He was risking everything—had risked everything by coming after her.
And he didn’t care.
He’d spent his entire life trying to get out from under his father’s thumb, and now, here with her, he finally was. It didn’t matter what happened tomorrow, whether he’d wake up again in the morning. Either way, he’d defied the Rex, and if he died, he’d defy him further by taking away his heir. And if he lived? He was going to be his father’s worst nightmare.
He was done playing his father’s game, had been done for quite some time now. The Ander had been right; Trystan hadn’t chosen Delaney for Kint. He’d chosen her for himself.
“Delaney.”
She was starting to drift, the whole ordeal having taken a lot out of her. For a moment he thought she hadn’t heard him, but then she mumbled something unintelligible and waved him on with a slight circling of her finger between them.
“Something happened, while I was away…,” he began tentatively, unsure if he really wanted to proceed. Given their current situation, however, not doing so seemed ridiculous. He needed her to know, before it was too late for him to tell her. It wouldn’t change anything anymore, but at least she’d have the truth.
“Duh.” She nuzzled against him, but it didn’t seem like she knew she was doing it.
“Delaney.” He brushed a strand of red hair off her face.
“I’m listening,” she murmured, not entirely convincingly.
“I decided I love you,” he told her, admitting it aloud feeling like a heavy weight being lifted. “Now you need to decide.”
Though he probably wouldn’t be around to hear her decision, whatever that ended up being. He planted a kiss against the space between her neck and shoulder when she stilled, silently telling her that he didn’t expect a response.
“It’s all right,” he said quietly, cradling her close as the wind continued to howl around them and lethargy began to trickle through him.
He smiled to himself and repeated, “I love you.”
CHAPTER 30
Delaney moaned, momentarily confused as to why her entire body was stiff and achy. Her joints protested when she untangled her legs, stretching them. It took a while to pry open her eyes, and when she did, the light spilling from above was blindingly bright, stinging. She shifted against the hard surface she’d been lying on, and froze as it all came rushing back to her.
The Rex had betrayed them.
Olena had been about to kill her, in the process of gloating about how she was going to be made Basilissa, but they’d been interrupted. Trystan had come rushing in like some damn knight in shining armor, taking out those Tellers, giving Delaney his cilla suit. The strings of their conversation last night were jumbled and vague, and she could only recall bits and pieces because she’d been so out of it already.
But that last thing he’d said, that she remembered vividly.
“Trystan!” She twisted onto her knees and pulled away from him, gasping.
He wasn’t moving.
She’d been curled against him, his arms still around her, but now they dropped away. He still didn’t stir, and he was too pale for comfort.
“No, no, no,” she whispered frantically, beginning to shake him. “Trystan, damn it, wake up! Wake up!”
Her voice rose with each word, but she hardly noticed. Eventually she was screaming at him, cursing and calling him all sorts of names as if that would somehow snap him out of it. She pressed her ear against his chest, trying to hear a heartbeat, but if there was one, she couldn’t find it. She tried his pulse points next, but was met with more nothing.
This couldn’t be happening.
He’d come all the way out here to save her. He couldn’t be …
She couldn’t even finish that thought.
Delaney straddled his lap and took his head in her hands, futilely trying to shake him awake again. If her body heat had been enough, though, he wouldn’t have gotten to this state in the first place.
Because of the pounding of her own heart rushing blood through her ears, she almost missed the yells. She stilled when one drew closer, straining to listen. At first she feared it was the Rex’s men, come to ensure the job had been completed, but then she caught the familiar lilt of Sanzie’s voice.
She debated for only a second whether to leave him, but realized getting help was more important than staying. It was hard to recall entering the cave last night, the whole thing blurry in her mind, but she bolted through the crack now, popping out on the other side and falling to the ground.
The sound of running came from the right as she lifted herself, and she held up both hands in warning before Sanzie could get too close.
“Wait,” Delaney said, her voice sounding scratchy and raw. It hurt to speak, but that didn’t matter, not when Trystan needed her. “Give me one of your fritz.”
The Sworn had at least two dozen Tellers with her, and was frantically searching around, probably for signs of the Zane. She looked almost as panicked as Delaney currently felt, a far cry from the put-together woman she’d come to know.
Delaney could feel on her cheeks the temperature had finally risen, so wasn’t surprised that none of them were wearing cilla suits. Probably had to do with the fact it was early in the day now. How long had they been in that cave?
“I’m not asking,” she growled when Sanzie opened her mouth to argue. “For all I know, you’re working with the Rex. Give me one of your weapons, Sworn. Now. Before it’s too late.”
Sanzie only hesitated a second more before she began to deactivate the metallic bracelet on her left wrist. She hit a few buttons, no doubt to clear its personal imprint so Delaney could actually use it, and then slowly approached with it outstretched.
Delaney took it and clicked it on, immediately activating it and holding the gun out.
“I will shoot you,” she warned, and then backed up toward the crack. “Trystan’s in here, and I can’t tell if he’s breathing. You need to help him, but if it looks like you’re going to try anything other than that—”
“I would never hurt my Zane,” Sanzie interrupted, and the truth of that statement was clear in her eyes. “Or”—she held out her hands palms down—“my Lissa.”
Delaney swallowed the lump in her throat, the fritz wavering in her hold. There weren’t many other options but to trust her, even if it meant putting both her and Trystan’s lives in her hands.
She lowered the weapon and stepped aside.
As soon as she had, Sanzie ordered her men closer and they rushed into the cave. A few others tried to direct Delaney away, talking about how they needed to get her warmed up as well, but she brushed them off.
“I’m not leaving him,” she told them, watching desperately as Sanzie and the others began to maneuver Trystan’s body through the crack. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw he still wasn’t moving.
One of the Tellers rushed forward, dropping a black square object to the snow. It expanded, turning into a stretcher within seconds. They deposited the Zane’s body on it and tossed a metallic blanket over him.
“He has a pulse,” Sanzie informed her. “It’s faint, but we should be able to get him back in time.”
“Delaney!”
Her head whipped in the direction of Ruckus’s voice, just as he ran up to her. His arms banded around her almost painfully tight, and he didn’t let go.
“You’re shaking,” Delaney pointed out a second later when he still held her. She was torn between wanting to pull back, to check on Trystan again, and wanting to stay in the safe confines of Ruckus’s hold.
“I thought—” He stopped himself, swallowing audibly. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here right now.”
She allowed herself a second of comfort, a moment where she could pretend it was just the two of them again. That nothing else mattered. But that wasn’t the truth, and too soon the reality of that hit her and she sucked in a breath. His familiar scent rushed through her, burning cedar, a
crackling fire, a smell usually enough to instantly relax her.
Yet, as badly as she wanted it to, it wasn’t enough, not anymore. Not with everything else currently going on, falling down around them. As badly as part of her wished otherwise, there were more important things happening here than the two of them and their reunion.
“How are you here right now?” Finally she did move away, enough that she could glance between him and Sanzie, who was watching as a few Tellers attached devices to Trystan. She wanted to ask about them, find out what they did, presumably how they were going to help keep him alive, but she didn’t.
Mostly because none of those answers mattered. All that did was that it worked.
“Sanzie let me out,” Ruckus told her. “To help search for you.”
“We need to get moving, Lissa,” the Sworn interrupted.
Delaney moved away from Ruckus, trusting he’d stay close, and over to Trystan. He didn’t look any better than he had in the cave; in fact, out here in the light he actually looked worse.
“Let’s go.” She hardly recognized the commanding tone as her own, but she didn’t dwell on it. No one else seemed to, either, because as soon as the order was issued, they all shot into action.
The trip back to the castle felt neverending, and Delaney kept her hand on Trystan’s wrist the entire time, silently willing him to wake up. She was so focused on him, in fact, there were a few times she almost walked into a tree or tripped over a snow mound.
“Tell me about the Rex,” she said to Sanzie, who was at her side. She needed to know, and she could use the distraction. Staring at Trystan wasn’t going to bring him back, but she could at least figure out the rest so that when he did wake up, she’d have something useful for him.
“He left almost immediately after the Zane’s arrival,” she said. “He took his Tellers with him, and only left us behind because he believed his son would return shortly. I was ordered to tell the Zane to meet with him in Carnage by tomorrow night at the latest.”
“Bastard.” He hadn’t even stuck around to be sure Trystan was all right. “How do I know I can trust you, Sanzie?”
“You trusted me enough to request I be made Sworn,” she told her. “Do so again now. I swear on the stars, Lissa, my loyalties lie with you.” She glanced down at Trystan pointedly. “With both of you.”
“The Rex doesn’t recognize my claim to the Vakar throne,” Delaney reminded her.
“I am not the Rex.”
“Still”—she licked her lips—“doesn’t that cause a conflict of interest? He’s your king.”
Sanzie looked away, her expression tight, determined. “Trystan will be Rex soon enough. It’s all about getting there. Always has been. And I am not the only one who feels this way.”
“He has many loyal followers,” Ruckus joined in then, surprising her at first because she’d almost forgotten he was there. Up until this point, he’d been quiet. “Enough that this location should remain safe for the time being. But it won’t be for long.”
“Once the Rex realizes how badly injured the Zane is, he’ll send his personal Tellers to investigate. Try to force him to Carnage when he wakes up,” Sanzie told them.
“If he wakes up,” Ruckus said, and Delaney couldn’t help the twist in her gut.
“He will,” she growled, too focused on trying to make that true to catch the Ander’s shocked expression. “How much longer till we reach the castle?”
Trystan wasn’t dead yet, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t die on the way there. She needed him to be all right, couldn’t imagine making it through the rest of this without him, and it wasn’t just because the Kint were his people. It was certainly going to be useful that he had his own following separate from his father’s. Having them on their side would obviously make their survival more likely.
But that wasn’t what motivated her now. It was the thought of losing him that caused her chest to constrict and her hands to shake. The idea that their conversation last night had been their last.
And she hadn’t even been able to tell him what he’d wanted to hear. What he’d needed to.
Had he known when he’d said it that there was a chance he wouldn’t see the next day? If so, why keep that from her? Why hadn’t he told her the truth? She would have … Done nothing, she realized. Because there’d been nothing to do. Trystan had figured that out, probably before he’d even made the decision to give her his cilla suit.
He’d fully and unequivocally risked everything for her. Including his own life.
“We’re almost there,” Sanzie answered, her voice sounding far off in the midst of Delaney’s major revelation.
She felt the Sworn push at her arm then, steering her out of the way of yet another tree trunk. She couldn’t bring herself to pay closer attention to where she was going, afraid that if she looked away from Trystan for even a second, he’d somehow disappear.
“Perhaps you should go on ahead, Lissa,” Sanzie tentatively suggested. “Take care of yourself. You have cuts all over.”
Her hand inadvertently tightened on Trystan’s wrist, as if she thought they might try prying her away. She shook her head vehemently and said in her most authoritative voice, “I’m not leaving him.”
Sanzie nodded and continued on in silence.
Ruckus didn’t say anything, either.
They were close to the castle, and once they were there, everything would be fine. They’d fix Trystan, and then they would all figure something out. First things first, getting him conscious again. And he would be.
She had to believe that. Had to believe that Sanzie was right before and that they’d be able to heal Trystan. That he’d wake up.
“I’m not leaving him,” Delaney repeated.
And she meant it.
EPILOGUE
“He’s going to be fine, Lissa,” Sanzie’s soft voice came from the other side of the room, but Delaney didn’t bother looking up.
They were in a small room, the soft hum of beeping machines the only sound up until the Sworn had spoken. There wasn’t much aside from the bed and a couple chairs, one of which Delaney was currently seated in. Everything was white, including the unconscious Zane lying before her.
It’d been over two hours since they’d made it back to the castle, one since she’d been assured by the doctors that Trystan was going to make it. Yet he still hadn’t woken up, and his color was only barely better than it’d been before.
“He doesn’t look fine,” she said tersely, unable to keep the bitterness at bay. The worry.
“Delaney.” Ruckus leaned forward from where he was standing on the opposite side of the bed. “His body just needs more time, that’s all. His vitals are good, and everyone here is doing everything they can to ensure he makes it out of this.”
“Are they?” She caught his gaze, held it, even knowing it wasn’t fair of her, what she was asking. “Everyone?”
There was no need to elaborate; he understood what she was implying. He glanced between her and Sanzie, contemplating. Then he ran a hand through his dark brown hair and sighed.
“We need him,” he admitted, not bothering to cover up how displeased he was by that fact. “If we’re going to make it home—”
“We’re not going back to Earth,” Delaney cut him off. “Not yet. You know we can’t. The Rex is planning on taking over there, too. We go back now, it’s only a matter of time before we have to deal with him all over again, and in a place where we have no power.”
Ruckus was unreadable. “And you think we have that here?”
“You’re an Ander,” she reminded him.
“And she’s the Lissa.” Sanzie stepped forward, moving to the end of the bed. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her expression serious, determined. There were splotches beneath her eyes from a sleepless, worry-filled night, but she held herself tall.
“Exactly,” Ruckus stated, “the Lissa. She’s considered Vakar.”
“That’s a nonissue,” Sanzie said. “We’l
l follow her.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because we were ordered to do so by our Zane.” She turned to address Delaney. “We are yours to command, Lissa Delaney. Whatever you choose to do, we’re with you, even if that choice is getting you on a ship back to Earth as soon as possible.”
Delaney couldn’t help it—she snorted. “Because Trystan would love that.”
“The Zane is currently out of commission,” Sanzie replied. “That places you in charge. We have to do what you say. If he ends up not liking that, it’s his own fault. He should have been more specific with his instructions.”
She eyed the Sworn, searching for some sign this was an elaborate hoax. Try as she might, however, she couldn’t. Sanzie was being serious, meaning that what Trystan had told her in the cave, that his Tellers would protect her, had been the truth. Absently, she reached out and touched him, just a brush of her fingers against the side of his arm.
“Think about it.” She tried to ignore the twinge of guilt when she saw the look on Ruckus’s face, barreling on before she could lose her nerve. “If we go now, we’ll only be delaying the inevitable. The Rex has to be stopped, before it’s too late for both of our worlds.”
He’d been planning this a long time, manipulating the people around him, including his own son. There was no way for peace now, not with Olena dead and Trystan against him.
And Trystan would stand against him, Delaney was sure of that. He’d told her last night his father needed to be stopped, and she believed him. Believed he meant it.
“What makes you so sure we can trust him?” Ruckus was referring to Trystan, even though he refused to look at him now. Maybe because her hand was still touching his arm. Maybe just because he’d always hated him.
“He’ll help us stop his father,” Delaney insisted, urging him to see the truth in that. “If you don’t trust him, trust me.”
For a long, painful moment, she thought he was going to turn away from her. She’d hurt him; it was obvious even if she only partially understood how. This wasn’t the time to worry about them, though, not with this massive threat looming over all the people they cared about.
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