by Mia Ford
Chapter Twelve – Zane
Five Years Later…
Being back here is weird, really weird. It’s been five long years since I set foot in my home town and it’s odd to return. There’s the sense that I belong here and that it’s familiar, but also that I don’t anymore. I have been in California for so long that it’s almost like that’s my home now. This is the vacation for me today. I glance my eyes around in wonder, drinking it all in. it’s the same, but different, it’s mine, but it isn’t. it’s the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. I thought it would just feel normal, like this is somewhere I’ve always belonged, but I don’t really get that sense. I think I’m going to need to take some time to adjust first.
Strangely, I’m back here with a bunch of medical qualifications under my belt. I never thought that would happen. When I first went away, I was determined to make it short term thing that I would try for my dad’s sake, but surprisingly I liked it a lot. I enjoyed finding my own way in life and learning some new things. I did better at it all than at high school anyway which is a plus. I feel like it’s made me grow a lot as a person. I am glad that I’ve taken this step, especially as I’ve managed to do it in a way that I’m still me. I haven’t lost my identity. I think at first, I was really afraid of that, but I just about managed to cling on to me.
I still look similar, although my hair is cut a little shorter now and I have a few more tattoos, but I’ve definitely developed and grown up. I feel much less like a child now. At twenty three years of age, I’m finally an adult and it feels good. The only thing is my dreams haven’t changed at all. I might have the medical qualifications, but I still want to work with bikes. I want my own custom bike shop, which is something that I’ve also been working towards for the last five years. I’ve taken on work experience to help me get better, I’ve had part time jobs to earn myself some cash of my own, and I’ve practiced on my own bike. All of that means I’ve had to cut myself off, I haven’t had much of a social life and I haven’t been back here, but it’s worth it. A short sacrifice to make the rest of my life better. At least I’m back here now, ready to make this place home again, ready for my life.
I drive past my house, not wanting to stop there for even a moment. My parents are probably expecting me, but I don’t want to go there yet. Maybe not even ever. I still don’t get on well with them, I don’t know if that’s going to change. Instead of heading there, there is someone else that I want to see first. Someone that I’ve neglected while being away and that I want to make amends with. I know that Brandon came back here when he finished college last year and that he’s been here ever since. From what I’ve heard through the grape vine, he has a good job now and a girlfriend too. All seems to be going really well for him. I’m proud, I’m happy for him. My best friend from all those years ago deserves to have a good life, I’m glad that he’s got it now.
I smile to myself as I imagine his shock when I turn up at his home. Because I’ve been so busy and I’ve cut myself off a lot, I’ve pretty much lost contact with him. He’s still my friend, that will never change and I hope that’s the same for him, but we’ve just gone our separate ways. Now that we’re both back in the same place, we can rekindle our friendship. I can’t wait to get out on the town again to catch up on our lives. Luckily, I’m aware that he still lives in his mother’s home – probably while he saves up money to buy a home of his own – so I can find him easily. I don’t know what I’d do if he was someone else.
Just before I get to Brandon’s home, I skid past the store that’s for sale, the place that I just know will be perfect for my custom bike shop. I’ve been doing some negotiations on the phone, I’ve talked to a few people about this, the ball is rolling, soon it will all be mine and I can’t wait. There’s even an apartment above it which is great because my dad won’t like what I’m doing. He’ll go mad that his control only worked so well but it’s okay. I know that I’m doing the right thing for myself. I have tried things his way and it didn’t work. Now I know what I want to do with my life for sure and it’s going to be awesome.
I smile to myself as I go past. I have some meetings coming up soon to finalize everything and I can’t wait for it. That’s when I’ll start to feel like my life is back on track again. That’s when I’ll feel at home. I breathe out a sigh of relief and I continue driving along the road on my bike towards Brandon’s home.
As I pull up outside, I stare at the unassuming building for a moment, thinking about the last time I left here. It was Brandon’s birthday, things got wild, I did many things that I shouldn’t, things that I’ve done my best not to think about since, but now it’s hard to push it back. It floods my brain and makes me feel things.
I don’t like to think about Leah, it’s a hard memory for me, but I had to move on and let her go. As I drove away from this place I came to the realization that we were too new and there were already too many dangerous things surrounding us to make it okay. I couldn’t keep in touch with her because we couldn’t ever be real. Even now, all these years later, it isn’t a decision that I one hundred percent agree with, but I did what was best at the time. Brandon was already so pissed with me leaving in such a way that I didn’t want to make it worse for him. In some ways, I feel like that’s the first adult decision I made, but in another way, I can’t help wondering if I just ran. For a moment, I bask in that, wondering what would have happened had everything been different.
Anyway, there’s no point in getting stuck in the past. A one night stand from five years ago really shouldn’t affect me as it does. It’s crazy and I need to forget all about it. At least for the time being.
I slide off my bike and I march down the garden path with determination in my footsteps. I used to only come to this door when I knew that Brandon was in so I didn’t have to face his mom and her hatred of me, but a long time has passed now. She can’t honestly still be worried that I’m in some non-existent motorcycle gang. I’m sure she must have heard what I left to study and while it might not be where I’m pursuing my future, it has to count for something. It would be nice if just for once, she would actually give me a chance.
Despite all my bravery, which might well be more fake than I’m letting on, I lean my ear against the door to see if I can hear any movement inside. There are definitely footsteps, and possibly humming, I’m not too sure. If I really strain my ears, it sounds like it might be someone female. I glance down at my outfit, knowing that the ripped jeans and the leather jacket isn’t really going to help me right now. But if I jut my chin out and I hold my head high, surely everything will be fine? I have to hope so, at least.
Knock, knock. I pound loudly on the door with a slight tremble in my fist. Knock, knock.
I bounce on my toes, rocking back and forth that gives away just some of the anxiety that’s coursing through my veins at the moment. I guess it’s funny, in a room full of people that I already know adore me, such as my high school class, I’m the most confident son of a bitch around, but when I suspect dislike it’s a totally different story. I shrink in on myself almost. That’s just one of the things that I learned about myself at college. I also learned that I can be a bit stubborn and defensive at times, but that’s okay. I’m not against working on myself. To be honest, as long as I don’t turn out like my father, that’s a win as far as I’m concerned.
“Hold on,” someone finally calls, definitely a female voice. “I’ll be there in a moment.”
Finally, the door swings open, but I don’t find myself looking at Brandon’s mother on the other side. Instead, it’s Leah staring back at me with wide shocked eyes. I mean, she might have grown up, just like I have, she’s twenty one years old now and that shows, but it’s certainly, one hundred percent her. Shit, for some reason of all the potential scenarios that I planned for, this isn’t the one that I expected to find myself in. I guess in an attempt to not find anything out about Leah so I wouldn’t have to know, I didn’t realize that she’s still living at home.
&nbs
p; What else don’t I know? Immediately, I need to know everything that I’ve missed in her life. I got so wrapped up in my own existence recently that I forgot about everyone else’s, but while I’ve had five years of growing and learning. So, has she. And it looks good on her too. Leah is slightly taller, curvier, her breasts have grown. Also, she’s cropped that gorgeous ash blonde hair of hers into a bob which makes her eyes pop out even more.
Damn, she’s amazing. Possibly even better than before. As I stare at her, the last five years feel meaningless and I’m almost back at the party with her, wondering if we could have a future. We couldn’t then, eventually I would’ve messed it up because I was so young and stupid. I probably would have ended up doing something really hurtful and soul destroying like cheating on her and we would ever be able to be friends again. Now though, things are different. I’m a man, she’s a woman. We aren’t kids anymore. Things could be different this time, better. Maybe this girl is the one who got away and it’s time for me to get her back.
“Hello, Leah,” I say with a bright smile, discretely running my eyes up and down her. Or maybe not as discretely as I’d like to believe because as her cheeks color it seems like she has noticed me looking. The stunned look on her face suggests that I can still surprise her. “It’s good to see you. Long time no see. How are you?”
“Y… yes,” she stammers while clinging onto the door frame as if it’s the only thing keeping her upright. “It has been a long time. What, like four or five years?” She knows that it’s five, she’s just trying to play it cool. “So, yeah, I’m good thank you… how have you been?”
My face breaks into a grin, I can feel a playfulness creeping up inside of me that hasn’t been there for a while. Leah is dragging my cheeky side back out again, I didn’t even realize that I’d hidden it away, and now it’s starting to feel like anything is possible.
“Are you going to invite me in, or shall we stand here looking at each other blankly for a little while longer?”
Chapter Thirteen – Leah
What the hell is going on here? I can hardly believe any of this is real. One minute, I’m having a very normal conversation with my wonderful, steady boyfriend, Patrick, and the next my knees are knocking together as a blast from the past turns up at the door. And not just any blast from the past, the blast from the past. The boy that it took me forever to get over and that held onto my heart for far too long. I cannot believe it.
I’ve tried not to think much about Zane Morris since the day he first left here, because as far I was concerned back then his meaning was clear. He didn’t bother to tell me the truth, he never got in touch with me, and he didn’t show me any respect. That had to be a sign my crush had gone on for too long. It was time to move on and that’s precisely what I did… well, sort of. If I’m honest, there were a lot of nights spent crying, a lot of days spent in a morose mood. My school work even went downhill for a while which was a very dark time. I even ended up having to tell Mandi everything because it was so overwhelming. I thought I couldn’t cope.
But then I suppose time helped. Eventually my heart healed over and I started to get myself back on track. Through all of that I didn’t regret what had happened for an instant though, it never mattered to me that it didn’t end well, with the happy ever after that I so desperately wanted. I don’t think I would have wanted to lose my virginity to anyone else in the world. Zane was kind and gentle throughout, he made me feel amazing. Just because he went on to shatter my heart afterwards doesn’t make the actual experience any different.
At least, it didn’t until he stood in front of me. Now, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.
I run my eyes up and down his body, feeling those eagle sized butterflies flapping inside of me once more. It’s as if there’s a storm brewing in my stomach and it’s slowly getting out of control. Any minute now, lightning bolts will blast through me and I won’t be able to stand anymore. I’ll end up a heap on the ground.
“Are you going to invite me in, or shall we stand here looking at each other blankly for a little while longer?”
Blankly? I think we both know that we aren’t looking at one another with no emotion there. Zane has that familiar look in his eye that he wants to consume me whole and I can’t help but shiver. I find my teeth lightly chewing down on my bottom lip as if I want him to take over and nibble my lips for me…
No, I remind myself sharply. I cannot lose my head over Zane again. I have Patrick now.
Patrick, my lovely boyfriend of six months. Dependable, steady Patrick with his preppy look and his serious attitude. I never have to worry with Patrick because there isn’t any inch of him that screams danger. Not like Zane, he’s always had it written all over him. That might be what attracted to him, but I was a child back then. I’m an adult now and I should be attracted to someone more like Patrick. He’s a sensible choice.
“Erm, sure.” My pulse races as I step aside to invite him in. there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this, but I let him come inside anyway. I guess I haven’t ever been able to say no to Zane. “Want a drink?”
I take him into the kitchen and flick the coffee machine on. This is a place where we’ve been a million times before, but I suppose never really alone. The fact that the whole house is empty makes me feel deathly uncomfortable. I know how at risk I am, and the fact that I’m jittery scares me. I have had five years of separation, during which time I’ve grown into a strong and confident woman, so why am I a mess?
“Is it good to be back?” I ask him, needing to fill the silence. “I know that Brandon will be happy to see you when he gets in. He talks to Jenny about you all the time, so I’m sure she’ll be glad to finally put a face to the name.” What am I doing? I’m babbling like crazy. “Although, are you back, or just for a bit?”
“Oh, I’m back, baby!” he replies in a teasing tone. “Thank God, it’s good to be home. I’ve missed it.”
I almost tell him that here has missed him as well, but that might not be exactly true. It might just be me that’s thought about him a lot… or at least I used to before I met Patrick. I have the sudden urge to bring my boyfriend up, just to let him know that he doesn’t have any chance with me anymore… if he’s even thinking that.
“Yeah, I’ll have to introduce you to Patrick as well, if you’re sticking around.” I try to keep my tone breezy, but I don’t really pull it off well. Even I can hear that I’m strained and a bit needy. “He’s here a lot now…”
“Who’s Patrick? Some new friend of Brandon’s?” I don’t know if he’s being deliberately obtuse or not.
“No, Patrick is…” I can feel my cheeks flaming, embarrassment absolutely races through me. I don’t know why, I’m proud of my relationship with Patrick, and why wouldn’t I be? He’s perfect for me. I was so happy the day I got to declare us as official on Facebook, but now I feel all strange about it. In front of Zane, I feel weird and childish. But I’ve started this now, so I’ll have to finish it. “He’s my boyfriend.”
A thick silence clings to the air for far too long. I can almost feel rage burning off Zane. It wasn’t ever supposed to be this way, I didn’t think I’d ever have to face the first man I loved again. Especially not like this. Just as I thought I had the world all figured out, he’s shaken the ground underneath my feet again.
“You have a boyfriend?” Okay, now he just sounds bemused. “I see. And who is he?”
“He isn’t from around here.” I jut out my chin, trying to act far more defiant than I feel. “He moved here a while back and started working at the car dealership down the road. He actually sold me my car. That’s how we met.” I blush as I remember that day. Back then it all really felt like it was coming together. “He’s nice.”
“Nice?” Zane turns his nose up at me. “Oh yeah, that’s what every woman wants. Nice.”
I start to feel irritated at his smug attitude. Who is he to tell me what I do and don’t like? I throw my hands onto my hips and give him a defia
nt stare. “Oh, and I suppose you’re the expert, are you?”
He smirks knowingly, reminding me that in a way I know that he’s the expert. He certainly did something unexpected to my body on that night, and if I’m totally honest with myself I haven’t had that again. Not on that level. It’s good with Patrick, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel like he gets my body in the same way.
Not that it’s any reason for Zane to say anything derogative about him. That’s so out of order.
“Do you love this guy?” he probes, getting deeper under my skin. “Is he ‘the one’ for you?”
“I…” I shrug helplessly at him. “I don’t know, we haven’t been together for that long. Only six months.”
He raises one eyebrow at me as if this should be enough time for me to have all the answers. Annoyingly, Mandi feels the same way but then it’s different for her. She’s with Jon, her childhood crush, and it’s so different back then. Heady lust feels like love and by the time you’ve worked out the difference between the two, it’s too late. You’re head over heels, in love, with no way out. When you get older, it’s more sensible.
“I see. I guess Patrick hasn’t rocked your world then or you would already be in love.”
Anger burns, I almost want to hit him, but of course, I can’t. I’m pretty sure Zane is just ribbing me, trying to get a reaction out of me so he can see if I still feel anything for him. Which I do not.