“Not now, Rory.”
“Yes, now. What the hell is the matter with you?”
“That guy’s a fucking prick,” I practically shouted, wincing when I heard how loud I’d been. I took a deep breath and tried again at a more reasonable volume. “He’s a complete and total asshole, Rory.”
“That may very well be, but he’s also a boss.” At my pointed look of disbelief, she went on. “Jamie told me who he was after you left.”
“So what?” I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my shorts. “That doesn’t give him the right to be a dick.”
Rory’s lips twitched, and I could tell she was trying not to smile. Instead, she rested her hand on my shoulder. “No, you’re right. It doesn’t. But you don’t have to make it clear you feel that way about him, either.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, really? And why’s that?”
“Because what’s done is done. And my time machine is on the fritz, so I guess I’ll just have to live with the consequences. Speaking of which, I need you to pace me.”
“Huh?”
“For the race. I need you to pace me.”
Rory had run track all through middle school, high school, and college. Somewhere along the line, she’d developed an uncanny ability to divine at exactly what speed she was running without the use of a watch or any sort of electronic tracking device. Even though she’d more or less cajoled me into training with her for most of that time, I’d never managed to pick up that particular skill. I found it more than a little eerie, actually. But today it seemed her odd superpower would come in handy.
“I didn’t want you running at all.” Rory regarded me with a dark look. “I still don’t think you’re healed enough. No way in hell will I condone you running twice the original distance.”
“I don’t need you to condone it. I just need you to help me do it.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why’s it so important to you that you do this? You could really hurt yourself, you know.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said automatically.
Rory scoffed. “You’re not invincible, Ryan.”
“I know that.”
“And you don’t have anything to prove to that asshole.”
“I know that, too,” I said quietly, though that wasn’t strictly true.
“So why the hell are you letting him push you into this?”
“It isn’t him. Not entirely, anyway.”
“Well, then what is it?”
I let out a long breath as I considered how to explain it to her so she’d truly understand. “Rory, you work in a male-dominated field. You have to know what it’s like trying to get along as a woman in a man’s world.”
“I do. Believe me, I do. But that’s no reason to risk your health just to prove some sort of sadistic point to a bunch of jerk-offs.”
“They’re like sharks, and I’m bleeding in the water. It’s sink or swim now, and none of them will throw me a life preserver.” I was mixing my metaphors and, judging by her puzzled expression, not making a whole lot of sense.
“Ryan, I—”
“Look. My entire job rests heavily on my reputation, earned or unearned. It doesn’t really matter which. Popular opinion can make or break you, and word travels faster than the speed of sound in this agency. If I back out now, that’s all anyone will remember. If I fail now, that’s all anyone will remember. From what I just heard back there, a lot of the guys already doubt my ability to recover from what happened. If I were a man, they probably wouldn’t focus on it as much. But I’m a woman, which means they’re all watching me, holding their breath, just waiting for me to crack.”
I paused and stepped closer, resting my hand on her upper arm to ensure she’d be looking at me when I explained. I needed her to understand. I needed her to get it, not just intellectually but on a gut level. I needed her to help me, and if I couldn’t make her see why I had to do this, I had no hope of pulling it off.
“One tiny slip is all it’ll take, Rory. One wrong word. One tear welling up in my eye that I don’t wipe away fast enough. One grimace of pain that the wrong person sees. One reaction deemed just a tad too sensitive for the situation.” I waved my free hand in the direction of the rest of the rest of the runners and spared them a quick glance. “One mistake, and I’ll end up branded an overly emotional woman. The guys won’t even see me as an agent anymore. They’ll just define me by my gender. Everyone will treat me with kid gloves to my face and talk shit about me behind my back.”
“Ryan, you were shot. Your ex-girlfriend basically died in your arms. You almost died. Surely they’ll cut you a little slack.”
I shook my head, saddened. “It doesn’t work that way. And I think deep down you know that. As long as I stay strong, the guys will think I’m a hero. But if I show even the barest hint of weakness—of humanness—suddenly everything I’ve ever done to secure my reputation as a competent agent no longer matters, and they’ll look at me as someone who isn’t up to snuff.”
“So you’re saying that everyone you work with is an asshole?”
I laughed. “No. I’m saying despite the fact that we’re more than a decade into the twenty-first century, this is still very much a good-old-boys club. And if I expect them to accept me and let me play—really let me play—I have to prove that I’m tougher and more stubborn and better than they are, over and over again, every single day.”
Rory studied me for a long moment. I regarded her back, nervously. Clearly she was still torn on the issue. I didn’t think it was because she didn’t believe me. She was apparently still just worried about how physically taxing this run would be for me.
I waited as patiently as I could, which just about killed me. Patience may be a virtue, but it’d never been one of mine. Yet I also knew my sister well enough to realize when to keep quiet and not push. Now was definitely one of those times.
She narrowed her eyes at me and cocked her head to one side. Strands of blond hair that’d escaped her ponytail peeked out from under her hat and created a sort of wispy halo. She exhaled forcefully.
“That’s fucked up, Ryan.”
I shrugged. “I know. But what else can I do except vastly exceed their expectations and look fabulous doing it?”
“This is really that important to you, what these guys think?”
I nodded.
“How fast do you want to run this in?” she asked finally, resignation seeping into her voice.
I smiled and tried not to appear too relieved. “Uh…I’d be happy if I could keep it under forty.”
Rory’s countenance relaxed. “Oh, good. I was afraid you’d push yourself too hard. That’s a nice, easy pace for—”
“For both legs.”
My sister froze and gaped at me like I’d just told her I was the result of a virgin birth. “What?”
“I want to run the entire 10K in under forty minutes.”
“That’s a sub-seven-minute mile.”
“See? That’s why I need you. It would’ve taken me forever to do that math.” I flashed her a grin.
“You couldn’t have done that before you were shot! You expect to be able to do that now when you’re still recovering from a serious injury and have barely gotten back into running?”
“Yup.”
“How?”
“I’m counting on adrenaline.”
“You’re out of your damn mind.”
“That may very well be, but I fail to see how that impacts this situation.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“I’m not going to help you.”
“What? Why not?”
“I’m not going to help you run yourself into the ground. I refuse. Absolutely not.”
“Asha.” I was hoping my use of her old nickname would sway her opinion.
“Ná. Ná gída ma korá. It won’t work.”
I sighed, defeated. She’d lapsed into full sentences of our special twin language—which was an inter
esting combination of what Gaelic obviously sounded like to toddlers blended with made-up words—and told me not to bother. When she was in this frame of mind, nothing I could say would get through to her. Perhaps I needed to consider a compromise. Maybe if I agreed to a slower pace she’d capitulate. But then I wasn’t sure I’d be able to win. What to do?
“I’ll do it,” a soft voice said behind me.
I turned, startled to find Allison standing a few feet away. Her face was an impassive mask, and my heart dropped into my stomach with a spectacular splat. I hadn’t seen her this closed off in a while.
Unfortunately, Rory was much less adept at reading the subtle nuances of my girlfriend’s facial expressions and found it a perfectly good time to berate her. “You absolutely will not.”
Allison raised one eyebrow and pursed her lips. “Excuse me?”
“Allison, you didn’t hear what she just asked. She’ll hurt herself if she tries to do this.”
“I can hear you,” I said, annoyed that she was talking about me like I wasn’t standing right there.
Allison waved one hand dismissively. “She’ll be fine. I’m sure her body will give out long before she does any major, lasting damage to it.”
“See?” I chimed in. “Wait. What?”
“And if she does fall out, it’s not like there aren’t a veritable slew of EMTs and paramedics wandering around all over the damn place. Ryan will get the best care available.”
I frowned. I wasn’t thrilled with the specific points she was making, but they did appear to be silencing my sister’s objections.
“Look, Rory, I know you’re worried about her. But she’s a big girl, and she’s stubborn as hell. She’s like a junkyard dog with a bone.”
“Hey!”
Allison ignored me. “We both know she’s going to do this whether we help her or not. At least this way, I can keep an eye on her and make sure she gets immediate medical care if it comes to that.”
Rory scowled at both of us and hesitated for a long moment, clearly debating whether she wanted to argue with us, but she must’ve thought better of it. She gave Allison a curt nod, spun around, and stalked away, muttering something under her breath. She and I were going to have to have a come-to-Jesus about that habit. It was grating, to say the least.
Once my sister had left, I refocused on Allison. She was staring off in the general direction of the starting line, refusing to look at me. Seeing her expression and how it didn’t thaw even slightly increased my anxiety.
“Thanks. You know, for standing up for me with my sister. Sort of.”
“Oh, make no mistake, it’s a stupid idea. You had a collapsed lung, for crying out loud.”
“It isn’t collapsed anymore, I don’t think. I mean, it’s probably not.”
“Very good, Ryan,” Allison said, her tone acerbic. “By all means, let’s joke about it some more. Because the entire situation was absolutely hilarious.”
Allison’s dark eyes were flashing, but beneath that, I caught fleeting glimpses of fear and guilt. I was a moron. I should’ve realized what she was doing sooner. She was picking a fight in an attempt to avoid talking about whatever was really bothering her. Old habits die hard, it would seem. But that didn’t mean I had to let her get away with it.
I smiled at her and took a step closer. I brushed the tips of my fingers across her upper arm. “Hey. Come on.”
Allison blinked, obviously surprised, and slowly dragged her eyes over to meet mine. I saw no warmth there, no sparkle. None of the usual light and life I associated with those rich, brown orbs. Only the barest hint of a cold, burgeoning fury that chilled me.
I took another step closer and caressed her biceps with both of my hands. They were trembling as a result of my wildly vacillating emotions, but I couldn’t do much about that. Instead, I chose to focus on how to get Allison to reconnect with me.
“You promised,” I reminded her. “You promised you’d talk to me about the things that were bothering you. Really talk. Not just pick a fight with me to push me away.”
At my words, Allison’s cold expression started to melt. Not a lot, but enough to loosen the knot that’d taken up residence in the hollow of my chest so I could breathe. More or less.
“You’re right. I owe you an apology. I’m sorry.”
“Funny. I was just thinking the same thing.”
Her eyes narrowed into slits, and her anger threatened to return. “You were thinking that I owed you an apology?”
I laughed. “No. I was thinking I owed you one.”
“Oh. For what?”
I chewed on my lower lip and averted my gaze. “I…uh…may’ve accidentally made things worse with your boss.”
“How? What’d you do?”
“I may’ve insulted him. A little. Or kind of a lot. In front of a whole bunch of people.”
Both of Allison’s perfectly arched eyebrows went up, and she stared at me. “Really?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, he probably deserved it.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Of course not. Why would I be mad?”
“I was afraid you’d think I was trying to fight your battles for you. And that really isn’t my place.”
“That’s right. I don’t need you to defend me. I can handle him.”
“I know you can.”
“Is that what you were doing?”
I shook my head. “No. I wasn’t. My initial dislike of him may’ve hinged on his recent treatment of you, but believe me, when he and I were getting into it just now, it was all for me.”
“What’d you say, exactly?”
I fidgeted, adjusting my borrowed ball cap unnecessarily. “I might’ve implied that he was stupid.”
“Fair point.”
“Then, when he all but accused me of being a cheater, I asked him what the hell was wrong with him.”
“Valid question.”
“And it’s entirely possible I made a bet with him that I could beat both him and your two fastest female runners. Hence me needing someone to pace me. Who’s your fastest female runner, anyway?”
Allison shook her head, a look of disbelief scored with undertones of smug satisfaction painting her features. “Me.”
“Well, lucky for me you aren’t running, or I might have a serious problem. Who’s the next fastest after you? Who do I need to be concentrating on?”
“Jamie.”
“Oh. That’ll be fine, then. She’s easily distracted. All I have to do is smack her on the ass or pull up my shirt as I run by, and she’ll trip and fall on her face.” When Allison looked confused, I went on with a shrug. “Jamie’s a boob girl.”
Allison’s countenance became sinister. “I don’t suppose you’d care to explain how you could possibly know that?”
“It’s come up in conversation,” I lied, cursing myself for my slip. Allison didn’t appear to believe me, so I hastened to drag the conversation back on topic before she could pursue that line of questioning any further. “Anyway, the bet was five thousand dollars, and I plan to use it on those five dates I owe you to woo you like you’ve never been wooed before, thus securing my chance at getting into your pants and bestowing upon you the most mind-blowing orgasm in the history of orgasms. So it’s really in your best interest to help me win.”
“Do you even have five thousand dollars?”
“Not yet. But I hope to by the end of the day.”
“Ryan!” Her tone was pure exasperation. “What if you lose?”
“Haven’t you been listening? That’s why I need you.”
“You’re a mess, you know that?”
“I do. So, you’re okay with helping me further humiliate your boss, then?”
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it.”
I hesitated. “Is it going to get you into more trouble with him?”
“Don’t worry about it. I told you I can handle him. The question is, can you?”
“Oh, I’ve got this.”
Allison grinned at me. “Good. I like a girl who isn’t afraid to stand up for herself, and I’d hate to think I was dating a pushover.”
“You most definitely aren’t. You may be dating an idiot, but not a pushover. I really feel terrible about this, Allison. Baiting your boss like that was akin to poking a hornet’s nest with a stick. In a garage. Whose door is nailed shut. While covered entirely in liquid sugar. Not my best plan. And while I’m not too worried about me, it’s possible he’s going to hammer you for this. Which should’ve been enough to give me pause and shut me the hell up. So, I apologize in advance for whatever the fallout is.”
Allison scowled. “Fuck him.”
I wrinkled my nose and made a face. “Gross. No, thank you.”
Allison froze and pinned me with an odd look. I smiled and leaned in so I could whisper in her ear. “Not really my type. Although someone else has managed to pique my interest.”
“Is it Jamie?” Allison demanded. “I’ll kill her.”
“It’s not Jamie,” I murmured, grazing her lips a little with my ear as I hummed, enjoying the resulting shiver. “I have a very specific type, and Jamie definitely doesn’t fit the bill.”
“She’d better not.” Allison stepped back out of my reach and took my chin between her thumb and forefinger so she could look at me. I relished the furious glint in her eyes.
“Why, Agent Reynolds.” I gasped in mock surprise. “Are you jealous?”
“Do I have any reason to be?” Uncertainty flickered across her face.
I pretended to consider the question, which earned me another glare and a playful smack on the arm. “Absolutely not.”
“Good.” She surprised me by giving me a quick, sweet peck on the lips and taking my hand in hers to swing it between us as we ambled toward the starting line. It was a far cry from the way we used to interact when we were out together, and I was still adjusting.
“Ryan.” Meaghan panted as she emerged from the thundering horde.
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