The Color of Grace

by Linda Kage

  Baffled, I stared at her. “What, it was, like, a fluke assignment then? Some kind of trick question?”

  She flushed and slipped out a rueful grin. “Well, honestly, I wasn’t expecting anyone to take the paper to heart quite the way you did. I’m sorry. I thought I’d get the usual, ‘I choose pink because I’m a girl and my hot pink tongue ring totally rocks.’”

  I cracked a smile. “So…I got an A?”

  “With flying colors.” She rolled her eyes and added, “Pun not intended.”

  As we grinned at each other, a ball of dread that had been winding and growing inside me settled for the first time since the Friday before. Feeling utterly impulsive, I threw my arms around Ms. Holderread and hugged her hard. “Thank you,” I said, expressing my gratitude for so much more than a stupid A.

  After she initially tightened, she relaxed enough to pat my back. “No problem.”

  Realizing I was hugging a teacher, I yanked back, turning myself into a redhead. “I’m sorry,” I gushed. “That was totally inappropriate. I should—”

  Laughing, she waved me off. “Don’t worry about it, kid. God knows I’ve felt like hugging a teacher or two in my time.” With a wink, she added, “And honestly, you kind of just made my day, making me think maybe I actually reached a student and truly helped her.”

  “You did,” I assured. “You really, really did.” Then I booked it out of there before I could make an even bigger fool out of myself and start crying, or worse, spilling all the secrets that had been brewing inside me over the past few days.

  I was at my locker when I heard someone come up behind me. I thought it’d be Ryder, once again asking if I was okay, but when I glanced over my shoulder to find Todd behind me, I gasped and whirled to face him as if I were protecting my open locker from a burglar.

  “Hey,” he said softly and smiled.

  I swallowed. “Hi.”

  He put his hands in his pockets and looked a bit uncomfortable. “I think we need to talk.”

  Rolling my eyes, I snorted. Was the boy seriously going to break up with me? We hadn’t even been dating. Not in my book anyway. “Actually,” I said before he could start, “I tried to talk to you…Friday night.”

  He reared back, crinkling his brow. “You did?”

  With a nod, I folded my arms over my chest. “I even went to Ryder’s house so I could talk to you. But you know what? You weren’t there like you told me you’d be. So, Ryder drove me to your house, so that I could talk to you. And do you know what we saw?”

  Todd’s face drained of color; he immediately lifted his hands. “Grace, I can explain.”

  “I don’t think I’m the one you have to worry about explaining anything to.”

  From the corner of my eye, I caught someone moving in on us fast. I glanced over Todd’s shoulder and sucked in a breath when I saw Ryder, his face hard as stone and his glare just as determined.

  Catching my bulging-eyed expression, Todd whirled around. He jolted a step back, away from the advancing Ryder, almost running into me. Keeping his hands lifted in surrender, he said, “Ryder, man. Look—”

  “You’re dead,” is all Ryder replied and grabbed a hold of Todd’s shirt to haul his best friend away from me and shove him into the middle of the hall. Todd was still trying to talk himself out his predicament.

  “I didn’t know she was going to come over. I swear, she started it—”

  Ryder didn’t bother to listen. Bunching five fingers into a fist, he wound his arm back and punched his friend in the face. Todd’s head snapped back and Ryder hit him again.

  Pressing my hand to my chest, I let out a squeak of alarm and backed into the lockers behind me just as Todd let out a roar and lowered his head to ram his shoulder into Ryder’s gut, pushing him up against the wall of lockers opposite me.

  The breath momentarily knocked out of him, Ryder doubled over, clutching his middle, giving Todd the chance to jack him squarely in the cheekbone. With his own fuming bellow, Ryder launched himself off the wall and I swear he flew—in the air—fists flailing at Todd.

  I’d never been so close to a physical brawl before. It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t glamorous. Knowing both parties as I did, it was downright frightening. What if one of them got seriously hurt? Or killed?

  Red faces, clenched teeth, Ryder and Todd looked intent on slaughtering each other. Fluids flew, curses rippled the air, and the sounds…ugh. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sound of knuckles against flesh.

  Just about the time a decent-sized crowd had gathered to watch, two male teachers and one female appeared, wading into the fray, grabbing arms and legs to tear the two boys apart. A lot of shouting followed, Todd and Ryder yelling back and forth, teachers commanding them to stop. It was more than I could digest. I stood plastered to my locker, a stack of books pressed firmly to my chest, holding my breath big time.

  When the teachers hauled the bloody boys away, I finally exhaled, my shoulders slumping and my fingers flexing from the cramp I’d given them from clutching my textbooks. It was then I caught sight of Kiera on the other side of the crowd, mutely watching everything, her face pale as she stared after the retreating fighters. When she caught my glare, she turned away, looking guilty.

  If I’d been nervy enough, I would’ve approached her. I would’ve made a huge spectacle in front of everyone, making sure all the gawkers knew exactly why Ryder Yates had attacked his best friend in the middle of the hall. I didn’t even feel sorry for her as she clutched her stomach and hurried toward the bathrooms.

  Humph. Served the wicked witch right.

  An hour later, I began to think maybe I should’ve grown some courage and confronted Kiera after all. She was probably the one who had started the rumors that followed.

  Didn’t take me long to figure out what everyone was whispering as I stepped from first period and started down the hall toward my locker.

  That’s her. That’s the girl.

  She’s the one who made Yates and Stangman fight.

  Everyone knows Ryder had a big crush on her. Even poor Kiera. It’s no wonder the Stang grew tired of him always staring at her.

  I clenched my teeth as scattered remnants of conversation floated back to me. But I’d lived through worse in the past few days; I was surprisingly numb to the gossip. I didn’t particularly care for anyone in this school. It didn’t bother me if none of them returned the love. Not even Mindy, who’d actually acted like a friend. When she saw me, she huddled closer to her boyfriend and turned away as if she wanted me to think she hadn’t seen me.

  But what surprised me most was Laina’s sudden appearance at my side.

  “I know you’re not the reason for the fight,” she said as soon as I saw her.

  For a moment, I blinked, staring blankly. Then my face softened. “Listening at Mr. Howard’s door again?”

  She rolled her eyes and grumbled, “No, I couldn’t. As soon as Dad saw me hanging around his office, he shooed me off and shut the door. But I still know you couldn’t have been behind the fight.”

  Instead of thanking her for having so much faith in me, I wrinkled my nose. “Your dad?”

  Laina arched both eyebrows. “The school counselor.”

  “Wait.” Mouth falling open, I gaped. “Your dad is Mr. Howard?”

  “What, you didn’t know? I thought everyone knew.”

  “No, of course I didn’t know. Why would I know that? Neither he nor you ever told me. I didn’t even know your last name.”

  “Oh. Well, I just assumed everyone knew. That’s why no one ever talks to me. My dad knows everything about everyone’s problems and grades. But it’s not like he tells me anything,” she was quick to reassure me. “I usually have to find stuff out on my own.”

  “By listening at doors.” I grinned.

  She grinned back, and I decided maybe I did care what one or two people at Southeast thought of me.

  Laina must’ve been the only person to think I wasn’t the reason behind the big fig
ht, though, because her father called me to his office in the middle of second hour.

  Five minutes later, I fidgeted, sitting deep in my chair under a flickering florescent light in Mr. Howard’s office with my freezing hands buried in my lap.

  Laina’s dad.

  It still felt weird thinking of those two as related, but they did resemble each other now that I knew the truth. He was a middle-aged man, around my mother’s age, with light brown hair and a thin frame. He had an easy manner, almost shy, that immediately made me comfortable.

  Well, as comfortable as I could be, sitting there, listening to him say, “Ryder Yates suggested you might need to talk to me.”

  My eyes flared wide.

  Ryder had been the one to start the rumor that I was behind his and Todd’s fight? I flinched. Well, I had to admit I wasn’t completely innocent. As soon as he’d told me Todd was only acting interested in me to mess with him, I should’ve walked away from both boys—despite how adamantly Todd had tried to get me to date him. I’d known better. And my inability to stand up for myself and say, “no,” when I should’ve was what had started the tension between two best friends.

  I sank lower into chair across from Mr. Howard, wincing. “He thought I needed to talk to you? Why?”

  Giving a light shrug, Mr. Howard smiled a kind smile. “I don’t know. I guess he thought you needed to…get something off your chest maybe.”

  I gasped, and the defensive comment gushed its way from my lips. “But I’m not the reason they got into a fight. Kiera’s the one who cheated on him with Todd. I had nothing to do with it.”

  Mr. Howard blinked. Then sat back in his chair, blushing as he glanced away. “Actually, I wasn’t insinuating anything of the kind. I’m sorry, Grace. I guess I should’ve mentioned how both Ryder and Todd have already explained the reason for their fight. No, Ryder said this as more of an afterthought as he was leaving my office. It made me think it was a personal issue for you, something that had nothing to do with him or anyone else in school.”

  Everything inside me drained: the color in my face, the starch in my shoulders, the knot in my throat. I gaped at Mr. Howard and opened my mouth a few times before I rasped, “Oh.”

  I guess I’d been doing so well at pushing the “event” into the furthest recesses of my brain that I’d completely forgotten about it for a minute there.

  Ryder obviously hadn’t.

  The traitor.

  How dare he go behind my back and try to get help for my personal—secret—problems? This was not something I wanted to talk about with anyone. I wanted to forget and move on. Pretend it had ever happened, and no one would be the wiser.

  But as the counselor sat across his desk, seemingly staring straight into my soul, I felt pinned and exposed.

  “He…” I paused, cleared my throat and tried talking again. “Ryder was wrong. I don’t need to talk to you about anything.”

  Mr. Howard squinted, his gaze becoming even more scrutinizing. “So nothing’s wrong?”

  Grr. Hadn’t I just said that?

  I lowered my balled hands into my lap and nodded.

  “Is nothing really wrong or is something very wrong but you just don’t feel comfortable sharing it with me?”

  I lifted my face. In his eyes, I saw the truth. If I opened up and remained perfectly honest, he’d make sure he found someone I could talk to—an idea that scared the crap out of me.

  So I lied. “Nothing’s wrong,” I rasped out the words, my throat scratchy and raw from the fib.

  Looking sad and disappointed as he nodded, Mr. Howard sighed and rested back in his chair. “I knew your father. Did you know that?”

  I blinked, totally thrown off track by his change in subject. “Actually, he’s only a stepdad,” I said, shuddering from just thinking about him.

  Mr. Howard frowned in confusion before his face cleared. “Oh, I didn’t mean the dentist. I’m talking about Daniel. Daniel Indigo.”

  Hearing my father’s name made something thump painfully against the inside of my ribcage. “Oh. I…I didn’t realize that. How…how did you know him?”

  “We went to high school together. He was a year older than I was. I’m not sure if I ever actually talked to him. But I definitely knew who he was. Truth be told, I envied Daniel Indigo. His girlfriend was by far the prettiest, nicest girl I’d ever met. I had this awful crush on her.” He looked unsure as he eyed me before adding, “If you don’t mind me saying so.”

  A warmth of pride spread through me, thinking someone thought so highly of my mother to call her the prettiest, nicest girl he’d ever met. Shaking my head vigorously, I whispered, “I don’t mind.”

  “Good. I didn’t want to offend you. I knew she and Daniel were like…you could just tell it was true love between them. And I have nothing but the greatest of respect for Katie Walsh. I don’t want you to think—”

  “Indigo,” I corrected.

  Breaking off with a rattled frown, Mr. Howard paused. “What?”

  “Kate Indigo. She’s Kate Indigo now.” Then the truth struck me, and I had to gasp. “I mean, Struder. She’s…she’s Kate…Struder now.”

  Oh, God. She carried his name. The idea horrified me.

  It shoved home the truth of how awful my situation was. My mother had married a pedophile who wanted her daughter and now she bore his very name.

  I fully realized then that I couldn’t sweep this under the rug. I couldn’t move past it. I couldn’t forget. Because honestly, I couldn’t bear the idea of my mom staying with him for the rest of her life.

  Covering my mouth, I gaped at Mr. Howard, tears filling my eyes.

  Surging to his feet, the counselor flailed his hands, looking panicked. “Oh, no. I did offend you, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I—”

  “No.” I waved my own hands to stop him. “It’s not you. I liked hearing about my parents. I’ve only ever heard stories about them from my mother. It’s wonderful to hear from an outside source for once.”

  He paused, looking suspicious, and remained standing. “Then what’s wrong?”

  I gulped.

  What was I going to do? I was a rule-follower. I obeyed all forms of authority. I had never before encountered a situation where the authority was clearly wrong and I had to stand up for what was right.

  I wasn’t sure I had the guts.

  Actually, I’m pretty positive I didn’t.

  More tears filled my eyes. This was going to create huge waves. And I didn’t make waves; I calmed them.

  “I…” Swallow, breathe, overcome. “Do you think I could talk about this later? I need to…I need to think.”

  Mr. Howard’s facial features softened. “That would be just fine. Whenever you’re ready, my door will be open.”

  “Thank you.” Pushing to my feet, I felt the urge to hug my second near-stranger adult for the day.

  Must’ve been the whacked out emotions roaring through me.

  At the door, I paused and glanced back. “What happened to Todd and Ryder?” I had to know.

  He winced. “Out of school suspension.”

  “Both of them?”

  His nod of confirmation made me feel a little bit woozy and wishing I could see Ryder right about then so I could give him that second hug I was itching to give away.

  Chapter 23

  I had to get my mother alone, then I had to bolster my courage and somehow spit out the truth.

  That’s all there was to it.

  But when I arrived home, the first thing I heard when I opened the front door was, “Parents, don’t ever believe anything your teen tells you. Because they’ll lie…every time.”

  Say what?

  Frowning, I clutching the straps of my book bag tight and hurried to the entrance of the living room, only to stumble to a halt when I saw Mom standing frozen in front of the television, remote in hand as she stared transfixed at the screen where a girl sat, being interviewed. Silver studs pierced her eyebrows, nose, ears, and bottom lips. A black, tribal-lo
oking design tattooed a half ring around one eye and blonde, Jamaican dreadlocks covered her head, spilling down her shoulders. She sat in an interview chair and leaned forward in a dramatic pose as she stared out at my mother. And my mother seemed to swallow every word she said.

  “My parents thought I was going to soccer practice after school every day, when really, I snuck off to my boyfriend’s garage to watch his band practice and get high with them.”

  My jaw dropped as Mom sucked in a horrified gasp and lifted both her hands to cup her face. From my side view, I saw a trembling tear hover in the corner of her eye. The overhanging chandelier caught it in a prism-like effect, and it blinked out toward me like a light bulb, letting me see how clearly my plan to “talk” to my mother about her husband was a worthless effort.

  Parents, don’t ever believe anything your teen tells you.

  Dear God, why would someone ever say that? I had never lied to my mom...well, except when she asked who the third, unnamed boy was her husband had seen me talking to at the bowling alley. Ryder was most definitely not a “no one,” but that lie had been majorly white, and I probably would’ve spilled everything about him if Mr. Creepy hadn’t been standing next to her when she’d asked about him.

  Grr. I wanted to storm into the living room, grab the remote control from her hand and turn that after-school special garbage off. Not every teenager on the planet did drugs, participated in premarital sex, or lied about where she was going to be.

  But Mr. Creepy himself appeared in the living room and went directly to Mom, wrapping his nasty arms around her as he gave her a supportive hug. With a shiver of distaste, I jerked further out of view until I was cloaked in shadows.

  “It’s only a stage, sweetheart,” he murmured in an assuring manner against mom’s temple. “Every teen goes through it. Grace is simply acting out because she’s jealous of me being the new person in your life. Just be patient. She’ll come around eventually.” Then he kissed Mom’s hair. She rested her head on his shoulder, hugging him back.