by Mia Ford
I dropped the phone on the couch next to me and groaned, pulling my hands through my hair. Everything was a damn mess, and I was at the center of all of it. I should have listened to my gut and just left Ava alone, no matter how much I wanted her in my life. I should have been the adult in that situation and pushed her away like I did every other woman in my life. But no, I had to give in to these intense emotions and act on them, sending Ava’s life down the drain. Sure, it affected me, but not in the same way that it was going to affect Ava. She had to deal with her family, her career, and everything else in between. To make matters worse, it all took place right after she found out her mother was cheating on her father. I couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling at that moment, but I knew how I felt, completely powerless to do anything to fix the mistakes I had made. I cared for Ava more than I wanted to admit, but I had this very good suspicion that the events that just took place were going to ruin my chances forever.
Chapter 20: Ava
I slammed my phone down on the bed next to me, tears beginning to fill my eyes. What had I done? I knew last night I shouldn’t have called Tanner, but between the alcohol and the stress of the day, he was the only one I wanted to talk to. However, from that one act of not thinking things through, I had outed myself to my father. Who was I kidding? That wasn’t the only act. It had started long before that phone call ever took place. I knew from day one that what I was doing was wrong. I took a job for a man who my father hated, and I knew it, but still, I walked right into that office like I knew what I was doing. I lied to the one man who had always been there for me. Then, to make matters worse, I started sleeping with Tanner, a betrayal I didn’t know if my father would ever get over. He was a proud man, and though his anger stemmed from the fact that he loved me, he was going through so much, and this was possibly the piece of hay that would break the camel’s back.
I picked up my phone and dialed my father’s number, listening to it ring a few times before he sent it straight to message. He wasn’t going to answer my phone calls. He didn’t want anything to do with me. I wanted to be livid with Tanner, scream at him even, but it took two to make this mess, and it wasn’t his job to babysit me. He tried to hold back early on, the same way I had, but the magnetism between us was too much for either of us to bear. The fault didn’t lie in the moment I slept with him, it started the moment I decided it was a good idea to take the job at MJ. I tried calling my father three more times, but he sent my call to voicemail every single time. It was almost frustrating, and I knew I needed to talk to him.
I took some clothes quietly out of Brianna’s closet and pulled them on, not wanting to track my father down in a dress I had been wearing for two days. I wrote Brianna a quick note letting her know what was going on and grabbed my stuff, heading out to get a cab. I had the cab take me to my place where I jumped in my own car and decided to head over to my parent’s house, hoping I would find my father there. They lived outside of the city, so the drive took a little bit of time, but I was okay with that, needing a moment to clear my head before I faced my father. It was time I started telling the truth, no matter how painful that was for me and him. No more lies could come from any of this. I had made a very poor decision, and now, I had to be the one who paid for that.
When I pulled into the driveway, I put the key code in the gate and slowly pulled down the way. The gardeners were in the yard, raking the leaves and preparing for the fall decorations my mother always like to put up. This was all so messed up. We should be angry with my mother, not focused on the fact that I had done something incredibly stupid. Now my father was sure to feel completely alienated from his life. He had a lying daughter and a cheating wife, and after all the sacrifices he had made for our family, this was how we paid him back.
I pulled the car up out front and hopped out, walking to the back of the house to make sure he wasn’t sitting in the garden like he liked to do when he wanted to reflect on something. The only thing back there were a few of the staff from the house and the decorations they were getting ready to put up. I walked back around the house and walked in through the front door, turning toward his study and walking quietly inside. It was dark and empty, and my father was nowhere in sight. I searched the entire house looking for him, but once I got to the garage and saw that his favorite car was gone, I knew he wasn’t there. I needed to find him, but I had no idea where to even start. My father spent all his free time at home and never really went anywhere.
As I walked back toward the front door, I heard someone walk up behind me. I froze as I got to the front door, hearing my mother clear her throat. She was the last person I wanted to talk to right then.
“Ava,” she said softly.
“Mother,” I replied angrily, turning toward her. “I came to find Dad.”
“He’s not here,” she said, looking down. “Did he tell you what happened?”
“Yep,” I said. “But I don’t have time for that. I need to find him.”
“Ava, I’m sorry,” she pleaded.
“Not now, Mother,” I replied, shaking my hand. “Do you know where Dad is?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “He left yesterday morning and hasn’t been back.”
“Great,” I said angrily.
“Ava, I’m sorry, really.” She stepped forward as if to touch my arm.
“Mom, I don’t have time for this. I told you that,” I said with irritation. “There are other things going on. We can talk about this later or something.”
I wasn’t even sure that my father knew that I knew about mom, but she was the least of my worries at that point. I couldn’t help fix the situation she had gotten herself into when I was knee-deep in my own pile of shit. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened. It would only make her feel like maybe she could get off the hook for sleeping with the pool boy. My mother did not deserve to be off the hook any more than I did. Everything was so completely messed up in my life, and I had let that trickle over to the point where it completely destroyed my father. He didn’t deserve any of this, not one bit of it. Not Tanner betraying him, not me lying to him for weeks, not my mother cheating on him, none of it. But there we were, two lying women standing in one room together.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” she said, a bit angry.
“Oh, Mother,” I said snidely. “Not everything is about you. Get over yourself.”
My mother has had this way of making me feel incredibly guilty anytime I didn’t react the way she wanted me to. She had done it my whole life, even when I was a small child. She never raised her hand to me physically, or even raised her voice to me in anger, but she would set a serious guilt trip on my shoulders and wait for me to buckle under the pressure. It became harder and harder to get to me as I got older, though, and after a while, she just let my father handle me, knowing she couldn’t get through to me even if she tried.
This time, though, I didn’t even want to start that conversation with her. She wanted me to forgive her for sleeping with that guy, but it wasn’t for our relationship. It was for her own damn conscience. She felt terrible about it, and knowing her, she would call her girlfriends and they would console her, telling her she wasn’t at fault. My mother was never at fault for anything in her life. That was why, when I found my father, I didn’t want to make any excuses. I wanted to take full responsibility for everything I had done to hurt him.
I stood there in the entryway, staring blankly at my mother. She dropped her arms and shook her head, realizing I wasn’t going to stand for any of her bullshit. As usual, she gave up, and walked away, not wanting to admit to anything or take responsibility for anything she’d done wrong. She wasn’t worried about comforting me. She was worried about comforting herself, sitting back and waiting for my father to come home. There was no proactive nature about my mother, and I blamed the lack of empathy for her inability to move forward in any tough situation. She had to be pushed, otherwise the issue would go by, unresolved, and later rear its ugly head again. This
situation, though, didn’t bear repeating, considering she cheated on my father. I didn’t know if she would learn anything from it or not.
My mother was the least of my worries at that point, and I wasn’t going to spend another minute thinking about whether or not she was okay. I looked around the room thinking about my childhood, remembering how close my father and I were. My heart was aching, and it was my own damn fault. I had screwed up my relationship with my father, and I wasn’t even sure there would be anything I could do to fix it. At the very best, it would be completely changed for the rest of my life, something that was inevitable but I didn’t want to accept. I took a deep breath and turned toward the door, ready to leave and go figure out a way to find my father. My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and I pulled it out, seeing my dad’s name on the screen.
“Dad,” I said frantically. “Where are you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he growled. “How could you do this? What were you thinking? You weren’t, and that is the point. You lied to me about everything, and to make matters worse, you got involved with Tanner knowing he was not a good man.”
“I know,” I said trying to find the words. “I’m so sorry, Dad.”
“I am so sick and tired of being told people are sorry,” he yelled. “You and your mother are full of ‘I’m sorry’ and it makes me sick. Maybe, if you were that sorry, you should have thought about it beforehand. This is a betrayal I cannot look past. I don’t want to see you ever again. Do whatever you want with your life.”
“Dad,” I cried out as he hung up the phone.
I stood there with the phone to my ear, like he was going to magically be on the other end. Tears flooded my eyes, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My father had disowned me, and all because I couldn’t make a smart decision from the beginning. My father was a proud man and stubborn as hell, and the thought of not having him in my life was absolutely terrifying. I looked up as my mother rounded the corner, a look of concern on her face. Before she could say a word, I turned and ran from the house, jumping in my car and speeding down the driveway.
Everything was swirling around me so fast, and I couldn’t catch my breath for even a second. When I reached the gate, I stopped the car and got out, grabbing my stomach and screaming loudly. The cold air whipped around me as tears streamed down my face. I was in complete agony, unable to even fathom what had just happened. I was alone, completely alone, and I didn’t know where to turn. I needed to go home and sit in the quiet. I didn’t want to talk to Brianna or Tanner. They would only fan the flames and tell me lies about how everything was going to be okay. I didn’t need coddling. I needed to get my life back together.
Chapter 21: Tanner
It had been a couple of days since everything had happened with Dean, and I still hadn’t been able to talk to Ava for more than a few seconds. I hadn’t spoken to Dean either, but I had a very firm reminder of why every time I looked in the mirror at the giant bruise on my face. I had deserved that and more, seeing as how I had lied to his face, helped his daughter lie, and then started sleeping with her. Everything was a giant mess, and I wished I could take a vacation away from all of it. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Ava off my mind. Not only did I feel helpless in making everything right for her, I missed her terribly. I missed her at my house, in the office, and I missed her sweet caring smile that made my day go a hell of a lot smoother than it normally did. She had made an impact on me that was insane considering I usually didn’t let women get that close to me.
I could have demanded that she come to work, especially with the merger going full steam ahead, but I knew she didn’t need to be there on Monday. Still, it was Tuesday, and I had yet to see her, which was a bit concerning after everything that had happened. The last thing I wanted was to lose her with the company as well as my personal life. In all reality, she was an asset to every part of my world, including the company and that merger. As I walked to the front of the office I saw the doors to the elevator closing, and I ran forward, sticking my arm between the doors. As they slid back open, Ava was standing there by herself, her face pale and tired. I stood there staring at her, unsure of what even to say. There was so much to talk about, but at the same time, nothing really that would make anything better.
I stepped inside the elevator and held the button that kept the doors from closing shut. I wanted to offer something, anything, even if it was just my comfort. I knew she was being standoffish toward me, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still enjoy the fact that I could comfort her at any moment. I wanted to take her in my arms and promise her everything would be okay, but I knew that would just be another lie. The truth of the matter was, I didn’t know if anything would be okay in her life any time soon. She had so much on her plate that I knew her head had to be spinning.
Her father had found everything out about us, her mother was cheating on her father, and whatever glimmer of hope we had on Friday for a normal life and an actual relationship flew out of the door before we even had time to revel in it. If I had known that things would turn out that way, even though Friday was the best time I had ever had with a woman, I would have called it all off and kept my feelings to myself. I would have done anything to protect Ava from the fallout that we really didn’t see coming.
Ava looked completely shocked as I stood there in the elevator, staring over at her. She took in a deep breath and looked at me, a mixture of sadness and defiance in her eyes. I could tell she was trying really hard to be strong, but inside, she just wanted to break down in tears. I should have given her more time off than just Monday. She was going through some really serious stuff, and I was half of the reason, if not more, that everything was going on the way it was.
“Are you okay?”
“No,” she sighed. “Everything is a mess.”
“I know,” I replied. “If there is anything I can do to help, please tell me.”
“I’m thinking of leaving the company,” she said point blank.
I stood there staring at her, blinking, unsure of what to say next. Sure, the fact that she might leave had crossed my mind, but I thought that maybe that sensibility about her career would keep her in place. Even if she was right in wanting to leave, another change in her life like that wasn’t what she needed. She needed stability in her daily life so that outside of work, she could focus on getting herself back in line, making her relationships better, and fixing everything that we had destroyed in one fell swoop. I didn’t want to fight with her, but I also was not willing to let her go without a fight. She was so important to our company and the company was important to her. I knew she was emotional, and it was never good to make decisions when you were feeling that way. She needed to wait until she could really think it through. I knew if she did that, she would see how important it was for her to stay.
“Why?”
“I betrayed my father, Tanner,” she said shaking her head. “I lied to him for weeks, and then it all came tumbling down on me. I have to repair these relationships before I don’t have either parent in my life anymore. I made some really bad decisions, and no matter how much I want a career, I’m not like you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t just let my most important relationships fall to the wayside so my career stays strong,” she said quietly. “I want both a family relationship and a career, and I’m not sure I can do that with your company, especially since it is going to be a sore spot for my father for a very long time.”
“Just because I made the choice to cut everything out of my life and just focus on my career, doesn’t mean everyone that works for me has to be that way,” I said. “You are very important to me and this company, and I will do anything I can to make sure you have the ability to have everything you want in your life. You can have a family and a career at the same time. You’re versatile like that. When I was coming up, I didn’t have anyone to show me that, and the woman I was married to was only interested in my money. It scared me
away from everything, like I’m afraid your mother has scared your father away. It’s a lonely life that I chose, but it is not the only choice. I know that now.”
“I don’t know,” she sighed, looking down.
“You don’t have to decide now,” I said. “In fact, I implore you to not make a decision right now, especially with emotions so heightened. Take the rest of the week off. Relax, take in a deep breath, talk to your best friend, do whatever you need to do to start correcting the mess that we made, and then, when you have a better grasp on everything you want and what it will take to get there, then make your decision.”
“None of this is easy,” she groaned. “I just want to crawl into a cave.”
“That won’t do you any good either.” I smiled. “Just take my offer, please. Give yourself some time. Don’t make any decisions now.”
I stood there staring at this beautiful woman in front of me, wanting so badly to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She needed someone to be there for her, but with the current situation, it couldn’t be me, no matter how much I wanted it to be. I needed to give her space, let her breathe, and then later, when things had settled, I could come forward and embrace her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for my part in all of these things. It was so easy to say yes, not thinking about the fact that though I had nothing really to lose, she had everything to lose. I didn’t think about her feelings or her life until it was too late to do anything about it. She deserved so much better than that.
“Please,” I said, stepping forward and reaching for her hand. “Take the week. Think about everything, don’t make a decision about your future just yet.”