting my friends lead me onto the train.
“I know, man. I did too. I’m sorry.”
I really thought she would come.
Chapter Twelve
Brad
Present Day
“All right lads, we’re late, so listen up.” Dennis stands at the front of the bus, business mode fully on, giving us our daily orders. “We’re here for an interview with the college radio station. You’re going to play the two songs. And then a quick meet and greet after. Let’s get in and out without too much fuss. Sell the record. Flirt, do whatever it is you do.”
Jez gets up from his recliner, does a little twerk, and bows to the sound of applause from the rest of us.
Dennis clears his throat and Jez sinks back into his chair smirking, satisfied with his disruption. “Hailey’s got your packs, and she’s going to try to get you all back here by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. Anyone not here by 9:05 a.m. can find his own sleeping arrangements for tomorrow night. Which, I realize, is not a threat to you man-whores.”
“Hey, I’m not a man-whore!” Sebastian argues.
“Sure you aren’t, sweetie,” his fiancée responds, patting him gently on the head.
“Fine, I’m a taken man-whore,” he pouts, before breaking into a blinding grin.
“There ya go,” Cadence giggles and they come together in a kiss that makes the rest of us groan.
The bus turns off the road and parks in the radio station parking lot and we file out, our crew already there, setting up our equipment inside. Hailey suddenly stops just as we reach the back entrance, causing Marius to bump up hard against her.
“Hey!” he complains and she just waves a hand in his face.
“Shush! Can someone grab Emily? I’ve gotta go make sure they’ve got the right audio setup.”
Everyone turns and looks at me.
“Wha?” I ask.
No one says anything and just continue to stare at me.
“Ugh, fine. No no…let me.” I roll my eyes as I walk back toward the girls’ tour bus.
“Okay, she might still be asleep, so you night need to knock a few times. See you guys inside in five minutes,” Hailey yells after me.
I knock on the door when I get there but there’s no answer. “Bu—, er, Emily? You up? We’ve arrived. We’re on air in ten minutes if yo
u wanna come in and watch it live.”
There’s still no answer so I step inside. I can hear a rumbling in the back and make my way toward the bedroom quarters.
There’s a soft laugh and a murmur of a few words. God, that laugh. How could I have forgotten that laugh? Like she’s high on life and everything you say is the funniest thing she’s ever heard. I could bottle that laugh and sell it on street corners and make more money than I’d ever see with the band.
“I miss you too, baby. I wish you could be here, it’s amazing. You’d love it so much.”
Fuck.
She’s talking to a boyfriend, or a husband…or a lover.
I try not to, but my ears can’t help but strain to listen in on her conversation. There’s the sound of chatter from the other hand. Then she speaks again.
I can’t wait to hear all about it. I’ll call you tonight when everyone’s asleep. Anyway, I’ve gotta go. Love you, Ben. Bye.”
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
I didn’t even think that that’d be the reason she pulled away. Because of someone else, not just because of me. The prospect of our future falls dark. If it was because of me, at least I could maybe change her mind. If she belonged to someone else, maybe she’d never be open to giving me another chance.
“Ahem.” I clear my throat to alert her to my presence.
“Who’s there?!” she asks, her voice nervous.
“It’s, uh, it’s me. We’ve arrived.” I poke my head around the corner and into her room. Her face blares a fiery red and she shoves her hand deep into her purse. “Oh, um, okay, I’ll be right there.”
“Is, um, is everything okay?” I ask, not sure if I want to know.
“Oh yeah, sure, just a call from, um, from home.” She waves her hand, dismissing my questions.
“Someone must be missing you,” I say, the questions continuing to rise in my throat.
She gathers her things and doesn’t offer any more information. I have to leave before I say something neither of us is going to want to hear, so I make my way back down the bus, calling out to her, “I’ve gotta go meet the others. Just come inside when you’re ready.”