by Kimberly van Meter - A Sinclair Homecoming (The Sinclairs of Alaska)
But when the polite knock sounded at the door, her heart leaped and she couldn’t stop the grin that followed. When she opened the door, every rehearsed smile or sexy grin went out the window, and all she could do was bite her lip and undress him with her eyes.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” she admitted in a husky tone that sounded far more Rita Hayworth than she’d ever thought she was capable. But judging by the way he stepped over the threshold and immediately captured her mouth with his, he liked it.
Their tongues tangled as he leaned into her, bending her over his arm as he plundered her mouth like a man determined to taste her soul, and she shuddered with pure desire at his masculine touch. He vibrated with raw emotion that was heady and addictive, and she lapped at it like a kitten with a bowl of milk. Somehow her wineglass safely left her hand and she was lifted into his arms and carried without a sound to her bedroom.
For a moment she was unaware and didn’t care where they ended up but when he placed her gently on the bed, she realized she was in her own bedroom rather than the spare. A chill doused her ardor and she forced a light smile as she said, “I’m partial to the spare bedroom for our fun,” she said, hoping her request didn’t make her appear strange. Well, of course it was strange! If only she had the guts to admit that the reason she didn’t want to have sex with Wade in her actual bedroom was because David’s ghost still dominated the space. And the space in her head. Wade’s subtle frown confirmed her biggest fear, and she babbled a hasty explanation. “It feels so decadent and taboo to make love in a bed that isn’t your own.”
“Ahh, like hotel sex?” he surmised, and she bobbed a quick nod. With that understanding his grin returned, and he did an about-face and headed for the spare bedroom. She nearly shuddered with pure relief, but a sliver of guilt dogged her excitement. He deserved to know the truth about her and why she was so damn weird but she didn’t want to ruin what they had going on, especially since they were on borrowed time. The sharp realization that Wade was going to go back to California filled her with a sadness that was hard to hide.
“Are you okay?” Wade asked, gently placing her on the bed. “You seem a little off. We don’t have to do this if you’re not into it.”
The concern in his voice destroyed her. He was such a kind, giving man. He deserved far better than she could ever give him. Besides, he had enough on his plate; he didn’t need her drama, too.
Forcing a bright, seductive smile, she pulled him to her and sealed her mouth to his. She was going to enjoy every stolen moment to its fullest, and she wasn’t going to think about anything else. “Does it look like I’m not into you?” she asked, pulling away to stare into his beautiful, expressive eyes. She smiled as a pleased grin lifted the corners of his mouth as they fell back onto the bed. He towered over her and she framed his face with her hands, desperate to capture the moment and freeze it in her memory for later. “Has anyone ever told you that you have the eyes of a poet?” He chuckled and shook his head as she caressed him. “Well, you do. Someday you’re going to make one woman incredibly lucky.”
A shadow passed over his expression and she wondered what secrets Wade Sinclair carried in his heart. She wanted to know the story behind every scar, every whispered promise. But that wasn’t her place.
Tears stung her eyes, and she squeezed them shut. “Kiss me, Wade,” she urged him, desperately needing his touch to blot out the sadness that crept along the edges of her joy like a noxious fog on an otherwise beautiful landscape. Wade didn’t hesitate, slipping his tongue into her mouth to seek out hers, and they danced and tangled, building a passion that was so hot that it threatened to burn them both to cinders, and yet neither would ever dream of stopping. Morgan shuddered with feminine power as Wade plunged himself deep inside, a perfectly snug fit that wrenched groans of ecstasy from their lips as they lost themselves in the heady pleasure of giving over to a lover’s touch completely. Sweat beaded their bare skin and the musk from their lovemaking scented the room with passion and desire. They were cocooned in their own world of naked skin and ravenous need—and nothing else mattered. This was happiness, this was joy. Morgan wept with the overwhelming sensation of being so utterly pleasured by a man whose sole intent was to bring his woman to a clenching, shuddering conclusion before he tumbled into his own.
Minutes ticked by before Morgan could speak or breathe normally, and she was not alone. Wade collapsed beside her, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he said in a husky but happy groan. “I’ve never met a woman who matches me in the bedroom. It’s my dumb luck that you would be here in Alaska.”
She laughed softly, too sated to care about anything at the moment. Morgan rolled to her side to regard Wade with a silly smile. “You are ruining me for other men.”
“Really? Good.”
His answer sent a thrill chasing down her spine. For a second she could pretend that they had a future together. “Now is the time when you say that I’m ruining you for other women,” she teased, surprised when his smile faded. “I’m sorry...I was kidding. I don’t want to kill the moment between us,” she said, distressed.
Wade immediately kissed her fears away, murmuring, “You have ruined me for other women. That’s a fact. But you can see how that poses a problem for us both.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Can I share something personal with you?” he asked, and she quickly nodded, instantly aware and on alert. She desperately wanted to know who Wade Sinclair was beyond the surface but was that her right? Probably not, but she wanted to, anyway. Wade, seeing that he had her undivided attention, said, “I don’t know how you feel about this and I don’t know if I’m qualified to say I know what love at first sight feels like because I don’t know if I’ve ever truly been in love, but there’s definitely something between us that I don’t understand and it’s a pretty strong emotion. When I look at you, I feel...home. I know that doesn’t make sense,” he admitted as if embarrassed, and her heart leaped with wild abandon at his admission.
“It makes perfect sense,” she admitted in a soft voice, her pulse fluttering like a mad butterfly. “Because I feel the same.”
Crazy hope flared in his eyes before it dimmed as he asked, “So what does that mean for us?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think it can mean anything because we live in opposite worlds and the commute would be a bitch,” she admitted in a pained, wry tone.
“True enough.” He sighed and laced his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. “You know, I’m not this guy who does spontaneous things like this with a near stranger. I’m the kind of guy who plans things out and does things that make sense. What we’re doing doesn’t make any sense whatsoever and yet, I crave it like a drug. Logic tells me I should put some distance between us but I can’t bring myself to do it. What does that mean, Doc?” he asked, half joking but clearly not entirely.
“Sorry, I’m off the clock,” she answered, not wanting to delve too hard into his motivations for fear of uncovering something she didn’t want to know. Morgan rested her head on his chest and lightly trailed her fingers down his belly to the coarse hair of his groin. His penis lay against the wiry patch of hair and she threaded her fingers through the hair idly. “Would you think it’s weird if I told you that I love the smell of a man’s groin area? It’s filled with pheromones that really do something for me.”
“I think that’s pretty damn sexy,” Wade admitted, and Morgan giggled when his formerly quiet and spent member began to slowly awaken again. “But then everything about you is damn sexy in my opinion.”
She glanced up at him. “Really? You’re not just saying that to get lucky again?” she teased.
“Well, there is that. But no, you’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met. And that’s incredibly good in my book.”
“You’re incredibly good
in my book,” Morgan said, thrilling when his gaze darkened with fresh desire. He rolled her to her back and tortured her with slow, teasing kisses that ignited a need so hot that she didn’t think she could contain it within her body. She bucked and cried out as he held her down, anchored between her thighs so that she couldn’t escape the pleasure barreling down through her nerve endings, soaking her in sweet oblivion.
“Wade!” she gasped, sweat dampening her brow, gulping lungfuls of air as she came down from her cloud. Her heart hammered almost painfully against her breastbone, but her body was numb to anything but the wonderful pleasure still radiating from her clitoris as her womb continued to tighten in soft, receding waves.
“Ohh, Wade...” I think I love you. She bit back the words before they escaped her mouth but it’d been so close. Fear of saying something so personal and revealing effectively quelled the feel-good vibrations thrumming through her body, and she quickly rose from the bed with a hasty “be right back” thrown over her shoulder as she disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Morgan flipped the light and stared at herself in the mirror, almost unrecognizable in the fluorescent light. Her hair, normally coiffed into submission, hung in wild strands that practically screamed I’ve been rolled hard and it was good, and a tiny laugh escaped when she realized in her entire marriage to David, not once did she feel this free, so filled with delicious abandon.
David... What a number he’d done on her. How had she gotten so twisted up and turned around with that man? She’d been sold a bill of goods with that one. She’d mistakenly thought she was marrying a good man with traditional values but instead, she’d hitched her wagon, as her dad would say, to an abusive asshole. And even though he was dead, he still ruled her life with an iron fist.
Because you let him.
That tiny voice spoke quietly but with authority and it was true. She allowed her memories of the past to mess with her present and it was time to let it go. Remy would be so proud. This was a breakthrough. She could feel it. Whatever had been wrapped so tightly around her soul had snapped, and she could breathe again. Sure, that restrictive band had been metaphorical but it’d felt tangible, too. There’d been times when she couldn’t draw a deep enough breath and actually suffered anxiety when she thought of David. But he was gone. And he was never coming back. Never again would she tremble in fear at the sound of the front door opening, mentally checking everything that he insisted had to be done before he came home from work, or fretting over if his meal was prepared to his specifications. Done. No more. Finit.
Hallelujah.
A smile found her mouth. She could take the next step. Maybe even with Wade. What did that mean? She wasn’t sure but she was willing to take that first, tentative step.
She leaned toward the mirror, fixing her stare on herself, holding her gaze to say in a fierce whisper, “David doesn’t live here anymore. He’s not welcome in your house or your heart. For God’s sake, let him go.”
Pulling away, satisfied, she flipped the light and exited the bathroom.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
FOR A LONG MOMENT, Wade simply enjoyed the good feelings that were typical post-sex but as he waited for Morgan to return from the bathroom, he realized he couldn’t keep spending time with Morgan without telling her what was happening in his life. Somehow it just seemed wrong, even though neither one of them had made promises to the other about some kind of commitment. That was the thing, though; he realized he wanted a commitment with her. But how could he make a commitment to Morgan when back home Elizabeth might be pregnant with his child?
He wanted to see Morgan more—so much so that he would be willing to entertain a long-distance relationship if Morgan was willing—but he couldn’t take that step with her without first telling her what was going on. And the idea scared him silly because what if she hated him? What if she turned him away? He’d never been so invested in a relationship that he couldn’t walk away if things didn’t work out, but he had a hard time imagining not being with Morgan. Somehow, in a short time frame, she had become an important part of his life, and he was already thinking of how he could fit her more securely into his life in California.
It was jumping the gun—something he’d never done in his life—but it still felt right. Everything about Morgan felt so right. He admired her calm strength, her quiet counsel and her professional acumen, not to mention he could lose himself in her body for weeks and happily forget the rest of the world existed. Never in his life had he felt this way about another woman. That in itself made him realize that Morgan was different. And so how could he walk away? What if she was The One? He was fairly certain that when he looked at Morgan it was the same way that Trace looked at Delainey or Miranda looked at Jeremiah.
The bathroom door opened and Morgan emerged with a tremulous smile wreathing her beautiful face. She joined him on the bed and climbed beneath the covers with a shiver. “One thing about my bedroom is that it has a fireplace, unlike this one,” she said, grinning. “What’s with the serious face? I leave for a few minutes and everything changes. Are you okay?”
“You’re beautiful,” he said, staring into her eyes. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And each time I’m with you I fall a little harder.”
“Fall? What do you mean?” she asked, a little breathless. “I mean, one might think you were saying that you were falling in love with me. But it’s too soon for that, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Yes to both. You and I both know that this is infatuation but it’s the best damn infatuation I’ve ever experienced in my life. Which leads me to believe that I’m falling in love with you, as well. And I’m not ashamed to admit that, but I feel I need to disclose some things before either one of us decides to take things further. I only want there to be honesty between us, and I can’t in good conscience go any further without telling you a few things.”
“Is this the part where you tell me you’re a cross-dresser? Because I don’t think you’ll fit into my panties.”
He shook his head with a small, pained chuckle, wishing he could joke away the seriousness of his situation. “No, not a cross-dresser. Not a sexual deviant in any way and not a criminal. I’m pretty ordinary. I work too hard, I don’t take enough vacation and sometimes I spend way too much time behind the desk. Those aren’t my issues. My issue is far more complicated and if we’re to go any further it could seriously impact our relationship.”
“Oh.” Morgan sobered, realizing the gravity of the situation. Seeming to mentally prepare herself she said, “All right, what is it?”
“This isn’t easy for me to say and I’m still in shock about it myself. I told you earlier that before I left for Alaska I had a semicasual dating relationship with a woman named Elizabeth, which I broke off because I knew we weren’t going to go where she wanted the relationship to go. A few days ago she called to tell me that she might be pregnant. And that if she is...the baby is mine.”
Morgan paled and her fingers fluttered to her chest as she sucked in a tight breath. For a long moment she said nothing and the silence was worse than if she’d started yelling. Not that she had anything to yell about, per se, but one never knew how people were going to react to bad news. And Wade didn’t know much about Morgan except for how he felt about her.
“A baby? Wow. This changes things a bit.” Morgan slid from the bed and grabbed her robe, tucking it around her and tying tightly. She couldn’t have looked more unapproachable than if she’d grabbed armor and pointed a spear at him. “I can see why you wouldn’t be in a rush to share that kind of information. It does change things. A lot.”
“I don’t even have confirmation yet if she’s truly pregnant but she seemed pretty sure. She said she’s never late and...well, she’s late this month,” he said, watching as Morgan seemed to withdraw further as he spoke. Wade grimaced. This was what he’d been afraid of.
> He climbed from the bed and tried to gather her in his arms, but she stepped back. He frowned, trying to explain. “If she’s pregnant, and I have no reason to assume the baby isn’t mine, obviously I want to have a relationship with the child but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a relationship with you, too.”
“Actually, it does mean that because I am no way interested in being a mother,” she said brusquely. “Particularly a mother to a child who isn’t mine.”
“I see. I was hoping that maybe... I don’t know... I know it’s asking a lot but I was hoping that you wouldn’t bolt. I just found out myself so I’m still in a bit of shock, but I could never abandon a child of mine. It’s just not in my DNA.”
“Of course. I would expect you to do nothing less. You’re a good man and I’m sure you’ll make a fabulous father. But I’m not cut out to be a mother or stepmother. I have a thriving practice here and a life I enjoy. I’m not ready to give all that up to raise somebody else’s child. No matter how infatuated I might be with its father.”
Wade winced. Everything she said made sense but it cut just the same. He wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for but the scenario had played out as he’d feared. He sighed, suffering an acute sense of despair for having lost something he hadn’t even really had in the first place. “I understand. I’m sorry. I should have told you about the baby the minute I found out.”