“It has to end Michael, and I’m ending it. Please get dressed and go home. I’m going to clean up. Please be gone when I get back.”
My footsteps were muffled by the carpet underneath my feet as I walked away from him. He might not see it now, but I was right in what I was doing.
I don’t know how I managed to walk away from him without turning back to look at him one last time. I left the bedroom and made my way down the hall toward the bathroom. I shut the door behind me with a soft snick, and only then could I let the brave front I was holding dissolved. I wasn’t as strong as I pretended to be, and my longing for him was just as strong as it had been on the day he’d shown up on my doorstep.
I gripped the edge of the sink as I concentrated on breathing in and out. There was a pain inside me, and now matter how much I tried to block it out I couldn’t make it go away.
After a few moments, I told myself that I had to be strong. I couldn’t go back, no matter how much I was screaming inside to go back to him and tell him that I’d changed my mind. My obsession with him would only grow, and I couldn’t be that vulnerable again. I’d been hurt enough in my life that I couldn’t let it happen at the hands of yet another man.
7
I took a long hard look at myself in the bathroom mirror as I wet a face cloth and used it to wipe Michael’s ejaculate from my body. I tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing, but the look in my eyes made a lie out of that.
Once my belly was clean, I tidied the various jars sitting on the countertop as I put off the moment that I would have to go back to my room and face the fact that it was over. Even though it was at my own instigation, a small part of me wanted him to fight me on it.
Footsteps sounded in the hall, and I knew it was him leaving. I bit my lip to keep from calling out to him. He needed to go, and if this dragged out any more we’d only end up hurting each other.
The bathroom door flew open and I gave a startled gasp. Michael stood behind me, still naked and was his expression thunderous. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but to my shame a deep feminine thrill went through me at the look of primal anger on his face. I wanted him to act upon that look, to make me his woman in the most primitive way possible. I don’t know if it was my common sense returning or something else that made me face him cooly and calmly.
“I thought I told you to leave.” I managed to keep my voice steady as I trembled inside. What was he going to do? Would he obey me and turn, leaving this house to never darken my door again? Or would he do something else? Would he try to overcome my will to resist him?
“I’m not leaving. I want you to admit it. I want you to tell me that you still want me, you still want what I give you. It’s not over yet Grace, I’m not going to let it be over.”
His voice was a deep angry rumble, and despite my desire for him, I knew that this was not going to end well. I couldn’t tell him to get out one minute and spread my legs for him the next. It would only drag out the inevitable break up.
“I has to be over, Michael. You’ll see that I’m right. You’ll forget about me in time.” While he might forget about me, I knew in my heart that forgetting him would not be an easy task for me.
“Tell me the truth Grace. What are you afraid of?” He grasped my chin, his fingers bitting into my flesh. He made me look him in the eye and he refused to back down.
My heart pounded in my chest. I couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t say what I was really afraid of. If I told him, he would see how pathetic I truly was.
“I’m not afraid of anything.” There was bravado in the lie I told him as I reached up between us to put my hands on his chest.
“Liar. What are you afraid of Grace?” I shoved against him, but he wouldn’t budge. He was in my face, his eyes looked directly mine and he wouldn’t quit until he’d unmasked me. I couldn’t show him how truly vulnerable he made me. I tried to turn my face away but he held me fast. “What are you sacred of.”
He wouldn’t stop, and in my urgency to get away from his probing eyes I lashed out at him. “I’m not afraid of anything. If you can’t face that it’s over, that’s your problem. I don’t want you any more Michael. That’s the truth of it and you just can’t accept it.”
I dragged my face away from the surprised slacking of his grip, and made sure he couldn’t see the lie in my eyes. I had to protect myself, and if I had to make him hate me, then that was I had to do. I shoved him back, and it was like I lit a fire inside him with my word and my actions.
He grabbed my upper arms and dragged me flush against his naked body. He ground his mouth down on mine. His cock as hard and ready against me, and something desperate inside me clawed to life. I wanted him so bad that I was dripping, my nipples were hard against his chest and I was mewling against his mouth. I didn’t want him to be gentle. When it seemed like he was about to soften, to take me in the way I was used to, I couldn’t let him do it. I wanted him angry, I wanted him rough and most of all I wanted him to overwhelm me with the force of his masculine desire.
“Prove that I want you. Make me want you, Michael.” I pulled on his hair as I pulled his head back and spoke to him through gritted teeth. He growled at me as he turned me around to face the mirror.
I looked in the glass and saw him looming behind me. It was like his body had swollen in the fierceness of our hunger for each other.
“Brace your hands on the counter.” The command in his voice didn’t leave any room for disobedience, and I was too weak to put on a show of resistance. “By the time I’m done, you won’t be able to lie to me or yourself. I’m going to leave no doubt that you want me as much as I want you.”
The look on his face made me want to beg him to fuck me, to tell him that I lied, but as my breathing came out in excited pants I wanted to see what he would do. He used his legs to shove mine apart as he reached between them from behind and cupped my pussy. I rocked my hips back against him as he stroked me. I thought he was going to put his fingers inside me, to fuck me with them until I came but he withdrew his hand from between my legs. I was bent forward, with my legs spread wide and my hands braced on the counter. I felt so vulnerable as I was opened and exposed to him that I tried to close my legs.
“No you don’t.” His words stilled me and he reached to the side, to take a jar from the top of the counter. It was Vaseline, and I couldn’t for the life of me know what he was going to do with it. Surely he could tell that there was no need for it, since my pussy was already dripping wet for him.
“Michael, I don’t understand.”
“You will.” He unscrewed the cap, dipped two fingers inside, and put his hand back between my legs. But instead of touching my pussy again, he spread the petroleum jelly on the hole above and I got an inkling of just what it was that he was going to do to prove that I wanted him. Fear sprang to life inside me. I’d never done anything like this before, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him no. There was an excited curiosity inside me along with the fear, and when he slipped one lubricated fingers inside me, there was a painful tightness, a foreign sensation that I’d never experienced.
He was gentle as he slid his finger in and out of my bottom, and once I relaxed I was surprised by how good it felt. He must have noticed a change in me, because his second finger came in to join the first.
I’d never once considered doing this. Respectable women didn’t do such things, and the fact that I enjoyed it so much made me feel deliciously dirty. That feeling that I was a bad girl at heart, drove my arousal even higher as he fucked my ass with his fingers.
“Are you ready for my cock in there?” I swallowed hard. It was one thing to let him touch me there with his fingers, but to have him put his cock in that hole seemed to go beyond dirty. I looked at him in the mirror, and he must have seen the cause for my hesitation in my eyes. “What happens between us is between us. There is no judgement here, Grace. Let me please you this way.”
His words eased some of my anxiety over what he wanted, and I nod
ded my head. He pulled his fingers from me, and reached for the Vaseline again. After a few seconds he threw it aside, and I could feel the head of his cock probing the entrance his fingers had just vacated.
There was an enormous difference between having two fingers and his large cock inside me. The head stretched me painfully, and I was afraid that this wasn’t going to work. He soothed his free hand over my back as he held himself still.
“Just relax Grace. I’ll go easy at first so I don’t hurt you. Trust me.”
As soon as he said the words, I knew I did. I did trust him. I made myself relax, and the pain of his invasion eased as he slowly pushed further inside me. It took several moments for him to bury himself completely and once he was in all the way I didn’t think I’d ever felt so deliciously full. I rocked my hips back to signal to him that I was ready for him to move.
He pulled back and slowly thrust forward, his movements still slow and gentle while I got used to this new way of fucking. The edge of the counter bit into my palm as I gripped it, and one of his hands snaked forward to cup my pussy. His thrust grew in strength as he stroked my clit. My knuckles were white, and the moans coming from me were like that of a guttural animal. I’d never been driven so wild, and I was so close to orgasm that I had to stiffen my legs to keep them from buckling.
His cock was now pounding into me, and I looked in the mirror at him. His eyes met mine, and I knew he was as close as I was.
“Tell me that you want me. Tell me that you don’t want this to be over.”
I bit my lip, and I knew in that moment that if I didn’t give in to what he demanded, if I didn’t admit the truth to both of us, that he would stop. He was buried deep inside me, and as his cock slammed in and out of me I couldn’t deny either of us.
“I want you Michael. I don’t want this to be over.”
His growl of triumph was primal, and admitting how much I wanted him released something inside me. I exploded against his hand, and my juices dripped down my legs as I came with his hand on my pussy and his cock in my ass. He let out a grown and in the haze of my own orgasm I saw the moment he came as I looked at him in the mirror.
His cock pulsed deep inside me as he pumped his cum into me, and I trembled as I received it all.
We stood there, shaking from the force of what we’d done together. I don’t know what kept us from collapsing on the floor, and I groaned as he pulled out of me. He braced his hand next to mine on the counter as we both tried to catch out breath. I had no idea where we were going to go from here. I wanted to tell him that what had just happened had changed nothing, but as I looked at his bent head I couldn’t do it. I was in way too deep with this man, and I should have known it before I lied to him.
“Michael.” I breathed his name and he raised his head to look at me. He leaned forward to kiss me gently on the lips.
“Don’t talk just yet.” He straightened up and stepped away from the sink. He went over to the tub, put the plug in and turned on the water.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going to have a bath and you are going to tell me what you’re afraid of.”
My heart stopped as I straightened. I couldn’t do this. I could bare all to him. I’d let him do whatever he wanted with my body, but telling him what I feared the most was too much.
“I told you that we can go on. This won’t be necessary.”
He turned toward me and gently took me by the hand. He held me agains this chest, and for a minute I thought he wouldn’t push me.
“It is necessary, Grace. Otherwise this scenario will play itself out over and over again. Trust me. It will be okay.”
I lay against Michael as the warm bathwater lapped over our bodies. It had taken some time for me to relax, but now I was against him with his arms around me. When it was like this, with him holding me, I could think that I’d been foolish for trying to push him away. Michael didn’t appear to want to go anywhere, but we couldn’t spend forever in the tub.
“Are you ready to tell me now?” I could feel the vibration of his voice against my back and I tensed. His arms tightened around me as if to assure me that I could tell him anything and it would be okay. But how could I? How could I open myself up like that?
“What makes you think I’m afraid of anything?” I knew I was stalling, and I was sure he knew it too.
“I know you’re afraid of something because as soon as I mentioned that I was going to have to work somewhere else you push me away. Before I mentioned it you seemed happy to continue this affair but as soon as my being somewhere else during the day was brought up you decided that it had to be over.”
I sighed and chewed on my bottom lip. I hadn’t exactly been subtle, but then I suppose that fear was a very unsubtle emotion. How could I explain it to him without seeming like I was pathetic, or worse, like I thought he wasn’t worthy of trust?
“I was twenty-five years old the first time my husband took a lover. Actually, I never did find out if it was his first affair, it was the first time that I became aware of it. I was so angry and hurt, and I wanted to leave him. He made promises to me, told me it was a mistake, that it would never happen again.” I turned my head as my eyes stared unseeing at the tiled wall beside us. Michael’s chin came down to rest on the top of my head as memories of that time came flooding back.
“But he couldn’t keep his promise to you, could he?”
I gave a humorless laugh. “To be honest, I don’t think he ended it with her when he said he would. We went to counseling, you know.”
That had happened back when I believed that whatever the problem was it could be fixed. I had no choice but to try to fix things, since I had no alternative. All my fantasies of leaving him in those early years were just that, fantasies. I couldn’t divorce him, not with two young children and no skills other than that of a housewife.
“Did it help, at least for a while?”
“All it did was serve to humiliate me all over again. The marriage counsellor believed that my husband’s straying was my fault, that I wasn’t doing enough as a wife to keep him at home. It was suggested that I make myself more attractive to him, that I shouldn’t nag him when he was home. So I treated my husband like a king and killed myself trying to make myself perfect for him. It made no difference.” My lower lip trembled and I blinked hard to keep my eyes from filling. Dredging all this up only served to hurt me all over again. “No matter what I did it was never enough, I wasn’t enough to keep my husband out of the arms of other women. Eventually even I had to admit defeat. I put all my focus onto my children.”
“But now you’re children are grown with lives of their own, and your here in this house alone. So I came into your life and now we are sleeping together. You’re afraid that if I get a job somewhere else, that another woman will catch my eye and I’ll cast you aside, don’t you?”
He was very perceptive for one so young, and I couldn’t deny the truth of it any longer. Fortunately there was no recrimination in his voice, just a quiet understanding that told me it was okay to admit that what he said was what I thought.
“Yes. I know that you don’t owe me any loyalty, that I’m not in a position to demand promises from you. When you told me that you were going to work elsewhere it brought back all the garbage that’s been inside me for a long time. I’m sorry that I pushed you away the way I did because of it.”
“You have every right to expect loyalty from me. You’ve shared your body with me, you have every right to expect that I don’t leave your bed to crawl into that of another. I’m not the kind of man to keep multiple women hanging on a string. If I tell you that I want to be with only you, that I’m making love only to you, then you can trust that its true.”
His words went a long way to soothe me. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, which was something that I never heard in my husband’s voice. I could believe it was true when he was here talking to me, while he was holding me in his arms. I had a feeling that once I was out of his arms
that those old fears would come back. My husband had trained me too long and too well for the insecurity I carried inside me to be wiped away with a few words.
“So I guess we’ll have to find a few stolen moments to be together in the future.” I was prepared for our affair to slowly fade into oblivion. It might run for a few more months but eventually I was sure that sneaking around wouldn’t be enough for him.
“I have been thinking about that. What if I moved in here?”
Shock lanced through me and I sat up so quickly that water slopped over the side of the tub. I twisted my body to look at him. He had to be joking, that could be the only explanation for what he’d just said.
“You can’t move in here. My husband may be a louse but I’m still married to him. Of the few things I have in this life, my reputation counts among them. I can’t move you in here and carry on like some kind of hedonist.”
Even now, just by imagining it, I knew what would happen. I would be branded a scarlet woman. It was all well and good for my husband to have his mistresses, but I was not allowed to have a lover. I was supposed to be satisfied with rambling around this house by myself. I was a wife and a mother, that was the label I carried and it precluded being a sexual person in my own right. The women in this neighborhood would not let me forget that. Every trip I made to the market, to the beauty parlor, anywhere outside this house, would be like running a gauntlet. I couldn’t believe that he was actually suggesting it. Surely he knew better.
“I’m not suggesting that I move in here and live openly as your lover. I’m suggesting that I move in as your lodger, I’ll even put my things in one of the other rooms. I can’t stay with my friends forever, and it would be very easy to put it about town that you’re helping me get on my feet. People may speculate, but without proof that anything is going on, they’ll find someone else to talk about.”
A Wife Scorned: Complete Series Page 6