by Julia North
“You’ll have to make it good, David, or they’ll kill you,” I whispered when Mobuto left the room. He was just standing there staring down at the floor. He looked up at me and nodded.
“Yes, Modetse. I’ll have to make it good on the outside but on the inside I’m not good.”
“You’re a fool, David. You’ve sworn the oath to the General –you must make your spirit strong,” I whispered.
“I’ll try.”
“I’m strong,” I said, and laughed. “I’m Mr. Hotshot.”
“Yes you’re such a stupid Hotshot that it’s your fault we’re caught,” shouted Jabu behind me. “I’m sick of you, Modetse. You think you’re so big and that you’re the favorite.”
“You’re just jealous because I’m better. You found the meat Jabu. It’s your fault.”
“Stop it!” said David. “You’ll bring Mobuto back.”
Jabu and I glared at each other but shut up. We did not want Mobuto back. I stomped back to my bed and turned my back on David. I did not want to talk to them anymore. Tomorrow would be a big day and I must be ready for it. I must prove myself to Mobuto. I would have to be the best.
Chapter 20
“Hotshot!”
“What?”
I jerk around to Trigger coming in the doorway. He’s smiling and looking relaxed and I scowl at him. What’s he looking so happy for? Something’s been changing in him. He’s not having the bad dreams and he’s always in the Art hut thinking he’s number one artist. I stare hard at him looking so fresh from his sleep. He’s definitely brainwashed or this art thing is helping. He doesn’t want to even talk about the L.R.A. anymore. I clench my jaw. It’s that fucking doctor. I know he’s been talking to him many times. I’ll have to take control and train Trigger to love only the L.R.A. again.
“There’s a baptism down by the river. Nurse Sophie she says you must come,” says Trigger, looking at me with big eyes.
I pull a face. I’ve no idea what baptism is but don’t want to ask. “Tell Nurse Sophie to go fuck herself.”
Trigger looks down and goes silent. I’m right about his brain- washing. If he was good L.R.A. he’d laugh. I must talk to Richard about him. If he doesn’t want to come back to the L.R.A. we must kill him.
“We’re all there; even the girls,” says Trigger.
“So? I’m not interested in Pineapple girls. I’ve had enough of them,” I sneer.
“That Tula’s there.”
My body jerks at her name. I feel my cheeks grow hot.
“There are good spirits coming, Hotshot,” says Trigger suddenly in a small voice.
I stare at him. The mention of spirits makes my heart beat fast. What does he know of good spirits? This baptism must have something to do with them. They will know if I’m not there.
I stand silent in the dim light of the hut while Trigger shuffles his feet and waits for my answer. I can feel the spirits inside me waking. Maybe they will want to war with these others. Maybe they want me to go to this baptism so they can show their power. I have nothing to fear. I will show Tula I’m the strong one.
“Okay, I’ll come,” I say.
Trigger gives me a thumb ups but I ignore it. He turns quick to run back down to the river like he can’t wait to get away from me.
I walk through the forest to the river with heavy steps. My head is sore and the talk of girls has made me think of Thandi. My belly aches as I try and count the years. She must be seven years now. I hope the glue hasn’t harmed her. Who has looked after her? Is she even still alive?
My heart jumps at this thought and I squeeze my eyes shut to try to push it away. No, I will not believe she is dead. I must find her. She will be there.
The picture of Thandi and me walking through the rubbish is clear in my head. I’m carrying her and she is laughing because we’re going to eat KFC. I look at the picture of me like I don’t know me. I’m not that boy anymore. I have changed so much. I don’t know if she will even know me now. Not even Umama’s spirit would recognize me. I’m so hard and I’ve killed so many. I can never go back to that boy. Never!
I shake these flies from my mind. Where did those thoughts come from? No the L.R.A. are right. The dark spirits are right. It was right to kill. I don’t have to be that boy again. He was weak. He let himself get caught and left Thandi. It is better to be a soldier and soon I’ll be strong and then I’ll go back and find my squadron. We’ll go to the dump and find Thandi and if anyone’s hurt her we’ll cut them to pieces with our AK bullets. Thandi will be proud I’ve become so strong.
I take big steps and soon I’m at the river. Everyone is standing near the bank. I can see Miss Owl Nurse Sophie surrounded by the Pineapple girls like she’s guarding them. I look past her and squint my eyes in the hot sun to see where Tula is. My heart beats fast as I find her. She’s standing a little way behind wearing a short white dress. She looks so good. Two of the small girls, Zinzi and Lily look over at me with big eyes but I look away so they can’t see I’m staring at Tula. Her face is fixed on the river and I’m glad she hasn’t seen me yet.
I push past Nurse Sophie and stand next to Trigger.
“I’m glad you’re here,” says Nurse Sophie, but I ignore her.
Then the stupid bitch whispers, “The baptism ceremony and the Holy Spirit will help take away the dark sinful life and make you a new creature. Remember you’re just a child. It’s not your fault.”
I hit out at her but Trigger catches my arm.
“Leave me alone,” I hiss. What the fuck’s she talking about? Who is this Holy Spirit? I hate her so much and I bet Tula saw me want to hit her. Now she’ll think I’m a bad one. I wish I’d just stayed in the hut.
“It’s okay, you don’t need to go in.” Nurse Sophie smiles. “You just watch from the bank.”
“Come, Trigger,” I say, and march off with my back as straight as I can to join Richard who’s standing a bit further down the riverbank.
“Hotshot, have you seen the girls?” asks Richard with a big grin as we get to him. He lifts his eyebrows at me and looks over at the group of girls.
“They’re just fresh meat. When’ll we take them?”
Richard laughs. “You’re right, Hotshot, and you want that Tula. Maybe we’ll have them in the forest?”
I push my shoulders back and join the laughter. “That’ll be good. We can all have a turn,” I say. “Even you, Trigger, or are you a good boy now who does not want to rape?”
Trigger goes red and shuffles his feet. “These are not Pineapple girls anymore, Hotshot. They’ve changed.”
“They’re Pineapple girls you idiot. They’ll always be that. They’re girls and we’re men. We can have them if we want.”
“Nurse won’t let us. She’s watching all the time so that we can’t be alone with the girls.”
“I’ve seen some boys alone with girls,” says Richard.
“They’re good boys who’ve been here a long time.”
“They’ve betrayed the L.R.A. They go to the stupid church on a Sunday and believe in that Jesus. Is that what you’re doing, Trigger? Hey? You a traitor too?”
He kicks at the ground when I’m talking with fear in his eyes. He is not like the Trigger I knew in Nkunda’s squadron. What has happened to him?
Suddenly singing rises up from the forest edge. I turn to look. Dr. Zuma is leading a line with Mama Zuma and some girls and holding high in the air a big wooden cross. They’re dressed in long white robes and heading for the river. “Hallelujah, hallelujah” they sing with clear voices as they wind their way down the bank.
“Sit down all of you,” Dr. Zuma says to us as they file past.
We squat on the soft muddy bank and watch as they go towards the water. The air around me grows still and heavy. A knot rises in my stomach and my skin prickles. I wish I hadn’t come. There are strange spirits here. I can feel them in the air.
Dr. Zuma pushes the wooden cross deep into the soft river bank and wades slowly into the brown water until it
’s waist high. The girls form a line on the edge. Mama Zuma waddles her big white robed body into the water so that it rises up around her like a sail and stands next to the doctor.
Tula moves down and enters the water. Her white dress floats up around her and I wish I could be under the water to see her pants. I stare hard at her thinking of this until she looks up and sees me. Her cheeks go pink and she looks away. She goes over to stand with Doctor and Mama Zuma.
“Come, Patience,” says Dr. Zuma to one of the Pineapple girls. “You’re a poisoned child but you’ve repented of your sin and this is a sign of leaving that old life behind and becoming a new creature in Christ Jesus. The water will show how you die to the old life and be born again to the new.”
He takes her hand and helps her into the water and then places both hands on her forehead and prays in a loud voice. “Patience, I baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.”
Then he pushes her backwards under the water and Mama Zuma and Tula grab her shoulders and help her back up. She comes up spluttering. Her head is back and her eyes are shining. Then she opens her mouth and starts to sing with strange words. Dr. Zuma puts his hands on her head and speaks in the same sounding words. Patience sings loud to the sky with fiery eyes.
My skin grows cold. What is she seeing? Is she talking to the spirits? My heart beats hard and my breath sticks in my throat. I watch as Tula puts her arms around her and guides her back to Nurse Sophie on the bank. I stare at her face. She is shining as if she is clean inside.
My stomach knots. My spirit is not happy. There is something happening here that I can’t understand. These other spirits have power. I hold my body tight for it wants to run away, but I can’t do this in front of Tula because she’ll think I’m scared. I push myself into the muddy bank and fix my eyes with a blank stare. I won’t let anyone see the strange fear I feel inside watching this.
The doctor is shouting loud to the sky in this strange language and now Mama Zuma is saying words like that. Everywhere around the people are talking and shouting “Hallelujah.” There is power in the air and my body grows hot and wet. These spirits will hate me for what I have done. They can see the blackness of my soul and will war with my dark spirits. But how can I kill them? How? My mind shivers; this spirit war will kill me.
Then I feel a space next to me. I turn and see Trigger walking to the river. He joins the line at the edge of the water. Dr. Zuma goes over and gives him a white robe to put over him. Traitor! He’s left the L.R.A. I knew something was wrong. I will kill him for this.
All of a sudden my head spins and my eyes blur. The river’s turned red with blood. Dr. Zuma is pouring blood over Trigger’s head.
“I baptize you with the blood of Jesus,” he is saying. Now he is pouring the blood all over everyone. He is coming for me with his hands full of blood.
“Come, Modetse, come,” he is saying. “Come to the blood…come…let the blood on the hands of Jesus cleanse you.”
My ears hum and a thundering “takka, takka” vibrates through my head. I cannot have this blood. It is magic enemy blood. Dr. Zuma is helping them. They are coming with their gunships to take back the blood which I have drunk. They’re trying to kill me! My chest closes. My eyes blur and my head explodes.
“No!” I scream. “No! Leave me alone. Leave me alone.”
I jump up from the riverbank and run. I must get away from these spirits, this blood…the bullets and hands are chasing me. “Where’s my AK? Where’s my AK?”
Then I feel someone shaking me and I hear the voice of Nurse Sophie.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” she is saying, but her voice is far away. She keeps shaking me and then I feel like I’m coming back from somewhere outside myself.
I shake my head and look at the ground. My head is still spinning. I take a deep breath and look up. I’m sitting under the guava tree. I look down at my legs; they’re shivering and so are my insides. I don’t know what has happened.
Nurse Sophie shakes me again on the shoulder and squats down next to me.
“It is okay,” she says, looking deep at me with her owl eyes and giving me a sad smile. “You’ve had a flashback, Modetse. The pictures aren’t real. Your mind’s tricked you. It’s jumped back to the past.”
I stare at her. Is this true? Has my mind tricked me? I look around. There’s no enemy and the doctor is not chasing me. My cheeks grow hot. I’ve made a fool of myself.
“Just leave me alone,” I mumble.
“The doctor can help take these away. You must talk to him. He’s helped lots of soldiers.”
I clench my jaw and say nothing but inside my stomach knots and my head spins some more. I don’t even know if I’m awake or asleep anymore. Everything feels so strange and I’m growing weak inside. I can’t let that happen. All this talk of Jesus and sins is troubling me. What is happening with these spirits in the water? Why are all the boys and girls changing so much? These people will make me mad. They will take away my power. I must make my mind strong again. I must call on the darkness to help me fight them.
Chapter 21
The night was dark because the moon was hiding behind thick clouds. Commander Mobuto said it was good because we were going to taste the magic and meet with the great witchdoctor of the L.R.A. This made my heart beat hard like the drums I heard in the bush.
“I want total silence,” shouted Mobuto, as we assembled ready to leave. “The magic doctor does not like noise. You are to move like the leopard through the forest. I don’t want to know you’re even here. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sah,” we said and saluted. “There’ll be many animals in the bush. You will see their eyes glowing at you if the moon she comes out. Just keep behind me. We’re going to a dark and secret place and you’ll only find it if you follow me. Bilole let’s move.”
We followed behind Mobuto through the forest like a pack of leopard cubs following our father. Mobuto was dressed like the chief with a leopard skin around his waist. His fat belly smiled at us over his belt. He still carried his AK and the rope of bullets lay strong against his bare, brown chest.
David was behind me in the dark bush and Sipho came behind him carrying the pack for Bilole.
“I hope you’ve scrubbed like me, Modetse. We mustn’t let the great doctor smell anything bad,” whispered David as we pushed through the dark vines.
“I have. Bilole told me to clean well. I won’t let the witch- doctor smell me out.”
“We mustn’t get left behind,” said Sipho, stumbling over a tree root.
I saw Mobuto’s fat shadow fading from us in the dark and went faster. Bilole, Richard and Jabu pushed through the bush behind us and we went on quiet, picking our way through the fig trees and the wide fans of breadfruit tree leaves. I heard the chatter of the monkeys and many times we saw the bush move as the buck darted through it.
“Lion,” whispered David as we heard a distant roar.
“I’m glad Mobuto’s got an AK.” I said. I was more scared of the lion than the enemy. After we’d gone a long time, stumbling often over the roots and stones because there were few stars and no moon to guide us, I smelt the smoke of the fire and through the dark jagged leaves of the trees saw the fire behind. I heard the fire talking and then all of a sudden with a “Dum-de-Dum,” the big drums began to talk.
The tall drum engalabi called to us. It shouted, “Boom, Boom, Boom” and then all the drums joined in. They got louder and louder, calling us to them. Mobuto moved fast and we had to take big steps to keep up. The line we made through the forest thinned out. I grabbed David’s arm before he disappeared ahead of me.
“I’m scared,” whispered Sipho.
“We mustn’t show fear. Mobuto says he’ll give us magic to protect us from the bullets of the enemy,” I said.
“But sometimes the noses of these magic men, they smell the fear,” whispered Sipho.
“Well, then don’t be afraid, stupid.”
“Silence,” shouted Mo
buto.
We reached the end of the forest and the dark fig trees spat us out into a big round clearing. In the middle stood a blazing fire, which jumped and crackled high up in the air. It was red, yellow and orange and the heat of its flames reached out and tried to singe our bodies.
I looked at Mobuto. His face glowed red in the light and his fat body was high and straight; his eyes were narrow and his face firm as he waited to see the great doctor. Even he looked a little afraid.
“Don’t show your fear,” I said to David and Sipho, but inside my stomach shivered and the air around me grew hot.
David nodded and Sipho looked at me with big eyes. I looked at Jabu. He looked back at me and nodded. He was clever that one and wouldn’t show his fear. I tried to stand straighter. Richard stood close next to Bilole as if he’d somehow protect him.
I looked beyond the thundering fire and saw three big thatched mud huts. They were round, like fat women and had yellow, blue and red triangles on their walls. Their thatch was thick and new and sat on them like pointy Basutho hats.
Tall young men, with brown muscular bodies, sat next to the drummers. They got up and threw big sticks on the fire. “Yieee,” they shouted as the flames of the fire, strong and red, shot high into the air. They hit each other in fun on the shoulders and then went back to gather more sticks.
The flames teased the leaves of the bush and it drew back from their fury. The dark night sky became red and I could see clearly. Many soldiers were seated on the far side of the fire. I could see Nkunda and I was glad that Mobuto was with us. The General was sitting on a big wooden chair near the main hut; his presence filled the air.
The drummers wore the skins of the antelope around their waist. They had dried brown seedpods on their wrists and ankles, which jingled, jingled as they drummed, and they wore wide bands of nyala skin around their heads. One drummer was like the vervet monkey and beat three drums almost at once. “Dum-de-dum, Dum-de-dum, Dum-de-dum.”