He reached out to accept my handshake and something heavy and solid swung forward in his coat. I had a sudden image of a gun and pushed it away. This was Ryan’s brother. She lived here now. She had every right to want to invite her family over.
“Um, okay, I need to go.”
“Yeah, sure.” I raised my hand and watched as Ryan’s brother all but ran off down the street.
I watched him until he turned the corner, uneasy and ashamed of the feeling.
I heard a growl as I entered the house, and I frowned. “Hey, Pepito.
It’s me.” Pepito whined a little and ran up to me. I squatted down and patted his head just as Ryan came into the room with one of the four beers that had been in my refrigerator since poker night.
“Mia.” She looked at her watch. “I thought you were going to call me when you…”
“Oh, I just had Goody bring me home.” I studied her face for a few minutes. “Something wrong?”
“No, I’m Þ ne. Sorry, I was going to cook something but…”
“Ryan, you do not need to cook for me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it, but I certainly don’t expect you to cook every night.” I stopped speaking because she wasn’t looking at me. Ryan always looked at me when I spoke to her. She always made me feel like everything I said was the most important thing she had ever heard. I followed her eyes to the mantel.
“Something was up there, wasn’t it?” she asked.
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SUCH A PRETTY FACE
It took me a moment to remember, but when I did my throat went dry because I realized what Ryan’s brother had had in his coat pocket.
“My grandparents’ candlesticks.”
They looked more expensive than they actually were, but my mother had given me so few things from my grandparents that the loss of them felt like a punch to the sternum. Ryan walked toward the mantel. She placed her hand there as if checking to see if they had somehow fallen over.
When she turned to face me, her eyes were wide, her skin so pale I almost thought she was going to faint. “I didn’t take them.”
I was struck dumb by the look on her face. “Ryan, I…”
Ryan walked past me and I blinked at the empty mantel. I stepped around Pepito but I heard the door open and slam shut before I could even get out into the hall.
“Ryan?” I called out, shocked that she had just left and unable to understand what had just happened.
Pepito stared up at the door, whined a little, and then began to pace back and forth.
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• 182 •
SUCH A PRETTY FACE
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
When the phone Þ nally rang two hours after Ryan had left the house, I snatched it up from its cradle. “Ryan?”
“No, it’s Brenda. Who’s Ryan?”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t really want to talk to Brenda right now, but I had promised myself that I would stop putting off the inevitable. If Ryan did call, I would simply put Brenda on hold, international calling be damned. “Hi, she’s a friend. Brenda, what time is it there?”
“Around four. I knocked off early so I could give you a call before you went to bed. I’ve been having trouble reaching you.”
“Yeah, sorry. Things have been hectic.”
“Christina told me.”
“You talked to my sister?” I was surprised. Christina and Brenda were always cordial, but I’d never call them friends.
“Yeah, I called her when I couldn’t reach you.” Brenda’s voice sounded accusatory, and I didn’t like it one bit. “She told me some other things too.”
I rubbed hard at my forehead. “Brenda? I had an accident, which is why you couldn’t reach me at work. My head is killing me right now, so if you don’t mind Þ nishing this conversation later…”
“Mia, hear me out. I know I was wrong to leave. I should have talked to you Þ rst, but I was scared. I didn’t understand why things just felt so wrong between us. Can you try to understand what I was going through?”
The plaintive quality of her voice got to me and I felt a deep sadness. “No, I can’t. I would have tried if you had told me these things a couple of months ago.”
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“But you can’t try now?” The sadness was replaced by something that sounded a lot like anger. My hackles rose.
“What do you want me to say? That I’m not angry? That I understand completely? I can’t do that because no matter what, I wouldn’t have done that to you. Call me naïve, but I believe in loyalty and if I had thought we had a problem I would have told you.”
“So you’re telling me you had no clue?”
“Maybe I should have. Maybe subconsciously I knew things were falling apart, but no. I don’t think I wanted to know.”
“So what do we do?”
I took a deep breath. There it was out there and on the table.
“Brenda, I don’t like what you did. But I’m not angry with you anymore.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it? It means you’re already starting to forgive me.”
“Forgiving is not the hard part. It’s the forgetting. It’s regaining the trust.”
“So what are you saying? Are you trying to tell me it’s over?”
“You told me it was over when you walked out of this house.”
“I just explained.”
“I know, but I can’t go back there. I’m not that person. I can’t wear blinders and accept our relationship as what was meant to be.”
“You’ve found someone else, haven’t you? This Ryan? Christina says you told them you’re just friends, but it’s more than that, isn’t it?
I hear it in your voice.”
“Isn’t that what I accused you of?”
“Well, have you?”
“Does it really matter? Whether I’m alone or with someone else, what we had is over. You knew it before I did. I’m not exactly sure why you’ve changed your mind about it now, but I’ve made my own decisions.”
“I…I don’t know what to say. I guess we should talk to lawyers.”
“If that’s how you want to handle this. I’m willing to buy you out of the house or whatever you want. We’ve always had separate accounts, so…”
“So you’re serious about this Ryan person?”
I frowned, not liking the fact that she sounded so shocked. Had she really thought I would just take her back? After the way she left, after what she’d said?
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SUCH A PRETTY FACE
“You’re not just looking to get back at me because of what I said before I left, are you?”
“Brenda?”
“Yeah?”
“Good night.” I hung up the phone. Tears of anger burned the corner of my eyes. I felt like I had wasted four years of my life and I wondered if I had any luck with women at all.
Pepito whined from his post at the front door. I called him and a few seconds later he jumped onto the couch next to me. I turned on the TV for background noise. Like I’d told Brenda, I was loyal, and as angry as I was with Ryan for running out, I was still going to wait up for her. I needed to make sure she was safe.
v
Pepito woke me around two in the morning with his whining and snufß ing at the front door. Ryan had not returned. Ryan hadn’t called or come home, and I felt like someone had stuffed a whole cotton plant, nodes and all, down my throat.
I slowly untangled myself from the couch and dragged into the hall. Pepito’s little butt was stuck in the air and his nose was glued to the space between the ß oor and the bottom of the door.
I squinted out the peephole, but I could see nothing in the cone of light cast by my front door lamps. I would have walked away if Pepito hadn’t continued his obsessive snifÞ ng at the door. To appease him, I opened it and found Ryan huddled in the corner, her arms folded and her eyes red rimmed. The distress on her face broke my heart.
Leaving the door unlocked, I stepped outside to s
it next to her.
The early morning air ripped through my blouse and slacks. I leaned forward with my arms tucked between my chest and thighs. She was staring out at my neighbor’s lawn, so I did the same.
To my surprise, other than a few seconds more of clicking, Pepito didn’t put up much of a fuss about not being allowed out with us.
I realized if I expected a conversation I would have to start it.
“What are you doing out here without a coat?”
“I couldn’t get them back.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“I didn’t bring my keys with me.”
“Why didn’t you ring the damn doorbell, Ryan?”
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GABRIELLE GOLDSBY
“I didn’t want to wake you up.”
She shivered and I placed my hand on her arm. She moved away as if I had burned her. I tried not to feel hurt by the fact that she obviously didn’t want me touching her, but I was. Stop it, Mia. This is obviously not about you.
“As if I could sleep not knowing where you were.”
“I didn’t take them.”
Now I was angry, which was a whole lot better than feeling rejected. “Did I ever once accuse you of taking anything?”
“No, but—”
“But nothing. You ran out of here without talking to me, damn it.”
My voice was raising and if I was being honest, I was angrier about how Ryan had left than the fact that my grandparents’ candlesticks were missing. “I didn’t know where you had gone or if you’d be back.”
“I was trying to catch…my brother.”
“I know. I saw him leaving the house.”
“He was still here?” Her face paled further. “I thought he had left at least Þ ve minutes before you got home. I was working in the back. I should have walked him out but he said he knew the way.”
“Did you invite him over?” I kept my question gentle because Ryan had already been crying.
“No, and I didn’t give him your address.”
“Stop, I’m not accusing you of anything. You live here too. You have every right to invite whomever you want over. I’m just curious why he was here if you didn’t invite him or give him the address.”
“For money, of course. That’s the only time I hear from either of them.” Her voice was bitter, and distant. She was quiet for so long that I was tempted to suggest that we go inside. I reached for her arm, the memory of her pulling away still fresh. She shivered but didn’t reject my touch this time.
“I sent my mother some of the money I got back from my deposit on my apartment. She must have given Brady the address. I was so happy to see him that I didn’t ask any questions.”
Her eyes were so wounded that I decided to risk rejection and enfold her in my arms. Her whole body quaked and I held her tighter.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“You don’t have to apologize. You did nothing wrong.”
She shook her head against my shoulder. “He’s never stolen from me.” She sounded so heartbroken that I had to Þ ght back my own
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SUCH A PRETTY FACE
tears. This wasn’t about candlesticks; this was about being betrayed by someone she loved. “He looked so much better the last time I saw him that I had hoped he could kick it.”
“What’s he on?” I asked even though I was sure I already knew the answer.
“Crystal for sure, but I don’t know what else he’s doing.”
“His baseball scholarship?”
“Long gone. For a while the school was willing to let him come back, but…”
“How long has he been like this?”
Ryan drew back slightly, but stayed close, probably because she was cold. “Since his senior year in high school. He held it together for a while, but once he was on his own he self-destructed. I came here to get him back in school. I had no idea how bad he was until I saw him.
My mother refuses to believe her little boy is so strung out on drugs that she wouldn’t even recognize him.”
Ryan had relaxed enough that she was looking at me. I expected the pain in her eyes but not the guilt.
“You’re not blaming yourself for this, are you?” I asked.
“He’s my brother. My mother is in no condition to help anyone.
I’m all he has.”
“What about your father?”
“He’s dead.” The words were so heartbroken, so garbled with tears that it took me several long moments to understand what it was Ryan was trying to tell me. “He…I didn’t realize he had cut me at Þ rst.
I was struggling to get the knife away from him, and Brady and my mom were screaming. He was yelling about how he was going to kill me. It was so loud that the neighbors started pounding on the door. He fell on me and…”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
“I hated him, Mia. I hated my father. But I didn’t want him to die.
He was always…I should have just left the house, stayed with a friend, but I just couldn’t. He was so drunk and he was waving that knife around. I knew he would kill them if I didn’t get it away from him.”
“It was an accident, Ryan. Please look at me?” As horriÞ ed as I was, the only thing I wanted to do was comfort her, to make the raw pain that I saw in her eyes go away forever. “You have to know this wasn’t your fault.”
“JustiÞ able homicide.” Ryan could have been reading the
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GABRIELLE GOLDSBY
newspaper aloud for all the emotion her voice held. “It never even went to trial.” She looked at me, her eyes pleading for something I couldn’t give her. “The neighbors told investigators that they heard screaming and Þ ghting coming from our house all the time. Can you believe that?
We’d lived in that house for most of Brady’s life. They never said two words to us. Never even let on that they’d heard what was going on.
If they knew, why didn’t they do anything to help? Why did it have to come to him dying to get him to stop?”
I bit my bottom lip to keep from ranting about the police and neighbors who didn’t give a shit. “You did what you had to do to protect your family and yourself. He could have killed you, Ryan. You were brave to do what you did.” I pulled her close to me again, trying to imprint my warmth on her body.
“He never laid a hand on me until that day, but Mom and Brady just couldn’t seem to stay out of his way. I got so tired of watching him terrorize them. If I had just left the house…”
“He might have killed both of them and you would still be playing this what-if game, only with a different ending,” I said, but Ryan went on as if she hadn’t heard me.
“After everything calmed down, my mother stopped getting out of bed and Brady started doing drugs. I had to be the breadwinner and the parent to both of them. I tried, Mia, I really did, but it was like they were hell-bent on destroying their lives and I couldn’t stop them.”
“You can’t make people want to live, Ryan.”
“I had to try. But I don’t think I can stand this anymore. He stole from you and regardless of the fact that he had never met you, he had to know how that would make me feel. And I only hear from my mother when she needs extra money.”
“I’m so sorry that you’re feeling like this.”
“He gave the candlesticks to some drug dealer, Mia. I tried to Þ nd him but I—”
“You did what?”
“I tried to Þ nd the guy, but he had already left.”
“Ryan, Ryan what were you thinking? You have to promise me you won’t do anything so crazy again. They were candlestick holders, for God’s sake.”
“They were your grandparents’.”
“I don’t care. They aren’t worth your life. Do you know how dangerous going into a place like that could have been?”
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SUCH A PRETTY FACE
“I’ve been in places like that more than once looking for Brady.�
�
“Do you know how I would have felt if you had been hurt? The only reason my mother even gave them to me is because they had no monetary value. And even if they were worth money they would never be worth your life.”
“They may not have been worth any money, but I Þ gured you had them up there because they reminded you of your grandparents.
I just thought if I got them back and explained, things would be okay between us.”
“Things are okay. They’re better than okay, but you have to promise me you won’t do anything like that again. You ran out of here without talking to me. I understand that people get angry or hurt, or they need space, but I had no idea where you were. I was scared you would never come back.”
“I guess I just reacted.”
“I saw him leave, Ryan. I could tell he had something heavy in his pockets. I didn’t know what it was until after you noticed the candlesticks were missing. I never once thought you had anything to do with it. And I would have never been okay with you trying to get them back. You mean more to me than that.”
“I won’t do it again. I promise.” And her eyes, though still tired and hurt, did promise something that knocked any residual chill right from my body. I hugged her again, and if I held her too tight, she didn’t protest. She smelled like she had been running, and her skin, though slightly warm, had a feverish feel to it. “Let’s get you inside. It’s freezing out here.”
When I opened the door, I heard a small yelp and scampering claws. Ryan dropped to her knees and picked Pepito up. He was shaking and trying to lick her face as she stood with him in her arms.
She was about to say something when a jaw-cracking yawn caught her off guard.
“We can talk more tomorrow. You’re exhausted. You should get some sleep.”
Ryan seemed reluctant to climb the stairs but she did so, and after shutting off the lights I climbed the stairs as well. My own exhaustion weighed heavier and heavier with each step that I took. I found Ryan standing in front of her bedroom door, her hand resting on the doorknob. Pepito was looking up at the door as if waiting for it to open miraculously.
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GABRIELLE GOLDSBY
Such a Pretty Face Page 21