by Julia North
“Right, Merry Christmas, everyone, and welcome,” says Dr. Zuma, walking over to the big Christmas tree. Mama Zuma joins him. She beams at us with her round face like the pumpkin and claps her fat hands to make the little children quiet.
Dr. Zuma’s wearing a red hat with white fur and a red shirt of Father Christmas for the small children. He has a white cottonwool beard around his face but he is still wearing his glasses and I’m sure they are not fooled, but it’s nice he’s trying. He stands in front of the tree packed high with presents and picks one up.
“It’s present time,” he shouts, and all of us cheer, even me; I cannot help it.
“Yay,” the little ones shout. They jump up and down clapping their hands hard and shrieking. My stomach churns. I feel like I’m a child again but I don’t want to show it. I look sideways at Richard and Trigger. Their eyes shine and I see their hands clench with excitement. We all feel like the little ones inside. I want to be like them and jump up and down and shout, but I can’t. Tula will think I’m stupid. Inside I wish so much that Thandi could be here. She would love this even better than KFC.
Lily screams, “Presents, presents, presents,” with her little head thrown back and her mouth wide open. Patience and Grace join in shouting and clapping their hands hard. We all start chanting, “Presents, presents, presents.” It is madness in the room.
“Now whose name do I have here?” says Dr. Zuma, shouting over the noise. He picks up one of the big parcels wrapped with red and green paper. It has a big silver bow on top. “Ah, this one is for you, Lily.”
Lily screams with excitement and grabs the present. She starts to rip off the paper and Dr. Zuma snatches up more.
“This is for you, Zinzi, and for you, Patience, and Grace, Merry Christmas!”
The girls tear the bright red and green colored paper with the small snowmen on. The paper flies everywhere. Mama Zuma laughs and looks at them with her shining honey eyes as she bends and picks it up. Lily screams and jumps up and down as she holds up her present. She’s a doll and so does Zinzi covered with colored beads. Lily’s eyes shine as she holds her doll to her chest and sings to it. She’s so happy. Zinzi rocks hers to and fro. They like playing mothers and it makes me smile but also feel pain. I wish Thandi could be here and have one of those. I give my head a shake. I must try not to think. Next Christmas I will find her. I must just think of that.
Patience and Grace have new dresses, white with red straw- berries on and red ribbons. Patience holds it up against her like it’s the best thing in the world. Grace does a little dance and runs over to hug Mama Zuma. She laughs with her fat body wobbling and hugs Grace back, like a big mother monkey, and then goes over to give Patience a big hug too.
I don’t think much of the Pineapple girls but it’s good to watch them. My cheeks grow hot when I think what we did to them in the camp. Maybe they’re not so bad.
Dr. Zuma finds other presents for the small boys. Some of them have wooden cars and some have carts you can sit in. They’re just as excited as the girls. Mama Zuma puts one of them in his cart. His name’s Patrick and he looks like he’s about seven years. She pulls the cart around the hut and we all clap and laugh. The little ones are throwing tinsel on all of us. Richard’s covered with blue and silver tinsel. Lily throws some silver tinsel at me. I tie it around my head like a band and smile at her.
She chuckles. “You look like an angel, Modetse.”
I pull a scary face at her and she screams in delight and pretends to run away. I squeeze my eyes to chase away tears as her face turns into Thandi’s. She is always with me. I can’t chase the pain away. This Christmas is bringing her alive too much.
“Modetse, this is for you,” calls Dr. Zuma.
My heart jumps. I get up. Everyone is watching me as I go to the front. My cheeks grow hot. I give the doctor a double handshake and take the present. It’s wrapped in blue and silver paper and has a silver bow on top.
“Merry Christmas, Modetse. This is going to be a blessed year for you. You deserve it.”
The doctor makes me feel funny inside. He speaks to me like a father.
Mama Zuma comes up to me and hugs me. “This is a new start, my son,” she says.
I nod and fight back the tears as they prick behind my eyes. Ay, this kindness is too much.
“Now, go open that present quickly,” says Mama Zuma, giving me another hug.
“Richard, your turn,” calls Dr. Zuma as I make my way back to my place keeping my eyes fixed straight in front.
I sit down cross-legged and put my present on the floor in front. It’s small and soft. I don’t want to tear the blue and silver wrapping like the little ones. I take the stick bits holding the paper with slow fingers and open the paper. I can smell leather.
“What you got, Modetse?” asks Trigger. He’s still waiting for his.
I peal back the wrapping. There’s a leather wallet lying there with a pattern of the sun and stars on it. It’s dark brown and has been polished so it shines. I lift it to my nose and smell the strong cow leather.
“Open it. What’s inside?” asks Trigger.
I pull it open. It’s soft light brown suede inside. At the bottom is a big silver coin, which smiles at me. I gasp and lift it out. It’s round and shiny. I’ve never had such a beautiful present before. I wonder who has made it.
“Ay, it is a good one,” I say.
“Ay, me too. I’ve a good belt,” says Richard. He’s come back and ripped off his red paper with the green Christmas trees on. He’s not careful like me. “Look it has red and green gem stones in it.”
“You are lucky,” I say. Bengu will not be happy with his. It’s nothing like the one that’s been made for Richard.
“Trigger. Your turn,” calls Dr. Zuma.
Trigger jumps up and runs to the front. He grabs a big parcel in the same paper as mine and runs back to us tearing it open as he runs.
“I have sandals,” he shouts. “Look, amazing sandals.”
He has some brown leather sandals with three straps and a gold buckle. Ay, they are smart ones. He puts them on his feet and does a dance.
“How did they know my size?” His face is like the sun.
I shrug and smile at his dancing. He’s so happy. I look back down at my nice wallet and touch the soft leather.
Richard leans over. “That’s a good wallet,” he says. “You are a lucky one. That coin will make you rich.
“Yes, now you can start a business and become a rich business man,” says Trigger, and laughs as he sits back down and stretches his legs in front so he can look like Mr. Proudman at his sandals.
“And then marry Tula,” says Richard.
I pull a face at them. But inside I feel warm. They’ve given me an idea of hope. Maybe one day I will be rich.
“These are good presents,” I say. I look around the room and see if Bengu’s got his. He’s come to the tree and has gone to sit next to Mama Zuma. There’s wrapping paper all around him and I can see the belt lying in front on its paper. He hasn’t put it on. That means he’s not happy. My cheeks feel hot and I hope he thinks that one of the small children made it. I feel small bad because everyone’s so happy with their presents. I look away. I don’t want him to catch my eye.
Dr. Zuma has more presents for us now. I take another parcel wrapped in gold paper covered with silver stars. I unwrap it bit by bit and look at a big brown leather book. It has the name “Holy Bible” printed in gold on the cover.
“That’s a wise book,” says Tula.
My heart jumps. I didn’t see her come over.
“You must try and read it.”
“Yes, I know,” I lie. I’ve never seen one before but I don’t want her to know that.
“This is a good-looking book,” shouts Richard unwrapping his. He strokes the brown leather cover with its gold writing. “This must have cost a lot of money,” he says with a big grin.
“They’re expensive ones,” agrees Tula. “We’re lucky.”
We’ve all got the same brown leather ones except for the little ones who’ve Children’s Bibles with bright pictures on the cover. They’re all opening the Bibles, looking at the pictures, and pretending they can read. I’m glad that they’ve given us the grown-up ones and not treated us like the children. I open the first page. It’s written in Swahili and I can read some of it. Mama Zuma has taught us well. Richard and Trigger are tracing their fingers bit by bit across the words. I turn the pages and see that there are drawings. I find the ones of Jesus as a baby with the sun over his head. I turn more pages. Every time he’s shown with the sun over his head. In the one picture he’s walking on the water like he’s got special powers. I see Tula watching me and smiling and I turn the page to the writing and pretend to read fast. She grins at me and comes to sit near me and I feel my body grow hot.
“What did you get for your other present?”
“A wallet with a silver coin,” I murmur, cross that my voice shivers while I speak. I clear my throat.
“That’s lucky,” says Tula, giving me a big smile and showing me her white teeth. “It’s a good omen.”
I nod and smile to myself. I hope she’s right. “What did you get?” I say looking up into her eyes.
“A nice bracelet and earrings,” she says, putting out her arm to show a brightly beaded bracelet with red, blue, yellow and shiny green beads and long dangling earrings with peacock feathers, “and a traditional dress from my mother,” she says, and then pulls a face.
“You don’t like it?” I say and laugh.
She shakes her head and her almond eyes twinkle at me. “I hate traditional things. I don’t want to be a traditional wife.”
I look deep into her eyes and bite my lip. She doesn’t realize how lucky she is to have her mother still in her life. I see her frown and quickly say, “You don’t like being told what to do?”
She laughs. “You’ve read me well. I hate being told what to do. I’ve got my own mind and own ideas.”
I give a smile while my heart drops. She has big plans this one. She won’t want someone like me.
Dr. Zuma comes over to us and smiles. “The Bibles are donated to us by a charity. They wish all of you a blessed Christmas. Mama Zuma will teach you much from it in school but right now I think it’s time for mince pies and then lunch.”
“Yay,” shouts everyone. Our stomachs are ready for our food and the chapel erupts in a blur of bodies racing to get out of the door.
Chapter 33
My body was strong and my mind had no fear now. The dark spirits were living deep in me and were my strength. The enemy and their bullets were nothing for me. I lay on my bed after training with these thoughts running through my head.
“Hey, why you smiling?” asked Richard, coming into the hut.
I shrugged. “Nothing.”
“You thinking of the Pineapple girls?” he asked with a jackal smile.
“Fuck the Pineapple girls,” I said. “I’m thinking of killing the rebels. I want another ambush.”
Richard lifted his eyebrows and gave a half-smile. “Maybe you’ll be lucky. I heard Bilole saying they’re going to attack a village in Koboga. Maybe your squadron will go.”
“Of course my squadron will go,” I said, and pulled my lip at him. “My squadron’s the best.”
Richard looked at me and said nothing. I could see fear in his eyes and my stomach grew warm. Good, he must fear me. They must all fear me. I was the number one killer.
“Modetse,” said Jabu, marching into the hut, “Bilole wants you.”
“See,” I said to Richard.
“Hotshot thinks he’s going on the raid,” said Richard, looking at Jabu with his eyebrows up. Jabu looked at me with jealous eyes and I glared back as I pushed past to go to see Bilole.
I heard them whisper as I left the hut. “Fuck them. They were jealous because I was the chosen one. Just now I would kill them too.
“Ah, Hotshot,” said Bilole as I stood by the door of the office and saluted. “I have instructions for you from Mobuto. Sit.”
I sat down on the wood chair and waited while Bilole settled himself in his big chair and leaned back to look at me.
“The General has told us that a village in Koboga called Nigiri are hiding food for the rebels. It is on our way to the Nakaseke region where we’re getting more ammo and guns from. You and your squadron will come with us. You are to attack the village and cut off the hands of these fucking bitches. See if there’s anything good that you find to bring back. Badboy and Shithead will go with.”
“Who’s in charge,” I asked with narrow eyes.
Bilole looked at me, said nothing and then gave a big laugh. “You are,” he said. “But you must do good for Mobuto otherwise you won’t be officer boy anymore. You hear.”
“Yes, sah,” I said with happy eyes. “I will do good. I am hungry for more blood.”
My stomach glowed warm. Badboy was also a Lieutenant and Shithead had been here longer then me but still I was in charge.
Bilole looked at me and laughed again from his belly and shouted, “Go –get your boys. We leave in one hour.”
I rushed and got my squadron and soon we were in the jeeps bumping on the dirt road towards the bush. Bilole was driving my jeep and Nkunda had Badboy and Shithead with him. Joshua, Vincent and Bongi sat watching with big eyes and holding tight to their AKs. I glared at them. They had better do good for me!
“We will drop you two kilometers from the village and then you must go through the bush,” said Bilole. We’ll pick you up on the way back. You have four hours. Make quick or I’ll leave you.”
“Yes, sah,” I said. “You hear that, boys,” I shouted. “We must be fast.”
It was their first raid and the boys nodded at me with wide eyes and I saw their knuckles go white as they clutched their AKs even harder.
The jeeps shot off the road and we started bumping hard into the bush. Bilole squealed to a stop. “Get out,” he shouted.
I heard Nkunda screech to a stop behind us. Badboy and Shithead jumped out.
“Behind me. Now,” I shouted.
Badboy looked at me with narrow eyes. “We’ll watch from the back, Hotshot,” he shouted. “Move, you boys. Do what the Lieutenant says.”
I nodded and stood tall as I took out my machete. I showed for my boys to follow. “Keep your AKs pointed up and don’t touch the triggers,” I commanded.
They saluted with big eyes and copied me as we cut forward through the bush. My heart was beating fast and every piece of my body was alive and my ears sharp. The rebels could be like the leopards and come suddenly from nowhere. This was my raid; I wouldn’t let anything stop me. I would look after my boys and help them taste the rebel blood.
“Down –on your stomachs,” I whispered as we came near the end of the bush. I could hear the rumble of voices through the long yellow grass. We got down under its cover. Good, they would not see us come. I smiled inside and turned to look at Badboy. He showed with his head and eyes to hit the village from that side. I nodded and put my machete in my mouth. I kept my eyes like slits and peered through the grass as I slid forward like a king cobra.
My boys were close behind and I could hear their breathing. Then I saw smoke and huts. I stopped and lifted my eyes so I could just see over the grass. I counted five children playing near four women who sat cleaning corn. There were big sacks next to them. Bitches, they were feeding the rebels. I looked across the huts and to the ends of the village. An old man and woman were outside by the end hut. I couldn’t see any other men. They must be fighting us with the rebels. That was why these villagers are feeding them. I watched as an older fat woman came out the hut on the other side with a young girl half-hidden behind her. They turned away from us, moved to the trees on the far side, and bent over with their backs to us to collect sticks and twigs for the fire. My veins tensed and my breathing came fast as I turned to my squadron.
“You are to shoot anyone who comes near you,” I whispered to
my boys. “You must go in the huts and get any food that’s there. Keep your eyes alert as you go. Shoot to kill.”
The boys nodded with frightened faces. I saw Joshua’s hand shake as he held his AK. He was small and very thin. I think the AK was heavy for him but if he fucked this up I would beat him hard.
“You do well,” I said with fierce eyes, “otherwise you’re dead boys. You hear!”
“Yes, sah,” whispered Bongi, while Vincent and Joshua saluted with big eyes.
I could hear the fat woman singing to herself as she picked up the brown sticks. The young girl bent over with her back to us. I felt the power strong in my body. If I gave the command they would be dead. I looked back at Shithead and Badboy. They waited like fellow cobras ready to strike. My heart jumped in my chest. It was time for blood. I wanted to kill. I made my arm in a forward curve and screamed, “Now!”
The grass parted as we jumped from the bush, machetes in our hands, screaming like demons with our heads thrown back.
“Shoot,” I screamed to my squadron and they started firing everywhere with wild eyes. The women by the huts wailed and tried to run around the side. My boys ran after them and their AK bullets cracked through the air.
“Shoot in the huts,” I commanded as I ran forward with Badboy and Shithead.
“Get those,” I shouted to Shithead as I saw the fat woman and girl by the sticks drop them and run deeper into the trees. “I’ll get the others.”
Shithead ran to the fleeing backs of the woman and girl as they reached the far tree line. He grabbed the girl by the legs. He threw her face down on the ground like a lion catching the deer and brought his machete down hard on her hand, which lay in front.
“No…leave her…please…” the woman screamed as he chopped off the girl’s hand. She screamed and Shithead pulled the other hand and chopped it quick. Then he turned to the screaming woman and was on her like a bullet to chop off her hands.