“Yes, you blew that one opportunity,” he said. “Don’t blow another one.” With that, he stood and said good-bye just as Lacey returned to the table.
“Are you okay?” she asked hesitantly.
Ava turned and waved to Mason as he walked out the door. “You know what? I think I am going to be.”
Chapter Eleven
The first day of her new job at the university dawned bright and sunny but cool. She didn’t know why she fought taking this job for so long; she loved her school and the faculty and to now be a part of them was like being embraced by loved ones. With the old librarian retiring, the library was now hers to run and the president of the university was excited with the plans that Ava had for updating some of their systems and the new programs she was gearing up to begin. All in all, she knew that everyone was going to be pleased and that she was going to be doing what she loved.
Staying at a job in practically the same location meant that she didn’t have to relocate but she was toying with the idea of selling her condo and moving anyway. At the end of her work days, she came home and searched the real estate ads for homes that might appeal to her. The practical side of her knew that there was no good reason to rush, but the new Ava wanted to start fresh in all areas of her life and her condo just held too many memories.
What surprised her more than anything was that everyone, meaning her family, was letting her be. There was no talk of her running away or that she needed to go after Brian; all in all she found it a little odd and unnerving. Her typically overly vocal family was suddenly very tight-lipped when it came to her personal life.
The work was well under way at Lacey and Ean’s and Ava was certain that she’d be getting some sort of update on Brian through that endeavor. But again, Lacey was suspiciously silent on that topic. Ava thought about bringing it up herself but then thought better of it; why open that can of worms?
As fall gave way to winter Ava was saddened at the loss of the leaves on the trees and the beauty of her drive to work. The fall foliage made her think of the mountains and for the first time in possibly her whole life, the thought of the mountains didn’t lead to thoughts of the cottage and how she was going to get her turn there. She’d learned her lesson; she only wished she had learned it well before she lost the greatest love of her life.
Thanksgiving was days away and Lacey was in a particularly melancholy mood. They were sitting and having coffee when Ava finally asked why.
“Well, we really hoped that the house would be done and that we’d be able to host dinner this year. With it being Olivia’s first Thanksgiving, we thought it would be extra special to be the ones hosting it. But the reality is that we were being unrealistic,” she sighed and rested her head in the palm of her hand.
“Okay, so you’ll miss being the Thanksgiving host; that’s not a big deal. You know your mom always loves having everyone by her. You’ll do Christmas, that’s all,” Ava said optimistically. “Besides, that is going to be way more fun to watch Olivia celebrate. All of the presents, the tree…it will be way more exciting with her at Christmas than at Thanksgiving.”
“I guess you’re right. I just had it all worked out in my mind and if we had started on the darn project sooner…”
“Oh, stop it. You had to wait until you were ready and I’m sure it’s going to look beautiful when it’s all done. It’s got to be close to completion, right?” It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about Brian, but she had prided herself on all of the progress she’d made in her life in the past weeks and did not want to take a step backwards. Clearly, if Brian had wanted to get in touch with her, he would have called by now.
The silence from her phone was a daily reminder of how much she’d screwed up.
“It’s coming along beautifully and we are both really pleased. We were able to move out of your parent’s house this week and finally return home.”
“How’d that feel?”
“It was like returning from a very stressful vacation,” Lacey said flatly. “I mean, you know I love your parents to death, but all of us in that house was just too much together time.”
“Sorry about that. I really thought they would have gone up to Asheville for some of the time so that you’d have a little space.”
“We did too but they were having too much fun having Olivia to themselves. It was nice having the extra help with her and it was basically like having an in-home babysitter 24/7 but there were times when it was just a little…”
“Overwhelming?” Ava supplied and laughed at Lacey’s enthusiastic nod of agreement. “I can only imagine. She’s the first grandchild and she’s still tiny and new; someday the novelty will wear off.”
“Sure, when you have one.”
Ava’s eyes snapped to Lacey’s and were filled with devastation. Though she tried to mask it quickly, she knew Lacey saw it. “Right, like that’s going to happen any time soon. Sorry, Lace, you’re the key to keeping them in grandchildren. When are you planning on having the next one?”
“Very funny,” Lacey smiled and then turned serious. “I didn’t mean to upset you; I really didn’t. It was a thoughtless comment and I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to forgive; we’ve been joking about this since forever. There’s no reason for you to stop now.”
“I know, but it’s just that after you and Br…”
“Don’t, okay? Just please…don’t,” Ava interrupted. She wanted to say more but her throat clogged with tears. Dang it, she cursed herself. She was just priding herself on all of the progress she’d made and it was all about to come undone over a silly conversation.
Lacey reached across the table and grabbed Ava’s hand. “Sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up!” she cried. “Please don’t cry, Ava. Everything’s going to be okay, I know it will. You’ve got a great new job and you were telling me how well everything’s been going with that. Focus on that, sweetie, please!”
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Ava lifted her head and looked at her best friend. “I do; everyday I get up and focus on that, but you know what? At the end of the day, I’m still alone. I can work a fabulous job, I can sell my condo and buy a beautiful new place, but I’m still alone.” She took a minute to compose herself a little more and just when she thought there were no more tear, one last one fell as she admitted, “And I miss him.”
“I know you do,” Lacey said softly. “I wish there was something I could say or do that would make you feel better. I hate to see you hurting like this.”
“It’s my own doing and so I’m trying to live with that.”
A sad smile crossed Lacey’s face. “You don’t have to be so brave, you know. I’m sure if you just…”
Ava waved her words away. “No. For the first time in my life I am trying to not be so selfish. Brian deserves better. I want him to find someone who puts him first and makes him happy.”
“You made him happy.”
“I wasn’t honest with him, Lace. I was playing a silly game that he didn’t deserve.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself. There’s no need to be a martyr, Ava; we all do stupid things in our relationships. But you learn from them and move on; you don’t need to just quit!”
“I love you so much, Lacey, I really do, but this is something that I really need to do. It’s time to move forward and that’s what I’m doing. I’m taking baby steps but each day it gets a little bit easier.”
“I still think that it doesn’t have to be this way.”
“Well, I think that it does. Can we leave it at that?”
Reluctantly Lacey agreed. She knew when to push and when to pull back and right now there was no reason to keep pushing. When the time was right, everything would fall into place.
****
Thanksgiving morning found Ava finishing some last minute pie baking, thanks to her procrastination. While she loved the aroma of her freshly baked goodies, her kitchen looked as if a team of mad bakers had been at work! She wasn’t due at Lacey’s par
ents’ house for another couple of hours but even that didn’t make her feel any more enthusiastic about the clean up.
“Well, that’s the beauty of living on your own,” she reminded herself, “there’s no one here to get mad at me if I decide to leave the clean up until later.” With that she went about getting herself ready while watching the parade on TV, which always made her happy.
By noon she was getting all of the pies loaded into her car when her cell phone rang.
“Okay don’t hate me,” Lacey said by way of greeting.
“I’ll try,” Ava said lightly. “What’s going on?”
“Well, we’re here at my parents’ house and I’m helping with the cooking and Olivia is napping and Ean’s down with a migraine.”
“Oh, sorry. Wow, he hasn’t had one of those in years!” While all of this was clearly upsetting to Lacey, Ava had no idea what it had to do with her, which is exactly what she asked.
“In our rush to get out of the house earlier, I left the sweet potato casserole in the fridge and I just can’t leave right now. It’s chaos over here. Could you please run by the house and grab it for me? You have a spare key, right?”
“I do, I do,” Ava said absently. “I’m sure nobody would even notice if there wasn’t a casserole, Lace; I mean, your family puts out way too much food every year. Why stress about it?”
“Because I made it and it’s Ean’s favorite and I hate that I couldn’t even remember to bring it because we were loaded down with so much baby paraphernalia! Honestly, it’s like we’re moving every time we leave the house! And with Ean not feeling well I just want him to have what he likes and…”
Ava put her out of her misery. She could tell that Lacey was more than a little stressed and decided to cut her a break. “Okay, okay, I’ll go and get it. My share of the meal is dessert so it’s not like I’m needed there right now anyway. So stop worrying and I’ll get there as soon as I can.”
“Thanks, Ava. You’re a lifesaver,” Lacey said and then hung up.
It wasn’t such a big deal to go over to Lacey and Ean’s; if anything, it was on her way to the Quinn’s home. It was just that it was there that she was last happy, truly happy and Brian was still in love with her. She’d been dying to see the extension but hadn’t allowed herself to go over to see it just in case he was there. Thanksgiving should be safe, right? She thought to herself. No one works on the holidays.
With a better frame of mind, Ava got in her car and headed over to grab a casserole and face her demons.
****
Easier said than done.
Ava stood outside the house for a solid ten minutes before she forced herself to go inside. Once she let herself in, it all came rushing back to her: their time there together, taking care of Olivia as if they were a real family and her heart sank. When would this heartache go away?
Shaking off her sadness as much as she could, Ava walked back toward the new addition and gasped in awe. It was beautiful. There was a large sitting area with a stone fireplace and off to either side were his and her offices. The work seemed to be near completion and she found herself walking around touching the built in bookshelves and staring into the fireplace as if she could imagine a cozy fire blazing in it. The room was perfect.
As if she’d conjured it up herself, the fireplace lit on its own and she shrieked.
“It’s a gas fireplace,” a masculine voice said from behind her. “All you need to do is flip a switch and voila, instant fire.”
She was afraid to turn around. Her heart was beating madly in her chest as Mason’s final words played out in her head, “Yes, you blew that one opportunity,” he’d said. “Don’t blow another one.” Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she faced Brian.
“It looks beautiful in here. I really had no idea what they were planning, but this is perfect for them. You did a wonderful job.” It was a safe topic and one that she was proud of herself for thinking of off the top of her head.
“Thank you,” he said formally, all business-like. “They seem pleased.” And then he just drank in the sight of her. It had been weeks, but it might have been years, so starved was he with the need to be near her. “So, how’ve you been?”
Oh, God; she really didn’t want to have this conversation. If only she hadn’t stood in the driveway for so long she would’ve been gone by now! She wasn’t ready for this; this confrontation, this final, civil good-bye! Why today? Why now? Of all days for Lacey to flake out, why did it have to be now?
“Good,” she said levelly, congratulating herself on the steadiness of her voice. “I started a new job at the university. I took over for the retiring librarian.”
He nodded. “That one was really one of your best offers. Good for you. Are you enjoying it?”
If she’d said it once, she’d said it a million times, she hated small talk. What was the point? It was a waste of time and all she wanted to do was grab the stupid casserole and leave! Ava looked at Brian, really looked at him, and realized that that wasn’t what she wanted to do at all. No, if she were completely honest with herself she’d admit that what she wanted most right now was to throw herself into his arms and beg his forgiveness.
Only then she remembered that she didn’t deserve it; the whole not being selfish thing.
“I am,” she said softly. “I don’t know why I fought it for so long.”
“You were searching for something perfect,” he said simply. “You just didn’t think that it could possibly be something that was right in front of you.”
Boy did that ring true on multiple levels, she thought to herself. Nodding she said, “You’re right; I guess I wasn’t paying attention very well. Lesson learned.”
“Is it?” he asked, taking a step into the room before stopping himself.
“Is it what?”
“Learned,” he replied.
“It is,” she said with a little more strength.
“That’s good, Ava; that’s really good. It would be a shame for you to keep missing out on what could be a really good opportunity because you were searching for something that maybe didn’t exist.”
She couldn’t speak; he knew her too well and she knew that they were no longer talking about a job or anything else. This was about them. “I’m done looking for perfect,” she admitted. “I’m very happy with the things that I have and the things that I want, well, they may not be perfect but neither am I.” Tears sprang to her eyes and she did her best to wipe them away before Brian noticed them.
She wasn’t fast enough.
When she looked up again Brian was standing directly in front of her. Without asking permission, he reached up and wiped her tears away as he cupped her face. “You’re the closest thing to perfect that I’ve ever seen,” he said fiercely just before he lowered his head and kissed her with all of the pent up longing he’d been feeling. When she sighed and wrapped her arms around him, he deepened the kiss. “I’ve missed you,” he said gruffly between kisses.
“I missed you too,” she whispered, seeking his mouth again and again. “I’m so sorry, Brian! I’m so sorry for not being honest with you.” Ava was going to say more but he stopped her because he was too hungry for her. It had been too long and he knew there would be plenty of time to talk later. Right now all that mattered was the two of them and this moment.
Scooping Ava up in to his arms, Brian walked out of the room and brought her into the living room where there was furniture, a sofa they could sit on. Gently, he laid her down and then followed beside her, unable to keep from touching her, kissing her; having her near him was more than he had hoped for.
Ava pulled back and softly ran her fingers across his face. “I love you, Brian,” she said honestly. “I have from the beginning and I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you.”
“I shouldn’t have pushed you,” he admitted. “I wasn’t honest with you either; I wanted to start planning a future for us, but I kept it to myself. So I was making plans in my head and not sharing them with yo
u when really, I should have.”
“You wanted a future with me?”
“I want a future with you,” he corrected. “Ava, I love you; I don’t want to be without you ever again.”
“I thought that maybe you wouldn’t want…”
He placed a finger across her lips to quiet her. “Sshh…don’t. I will always want you. I’m always going to love you.” Brian kissed her softly and pulled back. “What I want more than anything, Ava, is to give you your happily-ever-after. What do you think?”
No words had ever sounded sweeter.
“I think that I’d like that very much,” she sighed and snuggled in closer to him. “You are my every hope, my every dream; you are my knight in shining armor and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather live my fairytale with than you.” Kissing him again because she couldn’t seem to stop herself, Ava felt content for the first time in her life.
She’d been searching for her ever after for so long, who knew that it would come and find her first?
Epilogue
One year later…
“So there was no sweet potato casserole.”
“Nope.”
“And Ean’s migraine...?”
“Hasn’t had one since he was fifteen.”
Ava sighed dramatically. “You know, it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore, Lace. Basically you’ve just turned in to one big lying liar.” The words would have been harsh had they not been said with a grin.
“That’s me,” Lacey sang. “But like it or not, you owe all of your happiness to the sweet potato casserole.”
“Oh, please, I am not saying thank you to a casserole; that’s just ridiculous.”
Lacey shrugged. “Whatever; all I’m saying is that if it weren’t for me being forgetful…”
“But you weren’t forgetful! There wasn’t a casserole to be found in your house!”
Ever After (The Christmas Cottage - Book 2) Page 12