by Tawny Weber
Before she could claim her turn, he sank into a mind-blowing kiss. His mouth molded hers, his tongue sweeping inside with the richly addicting taste of fudge.
She wanted to eat him up.
To keep him, forever.
Afraid of that thought, she moved fast, shifting so she was over his body. She ran her hands over his mouthwatering expanse of muscles, then straddled his hips.
“Yum,” he growled, his hands cupping her breasts. “I like the view.”
“You’re going to like the ride even more,” she promised.
Teasing them both, she leaned across him to grab a condom from the bowl on the nightstand. The move brushed her breast over his face. As she straightened, she brushed over him again, but slower this time.
A clever, resourceful kind of guy, he took good advantage of her offer, sipping at her nipple. It felt so good she had to stay for a few extra seconds to enjoy. Desire wound, tense and edgy in her belly again. You’d think she’d be sated, or at least comfortable. Instead, she was as needy and desperate for Aiden as she’d been earlier.
He nipped, then laved her nipple as if soothing the wound. Her thighs quivered and the desire coiled tighter. Even tighter than earlier, she realized. Now that she’d had him, now that she knew how incredible it was, she was even more turned on.
And in very real danger of coming right here and now.
“Not yet,” she said to both of them, straightening so quickly that his mouth made a slurping sound. “I’ve got plans here, sexy boy. You’re not going to distract me.”
“Bet I could.”
Shifting down his thighs a little, she tore open the condom and gave him a wicked look.
“I’ll bet you could, too. But think of everything you’d miss out on if you do.”
To give him an idea of what that everything included, she shifted again, poised above his erection. She bent her knees just a little, so the tip of his dick was right there, at the entrance of delight.
Her eyes locked on his, she trailed her fingers up her thighs, along the sides of her waist. She paused to cup her own breasts, loving how his eyes darkened and he groaned.
As soon as he reached out, his hands replacing hers, she continued her journey. Her fingers skimmed the sides of her throat, then she combed them through her hair.
She arched her back and lowered her body at the same time.
Taking him inside her.
Shuddering as he filled her with his hard length.
Her inner walls trembled around him, clenching in so so many tiny orgasms.
Her breath sped up.
Her heart pounded so hard, she could barely hear their breaths over the beating in her head.
His thumbs rubbed her nipples in time with her moves.
Up and down.
Around and around.
He was so good.
So delicious.
And so incredible to watch.
His eyes glazed over.
His body tensed beneath her, those gorgeous muscles rippling as he moved. His hips lifted now to meet hers. Their bodies came together faster. But his hands never left her breasts, his focus never left her face.
She’d always dreamed of bliss. Of finding that perfect something that touched her heart, filled her world with joy. With this feeling, she could do anything. Be everything.
As good as she was at dreaming, at vividly imagining what bliss would be like, she’d been totally clueless.
This was so much more than she’d ever imagined.
It was bigger.
Brighter.
Totally soul-encompassing.
But even as she sank again into the blissful sexual haze, she could feel the terror hanging there, right over her shoulder like a grim specter, tapping its foot and waiting to engulf her.
9
WHO KNEW GREAT SEX could work up such an appetite? Sage helped herself to a second apple pancake and scooped more eggs onto her plate. Mrs. Green had outdone herself with breakfast today.
“Are you seriously going to eat all of that?” Nina asked, seated across from Sage at the Professor’s table. Her plate looked a little sad with its three pieces of fruit and dollop of yogurt.
“I’m hungry,” Sage said before taking a huge bite. As soon as she swallowed, she added, “Besides, I have a great metabolism. I’ll work this off before dinner.”
“Sure you will. If you’re having sex with Aiden again.”
Unfazed, Sage just smiled and ate a big bite of apple-enriched pancake. Who was she to deny the awesomeness that was her current sex life? Her fork halfway to her mouth, she paused to sigh in appreciation at the memories. Not just of last weekend and their engagement party after-party, but of the three days following. Lunchtime sex. Poolside sex. Dragging-her-along-for-a-run-and-her-distracting-him sex.
That was a lot of sex.
She’d had more awesome sex in the last five days than she’d had mediocre sex the entire rest of her life.
Sage ran her tongue over her bottom lip, reveling in the taste of warm cinnamon and hot thoughts.
Oh, yeah. Her metabolism was working overtime.
As were her imagination, her optimism and her libido.
She couldn’t have dreamed up a better distraction from worrying about her father if she’d tried.
Or a better way to enjoy Mrs. Green’s fabulous cooking.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this,” Nina observed, sneaking a piece of pancake off Sage’s plate.
“Hungry? Or sexually satisfied?” Sage asked with a wink.
“Content.”
Whoa.
Sage frowned, slowly lowering her fork to the plate.
“Content? That’s a funny way to describe me.” Satisfied, giddy, worried, confused. Those she could see. But content?
Her frown deepened. Had she ever been content? Why was she just now realizing it was something she might want?
“Probably because you’ve never been described that way before.” Nina laughed. “From preschool on, you’ve always been off searching for something. A different toy, better crayons, another adventure. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you seem satisfied with where you were at. With what you have.”
Content? Satisfied?
Was that what this feeling was? Sage took a deep breath, pushing her plate away. Suddenly, she wasn’t so hungry.
“What’s wrong?” Nina asked.
“I don’t know.” What was wrong?
She wanted to be content. To find satisfaction. To live a happy life. This was as close to bliss as she’d ever been. Nina was right. She was always searching for something. For someone. For that magical connection that would make her feel whole.
“Are you getting cold feet?” Nina asked, pulling Sage’s half-eaten pancakes toward her to take a bite. “That’s normal, you know.”
More like suddenly realizing that she’d spent most of her life on a quest, without a clue what she actually wanted. Home? The idea of staying in one place, always, was boring. A person? She’d thought that—and been wrong—often enough to know that happiness had to come from within first.
“Did you get cold feet before you married Jeffrey?” she asked. Maybe she was so upside down, her cold feet manifested as contentment.
“Sure did,” Nina said around a big mouthful.
“What’d you do?”
“Eloped.” Washing the pancake down with a sip of juice, Nina shrugged. “I knew I’d screw it up if I kept worrying. There are a million questions that go with a wedding. Color schemes, flower choices, menus and guest lists. Even when you think you know what you want, it’s still crazy.”
“So you eloped to avoid the wedding decisions?”
“Sort of.” N
ina wrinkled her nose, then gave in and ate another bite of pancake. “But mostly it was to escape all the second thoughts. I mean, I knew Jeffrey and I were perfect for each other. But it was like all the wedding questions sparked marriage questions. Silly doubts, crazy worries.”
“I guess it’s a good thing I’m not planning my wedding yet, then,” Sage said, suddenly sad and confused.
“That doesn’t mean you’re not getting cold feet. Are you thinking that the two of you are crazy happy right now?”
“We are happy,” Sage agreed slowly. At least she was. Other than her worries over her father, the last few weeks were about the happiest she could remember having.
“Are you wondering how that happy can last? Like, maybe this is the peak and it’s got to all be downhill from here?”
“I don’t want to answer that,” Sage muttered.
“You’re figuring the sex is wild, he treats you like a princess and you both are in basic agreement about everything, right?” Nina waited for Sage’s reluctant shrug before patting her hand and continuing. “But there’s no way that can last. So you’re worried. Even while you fall asleep in his arms with a huge, satisfied smile on your face, you’re trying to memorize the moment because you figure it’s all gonna be gone.”
Sage tapped her fingernail against her plate a few times, took a deep breath, then shook her head.
“You know, I’d really appreciate it if you’d stay the hell out of my head. Friends should let friends enjoy their freak-outs in peace.”
She laughed along with Nina as if it were all a fun joke. But inside, Sage wondered if she’d become a cliché.
This was a fake engagement, with a definite ending that wouldn’t include rings or growing old together or baby names. No ties, no fears, no big boogeyman future to worry about. Just great sex between good friends.
“So?”
“So, what?” Sage asked.
“Cold feet?”
“Yeah,” Sage admitted with a sigh. “Total cold feet.”
Not about her fake engagement, though.
Nope. She had cold feet about her entire life.
* * *
THREE HOURS LATER, she was cozied up in her favorite window seat in her father’s study, staring at her sock-covered feet and wondering what it’d take to warm them back up. Her laptop was on the table next to her, a bowl of M&M’s—red only, today—nearby.
“Sage, darling.”
“Hello, Daddy-o.” Sage greeted him, looking up from her laptop. A quick search of his features and her shoulders relaxed. He looked good. Really, really good. “You’re back from the hospital early.”
“What’re you working on?” he asked, settling into his plush easy chair and giving her an expectant look.
“How do you know I’m working on anything?” she asked, offering him the bowl of candy.
He took a handful, then held up one piece of candy-coated chocolate.
“Red. Energy, right? You always eat red M&M’s when you’re working on a piece you plan to sell.”
“You know me so well,” she said with a laugh.
“I do, I do,” he agreed. “And your momma used to eat hers the same way.”
Sage smiled, always thrilled to hear that she was, in any way, like the mother she’d lost so young.
“Did she teach me to separate them, then?”
“And to designate colors for moods. Yellow for happy, blue for sad.”
“I always think of blue for peace,” she admitted. “It’s easier to ignore the sad.”
He gave her a long, intense look that made her want to squirm.
“You’re distracting yourself,” he observed quietly. “Trying to do as many things as you can to keep from thinking about what might happen to me.”
Do Aiden as many times as she could, was more like it.
Sage swallowed, trying to ease the sudden tightness in her throat. She glanced at her fingers, aglitter with rings and twined together in a nervous knot.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said quietly, finally looking up to meet her father’s eyes. “Words have power. If we don’t discuss it, it’ll have less power. Over me, over the outcome. Over my emotions.”
He gave her one of his patented calm looks. The ones that said he had all the time in the world to wait until she got the problem figured out. He’d worn that expression when she was learning to tie her shoes, learning to drive, talking about boys, recovering from her first hangover. Heck, she was pretty sure he’d worn that look for at least half the days in her life.
That’s what made him so awesome.
She blinked fast, knowing tears weren’t going to help either of them.
“I know, that’s too new-agey for you.” She wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “But I’m just not ready to talk about it.”
Hopefully she wouldn’t have to be. He seemed better. He was responding well to treatment. Maybe he’d get through this and they’d never have to talk about it at all.
After a long consideration, her father nodded. He looked a little relieved, too, she noted. So, there. She’d just made them both feel a little better.
The tight ball of dread didn’t shift from her belly. It’d been there for two weeks now and she was getting used to it. At least, she was telling herself that. And like not talking about the bad stuff, she figured if she told herself that often enough, she’d eventually believe it.
“Then let’s talk about happier subjects, shall we?” her father suggested, folding both hands over his belly in lecture mode.
Sage automatically straightened, shoulders back and chin up, ready to listen.
“Let’s discuss your future. I’m quite pleased thinking about it,” he told her, his smile backing up his claim.
“My future?”
As in, her and Aiden. Together forever in wedded bliss. Was that the future he meant?
Was today future day or something? They all had their pretty label, why couldn’t it be left at that?
Then she saw the look in her father’s eyes.
That was more than patience.
That was stubbornness.
The same stubbornness she saw in the mirror on a regular basis.
Nerves bounced so hard in her belly, they almost tossed her breakfast right back out her mouth.
Holy crap.
Was he going to talk about babies? Buying a house? Saving for college, retirement plans and oh, God, her getting a real job?
She swallowed hard, pressed a hand to her belly in warning and tried to smile.
Maybe it’d be easier if she got over herself and they talked about his health.
“Yes, dear. Your future. You and Aiden are going to get married. That means you might want to consider some changes.”
Oh, man.
Changes?
She loved changing things.
Her hairstyle. Her address. Her job. Her view.
But only when she was ready. On her whim, when the muse called, when she was bored.
“What kind of changes?” she asked tentatively, afraid to deny him anything.
“You’re going to be building a life together, you and Aiden. Considering your future. Now, I’m not saying you should live here, although Villa Rosa is a lovely town to raise a family,” he said, chuckling. He looked past her shoulder, casting an affectionate smile out the window at the distant view of the town.
She couldn’t quite smile back. Not with all those words swirling through her head. A family? The future?
“Shouldn’t Aiden be here for this chat?” she asked. He was trained to deal with scary stuff.
“No, no. I’m sure we’ll have many a chat, all three of us. But right now I just wanted to talk to you.”
Surprise shooed away some of the n
erves in Sage’s stomach.
He’d rather talk to her than Aiden? She’d never felt slighted or overlooked in her father’s relationship with Aiden. Her place in her father’s life and his heart was secure and firm. But, still, this talk was about Aiden. Why wouldn’t her father want him included?
“Don’t you think that soon, after the two of you set the wedding date and make your decisions about settling down, that perhaps it’ll be time for some career changes?” the Professor asked, his smile in place and that bulldog look in his eyes.
Sage squinted, glancing at her laptop and its waiting article, then back at her father.
“I really don’t think I’m a career kind of person, Dad. I mean, I like writing my blog posts and stirring up attention. There are a lot of things that deserve that focus, after all. And the posts, the articles I sell, they are great. But that’s more of a hobby than a career.” She nibbled at her bottom lip, her fingers pleating the fabric of her skirt and she considered her last three or four jobs. “I didn’t much like retail, and while I’m a good barista, there’s only so much coffee I want to serve, you know?”
She waited, wondering if he had a new job or career option he wanted to suggest for her to try. Maybe something with flowers or outdoors. She just might like working with nature.
“I meant Aiden’s career, dear.”
“Oh.”
Ahhhh.
Sage blew out a long breath.
That’s why Aiden wasn’t included in this particular conversation.
“You mean Aiden being a SEAL? You’re worried about the danger?”
“Aren’t you?”
Sage opened her mouth, then closed it. She should be, shouldn’t she? She blinked a few times, trying to figure out why she wasn’t. Finally, she shrugged.
“No. I’m really not. I’m not oblivious to the dangers, but Aiden’s served in wartime and come through fine. I mean, he has a few scars here and there. And sure, his shoulder seems to ache a little when he first wakes up. But that’s the kind of thing any guy who’s led an active life would face.”
“It’s not quite the same as if he were playing weekends sports or putting in his forty hours a week on his feet, Sage. He’s jumping out of airplanes, diving under the sea, chasing down wrongdoers and operating under enemy fire.”