“What’s bigger than a coffee bar?” Joseph didn’t know why he was so opposed to letting Grace continue. Only that he didn’t want anything to mar this perfect evening.
“Joseph.” Ava set a hand lightly on his. That shut him up.
Grace blew out a breath. “I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to come out and say it.” She looked at Dad, who nodded, and Joseph’s chest eased. If Dad already knew about it and didn’t look worried, everything had to be fine.
“We have a sister.” The words rushed from Grace’s mouth.
Joseph stared at her. That was the big news?
“No kidding. You.” This time the joke came from Benjamin.
Grace didn’t laugh. “No. A half-sister. One we haven’t met.” She looked to Dad, who nodded for her to continue. “Mama told me before she went to the Lord. Before she and Daddy were married, she had a baby girl who she gave up for adoption.”
“Hold on.” Simeon spoke up from the small bistro table he shared with his wife. “You’re saying Mama told you before she died? That was almost two years ago. Why are you just telling us now?”
Joseph looked from his brother to his sister, grateful Simeon’s brain seemed to be processing faster than his own.
Grace nodded as if she’d been expecting the question. “I was hoping to wait until I had more information. All Mama could tell me was the baby’s birthdate and that the name she gave her was Lydia. Mama gave me her blessing to search for her, but I haven’t gotten anywhere, and I thought―”
“I don’t believe this.” Zeb jumped up from his seat. “Mama wasn’t― She wouldn’t have―”
“We all make mistakes, Zeb.” Dad’s voice was low. “Your mama confessed this one to me before she went home to heaven.”
“And what? Y’all just wanted to drag her name through the mud now?”
“Zeb.” Carly reached for his hand, but Zeb pulled away, stalking toward the house.
Carly gave them all an apologetic look and followed.
“This is not quite how I saw this going,” Grace muttered.
“How did you see it going?” Simeon asked, with his characteristic calm counselor’s voice.
“I don’t know.” Grace shrugged. “I just thought it was time for y’all to know. Thought maybe you might have some ideas I haven’t thought of to search for her.”
“What if she doesn’t want to be found?” Ava’s question was quiet, and she instantly popped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean―” She gave Joseph a desperate look. “You know I wouldn’t―”
“We know.” Joseph took her hand. He still had no idea how he felt about what he’d just learned―but he did know he was grateful to have Ava here, at his side, for it.
“I’ve been checking adoption forums―places where people go if they’re searching for their birth family. I thought I might have found something a few weeks back, but it turned out to be a dead end. That’s when I realized that maybe it didn’t matter if we never found her―y’all still needed to know she’s out there. At the very least, we can pray for her, right?” Grace fell into her seat, and Levi leaned over to take her hand.
Which made Joseph realize that Ava’s hand was still in his. He squeezed it and leaned closer. “Take a walk with me?”
“I should―” But her eyes landed on his, and she sighed. “Just a short one.”
He let go of her hand so they could stand and clear their dishes.
On his way past Grace, Joseph squeezed her shoulder. “You did the right thing. Telling us.”
Grace gave him a grateful smile. “You two have a nice walk.”
They called the dogs, then started down the hill toward the river.
Without discussing it, they both turned left at the riverbank. They must have walked this way together a couple hundred times in their life.
“Well, that was unexpected. You doing all right?” Ava walked close enough that he could pick out her jasmine scent―but far enough away that it would have been awkward to try to take her hand again.
“Yeah. I think so. It’s strange. I keep thinking about Mama. Did she ever regret not looking for her daughter? Did she ever wish she hadn’t waited so long?”
He glanced at Ava, hoping she’d hear what he was really saying. That she’d understand he didn’t want that kind of regret to happen to them.
“Sometimes there’s healing in the waiting,” Ava said finally.
Joseph watched the dogs frolic ahead of them as he contemplated that. “I suppose so. But sometimes waiting can become too comfortable. Paralyze us from moving forward. I wonder if that’s what happened to Mama?” He wondered if it was what had happened to him. Had the eight years he’d waited to come back really been for Ava’s sake? Or had it become too comfortable not to try? Not to let her reject him again?
“Mostly, I imagine she worried how y’all would react to learning she wasn’t the person you thought she was,” Ava said.
They both slowed as they came to the destination they’d been headed for, though neither of them had said it.
Their park.
It was so small―just a single slide, four swings, and an open, grassy area―that it didn’t have a name.
But it was where they’d first met―so long ago that Joseph felt as if he’d known her forever. It was where they’d chased each other in epic games of freeze tag. And the rickety wooden pier that extended into the river was where they’d spent long, lazy teenage nights talking about their future.
Joseph gestured for Ava to follow him to it now. Maybe they could recapture the magic of those sweet, slow nights.
But the past eight years hadn’t been kind to the pier. Water lapped in the spot where the first two planks should have been, and the end of the pier tilted at an odd angle.
Ignoring the pier, Griffin and Tasha splashed into the water, Princess taking one timid step behind them, then jumping back.
Ava scooped the puppy into her arms, nuzzling her face against the dog’s neck. “Not ready for that yet, huh?”
But the puppy wiggled out of her arms and stepped into the water again, this time getting two paws wet before she backed up. Ava picked her up again, and the puppy nestled into her arms.
Joseph smiled. He wondered if Ava realized how very much like Princess she could be. He only hoped he’d be able to show her as much patience as Ava showed the puppy.
“Want to try it?” He pointed at the dilapidated pier.
At her nod, Joseph jumped easily over the missing planks. He stomped on the wood a few times to make sure it was solid, then turned and held out his hands so Ava could pass Princess to him. With the puppy wriggling in one hand, he held out his other hand to Ava.
She eyed it for a second, then reached for it.
The moment their skin made contact, it was as if all the years between the last time they’d been here and this moment had fallen away. Joseph let both the familiarity and the newness of her touch travel up his arm. This was how they were meant to be.
Too quickly, she landed next to him, pulling her hand out of his and taking Princess back.
He followed her to the edge of the pier, taking the side that angled closer to the water. He discarded his shoes and pulled off his socks as Ava slid out of her sandals. As they lowered themselves to the edge of the pier, Joseph scooted closer to her to avoid the spot where the planks tipped toward the water. The scent of her jasmine cloaked him, making him even more aware of her nearness. He kicked his feet in the river, letting the bite of the cooling water tingle through his toes. Ava’s feet splashed next to his.
They sat in silence for a while, laughing every now and then at the big dogs’ antics in the water as Princess curled up in Ava’s lap and fell asleep.
Finally, Griffin and Tasha tired of swimming and trotted back to the riverbank.
“We should get back.” But Ava didn’t move as she said it.
Joseph turned toward her.
The last traces of light had bled fr
om the sky, leaving them surrounded by a dusky blue. Maybe now, under the cover of darkness, was the time to ask the question that had burned in his mind for eight years. The reason, if he was honest, that he’d never worked up the courage to break his promise to let her go.
“Ava?” he whispered.
She turned to him, one hand going to her cheek. He lifted his hand to pull it away.
Then, still gripping her fingers in his, he forced the words out past his scorched throat. “Do you blame me for what happened?”
Chapter 20
Ava was aware of every prick of cold in her toes, every slip of breeze against her cheek, every pulse of her heart in her throat, every nerve firing at the touch of Joseph’s hand around hers.
Was that what he thought?
That she blamed him?
“Of course not,” she whispered. Her fingers squeezed his before she pulled her hand back. She needed to get her senses under control. And more importantly, her heart. “I made the decision to go to that party. I knew Aunt Lori had said no, and―”
“And I was the one who asked you to go. Who convinced you it would be fine.”
“No, Joseph.” She gave him a stern look. It did no good to let him take the blame for what had happened. “I made my own decision.”
She’d wondered a million times what would have happened if she hadn’t gone that night. Would her life be normal now? Would she be normal? Would she and Joseph have gone on to live out their forever?
But questions like that would only drive her mad.
Joseph swallowed hard. “I thought that was why you broke up with me.” He cleared his throat. “Because I let that happen to you.”
Ava closed her eyes. She couldn’t handle the guilt in his gaze―or the hope. “I never blamed you. I just didn’t want you to see me like that.” She opened her eyes, touching her fingers to the roughened skin of her cheek, hidden at the moment by makeup and darkness. “Like this.”
Through the dark, she saw him lift his hand, but she didn’t realize what he was doing until his fingers brushed against her skin.
No.
No. No. No.
She jerked her head out of his reach. It was enough that he’d seen her scars―she didn’t need him to feel them too.
Joseph’s hand fell into his lap. “You know that wouldn’t have mattered to me.” His voice was gentle. “I loved you for you. Not for your appearance.”
Ava bit back her retort. That was easy enough to say, but what would have happened when he’d tried to kiss her and felt the uneven skin of her lips? Or when he’d tapped her nose and was repulsed by the missing pieces? What happened when he rolled over one morning expecting the face of an angel only to find a monster?
She refused to do that to him.
She refused to do that to herself.
That was why she’d broken up with him.
“You went to prom with Madison?” She didn’t know where the question came from. She had promised herself never to ask it. Promised herself she didn’t care. Promised herself it didn’t matter.
Joseph puffed out a soft breath. “Yeah. Because I was angry with you.” He gave a short laugh. “It was childish, but there it is.”
Ava nodded. What else was there to say? They fell silent, listening to the night fill with the sounds of the river lapping the bank and the birds making their final calls of the evening.
“I didn’t stay.” Joseph’s voice broke the stillness, making Ava jump. “I couldn’t. I ran out on Madison the moment the first song started.”
Ava lifted her head. “Why?”
“Because she wasn’t you.” Joseph scooted a little closer. “I got in my car and drove to your house, determined to pound on your door until you let me in.” He gazed past her, to the river. “But when I got there, I couldn’t do it.”
“I understand.” Ava had to stop to swallow. She’d known it would have been too much for him, seeing her like that. But it still hurt to have him confirm it.
“No. I don’t think you do.” Joseph drew his feet out of the water, then stood and paced the pier, a hand going to the back of his neck.
“I do.” There was no point in pretending it hadn’t happened. “I was hideous.”
“Do you really think that little of me?” The pulse of anger in Joseph’s voice took her by surprise. “You think I didn’t come in to see you because I was worried about how you looked?” He made a sound of disgust. “I thought you knew me better than that. I didn’t care. I would have―”
“That’s easy to say now, Joseph.” Anger pushed her to her feet as well, making Princess open her eyes and give a scolding look before snuggling back into Ava’s arms. “But the fact is that you didn’t get out of that car. You didn’t come in to see me.”
“Because you made me promise not to.” Joseph’s voice was nearly as quiet as the night.
Ava started to reply, then bit off her comment and ducked her head. She couldn’t deny that. He’d come to see her in the hospital, when her face was still wrapped in bandages, and all she could think as he’d looked at her was that she could never let him see what was under those bandages. Because once he did, he would never look at her the same way. So she’d told him she didn’t want to see him again. Had made him promise not to come again. To let her go.
And she’d thought he had.
No, she knew he had.
So why were they even having this conversation?
He shook his head. “The moment I made that promise, I knew it was a mistake. I should have fought harder for you, Ava. I shouldn’t have let you convince me that us, apart, was best for anyone. I guess I was just scared.”
Ava licked her rough lips. “It was best. I was setting you free. Letting you off the hook.”
“I didn’t want to be let off the hook, Ava.” Joseph’s voice rose. “I wanted to be there for you. Do you even remember what happened that night?”
Ava shook her head slowly. It had haunted her for years, the fact that she couldn’t remember the moment that had changed her life forever. “I remember talking about the party with you and saying that I was going with or without Lori’s permission. And I remember getting there and someone saying the bonfire was too small. But after that . . .” She let her words trail off. After that, everything was out of focus, like someone had messed with the lens of her memory.
Joseph stepped toward her. “Do you know how many times I’ve relived it?” His voice was low, his expression tortured. Somehow, it had never occurred to her that he might be troubled by memories of that night.
“Do you want me to tell you?” His voice was gentle, hesitant.
She stared past him toward the riverbank, contemplating. In some ways, it was easier not knowing. But in others, she felt like maybe knowing would give her the closure she had yet to find. She nodded slowly.
Joseph bent and pulled his shoes on. She watched him for a moment, then followed suit and tucked her feet into her sandals. Either he had changed his mind, or he wasn’t going to tell her here.
Joseph straightened and took her hand, the warmth of his fingers sending a wild pulse through her wrist, and led her back toward shore. When they’d both jumped the missing planks, he led her to the grass and sat, pulling her down next to him. Princess stumbled off her lap, moseying over to sniff Griffin and Tasha.
“We were standing by the fire.” Joseph sounded far away, like he was next to her but somewhere else at the same time. “You were cold. I didn’t have a sweatshirt on, and you’d left yours in the car. So I said I’d go get it for you. I was only gone a few minutes, but . . .” He let out a loud breath, then swallowed.
“I came back to find people screaming and the fire blazing, like―” He squinted up at the sky. “Like some kind of inferno. I didn’t understand it at first. Some of the flames were moving outside the fire pit. And then I heard someone scream, ‘Help,’ and even though it didn’t sound like you at all, I knew it was you.” His voice shook, and he ran his hands over his face. “You were
on fire, Ava. It was the worst―” He cut off, shaking his head.
Ava had known that already, of course. She may not have remembered it, but she had gone through the operations and skin grafts and had the scars to prove it.
“Some genius had found a gas can and decided to make the fire bigger.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Some of the gas splashed onto me.” That much the doctors had been certain of, based on the severity of her burns.
“I was out of my mind, Ava. To see you like that.” Joseph turned toward her, and as much as she wanted to look away, she couldn’t. “I ran across the yard and knocked you off your feet. I still remember the sound of your yell as you hit the ground. But you started rolling around, and I hit at the flames with the sweatshirt in my hands.”
“I―” She swallowed hard. No one had ever told her that Joseph had been the one to save her. In fact, no one had ever told her much of anything about that night. Aunt Lori had always insisted that she needed to focus on getting better, not on what had happened. “Thank you.”
“I don’t want your thanks.” Joseph gave her a long look. “I want you to know that I saw you, Ava. At that moment. When your skin was falling off and blistered, and you didn’t look anything like you anymore.”
Ava closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think of him seeing her like that.
“And you know the only thought I had?”
Ava shook her head. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but she was powerless to tell him to stop.
“I thought, ‘Please, Lord, let her live, so I can tell her that I love her.’”
Ava lifted her head, letting herself meet his eyes for a second before dropping her gaze to her lap. She ran a finger back and forth over the long ridge that sliced diagonally across the top of her left hand. She should say something―respond to that somehow.
She let out a long breath. “We should go.”
Joseph was silent, but finally she heard him stir and push to his feet. “Yeah. Okay.”
She got up too, careful to keep her distance as they called for the dogs.
Pieces of Forever: A Christian Romance (River Falls Book 1) Page 10