“I hope I do not say too much, Papa, when I wish aloud that one day our old easiness with each other might be restored?” I looked at his face for a sign I might continue. None came, but I resolved that, since I had started, I might as well finish. “You see, I miss you greatly, and I am quite at a loss to account for your manner with me now. We have always been good friends, have we not?”
He took a great breath, put down his book without marking the page, and looked out of the window. Silence sat like a sow upon the floor between us. “We certainly were friends, Lizzy. You were my greatest friend in this house. If you think that I do not regret having lost you, then you are wrong. Of course, I do. I regret it very much. I regret not having your company and your conversation. I regret very much that I was forced by threat of scandal to part with you to your husband. I believe his wealth leads him to a sense of great entitlement to all things, and maybe it led him to feel himself entitled to you. I do not know. But I know it fell far short of what I wished for you. You cannot expect me to rejoice in such a history. This business with Lydia…well, it has been a great blow as well. But, one might almost have expected it of her. One might almost have imagined her silliness and audacity could not be for nothing. From you and for you, I expected much better. I am sorry to say it, but there it is. You did suggest I speak the truth.”
“Oh, Papa, is that what has been troubling you? Is that the cause of your silence—your strange, grave disposition since we arrived yesterday? Is that why you spoke not one word to Mr Darcy when he joined you in here last night? Yes, he told me of that. I asked him as I sought to establish your state of mind. He would not have said so otherwise, but I specifically asked about the conversation that passed between the two of you when you were left to yourselves. I worried so when he said you were silent. He is a man who can bear a silence better than most, but I know it is not your natural way.” I placed the book of poems aside and leaned forward, beseeching him. “I am sorry the circumstances of my marriage gave you pain. At the time, they gave me pain too, and I was wretched when I left this house. I had told you the truth of what happened that night at Netherfield, and you had not believed me. I do not reproach you for it now although I might have then. In consequence, I found myself indissolubly attached to a stranger, a man of whom I had formed, if anything, a low opinion. I felt myself abandoned and entrapped. But Papa, I cannot have you believe I feel anything but the greatest contentment now. I love my husband, sir—love him very much. I know he loves me, and we are quite the happiest couple in the world. You cannot know how wonderful he is. The best part of him is known only to me, but it is there.”
“Yes, yes, I know, of course. He has been remarkably generous in relation to Lydia’s marriage. Indeed, I could never repay the money he laid out to bring it about. I do not fault his pecuniary generosity, Lizzy. That is not my point.”
“It is not his generosity to Lydia of which I speak, Papa. Mr Darcy has shown his love to me and has cared for me more than I could ever have imagined. He has taken me into his confidence, protected me, and been attentive to my every comfort. Although he did not compromise me as Mama alleged, he did love me all the time, right from the start of our acquaintance.”
He looked up, startled. The morning light poured through the library window in a pitiless manner. “I am sorry, Lizzy, but you will not persuade me. I thank you for trying as I assume it issues from some affection for me on your part. Your account of events at Netherfield is quite incredible, my dear, and you sport with my intelligence in delivering it as if it were a truth I could ever believe. As I have said, I do not fault your husband’s willingness to spend his fortune, and I do not suggest he has no affection for you. But the sort of affection that leads a man to impose himself upon a gentleman’s daughter in a public place and under the very noses of her parents is not the sort of affection I wanted for you.” He stopped and, without waiting for me to speak further, picked up his book and fixed his eyes upon the pages. Exhausted and astonished, I left the room, straining not to cry.
I kept the details of this bitter confrontation with Papa to myself, and we were a happy party at Netherfield that evening, where Miss Bingley hosted a dinner in honour of Jane. Kitty joined Fitzwilliam and me in our carriage while Jane rode with our parents. Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst were gracious and pleasant to us all. They were, I fancied, seeking at last to pay off every arrear of civility. How strange to think that, not a twelve month ago, I had been their unwelcome and unscheduled guest, tending to my ailing sister. It astonished me to recall how I had misunderstood Fitzwilliam’s regard for me. His looks and subtle suggestions, which now I know so well, I had misinterpreted completely. For passion, I had seen censure, and for love, disapproval. It was not so now. When his eyes sought mine across the drawing room throng or when his hand brushed my arm as he assisted me into my seat at dinner, I understood him right well.
Chapter Nineteen
The very early morning found my husband and me walking out from Longbourn, bound for Oakham Mount, our breaths showing in the chilly air and our boots dampening with dew. It was a cold morning for September, but in my view, they were the best for a walk. We had decided upon this plan in bed the previous night, and since it necessitated getting up even earlier than Hannah, I had left a message for her with one of the maids that I had dressed myself to set out with Mr Darcy, and she could be at her leisure until I returned. As it was, we walked on even beyond the mount. I had visited the kitchens and purloined for our comfort some bread and milk. At the apex of the mount, I had had some of each before offering the same to Fitzwilliam. And although his expression spoke of surprise at such informality, he soon acquiesced. Thus fortified, we walked on down grassy hills, across open fields, along hedgerows, and under the cover of trees as they lost their leaves.
Therefore, we were exhausted when, at nearly luncheon, we returned to the house. At once, I apprehended a strange carriage stationed at the front door, and I was busy trying to make it out when Hannah dashed out of the kitchen door and started towards us. “Madam. Mr Darcy, sir. Lady Catherine and Miss Anne de Bourgh are here… Lady Catherine is in the drawing room with Mrs Bennet, Miss Bennet, and Miss Catherine Bennet. Mr Bennet has joined them this last half hour. Miss de Bourgh sits in the carriage although she has been invited in several times, I believe. They have been here for over an hour.”
I could feel Fitzwilliam darken like a storm cloud beside me.
“Thank you, Hannah,” I said. “We are coming. Hannah, do you have any idea why Lady Catherine is here? You may be as frank as you wish.”
“Of course.” Fitzwilliam agreed, entreating her.
“Well, madam, I was not present when her ladyship was admitted, but I understand from the housekeeper that she wishes to see Mr Darcy. She had travelled from Kent to Darcy House and found that you had gone away, and so she came here. Erm, I believe that she is rather put out at not finding Mr Darcy within, and…well, her raised voice has been heard from the kitchen.”
It was agreed that Fitzwilliam and I should join the party in the drawing room at once. He was of the view that I should allow him to tackle her alone, but I was not willing in that scheme. It seemed to me, not only as his wife but also as a member of the family upon whom she had apparently forced herself, that I could not avoid the situation, whatever it was. Therefore, alarmed and inquisitive but united, we entered the room. There we found my family mute and agape while Lady Catherine held court.
“Darcy, where have you been? This is the second time you have kept me waiting this year, and I must say it is a new and disagreeable habit of yours. What can you have been doing out of doors all the morning? These ladies and this gentleman have been quite unable to explain your absence.” With this, she turned a disdainful stare upon Papa, Mama and my sisters. Me, she failed to acknowledge. “I have been most uncomfortable and—”
“Aunt, if you do not mind, I believe that Mr and Mrs Bennet and thei
r daughters have been importuned long enough. Would you care to take a turn with me in the garden?” He opened the door himself and tilted his head in a manner that suggested he would brook no opposition. None came, and Lady Catherine stood and made to follow her nephew. I stood, looking to him for a sign of what I should do. I found I did not quite know my role in the current drama, and although I was used to her treatment of me, I was shocked afresh that Lady Catherine had not even greeted me.
“Elizabeth, we have walked far this morning. Why do you not remain here with your family? I will return directly. Is that agreeable to you?”
“Yes, yes it is.” He kissed my hand, seated me upon the chaise, and with his aunt in his wake, was gone.
After a period of shocked silence, it was established that the four ladies had been closeted in the drawing room for over an hour, and Papa had joined them when he heard shouting. During that time, Lady Catherine had spoken at length of her displeasure at finding Mr Darcy absent from Darcy House and her astonishment that he would condescend to stay in such a house as Longbourn. The proportions of the drawing room were criticised, as was its aspect. Lady Catherine also had no admiration for the hall, which she had found to be dark. She had spoken in detail about her connection to Mr Collins and his entitlement at my father’s death to inherit the whole estate. I understood from Jane and Kitty’s looks that Mama had hardly contained her tears at this being a subject of conversation. Lady Catherine’s comments and complaints, it appeared, had filled all of the time she had spent with my family. They, aghast at the appearance and conduct of their unexpected guest, had said very little. I was given to believe that Papa had said nothing at the insults heaped upon his wife. Upon realising Anne sat in the carriage by the front door, several attempts had been made to fetch her, but her mother would hear nothing of it, apparently preferring the sickly girl be kept out in the cold. I went outside and entreated Anne through the window that she was most welcome to sit in the drawing room with us. She looked at me with the same eyes that had looked at the floor on that awful last evening at Rosings, thanked me, and declined. I left her to her isolation, struggling to imagine her true feelings.
For myself, I fell between anger, astonishment, and amusement. I do dearly love to laugh, and what reasonable person could not see the comic aspect of this? On the other hand, I knew Mama had been upset, and Fitzwilliam was mortified. For all that Mama was a silly woman and not above deception and conniving, I hated to see her so shaken in her own home by the rudeness of Lady Catherine. As for Fitzwilliam’s feelings, I found that when he was unhappy, I was unhappy and concluded this was the nature of true love and affection. Before long, I could not help but pace the room, glancing through the windows as I went, scanning the garden for a sign of them. Finally, through the orchard they came, side by side and apparently at peace. Fitzwilliam towered over his aunt, his step as even as his expression was inscrutable. Lady Catherine’s heavy skirts stirred slightly in the wind, and she occasioned a look up at her nephew. I could not read her expression. As they walked around the house, Kitty joined me at the window and we craned our necks to see the pair approach Lady Catherine’s carriage. There Fitzwilliam handed her in and turned back into the house.
When he re-entered the drawing room, he made straight for Mama. “Mrs Bennet, you must allow me to apologise for Lady Catherine’s behaviour this morning. I am very sorry indeed that she has imposed herself upon you in this way. She is leaving now, and she sends her compliments. I trust that that is acceptable to you. I suspect you do not wish to bargain further words with her, but if I am wrong, do say so, and I shall fetch her here at once.”
“No, Mr Darcy. Thank you, but no.” With that, she looked at me as an actor not in possession of her script. Mr Darcy also turned to me.
“Elizabeth, Lady Catherine has something she would like to say to you if you are willing to hear it?”
“Yes, of course.” I went to take his arm, but instead he gripped my hand and led me to the carriage where Lady Catherine sat waiting, her stern profile framed by the window, her daughter fidgeting beside her.
“Ah, Mrs Darcy. Yes, well, I am sorry not to have been able to speak with you properly. I…well, I hope you are well and you have a pleasant journey back…home…to Pemberley. Anne and I look forward to knowing you better in the future.” She stopped, and her eyes closed briefly before she drew a great breath.
“Thank you, Lady Catherine.”
“I am not quite finished, Mrs Darcy. I ought also to say I was mistaken in a matter about which I spoke to you on your visit to Rosings in the spring. I believe you cannot be in ignorance of my meaning. In any case, I was mistaken, and there is no need for you to concern yourself with it. Please, think of it as unsaid. Do we understand each other?”
“We certainly do.”
“Good. Well, in that case, I take my leave of you, Mrs Darcy. Please congratulate your sister on her engagement on my behalf, and also send my compliments to your mother and thank her for her hospitality.” Her eye quivered as she looked in my direction. Light fell upon her lined face, and she looked as though she were made of paper. I thanked her again, bid her and Anne farewell, and they were gone.
“Why ever did she come here, Fitzwilliam?”
“I am not sure even she could tell you that, Elizabeth. There is a kind of madness within her; there always has been, and I believe we have just seen it at work.” He kissed my head and turned me into the garden. We sat on a bench in sight of the house among flowers past their bloom and talked. “She had got wind of our visit to Esther when Lord and Lady Matlock visited her. Aunt Mary would never have told her nor would my uncle. She did not say, but I assume she learned this from listening at doors or some other such behaviour. Her staff may have informed her of something heard by a servant, for I believe she has the whole damnable lot of them spying on her guests.”
“Yes, I think you are right. She said as much to me.”
“What did she say?”
“On that last evening at Rosings…before she said what she said about you, she told me she knew you kept to my bed as her servants told her.”
“Great God! Is nothing private there? In any case, it sounds as though, by some means or another, a discussion between Lord and Lady Matlock about our visiting Esther was not private. It got to Catherine, and she came here to remonstrate with me. It goes without saying that I was not willing to discuss it with her. But I did speak to her of what she had said to you at Rosings. I told her you knew it was untrue, but I would not have such a thing go unremarked, and if she was ever to see me again, she would extend to you and your family the proper civilities, including an explicit retraction and apology.”
“Well, it seemed to work. I do not know her heart was in it exactly, but she did your bidding. Thank you, Fitzwilliam.”
As we returned the house, Papa appeared. I was most surprised, and a little hesitant to see his elderly frame hovering about the door. “Lizzy, Mr Darcy, would you join me in my library, please?” With that, he turned, and we hastened after him. When the library door clicked shut, he turned towards us. “Thank you, Mr Darcy, for the respect you have shown to Mrs Bennet and Lizzy today. I was impressed, sir, with the manner in which you dealt with your aunt, and I thank you for it. You appeared to show great care towards Lizzy. I…I saw how the two of you are with each other for the first time, and…well, I believe I have been under a misapprehension and must apologise for certain things I have said to Lizzy and certain things I have not said to you, Mr Darcy.”
“Papa, I—”
“No, Lizzy. Allow me to continue now I am begun. Let me feel the weight of my responsibility. I am not afraid of being overcome by the sensation. You were right. I did not believe you about the incident at Netherfield. I considered what you said at the time, as I know what your mother can be. I considered it, but I decided it could not be the case. I decided she must be speaking the
truth; otherwise, I could not account for Mr Darcy’s behaviour. I could not account for his speedy—I may say eager—willingness to make you Mrs Darcy. He married you without a whimper, which made Mrs Bennet’s account all the more credible. What is more, he did not deny having compromised you. That is how I reasoned matters. You did not seem to me to be a woman in love, but I believed your reputation was ruined. I feared that, if you did not marry Mr Darcy, then you would not marry at all, and…well, I did not consider I had any choice. If, as it appears, Mr Darcy’s behaviour was based on affection if not strict obligation, then I suppose we have all been lucky, have we not? But I have been wrong not to recognise it before. It was quite wrong of me to dismiss your account of matters.” I thanked my father for us both since Fitzwilliam looked almost too astonished to speak. I believe he was struggling to credit how previously my papa could have called me a liar.
The remainder of the day I spent in the company of Mama, Jane and Kitty, while Fitzwilliam kept close with Papa in the library. I confided to my family how I had been treated by Lady Catherine throughout our acquaintance and what she had said to me from her carriage. I could not mention her allegation that my husband kept a mistress nor the awful consequences of my having believed her, but it was a great weight off my mind to say to my own family how she had snubbed me. They were in little doubt that Mr Darcy must have spoken very harshly to his aunt, and it was, as far as they were concerned, no more than she deserved. It was agreed that poor Mary was to be greatly pitied for all the time she was obliged to spend in Lady Catherine’s company.
That evening a party of some number was expected at Longbourn for dinner. All at Netherfield were invited as were Sir William and Lady Lucas and our aunt and uncle Philips. The imminent arrival of a large party of important dinner guests was, in my view, just the thing for Mama since it did not allow her mind to dwell on the disagreeableness of Lady Catherine’s visit for longer than was healthy. Fitzwilliam readied himself quickly in order to leave the bedroom for me. As the light was lost from the sky outside, Hannah dressed me in a splendid grey silk gown that had been one of my London purchases. It had delicate lace sleeves, and it was cut low on the bodice with a fine pink silk band around the waist. I had deliberately kept Fitzwilliam from seeing it and thought it likely would become a favourite of his. It was Hannah’s idea that I should wear the Darcy pearls in my hair rather than around my neck. “I believe that this will surprise the master!” she said with relish as she pinned them to my dark curls.
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