"Oh come on Kill. You don't think I haven't noticed the constant smiles between you too, the touches when no one is watching. Not to mention the moans that come from inside my private bathroom when you think I'm at lunch." He cocked a bushy eyebrow at me.
"Shit. Why haven't you said anything?"
"Because you are happy! Do you know how long I've waited to see you fall in love again? And Leah, she's blimey brilliant, Kill. If you let her go, I'll have to quit. I can't work for someone who is such a bloody twit.” He dropped to the couch so that we were at eye level, and put his hand on my shoulder. "And in all honesty, mate, Eve would have wanted you to move on a long time ago."
His words made my heart drop. Because he was right. She wouldn't have wanted me to live like this. Before she miscarried, she had been so full of life and love. Hell, she'd made me a different person. She wouldn't have wanted this for me.
"How is she?" I knew he'd probably gone to see her.
"Upset. But functioning. She's going to classes, trying to keep busy. She did you an awfully big favor, Kill. She might have just saved your career."
I rubbed the thick growth on my face. "I know."
"You know what you need to do."
Twenty minutes later I was pulling up to Gloucester Mews, parking my VW on the street. Yes, it wasn't Rolls Royce, but this was my inconspicuous car.
Thank god someone was walking out as I was on my way in, giving me access to Leah's building without having to ring up and hear her reject me.
I retraced the steps I took the first time I brought her here, when I took her lips for the first time leaning against the door to her apartment.
My hands shake, and big vicious butterflies hit the lining of my gut. What if I'd already ruined things? Not only had I lied to her, but I kept the biggest part of my baggage hidden. Baggage that I didn't expect someone so young to understand, or want to try to deal with.
"Fucking get on with it, you bloody coward..." I mumbled to myself as I raised my fist and rapped on apartment 702B.
I heard something fall, and then a shouted curse and the unmistakable sound of feet pattering towards the direction of the door. The person inside yanked it open, and I came face to face with a brunette that looked oddly familiar.
"Oh thank fuck, you're here!" She held her hand over her heart, completely oblivious that she was greeting the stranger at the door in nothing more than a sports bra and shorts that resembled black stretchy underwear.
"Do I...know you?" I eyed her cautiously. Please tell me I haven't fucked this girl.
"Heidi, I'm a model. We've been at some of the same events, that's probably why I look familiar. Don't worry, we haven't gone for a roll in the hay. But I am so glad to see you. Your girlfriend has been bloody miserable for the better part of a week. She hasn't left our bedroom in two days."
Heidi rolled her eyes, clutching at the end of her shimmering brown ponytail.
"Well...uh, can I see her?"
She jumped a little as if she'd forgotten something. "Oh right! Well...actually I should probably see if she wants to see you. Wouldn't be very girl code of me to just invite you in, now would it? And I'm trying to get better at that." She looked around as if searching for something. "So uh...stay right here and I'll check!"
And then she slammed the door in my face.
Sweat trickled down my spine as I pulled at the suddenly too-tight collar of my sweatshirt. What if Leah didn't want to see me? These past few months had been some of the best of my life...and now it was possible she wouldn't want anything to do with me.
Everything came rushing back to me, causing my anxiety to sky rocket and the walls of the dingy hallway began to feel like they were closing in on me. How stupid I'd been. I'd lied to Leah, let Judarsky get under my skin. And the real problem? I'd been holding onto an anger that had been corroding me from the inside out for years instead of working towards acceptance.
The door opened for the second time, and there stood Leah.
My breath hitched as I ran my eyes down her body, realizing just how much I'd missed her the last week when my cock began to swell and my heart tripped over itself. She wore leggings and a long OU sweatshirt, and her blonde locks were piled atop her head.
She looked pale, the rosy kiss gone from her skin, and her eyes were bloodshot with deep purple bruises surrounding them. And even in this condition she looked absolutely beautiful.
"Hi..." I whispered, unable to get my jumbled thoughts together.
Smooth, Killian. I'd gone in with a plan, a speech I'd rehearsed on the way over. And now the note cards in my brain were flying about as if the wind had caught them and shuffled them into a disorganized mess.
"Hi." Her answer was short, not unfriendly but not welcoming either.
"I'm so sorry, Leah. I should have told you. I didn't...I don't know why I didn't. My life hasn't been easy, and you were so open about your life. And I really like you...I never meant to hurt you..." I trailed off, the word vomit coming out so fast that I couldn't get a handle on it. "I miss you."
Her lip tipped up, moving her beauty mark a fraction so that it was all I could focus on. God how I wanted to run my tongue across it.
"I don't think I've ever seen Killian Ramsey flustered. Ever. I don't know what to make of this."
I used her sarcasm against her as an opening. "It’s you...you make me this way."
"Killian..." She sighed, averting eye contact. "I'm sorry about your loss. No one should ever suffer what you and your wife did. And you should have never had to go through what you went through when she died. It must have been so painful. But...I don't think I can help you heal that. And I really like you. But selfishly, I won't put myself in a situation again where someone's life overshadows mine. I won't do it, and you know why. What I went through with Taylor. I do like you, a lot. But I just can't. It wasn't going to pan out for us anyway, if you really look at it. We couldn't even go out in public without you donning a disguise, Killian."
My heart sank. Of course she was right, nothing about our relationship was real. I couldn't even grow the balls to talk to her about what we were. And as much as she was right, my baggage and career were putting her in the corner again, the thing she'd come to London to escape. But, selfish bastard that I was, I couldn't let her go.
"Please, Leah. Give me another chance. We can go public, I'll walk out in front of Buckingham Palace and kiss you in front of all of those people. Because as much as I'm hurting from my past, I am trying to move forward. And the only way I can do that is with you. I want you, Leah."
I hoped my face looked as pained and desperate as I felt. She leaned a hip against the doorway and my hands itched to hold her face, run my thumb across her cheekbone before I tasted her mouth.
"What am I, Killian? Your girlfriend? Your lover? You don't even know, do you? We haven't talked about any of that because it would make it too real for you. And going public right now would be the worst thing possible, for both of us. Your scandal would only get bigger and I would get fired."
My head raced, looking for anywhere to mediate the slowly crumbling situation in front of me. "Yes, you're my girlfriend. If that's what you want. A man of my age is probably too old for such titles, but I just want you, Leah. Whatever title you need to feel secure with, I'm okay with that."
"Jeez, Killian. How romantic." She rolled her eyes.
I wasn't used to this bitter, angsty woman. But I'd made her that way. He’d made her that way. I'd lied, and caused her more pain than I could probably imagine.
"I'll throw a party. At my place. A closed, intimate party with my teammates and friends. You can bring Heidi! I'll introduce you to my inner circle. A relationship party, you will come out as my girlfriend."
The idea was a long shot, but I was grasping at straws.
"You would do that?" She blushed, the little twang on the end of her words giving away how smitten she was with the idea. Nice one, Kill!
"Yes. It would be relaxed, no media around. We could
just be a normal, average couple. But Leah, it would only be in that setting, you have to understand that. We can’t take this public, at least not yet. After everything that came out, true or false, after Eve died, I’m not ready to let the media into my private life. Maybe ever. And your career, its important. You’re good. I would never want what we have to overshadow your future or the work you’re doing. You don’t deserve that.”
She nodded, hesitation but also acceptance crossing over her features.
“And then everyone would leave the party, and I'd be able to do all of the things I've missed doing to you so much."
Her green eyes lit with arousal, and I had a hard time not grabbing her and dragging her to her bedroom just then.
"Okay. I think I'd like that. And I agree, we don’t go public for now. It would only cause problems. And honestly Killian, I could care less whether the world knew. I just want you.” She stared at her feet as she said it, and her shyness warmed my chest.
I took that as my cue, moving forward and grabbing her gently behind the neck before lowering my lips to hers. The moment our mouths moved against each other, my chest felt light and tingly, as if my heart had sprouted wings and was preparing to fly.
I hadn't realized it, but Leah Watson had bicycle-kicked my heart square into her net. She'd slipped past all of my defenses, broken every tackle and fake out, and gone to the goal. I was dangerously close to falling in love with her, and my stubborn mind wouldn't let me believe I already had.
Someone cleared their throat behind us. "Uh...yeah, I'm just going to slip out. Leah, Bridget and Emma won't be home for an hour. Just saying. Bye!"
Heidi slipped out and I moved Leah further into her apartment without taking my hands from her face or breaking eye contact.
"You look tired." She whispered.
"It’s been a rough couple of days." I stroked her cheek, pressing my thumb against her beauty mark.
I walked her backward to her bedroom, a place I'd only been twice before. Roommates didn't bode well for orgasmic sex, and we usually stayed at my place to make it look like work instead of what it really was.
We slowly undressed each other, murmuring "I miss you's" and "I need you's" softly as our fingertips grazed each other's naked flesh. I pulled her to me when we were completely bare, nothing in between us but the rapidly beating hearts in our chests.
"You're such a beautiful, amazing woman. You didn't have to forgive me. You didn't have to be understanding. But you were. Don't you get it? I'll never be able to walk away from you. I need you too much."
I eased apart her lips, tangling my tongue with hers in an erotic dance that had my already hard cock straining to be inside of her. I lifted her by the hips onto her tiny twin bed and then followed, never breaking the connection of our kiss.
My cock nudged against the warm, slippery entrance of her slit and I groaned, canting my hips just enough to lodge my tip inside of her. Leah inhaled, long and slow, and I knew we were both relishing in the bliss of being connected again.
I thrust all the way in and then looked into her eyes, which were glistening with unshed tears.
"Please don't break my heart." She whispered.
My right hand reached up to pin her left hand down on the bed, the other I fit against her cheek. "I'm falling for you too."
We moved together, fusing our lips while I rocked gently in and out of her. And as our climaxes rolled over our bodies simultaneously, I couldn't help but marvel in the second chance not only Leah, but life, was giving me.
20
Leah
The media backlash from Killian's assault on Roman Judarsky was actually less negative than I thought it would be. And Killian and Jimmy had thanked me for that.
All I'd done was stood up on that podium and told the reporters the truth. Roman had said terrible, awful things about the death of Killian's late wife, and he couldn't control his temper. Killian was deeply sorry for taking it to a physical level, but he was also provoked.
Cressida Bennett had even emailed me. Two words: Nice work. I'd taken so much pride in just that text that I'd floated around my room before crashing back down onto my bed.
Since I wasn’t working, or seeing Killian, or doing much of anything, I’d also had time to follow the draft. Taylor had been taken first overall, just like I’d suspected he would. I almost went to text him or call him, but realized that would be weird. What was also strange was that I no longer felt hurt or resentment when I thought about him. Oddly, I felt happy for him. Happy that at least one of us was living the life we had once set out to achieve. My ill will towards him had evaporated, Killian left no room for another in my heart.
For the week that Killian hadn't reached out, I was a mess. I woke up, cried and got angry, and went to class. I came home, cried and got angry, and slept. That was pretty much how it had gone for a week, prompting Heidi, Bridget and Emma to try everything in their arsenal to get me to cheer up.
Bridget, the true Irish woman in her, tried to get me to drink away my sorrows in a nice glass of whiskey. All it ended up doing was making me weepy and pathetic after three sips.
Emma had tried to take me shopping, in her own closet, telling me I could wear whatever I wanted. What she didn't realize was that retail therapy meant way more to her than it did to me.
And Heidi had tried to hook me up with someone new. Told me to "get under someone to get over that bloody twit.” Yeah, suffice it to say I hadn't jumped at that idea either.
But then he'd shown up at my door, looking like hell warmed over. He was still the handsome, dapper British man who could turn my ovaries to mush, but it was like the light had gone out in his eyes. And when he pled his case for me, I couldn't help it. I couldn't say no.
I know I probably should have. He was going to break my heart one way or another, but this was different than Taylor. I couldn't breathe when I thought about life without Killian. He had become such an integral part of my every day. I missed his body, his laugh, those eyes, every time I had to leave him. I was in love with him, I knew it, even if I didn't say it out loud. I knew it because I’d completely agreed when he said we couldn’t go public, even though the sensitive woman in me was disappointed. But he was right, especially about my career. If nothing else, at least he was looking out for me.
Our future might not be bright, but like a player who was off sides, I couldn't help but score even though I knew it wouldn't count.
So here we were, my roommates and I getting ready to attend my "Girlfriend Reveal Party." I snorted at how ridiculous that sounded, but a night in front of people being able to hold Killian's hand and kiss him whenever I wanted without fear of getting caught? Yeah, that sounded awesome.
Heidi lounged on her bed, her hair and makeup flawlessly done, with nothing but underwear on. I was almost getting used to that. I knew she'd throw on something three seconds before we walked out the door and she'd look effortlessly sexy and cool.
Bridget came in, her red curls shiny and bouncy as she swung her head. Her dark green skater dress was cute but playful, and she looked like some warrior princess ready to dance on a bar all night.
"Are you girls almost ready? I called for a car like a minute ago."
I looked down at the navy blue dress Emma had lent me. With short off-the-shoulder sleeves that showed my collarbone, a tight bodice and a lace overlay, I thought I looked pretty good. My goal had been to tease Killian with my cleavage all night, and I thought I had a good shot at succeeding.
I'd left my hair straight but pinned half of it up, and Heidi had given me a little help on the makeup.
My stomach was in knots, I was actually nervous. This night was kind of about me, and I was giddy like a child to finally parade Killian around. Come on, my man was hot!
"Yeah, I'm good to go. You have to get dressed." I directed that at Heidi, who was taking naked selfies on her phone.
Five minutes later and we were out the door, bustling into the car and out of the chilled night air.
<
br /> "I can't believe we're going to Killian Ramsey's apartment!" Emma squealed.
I rolled my eyes. "He's an overgrown man-child with a temper. Calm yourself. He's not that great."
"Says the lass who is so hooked on the orgasms he's giving her that he roped her back in with just a crook of his very skilled fingers." Bridget laughed.
I frowned, not liking the weak way she summed me up.
My fingers went all tingly with anticipation as we walked the lobby of his building, Emma and Bridget oohing and awing over the expanse of it all. I had to marvel too. It hadn't been long ago that this had all felt so over-whelming.
As the elevator made its way up, I couldn't help the silly grin that cracked my lips. Tonight was going to be aces, as Killian said.
The doors opened and my jaw unhinged.
"Holy balls..." Bridget trailed off, walking into Killian's apartment.
Except this looked nothing like Killian's apartment.
I don't know what he'd done with his furniture, but the open floor plan was dotted with cocktail tables and seating areas, all in a sexy, scarlet color. Votives covered every available surface and white and red roses were stuffed into vases that littered the space. Soft music played, Coldplay maybe?
The whole party had a sexy, edgy vibe. I already wanted everyone to leave so Killian could take me among the flowers and candlelight.
"Good evening, beautiful." His voice sent shivers pulsing through my clit as I turned to take the hand he offered and stepped out of the elevator.
Killian looked positively edible. His black locks were smoothed back, except for the one stubborn piece that always fell into his eye, making him look even sexier. He was clean shaven and I wanted to lick the olive skin covering his strong jaw.
The black trousers he wore were tight against his bulging leg muscles, and I knew that underneath that zipper he was feeling just as pent up as I was. I wanted to bury myself in his chest, unbutton the soft white shirt he had on that was rolled up to his elbows. He looked casual but lethal all at the same time. It’s how he always looked.
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