Sarah took the elevator to the third floor and entered the plush marble foyer. Roxanne looked up from the switchboard in surprise.
“Oh, hi Mrs. Taylor,” her nasally voice dripped with the same mix of sympathy and awkwardness that Sarah had become accustomed to these past few weeks.
“Hello, Roxanne,” she greeted. “How’s the baby doing? Are you getting any sleep?” She added, remembering that Roxanne was just back from maternity leave.
“Not a chance,” Roxanne laughed; the joy her new son brought her was obvious. “That little bugger only sleeps two hours at a time!”
“Well, feel free to come in late on the rough nights if you need to. Don’t let yourself get spread too thin.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Taylor.”
Sarah continued down the hall toward her office, anxious to get lost in business and get her mind off of her personal woes. Being at work and around other people would be good for her. For weeks all she’d done was mope about her parents’ house and her mind needed a distraction.
Sarah’s assistant, Allison Jennings, was on the phone as Sarah passed by her desk. Sarah waved as she approached and Allison held up a finger to say she’d only be a minute. Sarah nodded and continued toward her office.
She flopped her purse down on her desk and sank into the soft leather chair. Moments later, Allison entered the room.
“I didn’t know you were coming in today,” she said as she set a cup of coffee on the blotter.
“How many times have I told you that you aren’t here to bring me coffee?” Sarah smiled as she reached for the mug.
“I know how much you love your coffee so it wasn’t a big deal but, don’t get used to it,” she teased.
Sarah laughed in response.
“Anything in this mess that’s urgent?” Sarah asked sarcastically and motioned toward the papers stacked neatly on the desk.
“Not, really. Between your brother and your father, they’ve got everything pretty much under control.” Her tone took on the familiar twinge as she continued. “How are you doing?”
“Not you too, Allison,” she groaned. “Please don’t treat me with kid gloves. I’m fine.”
“Sarah,” Allison took on the motherly tone that had served her well in raising four children and then dealing with Sarah’s father at this company for the last thirty years. “People worry about you. They aren’t trying to offend you.”
“I know, Allison. It just seems like no one really knows how to talk to me anymore. And the tones they use just serve as a reminder of everything I’m trying to forget.”
“Well, dear,” she patted Sarah’s head. “Try looking at it as a reminder that we care.” She started toward the door and called over her shoulder, “Call me if you need me.”
Sarah dug into the first pile to her left and read through the correspondence Allison had been saving for her. She lost track of time and soon had sorted through the three remaining stacks on her desk. She picked up her coffee cup to take a sip and realized the mug was empty.
“Time for a break,” she said aloud to herself and made her way out of the office toward the coffee pot.
As she passed Shane’s office, she poked her head in to say hello.
“Oh, hey Kristen,” Sarah said in surprise when she ran into her sister-in-law. “I didn’t know you were here.” Noticing the four year old flipping through a book on the couch she added, “Hi Matty, got a kiss for your favorite aunt?”
Sarah walked the short distance and gave him a kiss on his forehead. He barely looked up from Cat in the Hat.
“Hey Sarah! Shane didn’t tell me you were back at work,” Kristen said in greeting and pulled Sarah into a hug.
“Shane didn’t know,” he defended from behind the desk and shot his sister a concerned look. “What are you doing here?”
“I just needed to get out the house for a while,” Sarah answered. “I thought now would be as good a time as any to get started on the work piling up on my desk.”
“Well,” Kristen moved behind the desk. “Matty and I need to be getting home. I’ll see you later,” she said to her husband. Then to Sarah she added, “It was really good to see you, Sarah. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will, Kristen, thanks!”
With that, Shane and Sarah were alone in the office. Shane gestured to the chair opposite his desk and Sarah immediately moved toward it and took a seat.
“How are you really?” He asked.
“I’m alright,” she sighed. “I just had to get out of the house. It was just so… suffocating.”
“Uh huh,” he mumbled as if he didn’t believe her and her head shot up. “Amber called me,” he admitted.
“Oh,” she sighed and fumbled with her hands in her lap. “I didn’t realize you two still spoke.”
“Well,” he chuckled. “We don’t, really. After the big ‘break up’,” he used air quotes to exaggerate his mocking tone of voice, “she didn’t speak to me for a few years. Apparently, she finally got over it.”
“What really happened between you two?” Sarah asked for at least the twentieth time.
“I’ve told you before, Sarah,” he began defensively, “nothing really happened. We just never really had anything in common other than you, and when you took off to Seattle, it became more apparent. And then there was Kristen. Now, quit trying to change the subject. We were talking about you and your screwed up life.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” she groaned. “She told you about Brett, I assume?”
“Clearly. And speaking of breakups... You never told me what happened between the two of you. If I recall correctly, you were sneaking out of the house quite a bit to see him and next thing I knew you and Chad were married. Now, years later he comes back to town and shoots your husband? What the hell happened between you two?”
“That’s just it, Shane. Nothing happened. None of this makes any sense whatsoever. Brett had no reason to kill Chad. None at all. He broke up with me, not the other way around. The theory that he’s harbored all this resentment toward Chad for taking me away from him is ludicrous. If he wouldn’t have left me, I probably would never have married Chad.” She stood and started pacing around the room while she continued.
“I’ve been going over it in my mind again and again. I just can’t come up with any possible theory that makes any sense.”
“But they have video of him following you?”
“Yes… well, I don’t know, maybe. So he was in the hotel a few times at the same time as me. It could simply have been a coincidence. I didn’t see him there, maybe he never saw me there either.”
“Or,” Shane speculated. “Maybe he realized he was an idiot for walking out on you and was trying to find a way to get you back.”
“How? By murdering my husband? What kind of sense does that make?”
“Yeah,” he deadpanned. “You’re not that good a catch.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“Seriously, Sarah,” he leaned over his desk. “I don’t know the guy. I met him twice. I certainly can’t answer your questions.”
“Twice?”
“What?” Shane asked.
“You said you met him twice. When did you meet him other than the prom?”
“At the Sheriff’s fundraiser a few months ago,” he said as if stating the obvious.
“Oh, right. I read in the paper this morning that he was a deputy. Wait, you knew that and never told me?” she demanded.
“Sarah, calm down. What’s the matter with you? It never occurred to me to say anything. Quite frankly, it meant very little to me at the time and I didn’t think it would matter to you. Do you tell me everything you hear about girls I dated in high school?”
His words had the intended effect and she thought about what she was saying. She slumped her shoulders and returned to her seat.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” she muttered. “Do you know when he moved back?”
“I have no clue,” he admitted. “All I know is that
he joined the Sheriff’s Department three or four months ago.”
“Wait.” Something Shane had said sparked a new thought. “You said he was at the fundraiser. Chad was at the fundraiser, too. The only reason I didn’t go was because Lindsey was recovering from her tonsillectomy. Do you think they could have spoken that night? Do you think something happened there that we don’t know about? Something that could explain how Brett was involved in Chad’s…” Her voice trailed off. She still wasn’t always comfortable continuing that sentence.
“I don’t know, Sarah. I really don’t know.”
-15-
The drive back to Farmington was exhausting. Not only was there a wreck on Interstate 55 that delayed her for over an hour, but she was left alone all of that time with only her thoughts. She kept replaying the conversation with Shane in her mind. She’d tried to distract herself by turning up the radio, but even Pink’s enthusiasm couldn’t help her escape the images in her mind. Her emotions were all over the place.
Seeing the photo of Brett had caused an unexpected reaction. The lump that had formed in her throat when she saw it hadn’t left since. She found herself wondering where he had been for the past eight years and why he’d come back when he did. And then her mind flooded with guilt. Her husband had barely been dead a month. She knew she should be grieving him, but the resurrection of Brett, had shifted her focus and made her remember what she’d been missing.
She and Chad had been happy for a few years. Lindsey’s birth had brought them closer together for a time, but Chad’s ambition eventually took control of all of their lives. He never did anything that didn’t somehow further his professional aspirations and that included spending time with his wife and child. Over the years, Sarah had felt neglected and it began to take a toll on her self-esteem.
When she finally had realized what was happening, she rebounded quickly. She would not be one of those women whose lives revolved around their husbands. She completed her Master’s degree and learned to have hopes and dreams of her own. Her life was split between her daughter and her career. There wasn’t much room left for Chad, not that he noticed.
Sarah had long given up her romantic fantasies of a happily-ever-after with Prince Charming. Then she saw the photo of Brett and all of those old fantasies came back.
Certainly, they weren’t the same. She didn’t have the same naïve expectations that she had when she was seventeen. But until she saw that photo, she hadn’t realized that, over the years, she had buried another side of herself, the one who craved love… and passion.
To say that she was confused would be like saying the Grand Canyon was a hole in the ground. She had looked at a photo of the only man that had ever broken her heart, the man the police believed murdered her husband and she didn’t hate him. She still felt drawn to him in a way that defied reason.
Trying to reconcile her feelings for Brett Williams was a monumental feat. On one hand, she found herself wanting to believe Brett was guilty. It would be the simplest conclusion. The investigation into Chad’s death would be over. The reporters would move on to something else and leave her alone. And she could finally be free of the feelings she’d apparently been harboring for the last eight years.
Or was this urge to believe in his guilt more personal? Was it simply because she would finally have some indication that she wasn’t a stupid teenager back then? That he really had loved her? It was sick and she knew it. How was it easier for her to believe him capable of murder than to accept that he really didn’t ever love her?
She’d thought she had gotten over it. Thought she’d gotten over him. She truly believed that she had forgiven him for walking out on her without so much as an explanation or even a good bye. She knew now that she had never really stopped loving him… or hating him for hurting her.
She may have been naïve back then. She may have told herself that he loved her when he didn’t, but she had gotten through to him. Of that she was certain. She had once broken down his barriers and saw his true character and the person she found there had loved her.
As she pulled into her driveway and ignored the remaining reporters still hoping for an exclusive, she once again pushed the image of Brett’s face from her mind. Whether or not he played a role in Chad’s death was better left to the police. He had proven years before that he didn’t need her in his life, and now she sure as hell didn’t need him.
****
The smell of pot roast greeted her senses as she pushed open the door and filed into the kitchen. Their housekeeper of twenty years was seated in the breakfast nook, watching the 10” television that had been in the corner for as long as Sarah could remember.
“What are you still doing here?” Sarah wondered. “It’s after 9:00.”
“Oh, honey,” Diana began as she walked over to pull a plate from the oven. “I was worried about you and I just knew if I didn’t stay you wouldn’t eat a thing when you got home.”
“I’m not a child anymore. I can take care of feeding myself.”
“Don’t you argue with me,” she scolded. “I didn’t have plans tonight and your mother couldn’t get me to leave, so what makes you think you can tell me what to do?”
Chuckling, Sarah pulled out a chair at the table and took a seat. She was smart enough to avoid a losing battle. Diana placed the warm plate of roast beef, mashed potatoes and corn in front of her and Sarah dug right in. The smell of the food reminded her that she had, in fact, forgotten about eating today. She was suddenly famished and she was grateful there was someone there to remember the details.
“You’re too good to us,” Sarah smiled as she laid her silverware atop the empty plate. “I guess Lindsey’s already in bed?”
“Yep, your mother put her down around 8:00,” Diana said. “I think Lindsey must’ve worn her grandparents out today because they weren’t up much later.”
“Don’t even get any ideas about cleaning up after me,” Sarah warned when she saw Diana starting to get up. “I’ll take care of it. You can go on home now,” she smiled. “Your mission has been accomplished, I’m stuffed.”
“You always were a strong girl, Sarah. I know you’re gonna be fine, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you.” Diana offered as she moved toward the hook near the back door where her purse was hung. She pulled it over her shoulder and bent down to kiss Sarah’s head “I’ll see you tomorrow. You get some sleep.”
“Yes ma’am,” Sarah called as Diana closed the door behind her.
She rinsed her dishes and loaded them in the dishwasher and then poured herself a glass of chardonnay. She grabbed a sweater off the same row of hooks Diana had been using and headed out to the patio. She sipped the wine and breathed in the cool evening air. Diana was right. It would all work out in the end.
She still couldn’t stop the questions from battering her mind. She wondered if Brett could give her the answers she needed, but she really just didn’t want to see him. Even though she really couldn’t believe that he’d been involved in Chad’s shooting, it didn’t pardon him for the other pain he’d caused her. Surely, he was still the epitome of a cowboy with his love ‘em and leave ‘em attitude. Sarah didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him.
A branch scraping her arm brought her back to the present. She was walking through the trees toward the river. Apparently, while she was conjuring up images of the past in her mind, her body was moving toward them. She didn’t know why she felt compelled to go back to where it had begun, but for some reason she couldn’t make herself turn around.
The path was less defined from years of non-use, but instinctively she knew where to walk. The moonlight through the trees cast eerie shadows making her feel even more haunted. The past was catching up to her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
****
She could make out his form before she left the cover of trees. He looked so much like he had that first day, faded jeans and a cowboy hat, staring out over the water. Standing in the pale moonlight, she
felt as if she’d taken a trip back in time.
Like a statue, she was frozen. Unable to move toward him and unable to retreat to the house, she simply stood there staring after the man who had broken her heart.
It seemed like an eternity before he turned to face her.
“I wasn’t sure you came down here anymore,” he said so softly she barely heard him. His eyes met hers and she could only stare in return.
He looked the same, but a bit older. Soft lines creased the corners of his eyes as if he’d spent the last eight years working in the sun.
Sarah took a deep breath before she replied, “I don’t.” She tentatively stepped toward him.
“I was hoping you did. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t think calling was a good idea and there are reporters camped out all over the place. Sarah, I didn’t…”
“Don’t.” She ordered and kept her eyes toward the ground. “Just don’t.”
She turned to walk back toward the house and he grabbed her arm. She felt the same electricity shoot up her arm as she had years earlier. She pulled away from his grasp and hugged herself. She took a step toward the trees.
“Sarah, please, you know me. You know I wouldn’t,” he pleaded.
“I don’t know anything,” she whispered.
“What?” He asked, coming up behind her stopping only inches away.
“Just go away, Brett. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t even want to look at you,” she said, refusing to turn around, not wanting to look into his eyes.
“Darlin’, please…”
She turned and gave him a look that froze the words in his mouth. “Don’t call me that!”
Startled by the look in her eyes, the anger in her words, Brett retreated, but maintained his protest. “I didn’t kill your husband. You have to believe me, I would never…”
“I know that,” she finally admitted to him as well as to herself. The anger she’d felt moments before changed back to guilt. At that moment she realized where much of her confusion had been coming from. If she believed in Brett, wasn’t she being disloyal to Chad? It was like picking sides. And what kind of woman would side with the man accused of murdering her husband? She had to be honest with herself. She would deal with the guilt later.
Killer Desires Page 10