by M. Clarke
A day before, I’d looked forward to seeing Josh come home. Though my heart and stomach flip-flopped every time he was around, we were good friends. I hid my feelings and tried to keep my hands and eyes behind the friendship boundaries. No one knew I fantasized about him. A day later, everything had changed. I didn’t want to go home after seeing the expression on my brother’s face. He hadn’t known how I felt about Josh, but I had a feeling he figured it out.
“Are you hungry?” Kathy checked on the girls, and I followed suit. “I made a reservation at this fairly new restaurant. It’s Italian, called Factory Kitchen. I heard it was delicious.”
“Sounds good to me.” I picked up a light saber and scowled at the girls. “Ready girls? I’m Auntie Darth Vader.”
My nieces screamed, snatching up theirs in panic. Ivan picked up the extra one in the toy chest and said, “I’ll save you, my queens.” He spun and faced me. “I’m a Bounty Hunter, and you’re dead.”
I raised the saber. “Not if I kill you first.”
Then it was fun chaos.
Chapter 5
Josh
Nathan raised his hand, catching my attention.
“I’m with him,” I informed the hostess. When she nodded, I weaved around the tables and people. Dropping to my seat, I eyed the bar. I really needed a beer.
“Sorry I’m late. The traffic was murderous.” I scrubbed my hand down my face, realizing I had forgotten to shave.
“You look like shit. What happened?” Nathan’s concerned tone didn’t help my mood.
Did I look that bad? I tossed and turned all night, worrying over my stupid judgment with Isla. But for a mistake, it was so fucking good. And the fact I might be a father, well that was a whole different story.
“Did you order drinks?” I glanced at his fingers loosely holding the glass.
Nathan leaned closer, studying me, as if he could read my troubles written on my face. “She gave me water, but I didn’t order drinks yet. Josh, you okay?”
I dipped my head down, touching the cool surface of the table, and then peered back up. What came out of my mouth surprised me. I never shared. I hated to bother my friends with my troubles. My shoulder was theirs to lean on, not the other way around. “I’m not,” I whispered.
Nathan crossed his arms on the table and gave me his full attention. “What happened?” His tone filled with so much concern, I almost teared up.
“I. Fucked. Up.” All the blood drained out of me, but at the same time saying it got some stress out of my system. If I trusted anyone to keep their mouth shut, it was Nathan. “I-I…” Why was it so hard to say the words? Because it was Isla, not some girl who didn’t mean much to me. “I did something I shouldn’t have done with Isla.”
Nathan looked at me blankly, and then his eyes rounded so big I thought his irises would pop out. “Interesting,” he said, his lips tugging a little to the side.
“What are you smiling about?” I let out a chuckle.
He rubbed his chin, seemingly thinking about something. “It’s about time.”
“It’s about what time?” I spat.
The waitress broke into our conversation with a greeting. She filled Nathan’s and my glasses with water as she eyed the tattoos on my arms. When she realized I had caught her, she gave me the same reaction everyone did, admiration, and then she smiled. I imagined the questions she had in her mind because they were the same damn questions everyone asked: Did it hurt? Why so many tattoos? Do they hold meaning? After we ordered our alcoholic drinks and dinner, she left, and I glared at Nathan, urging him to continue.
“Come on, Josh. You and Isla were destined to have something happen. You’re good friends. I get it. But at the same time, you’re attracted to each other. You’re trying to suppress it so much that every time you’re near her, you burst into flames. Neither of you can keep your hands to yourselves, and you act like a couple when we go out together.”
“What do you mean we act like a couple?” I asked hesitantly, trying to recall acting like that.
Nathan raised one finger at a time as he named examples. “You eat each other’s food. She wipes your mouth with her napkin. You order food for her. She cooks you dinner at the house where you both live. You watch shows together after dinner.”
I frowned at his five fingers up. Five were too many. “How do you know about watching shows after dinner?”
“Olivia,” we said at the same time.
I took a long gulp of water to cool down. Nathan nailed it, but I hadn’t seen the clear picture of Isla and me until he pointed it out. It all seemed so natural. Isla and I started becoming more than friends the minute she moved in.
“What are you going to do?” Nathan asked.
I took a moment to process and to find the right words. “I really care about her. And a part of me wants more than friendship, but at the same time, if I screw it up, our friendship is ruined forever. There’s no going back. There would be no fixing it.”
Nathan nodded, tapping his thumb on his glass. “Then you’ll never know how good it could be with her. It will have to be a choice you will have to live with. Tell me. How would you feel if another guy asked her out?”
I shrugged, trying to be a good person. “I think I’d be fine. I’d be happy for her. Her happiness means a lot to me.”
Nathan drew his eyebrows together. “Okay, then how would you feel if some guy came to your house and spent the night in Isla’s bed while you were in the other room?”
“Fuck. If you put it that way, then …” I dropped my head. “I don’t think I’d like it, especially after we …”
Nathan slightly banged on the table, startling me. I snapped my head up. “Josh. You don’t think? Wake up. It would drive you fuckin’ crazy. Knowing you, you’d probably kick the guy’s ass out the door.”
My lips pinched as I tried not to laugh. “You know me so well.”
“Then what’s the problem? What are you waiting for?”
I sighed and slouched over the table. “I have another problem.”
The waitress interrupted us again, bringing us two beer bottles.
“Thanks,” I said quickly as she set them on the table.
“Actually, they’re not the drinks you had ordered. They’re from those two ladies at that table over there.” She gestured with the tilt of her head.
Two beautiful ladies raised their glasses at us with alluring smiles, suggesting more to come. Being a gentleman, I smiled back, but not with the same enthusiasm I normally would have had. Nathan and I were getting used to women sending us drinks when we dined together. I wasn’t in the mood, and I certainly didn’t want to complicate things with a one-night stand.
Nathan lifted a brow, and we exchanged a glance. He didn’t bother to acknowledge the girls. I assumed he knew I would take care of it.
“Please tell the ladies we appreciate their kind gesture, but we’re both taken.” I flashed a grin at her.
“Sure,” she said, and walked away.
Silence stretched between us, and I forgot what we last said, until Nathan brought us back to the conversation.
“What other problems do you have?” Nathan’s shoulders rose and fell, snorting. “Don’t tell me you just found out you have a kid.”
Nathan tried to lighten the mood, but the joke that flew out of his mouth hit too close to home. I blanched, mouth agape. “How did you know?”
Nathan rolled his eyes, waiting for me to laugh, but when I kept silent a heartbeat too long, he cleared his throat.
“Josh, sorry man. I was just joking. You know that right?” He seemed genuinely concerned. “We were not riding the same wave.”
I crossed my arms and leaned back. “I know. But I’m not joking. I think I’m a father. I think my ex didn’t tell me. I think …” And all my words jumbled into a huge mess. I wanted to say my parents knew, but I couldn’t form the words. It would hurt too much if they did what I thought they’d done.
Nathan leaned back too, finally
registering what I had said. “What are you going to do? What happened?”
The waitress, Penny, brought our food and drinks and left.
I rubbed the back of my neck and released a long breath. “I’m going to tell you things, and I need it to stay between us.”
Nathan’s eyes beamed with surprise. “Of course. Whatever you say. You haven’t known me long, but I think you know you can trust me.”
“I do. Thank you.” I paused and began. “I met Shelly at the tail end of my senior year in college at USC. She became my world, and that was a good and bad thing. I had always been a partier and didn’t take my education seriously. I was a huge disappointment to my parents, but I didn’t give a fuck. My parents are a different story, which I’ll tell you later.” I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, Shelly got me into drugs, and things got out of hand. And she became my addiction too, you know what I mean?”
“I get it,” Nathan murmured. “Things happen that aren’t under our control at times. And we’ve all done things we’re not proud of, so don’t think I’ll ever judge you.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. Please, don’t stop eating.” I knew Nathan would be understanding and not judgmental, but hearing him say it meant a lot.
Nathan picked up his utensils and cut into his steak. “So then what happened after that? How did you find out?”
I glanced at the ladies and the other tables, making sure no one was eavesdropping. “She got pregnant. I planned to marry her, but she wasn’t the type to bring home to your parents, especially my parents. I had a huge fight with my Dad, and it damaged our relationship more. Then Shelly and I got into a fight. A week later, she said she had a miscarriage. One day I went home after looking for a job, and she was gone. I searched for her everywhere. I looked for her at her mom’s and her friends. She just disappeared out of my life without an explanation.”
“Wow.” Nathan blew out air, as if he was the one reliving my story.
“I had forgotten about her, sort of,” I continued, taking a bite of my baked potato. “I tried to put her out of my mind, but since I didn’t have closure, it always bothered me. So I hired a private investigator. A week later he found her. She’s been living thirty freakin’ minutes from my house.”
“That’s crazy.” Nathan swallowed.
“I know. I was about to knock on her door when I spotted Shelly and a baby by the window.”
Nathan forked a broccoli and asked, “Are you sure the baby is yours? What if she cheated on you, found out the baby’s father wasn’t you, and bailed?”
I chewed my steak. “That’s possible, but I doubt it. Nobody would cheat on me. I’m that good,” I joked. I was sick and tired of being miserable and needed a good laugh.
“Whatever you say, man,” Nathan snorted. “What are you going to do? This is huge.”
“Something I should have done before I chickened out. I have to find out. If my calculation is correct, I’ve already missed almost a year of his or her life, the baby’s, I meant. I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl. I’ll go see Shelly tomorrow.”
Nathan wiped his mouth with a white linen napkin. “What if she tells you the baby isn’t yours? Would you be fine with her answer?”
I stabbed my fork through the steak. “No. I’ll tell Shelly I want a DNA test.”
Nathan nodded. “Good. I was going to suggest that. Seems like you know what needs to be done. That’s the first step.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you listening and giving me advice. I rarely talk about my past, but it’s good to talk it through. At first I thought about ignoring it, but then I would always wonder.”
Nathan’s eyebrows angled. “No, you don’t talk about your past much. This is the first time you shared any personal information.”
I shrugged. “Taking drugs and my ex-girlfriend running out on me like that aren’t things I’m proud of.”
“We all do things we’re not proud of.”
“I guess you’re right.” My muscles eased, and I changed the subject. “Where’s Olivia?”
Nathan glanced at his cell on the table when it lit up with a text alert. “Home.” He tilted his head toward it. “That’s her now. Olie says hi.”
“Tell her I said hi too.” I smiled. “I’m glad you two worked things out.”
“Thanks.” Nathan texted Olivia and got back to his meal. “You were there. Things weren’t so great at the beginning. If it’s meant to be, then it will happen.”
“I guess.” I shot a glance to my cell to the right of me, expecting a text from Isla. She usually texted me once a day, but not that day, it seemed. Too occupied with Shelly and the possibility of the baby being mine, I had pushed Isla and our situation aside. We were amazing together as friends, but could we be more? I knew Isla and I could get past this. I hoped. First thing first, I had to find out if that baby was mine.
Chapter 6
Isla
“Okay. You can’t fool me. What’s going on between you and Josh?” Kathy asked as we trailed behind the girls in the California Science Center, heading for the Creative World Exhibit.
“What do you mean?” I tried to play innocent, but Kathy glared at me.
“Look, Mommy.” Hanna pointed at a container of wooden blocks. “Can we build?”
“Sure. You have to build your own structure and see if it’ll stand up to the test of an earthquake.”
Hailey watched Hanna stack blocks together and joined in. Once the girls were busy, Kathy shifted her attention to me. “You don’t have to tell me, but you’ll feel better.” She fluttered her long eyelashes at me. “I’m a teacher, after all.” She snorted.
“I know.” I released a sigh. Hanna and Hailey were doing an awesome job with their building, distracting me from my problem. When another child started helping, Hanna looked at her mom for support.
“It’s okay,” Kathy mouthed, patting Hanna’s shoulder. Hanna smiled and continued.
I wished my problem could be solved with a tap from Kathy’s loving touch. “Okay,” I breathed. “Something did happen with Josh. But—”
Kathy squealed and clapped her hand once, cutting me off, causing attention from her girls. “I knew it. It’s about”—she lowered her voice—“freakin’ time. I’ve been waiting.”
“Wait?” I furrowed my eyebrows incredulously. “What do you mean you’ve been waiting?”
Kathy placed a hand on her hip. “Come on, Isla. Every time you talk about him, your eyes sparkle and your smile lights up your face. You text each other every day.” She scrunched her nose and caressed her jawline thoughtfully. “Let’s see. You live together. You cook dinner for him.”
My shoulders slumped. I had created a make-believe couple in my head the moment I moved in. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only for those who know you well.”
“Look, Mommy.” Hanna tugged Kathy’s shirt with elation. “My building is shaking, but it didn’t fall yet.”
“It’s my building too.” Hailey pouted.
Then the girls screamed in delight when the structure collapsed as the table continued to shake like an earthquake.
“Well, I guess Hanna won’t be an architect.” Kathy giggled.
Hanna took off, Hailey behind her, and we followed them to Humans in Space. Kathy and I continued our conversation as the girls admired the Apollo capsule and the spacesuit.
Kathy inched closer, shoulder-to-shoulder. “So what happened? Did you sleep with him?”
My mind wheeled back to that night. I wanted to shut it out, but I couldn’t forget how Josh had made me come, the feeling of his hands all over my body. Oh dear God. I throbbed just at the thought. I scrubbed a hand down my face, trying to erase the memory, but couldn’t.
“No,” I finally answered. “But we could have. Josh stopped us.” I dipped my head down in shame. “I would’ve slept with him. I would’ve given him my heart and my body.”
“Obviously he has feelings for you, or he wouldn’t have kissed you. Then what hap
pened?” Kathy’s eyes rounded, eager for more.
“We both agreed it was better to be friends and pretended what we shared never happened.”
“No, no, no.” Kathy lightly shook me. “That’s not what’s supposed to happen. From what you’ve told me about Josh, he’s perfect for you. Tell him you want more. Tell him how much you feel for him.”
I shook my head, twisting my lips in disappointment. “I don’t think he feels as strongly about me as I do for him. Besides, I have no idea how many girlfriends he’s had. He never wants to talk about his past. For all I know, he could have a child he’s hiding. I’ve already made up my mind. Josh and I can never be. We’re going to be just friends.”
“But…but…” Tongue tied, Kathy opened and closed her mouth, looking like she was the one hurting. Her delusional bubble of Josh and me being together finally burst. “I just want you to have the best, that’s all. Someone meant for you will come along.”
Yeah, I keep telling myself that. With my track record of non-committal men, I was beginning to think I would never settle down. Maybe the guys I dated thought I wouldn’t want a relationship since I modeled. Some models do travel, and many sleep around, but I wasn’t like that.
I took out my phone from my purse and checked my text messages. Josh hadn’t messaged me. Though I hadn’t expected him to since I always texted him first, the dagger Josh stabbed in my heart twisted deeper.
“He didn’t text you, did he?” Her tone dropped to a softer and more tender one. And I suddenly felt like a child getting my wound attended to by my mom.
I shoved the phone back. “Nope. It’s better this way. Better to pretend nothing happened so we can continue to be friends.” I flashed a fake smile, and then did a complete turn, panicking. “Where are the girls?”
Kathy pointed to the huge space shuttle. “Right there. Don’t worry. I know how to keep my hawk eyes on them while talking to you. I’ve had a lot of practice.”