by Sandy James
“Them? You mean the Robertsons? They wanted a baby so desperately.”
“Mom treats me like shit.”
Before I could find out what “like shit” meant, Terri and Mike came flying across the parking lot. How long would it be before my sister would join us to see the explosions? Between Terri’s impossibly high heels and Mike peeking over his shoulder to see if his wife was still behind him, their trek across the parking lot became painful to watch. Terri finally stopped, put her hand on her husband’s arm and jerked her shoes off.
“Maddie!” she called when they drew close. “What in the hell’s going on? I slipped out to sneak a smoke and everything falls apart.”
I couldn’t help but address her last comment first. “You told me you stopped smoking. Damn it, Terri! You know how much I worry about you.”
She tossed me that big sister glare that told me to mind my own business. “I think we have more important things to talk about than my nicotine addiction.” She shot a furtive look to Scott and then back to me.
“He knows,” I replied.
“He knows?”
“He knows. The entire former student body of Woodrow Wilson knows.” With a sigh, I nodded at Eli. “Terri, this is Eli Robertson. Eli, this is my sister…um…your Aunt Terri.”
“Oh. My. God.” Her eyes stayed glued to Eli the whole time she spoke those three words. “How in the hell did he find you? The adoption was supposed to be closed!”
“Tell me about it.”
Narrowing his eyes, Eli kept that pitiless stare on me. “It was closed, but I’m pretty fucking smart and—”
“We’re outta here, Maddie.” Scott grabbed my hand and started to haul me away.
Holy shit. He’d meant it. Scott really meant to walk away from my son just because he thought the kid was insulting me by using a word I heard every three seconds on the sidewalks of New York. I wasn’t sure whether to be thrilled or upset. I didn’t resist though, letting him take the lead and grateful to have a strong presence when I desperately needed one.
“Aw, come on!” Eli shouted.
Whirling around, Scott said, “Then stop with that word, kid.”
“I’m not a kid.”
“You sure look like one. Sure sound like one.”
“I’m not a kid!” Stomping his foot didn’t help his cause.
Terrie and Mike watched the exchange with open mouths, their heads shifting as if this was some tennis match. Back and forth. Back and forth.
What in the bloody hell happened to simply going back to Pottsville, impressing a few old schoolmates with my hot boyfriend and alter ego, and then going back to my real life in New York?
Because this was my real life—the life I’d run away from so long ago. A life I could no longer escape.
I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh as a tear leaked from the corner of my eye.
Calloused fingers brushed my cheek. “Maddie?”
I reached up to press Scott’s palm against my face. “I’ll be all right.”
It was time to open wide the closet door and face my ghosts.
As Scott drew his hand back, I turned to Eli. “We should go someplace, sit down and talk.” He nodded, but frowned when I asked, “Do your parents know you’re here?”
He snorted a sardonic laugh. “You’re my parent. And by the way, who the fu—” Eli clenched his hands into fists. “Who’s my dad?”
As if I’d ever tell him that. “I’m not answering that question now. Especially not until you let me know if the Robertsons know where you are.”
“Like she gives a sh—” Scott’s glower made Eli change his word selection, “—care.”
I wasn’t sure how Robertsons translated into just Stephanie. “She’s your mom. Of course, she cares.” Fishing around in the pocket of my skirt, I finally pulled out my cell phone. “What’s the number?”
My son gave his head a stubborn shake.
On this, I wouldn’t give. “I’m calling the Robertsons. Now.”
Scott stepped into the fray. “You’re a minor, kid.”
“I told you to stop calling me ‘kid.’ If I have to stop saying fu—that word, you have to stop calling me a kid.”
“Fair enough,” Scott replied with a nod. “You’re not a kid, but you’re still a minor. Let Maddie call your parents.”
The boy was evidently every bit as obstinate as I was. “Nope.”
“Then I’ll call 911,” I replied.
We were at a Mexican standoff. I held the cell phone with my index finger on the nine key, and I wasn’t bluffing. Scott stood there with his arms folded. Terri and Mike kept switching their gazes to whoever was talking so often they were making me dizzy.
Eli folded. He gave me a number and I dialed, a bit surprised it was an Indiana area code.
“Hello?” a feminine voice answered.
“Stephanie?”
“Yes.”
“Um, I’m here with Eli—”
“Eli! Oh my God, Eli’s with you? I’ve been sick with worry. Where are you? Who are you?”
As I started to explain, I realized this was going to be a long night.
Chapter Eleven
By the time we got back to the motel, I felt like a wrung-out wash rag. Scott opened the door and followed me into the room. I dropped my purse on the floor and made straight for the bed, where I sat down and looked at the wall. The avocado green and harvest yellow paisley pattern of the wallpaper made me nauseated.
Eli had found me. And, dear God, what was I supposed to do now?
Stephanie had demanded that Eli go home. I thought that best, but he’d dug in his adolescent heels and staunchly refused. After a heated discussion, we all finally agreed on letting Eli spend the night at a place he felt was as neutral as Switzerland—Terri’s house. We could all take the night to cool our tempers and then meet to talk over breakfast.
What did he want from me? What prompted him to go searching for me in the first place? Where were we supposed to go from here? Because we sure weren’t going to be able to stuff this disaster back inside the Pandora’s box that I thought was locked tight sixteen years ago.
I said a silent prayer that Terri would be able to get some answers from him tonight so I’d have at least some idea of where to go from here, because I had absolutely no clue what the future held in store now. Not that I’d ever really known before. I’d always been the type of person who lived one day at a time, seldom planning for anything but my next book release. I didn’t even have an IRA, much to my accountant’s mortification. The man scolded me more than my mother. The state of denial was such an easy and less stressful place to live.
Scott sat next to me and interlaced our fingers. “You okay?”
I gave him an acerbic gawk. Okay? The moment I saw Eli, I knew my life would never be the same. I could no longer go about my day, contentedly pretending I didn’t have a son out there living his life without me. My mind would always go to what he was doing, who he was seeing, what was happening in his life. I had a face to focus on now—no more cherubic infantile visage. A real face I could watch grow into a man. I knew my son, and I could never walk away from him again. I’d pushed all my thoughts, fears and dreams about Eli into some deep, dark corner of my mind. They could never get shoved back into that corner again.
“I’m fine,” I finally replied simply to ease the awkward silence, knowing Scott wasn’t stupid enough to believe me.
He leaned over and kissed my temple, forcing a sigh from me. “What can I do to help?”
I shrugged as my thoughts shifted from my son to Scott. What did he think of me now? His girlfriend had borne a baby at seventeen. He probably assumed I’d been some kind of slut. A reckless one at that.
No, that wasn’t right. Scott had to have made the connection between what Craig had done to me and the creation of Eli if he’d done a little mental math when he realized how old Eli was. At least he would have made the connection if he believed what I’d told him about Craig.
&
nbsp; Now I was just being paranoid and more than a little dense. Of course, he believed me. The man had been ready to charge in and punch Craig over something that had happened years ago.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked softly.
I closed my eyes before I shook my head.
“That prick’s his father?”
I nodded. “But I don’t ever want Eli to know it.”
“Think, Maddie. Everyone at the reunion heard. You realize someone will put two and two together.”
My stomach dropped to my feet. “I have to protect him.”
“We’ll try. Secrets like this have a way of coming out. I’d like to see the adoption paperwork.”
“Why?”
“Just to know everything’s on the up and up.”
What could the guy know about law? Then again, maybe it might be nice for another pair of eyes to look things over. Scott was clearly intelligent. I had already planned to pull the documents out when I got home and see what contingencies we put into the paperwork if Eli ever found out about me. What could it hurt to have Scott see it too? “Fine.”
“How did you get around that ‘notify the father’ loophole in the adoption?”
Since Indiana wouldn’t let you put a child up for adoption without the approval of both birthparents, I’d taken a drastic and entirely illegal step to keep Craig the hell away from Eli. “I made up a name and signed the paperwork myself. Eli’s father is Dom Niemand.”
He quirked an eyebrow.
“It means ‘stupid nobody’ in Dutch. My grandmother taught me a few words when I was a kid.”
He managed a smile and leaned his head against mine.
Guilt settled on me like a wet blanket. Scott probably felt as though he’d been thrown into the middle of a tornado. Why in the hell had I dragged this poor guy into the chaos of my life?
Because I needed him.
Because I loved him.
Funny, but that didn’t bother me as I thought it should. Sure, we hadn’t spent much time together, but I recognized the deep feelings I already had for the man, just as I’d recognized them earlier when we’d been dancing. Before all hell broke loose.
I gave in to that love without a backward glance. I let my head rest against his, so happy Scott was here beside me I managed a smile.
“You really don’t want to talk about it?” His voice was as gentle as a caress.
“Not now.” It wasn’t simply a denial to placate him. I honestly didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to blot the whole cursed night out of my thoughts for a little while and pretend that I hadn’t made a wretched mess out of my life.
“C’mon, Maddie. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking I screwed up that poor kid’s life.”
“Why?”
“Because I gave him away.”
“Stop that nonsense.” He stood, took off his jacket and draped it over his travel bag, the first time I’d seen him treat his clothes with any respect. He plopped down next to me again. “You were a kid—a kid who’d been assaulted. You did what you thought was right by him. You gave him to a family who obviously wanted him.”
“One he hates. One he ran away from.”
It was Scott’s turn to stare in disbelief. “He’s sixteen. Every sixteen-year-old hates his parents, especially if they’re doing a good job.”
“He hates me too.” I sounded pathetic, which was appropriate because I felt pathetic.
“He doesn’t even know you. You know, this might be a good thing.”
I obviously still didn’t understand how this guy’s mind worked. I turned to flash him an incredulous frown. “A good thing? How could this ever be a good thing?”
He kissed my forehead, helping me relax. “It’s clear giving him up for adoption was hard on you. Now you’ve got a shot to get to know him. You can’t tell me you haven’t wondered about him, that you haven’t wished you knew what kind of person he’d become.”
Hell, yeah, I wanted to know about Eli. I wanted to know everything about him. What music did he listen to? Did he read books all the time like I had as a kid, or did he waste his time on role-playing video games? What was his favorite color? His favorite food?
What I hadn’t wanted to find out was that he hated me. I finally sighed in reply.
Scott crooked his finger and lifted my chin until I was looking at him. Those blue eyes hypnotized me, making me want to put aside everything that was swimming in my mind and simply drown in him. For the rest of the night, I needed to forget it all, to push all my hurt away and let the love I felt for Scott rule my mind and my body. I leaned closer and tugged gently on his hair. He met me halfway.
Such a simple and tender kiss, which was probably what he thought I needed. I wanted more. Much more.
I wanted it all.
I turned aggressor, channeling all the strong feelings coursing through me. I tickled his lips with my tongue until he opened them, then I swept my tongue inside.
The growl rising from his chest sent warmth rolling over me. His arms went around my shoulders, tugging me closer until I turned to press my breasts against his chest.
I didn’t have to tell him that I needed him to make love to me. He knew. His hands slipped between us, and he slowly, seductively unbuttoned the front of my dress. I didn’t even want to try subtle. I popped the button on his collar and a few more below it. Then I grasped his shirt and tugged, pulling it from the waistband of his pants until I couldn’t move it any higher because his arms were in my way. He chuckled, eased the dress off my shoulders, and then obliged me by jerking his shirt over his head. I stood, pushed the dress over my hips and let it puddle around my feet. I hoped Scott liked my lacy underwear. His crooked smile and the warm glint in his eyes told me he did.
I pulled him to his feet and reached for his belt. Normally, I was shy with guys. Shit, it wasn’t like I had a lot of experience. But I didn’t feel shy with Scott, not even with the lights on. Last night had convinced me he liked what he saw. I wanted to look at every inch of skin on his body and didn’t give a damn whether he saw every inch of mine. Didn’t matter that I wasn’t all that pretty or that I had a couple of faded stretch marks left from having Eli. Didn’t matter that I had A-cup boobs. Didn’t matter that my skin was whiter than milk because I burned so easily in the sun I had to wear a thirty-SPF sunblock every single day.
After I unfastened his belt, I undid the button on his pants before dragging down the zipper. My fingers deliberately swept against his erection, drawing a hissing breath from Scott that hit me hard. He wanted me. Me. Maddie. And I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted a man in my life. I wanted him more than any of the heroines I’d ever written wanted their heroes. I wanted him so much that I felt as if I’d die if I didn’t have him inside me soon.
Big hands cupped my breasts, and I arched into his caress. His fingers brushed as light as feathers before they popped the front clasp of my bra, threaded under the straps, and eased it off my shoulders. The garment floated to the floor, and I was left with just my pink panties.
Scott discarded his pants and briefs in a pile on the floor and then faced me. The guy was perfect. He looked like he could model for the cover of one of my books. The perfect amount of body hair to make him masculine. Six pack abs. Slim hips. I leaned in to press a kiss to that Celtic tattoo on his biceps that I loved so much, while he pushed my panties over my hips. When the garment fell to the carpet, I kicked it aside.
He jerked back the bedspread, blanket and sheet before his gaze came back to me.
With no finesse at all, I said, “God, you’re handsome.”
The dimple in his right cheek deepened. “And you’re beautiful.” He swept me into his arms and set me on the bed. While I scooted over to give him more room, he reached for his bag.
“Condom?” I asked.
The packet was tossed to me. I set it aside for the moment.
Scott stretched out on the bed and drew
me into his arms. At long last, I’d found my way home.
His skin was so hot. I looped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He slipped his tongue into my mouth.
His flavor was intoxicating. The lingering tang of wine was there, mixed with his own essence. I almost told him how much I liked his taste, but I couldn’t find the strength to stop kissing him long enough to do so.
His palm covered my breast, rubbing until the nipple hardened in invitation. He replied by pulling his mouth away from mine to lean down and press a kiss to the swell of first one breast and then the other. One long, erotic lick over each nipple before he used suction and the searing heat of his tongue to pull me higher.
I’m not sure whose hands moved south first, but suddenly, the teasing ended and the actions became serious. I was so full of powerful emotions, I used what Scott made me feel as an outlet. All the fear, anger and passion responded to his touch. His erection was hot, hard, and I ran my fingers over the silky skin before wrapping my hand around him and pumping until his hips started to push into my touch.
Scott’s fingers worked magic, stroking, teasing and plunging inside me until my hips were as wild as his. I couldn’t take much more, and my mind screamed how much I needed him inside me. I wanted to feel the weight of his body, the touch of his skin, the connection between us as his body joined mine. Grabbing the packet, I ripped it open and quickly rolled the condom over his shaft.
I held tight to his shoulders and rolled to my back, taking him with me. “Now.”
He pushed a knee between my thighs to separate them farther, then knelt between my legs. His hands roamed my body from shoulder to hip before returning to my breasts. It was exquisite torture. Before I could tell him to stop his teasing, he lowered his body against mine, his arousal pressing against my core.
I reached between us, took gentle control and guided him inside me. He thrust until he was buried to the hilt. I squeezed my eyes shut to savor the feeling of him deep in my body, wishing it would never, ever end.
He felt like heaven—at least the closest to heaven I’d ever get.
When he didn’t immediately start moving, I opened my eyes to find him staring down at me with such intensity, shivers raced over my skin.