by M. Clarke
Copyright © Mary Ting 2016
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Licensing Notes
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews.
Photographer: Shauna Kruse
Cover Designer: Regina Wamba
Models: Josh McCann and Isabelle Emilie McCann
Chapter 1
Josh
It took me thirty minutes to get to her house. Not hours, not days. She lived thirty minutes from my house. Thirty freakin’ minutes. Inhaling a deep breath, I willed myself to calm down as I released the tight grip on the steering wheel. But panic slammed hard against my rib cage. I’d found her—well, technically the private investigator I had hired found her. But what the hell was I supposed to do next?
I’d played out the scenario in my head while I drove. Knock on the door. When she answered, tell her I heard she lived nearby and thought I’d stop by to find out how she was doing. It all seemed simple and easy in my mind, but as I parked at the curb of her house under a grand oak tree, nerves knotted inside my stomach. Fuck it! I’m an idiot. Starting the engine, I decided to leave the past behind and lock it for good, but then I spotted a movement inside the house. I killed the engine and became a stalker.
I jumped in my seat when my phone ringing startled me. Staring at the phone, I eased my breathing to a steadier beat. Wondering if any one of the neighbors spotted me loitering in the car put me on edge. Heart still thumping, I read the text. A text from Isla usually put a grin on my face, but not at that moment. Every single muscle tensed—I couldn’t shit if I wanted to.
Isla: Where are you?
Heat rushed to my face. Lie.
Me: I’m about to head home. Where are you?
Isla: Home. I meant your home.
Me: It’s your home too. You live there.
Isla: I made dinner. Thought we could eat together.
My lips curled at her kind gesture.
Me: Sounds great. I’ll see you in an hour.
Isla: See ya.
An hour. I’d have thirty minutes to drive back home and thirty minutes to say hello and leave. Or just stare at the house. Grow some balls, Josh. What’s the harm in saying hello? Placing my hand on the door handle, I tugged a little, but my planted legs refused to budge as my heart hammered faster with every effort I made to get out of the car. It’s been almost two freakin’ years since she disappeared out of your life without a goodbye or explanation, that’s why, you idiot. She didn’t care about you when she left, and she still doesn’t give a fuck. Get the fuck out of there.
Five minutes rolled by. Ten…fifteen…twenty. I had to go soon. Clenching my teeth, I shoved myself out of the car and forced my feet to the front door before I chickened out again. As I passed by the window, I caught a glimpse of Shelly, unclear but definitely her.
Her back was toward me, but I remembered her face perfectly. How could I ever forget my first love? My first heartbreak. That woman had made my heart expand to the fullest, only to burst it with her lies.
Her blonde hair, shorter than before, zapped me back to our past, and my heart raced as I remembered all the good and bad we shared. And the scent of the perfume she had worn every day—Poison, how fitting—whiffed through my nostrils and pulled up old memories. The pain of her absence started to chip away the wall I had built and started to crawl into my heart.
She bent out of my line of sight. The sun dipping to end the day reflected on the window and blinded me. What she held in her arms when the glare faded, or I should say whom she held in her arms, stopped me in my tracks. I stared in shock and confusion. My heart lurched in my throat. The tightness trapped all the oxygen in my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe.
What the fuck? A baby? Her baby? The baby couldn’t be more than a year. Doing the math … ten months of pregnancy, plus a year or less for the baby’s age, equaled two years. About two years ago, she disappeared from my life. Was the baby mine? Or did she cheat on me? Anger flared, and the rage that still lived in the pit of my stomach resurfaced. I’d always suspected she ran off with another man. Maybe she did cheat and got pregnant. Perhaps she didn’t have the guts to tell me, so she ran. Things didn’t add up.
I pulled back before she saw me, and I rushed to the safety net of my car. I became that boy with a shattered heart again as I shrank down in my seat to soak it all in. But what if the baby was mine? What if she lied to me? Would she?
I should have left my past behind. But once I located Pandora’s box, I had to open it. It would eat at me day and night if I never knew the truth. Oh, fuck me. Okay. I had to gather myself, figure out how to find the truth. But not that day. With my poker face on, I drove out of there as fast as I could.
Chapter 2
Isla
I texted Josh, asking him to join me for dinner. Olivia had plans with Nathan, so I figured I would eat at home, and since I lived with Josh, why not include him. It wouldn’t be the first time I had made dinner for him, so why did I feel nervous?
It was no big deal, I reminded myself. Josh and I were friends. Not just acquaintances, but good friends. We clicked the day we met at a function for the models.
When my eyes connected to his from across the room, everyone else became nonexistent, and I forgot how to breathe. The loud music, the vibration beneath my feet from the bass, people dancing around me, and even my friend Michelle, waving for my attention from the bar, all disappeared.
The six feet two inches, broad shoulders, toned muscles, and holy cow, tattoos along both of his arms rendered me speechless. So much of a badass, bad boy image, but oh my heart, I couldn’t look away as he pinned me frozen with the whole package of him. As he continued to hold me spellbound, he glided toward me with primal eyes blazing—one goal in his mind. Me.
I’d thought I would drown in my own melted body as the god-like hunk of a man stood before me with that sexy grin hot enough to scorch my panties.
My mind raced with naughty thoughts, and he did things to me I never imagined my head would produce. And when he introduced himself and shook my hand, my knees wanted to buckle. His presence stole my air, and I forgot how to form words. Michelle reminded me she was sick and needed to go home, and I snapped out of the daze to help her.
Later, Michelle gave Josh my phone number. Our friendship grew fast after he called me. There could have been more, but I’d been dating someone. Being the type to date one man at a time, I almost brushed him off, but he refused to be ignored. We had so much fun planning a couple trap to get Nathan and Olivia back together we vowed to do it again with another couple if needed. Josh and I had silly fun together.
The garage door rumbled open and my heart sped a mile a minute. Dinner waited on the table, minus candles. I didn’t want the ambiance of a romantic setting. I timed dinner perfectly to the one hour Josh said he would take to get home.
“Honey, I’m home.” Josh greeted me with an accent as he always did when I came home first, the way Ricky greeted Lucy on I Love Lucy. We had recently watched an episode together. Even though we joked, I wished at times it were real.
“How was your day, dear?” I played back with a smile, and then wrapped my arms around him as his soft chuckle hummed against my ear.
Josh held on to me so tightly, I thought he would crush me, and the way he inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, I kne
w exactly what kind of day he had. “Wow. That great? Come and tell me all about it.”
Josh raked his dark hair back, and his shoulders slumped. “You know me so well, Isla. But tell me how your day was first.” Josh went to the kitchen sink to wash up, and then ran his wet hands down his face as if to wash whatever happened away.
My heart went out to him. I sat down at the dining table, and he followed suit across from me.
“Looks delicious.” He eyed the chicken breast, sliced up potatoes, and asparagus on his plate.
“Thank you.” I draped the paper napkin across my lap and took a bite of the potato. “Oh, would you like some wine?” I pointed at the two bottles set on the table.
“I got it.” Josh reached over. “Red or white?”
“Red.”
He filled our glasses. “You didn’t tell me how your day was.” He swallowed a gulp of wine and then picked up the utensils, waiting for me to answer.
“Oh. I had a slow, easy day today. I didn’t have a shoot, so I surfed the net, mostly Knight Fashion sites, and I did some online shopping. It’s so much easier and convenient to shop on the net, and sometimes less expensive. But it’s hard to control myself where there’s fifty percent off.” I snorted and then took a sip of my wine to cool off. Josh’s beautiful bluish-green eyes on me, giving me all his attention, had me feeling naked.
“Yeah. I can understand.” Josh sliced through the chicken, took a bite, and then continued. “Guys shop differently than girls, I assume. For me, I shop when I need something. For example, if I need a blue shirt, I go on the net and click on the blue shirt, and I check out. That’s it. I’m done. Women tend to not check out right away and browse around.”
I licked my lips and nodded. “You’re so right. What can I say? But don’t put all women in the same category. Some women hate to shop online. My sister-in-law hates it. She told me she needed to try on the clothes. She has two little girls, so shopping is kind of hard, but she still refuses to shop online.”
“I see.” Josh peered up to the simple but elegant brass fixture above. He seemed miles away, lost in space when I mentioned my nieces.
I sliced and forked some chicken. After I took a bite, I waited for Josh to make eye contact again. Obviously something bothered him, but I felt hesitant to ask. “So, enough about me. How was your day?”
He stared at me for a second, considering my question, and gave me half a smile. “I—it was okay. Nathan and I spoke to Matthew about our future assignment. Afterward, I went to do some errands. Then I came home.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s all?” I pointed my fork at him. “You’re holding something back.”
Josh’s cheeks flushed. “I’m just stressed, that’s all.” He poured more wine into his glass, shifted his eyes to mine, and poured more for me without asking.
“Thanks,” I said. “Stressed about what?”
He kept his eyes glued to his food as he ate. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut.
Josh leveled his eyes to mine. “Let’s talk about something else. Do you have any assignments lined up? Contracts?”
“My agent wants to meet with me tomorrow, so I’m going to assume I had some offers.”
He nodded. “Good. It’s tough out there.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. My mind went wild with speculation. Did something happen during his meeting with Matthew Knight? Why did he ask me if I had future assignments or contracts? And what got him so stressed? “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about a particular subject? We’ve been living together for a month. I know you more than you think I do. The only things I don’t know about you are about your past and your family.”
Josh’s face remained neutral, not revealing a flicker of emotion. A few heartbeats later he said, “I like to keep it that way. One day I might share the ugly truth with you, but I’ll warn you it isn’t pleasant.”
I gasped inwardly. With Josh’s jovial personality, never once had I thought he would have a past he would rather forget. How bad was it? My curiosity about his past became my personal mission. I had to find out. I had to help him overcome whatever ate at him. I wanted to place him in the bubble of my protection and make the entire ugly, unpleasant thing that hurt him go away. When he hurt, I hurt too.
“Okay.” I changed the subject to move on from the awkward conversation. “So, are we on for a Netflix night?”
“Zombie World?” His eyes lit up.
“Yup.”
After we finished dinner, Josh helped me do the dishes. He seemed attentive but also preoccupied with something. What’s going on, Josh? Let me in. Tell me what’s eating at your soul so deeply you can’t let it out. I kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to ask him again what troubled him. Josh scooped some chocolate and strawberry ice cream in bowls and sat next to me as I pressed buttons on the remote control.
Excitement coursed through me. Watching our favorite show together and eating ice cream with all the lights off in the house was a moment I looked forward to. When it got scary, I scooted closer. His thigh pressing mine, our bodies so close, made my head spin and my desire spiral toward a danger zone. It was so wrong, yet it felt so right.
“That’s so gross,” I squealed, shrinking next to him as a zombie chomped on a man’s head.
“What? Eating brains?” Josh asked. “The special effects are cool. It looks so real.”
My nose twitched as I spooned up some ice cream. “I don’t think I can eat this right now.”
“Yum,” he teased and then placed his mouth on my head, pretending to chew.
I jerked, my bowl of ice cream nearly splashing out of the bowl. “Oh my God, Josh. You made me almost spill it on myself,” I chastised.
“No biggie. I’ll lick it off you.” He joked so casually, I assumed it didn’t mean much to him. His eyes focused back to the show.
I, on the other hand, burned like the oven and pretended he didn’t just say those words to me. Watching Zombie World couldn’t be any sexier.
When Josh finished his ice cream, I set his bowl on the table beside the sofa we sprawled on. Since I had an extra scoop, I fed him a bite of mine. Sharing a spoon seemed so intimate, like he devoured my lips, and that thought led to naughtier thoughts as I stole a glance at his beautiful eyes, sometimes flashing blue and sometimes green, glowing in the light from the bright television screen. Then my gaze lowered over his perfect nose, his chiseled, model’s jaw line, and then to his supple lips. I’d wanted to taste those lips many times as I stared at him speaking. I lost all interest in the show, and Josh became my private screening.
As if Josh sensed me staring, he turned to me. His eyes locked on mine at first, and then his eyes roamed my face, searching, and finally reflecting some emotion I didn’t understand. Conflicting desires? Did he feel the same way I did? Wanting to be more than friends but worried about our friendship?
His lips spread playfully. “You’ve got ice cream on your face.”
My face heated, and I wiped my cheek.
“It’s still there.” He chuckled, amusement on his face.
I frowned and wiped my nose and the corner of my lips, but nothing came away, and nothing cold hinted where it could be.
“I’ll wipe it for you,” he said, leaning in closer.
Oh dear heavens. His lips were so close to mine, he might as well kiss me. Kiss me, Josh. Kiss me like you want me. Do whatever you want with me. Take me. Do things to me you wanted to do the first time we met. I made a terrible mistake. I should have dumped the guy I was seeing and dated you instead.
“It’s right here.” His breath shuddered as his thumb caressed the length of my bottom lip in one slow, sweeping motion, shooting all kinds of fireworks through my body.
My eyes fluttered, mimicking all my organs working on overdrive from that simple, sensual touch he probably hadn’t meant to drag on. I parted my lips to thank him, but his thumb never lifted and went across on my top, making a full circle as his eyes followed, and then his
lips moved closer and closer, until…oh Josh. My heart thundered and roared. No doubt his did too. I was sure he could hear my rapid breathing.
“Isla.” The way he whispered my name drugged me. I could hardly keep myself together as he unglued me painfully, slowly, closing the gap inch by inch. “I think I’m about to do something I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself. But if you don’t want this, push me away. I want to taste and suck ice cream from your mouth and then from the rest of your body.”
Holy shit! That did it. Push you away? Hell no. You’re going to have to peel me off you now, Josh. I’d wanted Josh since the day I moved in. Having him next door tortured me every night, imagining his body next to mine in his bed. Before he could say another word, I crushed my lips to his.
Warm lips met cold lips, but oh so sweet. Ice cream tasted like heaven from Josh’s mouth. Our kiss intensified when Josh took my bowl and placed it next to his. And then his arms moved freely about my body, lifting my shirt and unhooking my bra.
“Isla. Fuck. You taste so good,” he murmured between kisses.
“So do you. My favorite flavor,” I panted, turned on by the roughness of our lips crashing together.
Josh lowered me. My body spread along the length of the sofa as I drowned in the feeling of his body pressing against mine. Josh’s cock, full and hard, drove me to another level of lust and need. His lips trailed kisses down my neck, shoulder, and then lower with hunger and passion I hadn’t known existed.
When I began to unbutton my shirt, Josh shoved my hand away. He yanked my shirt apart as if he couldn’t wait. Buttons popped off. I trembled from his growl and animalistic passion.
I stiffened and arched my back, releasing a long moan at a cold touch on my breast. Josh had dipped his hand into my ice cream bowl and rubbed the ice cream over my nipple. Oh freakin’ hell. He licked and sucked my nipple and then moved to the other one. My butt cheeks tightened as Josh nipped my nipple, shooting painful but pleasurable sensations right to my sex. As cold as it was, it felt so deliciously good, and I wanted more.