When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  When the cab pulled up in front of Brianna’s apartment complex, I paid the driver and climbed the stairs to the fourth floor, stopping halfway to take off my heels. I knew she wasn’t going to be awake yet, but I had a really good reason for waking her up. It wasn’t very often that I had drama in my life. It was usually her with her easy-going personality and fuck-it reasoning. This time, though, I would need her to tell it like she always did, straight and to the point. I didn’t want anyone to continue sugarcoating things to me like I was a child. I was a grown woman, and it was starting to get really annoying having to hide things from people and be involved in this mess of a tryst with Tanner. I was sick and tired of all of it.

  When I got to her door, I rang the doorbell several times, listening to her shuffling around the apartment. I waved at the peephole and watched as she flung the door open, her hair a mess but her eyes wide with curiosity. She stepped to the side and let me in, closing the door behind us. I could tell she already knew something big was going on.

  “Well, hello there,” she said. “Either you had a seriously fancy breakfast or you are wearing the same clothes as last night.”

  “Ugh,” I said, plopping down on her couch and dropping my shoes on the floor. “Hell, that is where I’ve been. Straight hell.”

  “Let me start some coffee,” she said, almost too excited.

  When she came back with two cups of coffee and handed me one I took it from her and breathed in the aroma. I closed my hands around the hot cup and wished I was home, sleeping happily in my own bed. Instead, I was at my best friends, about to reveal all my dirty little secrets.

  “Okay,” she said sitting down. “Spill it.”

  “I was at Tanner’s last night and ended up staying the night,” I said.

  “What? Wait, you’re sleeping with him?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “But the bigger problem was that my father showed up at the door this morning before I was even awake. He had come to talk to Tanner.”

  “About what?”

  “Apparently, my mother cheated on him with the pool boy,” I said shaking my head.

  “Miguel?” She scrunched her nose, and I laughed.

  “No,” I chuckled. “Miguel was like eighty. I’m assuming it’s the new guy I saw last time I went over. Regardless, my mom is a whore, and I was stuck in Tanner’s apartment sneaking out like you used to at your boyfriend’s in high school.”

  “Wow,” she said, shaking her head. “As the world, fucking turns.”

  “Tell me about it,” I sighed, leaning back.

  I really wanted a pair of pajamas, a pint of ice cream, a fifth of vodka, and some really cheesy chick flicks. I knew, however, that it was not a good idea to go breaking down into full girl mode. I had to get my shit together.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I said. “I can’t be with Tanner now. It’s too weird.”

  I looked up at her face, which was riddled in confusion. I forgot that I hadn’t talked to her about anything that was going on, keeping everything very close to my chest to keep my father from finding out. Between work and Tanner, I hadn’t really had the time to even call Brianna, much less fill her in on all the craziness that was now my life. I didn’t feel like explaining myself, nor did I have the luxury of giving in to my feelings for Tanner. I had let my guard down the night before, thinking that life was finally going to let me have a break, but I had been setting myself up for another dramatic event. I should have listened to myself and stayed home from our date. I should have just put on some pj’s, told Tanner I was sorry that we couldn’t do this, and stayed at home. Instead, I decided to be a flirty young girl and give in to something I wasn’t even sure Tanner felt the same way about. Sure, he had me spend the night, but that was hardly an open invitation to a relationship. A relationship I didn’t even know if I wanted in the first place.

  “What do you mean with him?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “Sexually, I guess. I don’t think I can be with him sexually anymore.”

  “You have feelings for this guy,” she said with a gasp. “Like real ‘let’s have a relationship’ feelings.”

  “No,” I said sternly. “It was lust, not love. We had been attracted to each other since day one, and it was intense. I won’t lie about that, but in the end, that’s all it was.”

  “You are lying to me or yourself or someone.” She shook her head. “You wouldn’t be so upset if it weren’t true.”

  “I’m upset because of everything,” I said defensively. “Tanner isn’t the kind of guy who falls in love. I don’t have time for a fling, no matter what my feelings are. The reality of it is, I slept with him, I got involved in something I shouldn’t have, and now I am in deep shit. My father is there with him, getting drunk because my mother is a crazy whore, apparently, and I’m here after sneaking out of his apartment like a hooker.”

  “At least he got you out.” She laughed. “You could be spending your weekend in the closet, having meals brought to you.”

  “True,” I said, trying not to laugh.

  “Look, you need to relax,” she said looking at me. “You need to take a deep breath and just take the rest of the weekend to think about everything. Right now, your feelings are really raw.”

  “You’re right,” I sighed.

  “And to do that, we are going to do some serious drinking,” she said slapping her hands on her legs. “Come on. You can wear some of my clothes.”

  I smiled, realizing that Brianna was right, I needed to just have a normal twenty-five-year-old weekend where I started the day with a glass of mimosa and ended it passed out on the bed. Brianna and I hadn’t spent much time together lately, and it would be just as good for me to spend time with her this weekend as it would be for her. I followed her into the bedroom and changed my clothes, listening to her change the subject and start to get super excited for the day she was dreaming up in her head.

  After I was dressed, we hit the town, starting with brunch where we ate, drank mimosas, laughed, and started our weekend dive into total annihilation mode. After that, we did some shopping but not without Brianna’s signature move of a water bottle filled with whiskey and diet coke like we were teenagers sneaking alcohol. After brunch, I was already feeling good, and I let loose, allowing myself to really enjoy the day with laughter, jokes, and all the things I loved about being best friends with Brianna. We went from bar to bar through the city, having a drink, taking a shot, and then moving on to the next spot like we didn’t have a care in the world.

  By the time we got home, it was dark outside, and Brianna went straight in, passing out on her bed. I was wasted, and I stumbled into the spare bedroom and lay down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. I pulled my phone out and dialed Tanner, not giving a shit at that moment. It was amazing how inhibitions could be completely forgotten when you had an entire day of drinking under your belt.

  “Hellllooo,” he sang with a laugh.

  “Well, hello there sexy pants,” I said. “Still getting wasted with my dad?”

  “Ah, the old guys have folded,” he said, obviously tipsy. “You sound like you’re feeling good though.”

  “Brianna has all the cures.” I giggled.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I’m pretty confident my dick would be a good cure right now for you.”

  “I’m pretty sure your dick was a pretty good reason I got drunk in the first place,” I replied laughing.

  “Ouch,” he said. “I thought I was better than that, Ava.”

  “Trust me, you were phenomenal,” I replied with laughter.

  We talked for a little bit longer, sending little flirty and dirty quips back and forth to each other. When the ceiling started to spin with the fan, I said my goodnights and hung up the phone, dropping it in the floor and rolling over in the bed. Before my eyes collapsed shut under the weight of whiskey, I thought about Tanner and tried desperately to let the feelings inside of me float away with the alcohol. Whether I liked it or
not, it was pretty obvious I had it bad for this guy.

  Chapter 19: Tanner

  Getting drunk was fun, waking up Sunday with a massive hangover was definitely not fun. My body did not recover from the liquor like it used to. I groaned, hearing Dean up in the other room. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was all over the place. The light shining in around the blinds on my windows was painful, and my head felt like it had its own damn heartbeat. I looked down at my phone and growled, remembering the conversation I had the night before with Ava. We were both really wasted and couldn’t help but flirt with each other. I was just glad that phone call came after I had shut myself in my room, too drunk to really function any longer. Dean decided after that first bar that he needed a day when he didn’t have to be responsible for anything. He was ready to take it back to our college days, the only problem being the fact that we were old dudes, and our bodies were definitely not used to consuming that much alcohol. I was pretty sure Dean had thrown up in an alley off of Fourteenth and proceeded to then whoop and holler the entire walk back to the apartment. Why we didn’t grab a cab, I will never actually figure out.

  I sat up in bed slowly, every inch giving me a new reason not to ever drink again. The shots at the last three places had sent me over the edge. I’d tried to drink slowly, knowing that Dean really gave no fucks, but after the first four places, I stopped caring anymore as well. It was a downhill slide after that.

  “Tanner,” I heard Dean shout. “Wake the fuck up.”

  I didn’t know why but there was something in his voice that was not okay. I looked around for my phone but remembered that I left it on the kitchen counter after getting a glass of water and hanging up with Ava. I groaned and pulled myself from the bed, grabbing some shorts and attempting to put them on as the world spun below me. I needed an IV of coffee pumping right into my soul in order to survive this Sunday morning. What the fuck was Dean doing up so early?

  I walked out of the bedroom and turned the corner, freezing as Dean stood there, staring angrily at me. I shook my head, trying to figure out if I was dreaming or if Dean was standing there looking like he wanted to punch me in the face. Nope, he was definitely standing there with his hands on his hips and his hair wild on his head. He was holding my phone in his hand and gritting his teeth, and immediately, I knew, he had figured it out. But how?

  “What are you doing?” I walked over and took the phone from his hand, walking into the kitchen and flipping on the coffee maker. “You normally go through people’s phones?”

  “I was curious,” he said angrily.

  “About what? My life is dead boring,” I replied. “Take a deep breath and relax. You’re still drunk.”

  “No, unfortunately your phone sobered me up really fast,” he replied.

  “Okay, what the hell is all of this about?” I turned toward him and put my phone on the counter. “Just get it out, whatever it is you are looking to say.”

  “I know what girl you were talking dirty to last night,” he said angrily. “It wasn’t just some random Ava. It was my Ava. It was my damn daughter.”

  I turned toward the coffee pot and sobered up really fast. He had found my messages to Ava, and he knew I was seeing his daughter. This was bad, really, really bad. I turned back around to face him, and I could tell I had very little time to explain myself before this turned really awkward. However, as I stood there staring at him, no words came from my mouth. I had fucked up, and he knew I was sleeping with his daughter. When I’d thought about telling him about Ava, it was supposed to be the other way around where he found out she was working for me, and not that I was sleeping with her. But there I stood, faced with the reality that he got the worst of the news before I could even preface it with anything.

  “Dean,” I said putting up my hands. “I can explain.”

  He gritted his teeth and shook his head, walking into the living room. But I really couldn’t explain, not in any way, shape, or form. I could sit here and confess my undying love for the girl, and he would still be absolutely livid. There was no easy way around any of this. I had fucked up, and now Ava was going to be so pissed, I was sure I wouldn’t ever have a chance to fix what I had done.

  “I heard you talking dirty to some girl last night,” he said. “I was wasted and figured I’d do a little flirting with her, too, after you went to bed, so I looked up who it was. I can’t fucking believe you’re sleeping with my daughter.”

  He stood up and walked over to the window, staring out into the city. He was shaking with anger, and I wasn’t sure how to diffuse the situation. There was only so much I could do without making everything worse. I walked into the living room and stood there, not sure whether to approach him or not. I took in a deep breath and walked over, putting my hand on his shoulder. Without realizing what he was doing, he whipped toward me, grabbed me by the throat, and pushing me up against the glass.

  “You were supposed to be my friend,” he growled. “I trusted you, and the whole time we were making up, you were fucking my daughter. You didn’t think it would be a good idea to let me know that when I was apologizing for all of those years of anger and bitterness between us? You didn’t think that it would be a good idea to be forthright and honest with me?”

  “Dean,” I said grabbing his arms. “At that time, we weren’t even sure there was anything between us. We still are trying to figure that out.”

  He loosened his grip and shook his head, laughing. Suddenly he reared back and punched me straight in the jaw, sending me to the ground. He growled over top of me and turned, walking over to the couch and sitting down, his face in his hands. I shook my head, trying to loosen the dizziness from my vision. I guess I deserved that, no matter how much I wanted to lie to myself. I probably deserved a lot more than that. I pulled myself off the floor and wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth.

  “How did that happen?” Dean sounded a bit calmer as he sat there.

  I walked over to the other couch and sat down, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning forward. At that point, I needed to just tell him the truth, there was no place for any more lies. Ava and I had buried ourselves in lies since the first time we met, and it was part of the reason why we couldn’t seem to have a normal go at any sort of relationship.

  “When Ava finished her internship, I hired her to work for the company,” I said quietly. “She felt it would give her a leg up in the business world. We didn’t plan for any of this to happen. It just kind of did.”

  “So, wait, not only are you sleeping with my daughter, but the two of you have been lying to me about the fact that she works for you?”

  “She wanted the opportunity to work on the merger,” I said. “She felt terrible for lying to you. It was eating her alive. When we became friends again, I thought that would give her a good way to tell you about her job, but she was afraid to hurt you.”

  “If you think that’s supposed to make me feel better, you’re wrong,” he said angrily. “The only two people in my life that I felt I could lean on have been lying to me this whole time. Did you even want to be friends again? Or did you do it so that Ava could feel better about keeping me in the dark?”

  “No,” I said firmly. “It was very important to me that we became friends again.”

  “Well, you have a fucking funny way of showing it,” he said, standing up. “I feel fucking sick over all of this.”

  Dean walked over to the table and grabbed his jacket, shoving his wallet and keys into his pockets. He smoothed down his hair and stood there silently for a moment. I knew I should say something, anything, but I had no idea how to handle this situation. This was definitely one of the worst ways he could possibly find out about everything. He turned back toward me, his face a mix of emotions.

  “Stay out of my life,” he said pointedly. “And leave my daughter alone. She’s young, and she doesn’t need you messing with her head. She deserves someone so much better than you.”

  With those words, he walked to the door
and left, slamming it behind him. I sat there for a few minutes, feeling the pain of his fist surging through my face. Everything was a complete and total disaster. I grabbed my phone, knowing that Ava had no idea any of this was going on. I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want to start her Sunday the same way she started her Saturday but she needed to know. I dialed her number and held my breath.

  “Hello?” She sounded tired but awake.

  “Ava,” I said, shaking my head. “Your father knows.”

  “What?”

  “He looked at my phone last night after hearing our drunken conversation,” I replied. “He put two and two together. He’s mad, real mad. I told him about you working for me. I had no choice. He wanted to know how the hell we ended up together, so I told him.”

  “This isn’t good,” she sighed. “This is worse than that. This is terrible. He is never going to forgive me for what I’ve done.”

  “He loves you,” I whispered. “Of course, he will forgive you.”

  “I have to go,” she said, hanging up before I had a chance to apologize.