by H. Y. Hanna
She stepped off the dais and walked towards the women at the tables, laying her hand on each woman’s shoulder as she walked past them. “And you’ll be doing it in the warm, supportive environment of women who are just like you and who will love you unconditionally!”
She spun around, throwing her head back and shimmying her shoulders in a way that thrust her breasts out. The women around her all did the same. Leah hesitated, then made a half-hearted attempt to copy the motion. She felt ridiculous, but she didn’t want to call attention to herself by being different.
The Matronae continued walking down the tables. She had gone down one side and was coming back up on Leah’s side now, laying her hand on each woman’s shoulder as she passed. Many of the women were staring at her rapturously, shuddering with pleasure when she touched their shoulders.
“At Sanctum Bona Dea, you will feel your transformation explode with breathtaking power!” The Matronae’s voice rose even louder. “You will find windows opening in your subconscious that you never realised. Your thoughts and emotions will begin to harmonise and you will suddenly understand the true path to your inner goddess.”
Leah braced herself as the Matronae approached. The taller woman paused beside her and regarded her silently for a moment. Her pale blue eyes felt like they were looking into Leah’s very soul. They were intense, penetrating… and amused.
Leah drew a sharp breath.
She knows.
Leah fought a sudden flare of panic. It felt for a moment like the Matronae knew her every last thought, her deepest, darkest desires, her every hope and fear.
The Matronae reached out and grasped both of Leah’s hands, looking intently at her. “You are afraid.”
“I—”
“I know this may seem strange and frightening to you.” Her voice was soft, seductive. “Come, I will lead you in a chant that will strengthen your inner goddess.”
“No, I—”
“Repeat after me.” Now the voice was commanding. “Banish the negative self-talk and embrace the euphoric life as befits your inner goddess!”
Leah stared at her. There was something almost hypnotic about the woman’s pale blue eyes. Against her will, she mumbled, “Banish the negative self-talk and… uh… embrace the euphoric life as befits your inner goddess.”
“Again. Louder.”
Leah hesitated, then said, louder, “Banish the negative self-talk and embrace the euphoric life as befits your inner goddess!”
The Matronae smiled slowly. “Good.”
She released Leah’s hands and continued along the table until she was back at the top of the room. As she stepped back onto the dais, the women around the room began chanting, “Ave Matronae! Ave Matronae!” again in a sing-song rhythm. They swayed and shimmied their shoulders and tossed their hair.
The energy in the room swelled as the rhythm of the chanting quickened.
Faster and faster and faster.
“Ave Matronae! Ave Matronae!”
It surged and whirled around Leah, threatening to suck her into its vortex. There was something here—some force of personality or charisma—that was stronger than anything she had encountered before. And the pull of the crowd around her, the temptation to just join in and find pleasure in taking part, to abandon the isolation of her own thoughts, was almost overwhelming.
Leah fought down the tide of panic and shut her eyes. For the first time since entering the retreat, she felt scared. She had to fight it. She couldn’t be pulled into the hive-mind. Taking deep breaths to calm herself, Leah tried to block out the chanting and focus on Toran—on that moment on the jetty when they had said goodbye and he had pulled her into his arms, the tenderness in his touch, the heat of his lips on hers…
As the chanting rose louder and louder around her, Leah held desperately on to that moment. Toran. The quiet boy who had once looked up across a classroom and entranced her with his brilliant green eyes. The first love who had awoken her fourteen-year-old heart with that thrilling, forbidden kiss. The enigmatic stranger who had come back into her life and turned it upside down. The man who made her want to risk it all—just for a chance to be with him.
Leah squeezed her eyes tighter. Toran, wherever you are now… help me.
CHAPTER 18
It was the fourth time he had tried Leah’s phone that hour. Toran heard the call go through to the answering service again and cursed under his breath. He tried to ignore the tight grip of fear that kept squeezing his heart. It didn’t mean anything, he told himself. Leah probably went to bed early last night and switched the phone off to save battery. And maybe she forgot to switch it back on this morning. Or she had it on silent and missed his calls. Or she was too busy with retreat activities to check her phone.
None of the reasons really rang true, but it was just something to say, an empty reassurance to soothe his mind and stop him going crazy. He reminded himself that he would see Leah tomorrow—they had their arranged meeting at that abandoned jetty. He would find out then all the perfectly good reasons why she hadn’t been able to contact him and they would laugh about it together.
He didn’t allow himself to think of the alternative that Leah might not be there.
In the meantime, he had work to do, Toran thought grimly, as he approached the doorway of another condominium. This one was in a trendier neighbourhood of Singapore and the complex boasted a tennis court and swimming pool, but the strained faces of the middle-aged couple who opened the door looked hauntingly familiar.
“My name is Toran James. I’m an investigative journalist.” Toran offered his best professional smile. “I was given your name and address by the Gopals. Their daughter, Desi, was best friends with your daughter, Marlene. I’m investigating the retreat that Desi was at—Sanctum Bona Dea—and I believe that Marlene is also familiar with the place. Perhaps she—”
“Sorry.” Their faces had shut down the minute the retreat was mentioned. “We can’t help you.”
“But—” Toran paused as he spied a figure in the hallway behind them, watching furtively from an inner doorway. He recognised her instantly as the young woman waving the balloon in the photo with Desi. Marlene. What was she doing here? Had she left the retreat?
The couple realised that he had seen her and their eyes filled with fear. The father slammed the door in his face.
“Wait!” Toran threw his shoulder against the door, preventing it from shutting. He clenched his teeth, his muscles bunching, as he resisted the pressure from the other side. “Please. There might be other young women in danger. You can help. I just need to speak to her for a few minutes.” He raised his voice. “Marlene! Doesn’t Desi’s death mean anything to you? You have the power to make a difference. Do you want other women to continue suffering when you could prevent it?”
“SHUT UP!” hissed the father, shoving futilely against the door. “We don’t want your questions here! Leave us alone!”
Toran flexed his bicep and considered forcing his way through. He knew he could do it easily. But these people were terrified. And in his experience, fearful people shut down when backed into a corner. He exhaled and stepped back, removing his shoulder from the door. It slammed shut with a bang. He took a card from his pocket and shoved it in the gap under the door.
“That’s my number. Please think about it and give me a call. Anytime.”
Turning, Toran made his way back down the path through the landscaped gardens, seething with frustration. He was so close to the answers—he could feel it. As he rounded the corner past the tennis courts, he heard a sound behind him.
“Wait, please!”
Toran swung around. Marlene stood huddled in the bushes a few steps behind him. He glanced quickly around, then grabbed her arm and moved her deeper into the foliage. The young woman in front of him looked a far cry from the laughing girl in the photograph. Her blonde hair was limp, her eyes large and haunted, her cheeks hollow. She was hugging her arms around herself and shivering. She wore some kind of croppe
d top and for a second, as he caught a glimpse of her midriff, Toran saw what looked shockingly like needle marks.
He stared at her. What was going on? Was she doing drugs? But the abdomen was definitely not the place most addicts chose to inject themselves.
“I… I shouldn’t be talking to you.” She gulped. “But I had to let you know. I do care about Desi’s death! She was my best friend! I think about her every hour of every day. If I hadn’t told her about Sanctum Bona Dea, if we had never gone there, she would still be alive!” She broke into sobs.
Toran put a gentle hand on her arm. “Take your time. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t care.” He gave her an encouraging smile.
The girl sniffled and looked up at him. She gave him a watery smile in return. “You’re very cute, you know. If this was another place, another time…” She sighed. “I can’t believe I said that. It’s just, you know sometimes when something horrible happens, your mind just wants to switch off and focus on stupid things.”
Toran smiled. “I understand. It’s okay—I’ll take it as a compliment. Listen, Marlene, I need your help. There are other young women like you whose lives may be at risk. I need to know what’s going on at Sanctum Bona Dea. What happened to Desi?”
“She… she tried to resist.”
“Resist what?” Toran asked sharply.
Marlene looked even more frightened. “We’re not supposed to resist,” she whispered. “It was a great honour, to be chosen by the Matronae to serve Bona Dea through Ovum Messis. I was glad to do it. But Desi… she started questioning things. She said it was wrong, what they were doing. She was disrespecting the goddess! So… so the Matronae punished her.”
“How? What did she do?”
“I… I don’t know.” Marlene hiccupped. “Really, I don’t know! They took her away and I never saw her again. Then… then a few days later… I… I heard about them finding her body.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “If… maybe if… I had done something…”
“What is this Ovum Messis?”
A flash of fear crossed Marlene’s face. “We’re… we’re not supposed to talk about it,” Marlene whispered. “We’re sworn to secrecy. It’s a sacred rite that only the most feminine of women can perform. I was so happy when I was selected.” She licked her lips nervously. “But then later… after what happened to Desi… I wasn’t so sure. The Matronae kept talking about the honour of partaking in Donum Vitae, but I didn’t feel like it was an honour. I… I felt used. But I didn’t dare say anything, not after what happened to Desi…” She took a shuddering breath. “I tried not to think about it. After Ovum Messis was over, I tried to just return to the routine of retreat life. But it kept haunting me. And then I heard that Desi wasn’t the first. There was another girl, before her. Only, they… they never found the body. I started getting these awful dreams. I couldn’t sleep. Then last week, when the Matronae told me that I had been selected for Ovum Messis again, I just couldn’t do it. I knew I had to get out.”
“Did Sanctum Bona Dea just let you go?” asked Toran in surprise.
She shook her head. “I was lucky—I managed to be down by the water when a bumboat with tourists was going past. I swam out—they were pretty far from the island, but I’ve always been a good swimmer; I won the 100 metres at school in just over a minute. They took me on board. I pretended that I was just some tourist who got a bit lost. Anyway, they brought me back to Singapore, and then I came home.” She glanced over her shoulder. “My parents are going to send me away to stay with friends in England. I’m too scared to stay in Singapore. She has eyes everywhere, the Matronae of Sanctum Bona Dea. She’ll find me… she’ll drag me back…” Marlene started breathing fast, her eyes wide with panic. She turned away. “I have to go—”
“Wait, Marlene,” said Toran urgently. “About Ovum Messis. What actually happens? Why was Desi objecting to it?”
Marlene hesitated. “It’s not—”
“Marlene!”
“Marlene! Where are you?”
“MARLENE!”
“That’s my parents,” Marlene said. “I have to go.”
“No, wait—” Toran said, reaching out to grab her arm, but she slipped away from him and ran back up the path. Toran briefly contemplated following her, but quickly gave up on the idea. With her parents back in the picture, he doubted that he would be able to speak to Marlene properly again.
Instead he turned and headed back to his car. As he walked, he pulled out his phone and tried Leah’s number again. Nothing. Still switched off. Toran heaved a sigh of frustration as he slid back into the Audi TT convertible and slammed the door. He tried to tell himself that he was just being paranoid, but his instinct was telling him that something was very, very wrong.
Toran started the car and pulled away from the curb. As it sped down the road, back towards downtown Singapore, he thought back over what Marlene had said. The rite of Ovum Messis. The honour of Donum Vitae. Those needle marks on her abdomen. A terrible suspicion began forming in his mind. His hands tightened on the steering wheel. No, that couldn’t be what they were doing. But even as he rejected the idea, he couldn’t stop the alarm bells ringing frantically in his mind. And he couldn’t stop thinking about Leah and Angela trapped in a retreat that had already claimed two young women’s lives.
CHAPTER 19
Leah lifted the edge of the mosquito net and slid her feet to the floor. She ducked and crawled her way out of the bed. Moving as quietly as possible, she tiptoed across the room. There was a moon tonight and it cast silver rays through the barred windows, leaving strips of white light across the floor.
One of the women coughed and turned over. Leah froze, one foot raised. The bed creaked, then was silent, and the sound of rhythmic breathing filled the air again. Leah released the breath she was holding and continued tiptoeing to the doorway. She had a story ready-prepared—a sudden need for a midnight pee—but she would rather not have to use it.
Finally outside the dormitory, Leah straightened and looked furtively around. It was nearly midnight and all seemed to be still. A single lamp illuminated one side of the courtyard, but most of the dwellings were in shadows. Leah paused, trying to decide what to do next. The dining hall she could safely skip, she decided, since it was in daily use and it was just one big empty space. And the kitchen hut and laundry hut too. They were too small and too well trafficked to really hide anybody.
She turned towards the back of the compound, in the direction of the sea. The dwellings there were what really interested her. On the first day, Crystal had taken her on a so-called tour of the retreat, but it had been obvious that there were certain buildings at the back of the compound that were strictly off-limits. Those were the ones Leah wanted to check out. She was sure that Angela was in one of them.
She still hadn’t seen any sign of Toran’s ex-fiancée and she had almost begun to doubt Angela’s existence, until she had cornered Fay in the courtyard after Goddess Gardening. The girl had told her that a few new members had gone into “sacred solitary meditation” in preparation for Ovum Messis. Amongst them was a young Asian woman who fit the description of Angela. Fay had no idea where they had gone. Solitary meditation was a fiercely protected privilege and members never spoke about where they did it and what it involved. But she knew that they didn’t leave the compound.
Which meant that they had to be in one of the buildings at the back, thought Leah, as she stole quickly through the shadows. Soon she could hear the murmur and hush of the sea and she caught the glimmer of water in the distance. She followed the path down to the beach and the mangrove swamps along the water’s edge. Crystal had showed her the way the first day and Leah had to admit that wading into the black water around the mangroves was not for the faint-hearted. She thought again of the shore pit viper that Crystal had talked about and shuddered.
Beyond the mangroves, across the open water, Leah could see faint lights winking in the distance. The main island of Singapore. She wondere
d suddenly what Toran was doing and wished that he was here, so that she could feel his warm, strong hand around hers and revel in his strength.
Leah scanned the shore, grateful for the bright moonlight that showed the landscape clearly. A long pier jutted out into the water, with some kind of hut attached to its end. But it looked like it was falling apart, its stilts not even keeping it above water level. Probably some leftover from the old kampong village on the island, maybe a fisherman’s shelter or something. It looked too small and dilapidated to hide anything, anyway.
Disappointed, Leah turned away and began to explore the area of the compound along the shore. There were a few smaller huts by the path which were plainly used for storage and other innocuous functions. Beyond them, she could see some kind of low structure, surrounded by a chain-link fence. Curious, Leah crept between the smaller buildings and approached it. It looked to be some kind of enclosure—perhaps for an animal?
She had her answer when two eyes suddenly glowed in the dark and she heard a low, menacing growl. The next minute something flung itself at the chain link, snarling and barking. The fence rattled as another canine body joined the first, snapping and snarling, and Leah stumbled backwards, stifling a scream. She tripped and fell, landing on her side in the undergrowth. She winced as she felt a sharp twig dig into her side. But her cry of pain was bitten off abruptly as she heard a voice.
Leah dropped down low, pressing her body practically flat on the ground. The smell of moist, leafy earth filled her nostrils. She strained her ears to listen. The voice came from behind the enclosure. Was there another building beyond that? Somebody—a woman—was admonishing the dogs. A second later, she heard the distinct squeak and thud of a door closing.