Maybe she never would be.
But just in case . . .
He jogged back to the bedroom and grabbed the little velvet bag with the ring out of the drawer, tucking it into his pocket. He’d keep it with him until she made a decision. But he wouldn’t pressure her.
Patting it one last time, he said goodbye to the dogs and jumped into his car.
Chapter 38
“I’m so happy for you,” Ava said again as Lori finished telling about how she’d spontaneously burst out in the middle of dinner last night that she thought they should get married. And how Mr. Germain hadn’t hesitated even a second before saying yes, of course they should and then going on to ask her to marry him. And how they’d then argued about who had proposed to whom.
“There’s one other thing,” Lori said hesitantly.
“I know.” Ava had been going to the school to help Mr. Germain―she supposed she’d better get used to calling him Michael now―with the yearbook club for a couple months now, and he’d told her weeks ago that he’d decided to take the job in Nebraska. The truth was, she’d been expecting something like this ever since.
“We talked about it, and we both agreed that if you want to come to Nebraska with us, there’s a place for you. Of course, I understand that there might be certain, uh, things that make you want to stay here, but you could start a studio there or . . .” Lori cast her a worried glance.
Ava reached over to squeeze her aunt’s arm. “That is so sweet of you. Of both of you. But my place is here. And you’ve put your life on hold for me long enough. It’s time for you to get out and live a little.”
Lori let out a breath. “And what are you going to do? About Joseph?”
Ava shook her head. She’d spent her entire shower this morning praying for clarity. But somehow, she only felt more confused than ever. She knew she loved him. Knew he loved her. She knew he wanted her to say yes. Knew she wanted to say yes. And yet, she couldn’t get over the nagging feeling that it would be selfish. That he deserved more.
“Speaking of . . .” Aunt Lori nodded toward the church doors as she pulled into Beautiful Savior’s parking lot. “Looks like someone couldn’t wait to see you.”
A ripple of nerves went through Ava as she spotted Joseph waiting in front of the building. As soon as his head turned their direction, he broke into a smile and sprinted their way.
A brief flash of panic went through her. He wasn’t going to expect her to have an answer right this minute, was he?
The moment Lori put the car in park, Joseph was pulling Ava’s door open.
She got out slowly, suddenly shy, not knowing how he was going to feel about her after last night.
“Good morning,” she said softly.
“Good morning.” He stepped forward, lowering his face toward hers but stopping to give her a questioning look. Was this okay with her?
She nodded and smiled and lifted her face to his.
“All right, you two. There will be time for that later.” Lori walked up next to them. “Come on. Let’s get inside before the service starts.”
Ava smiled as she and Joseph pulled apart, and she slipped her hand into his. “Aunt Lori and Mr. Germain are getting married.”
“What?” Joseph stopped and held out a hand to Lori. “Congratulations.”
Lori looked at his hand, then ignored it and wrapped him in a hug.
Well.
Would wonders never cease?
Ava could count on three fingers the number of people she’d ever seen Aunt Lori hug. She pressed her hands together under her chin, her heart nearly bursting.
Lori whispered something to Joseph that Ava couldn’t make out.
He pulled back and grinned at her. “Never.”
“Never what?” Ava asked.
Still grinning, Joseph took her hand. “Never you mind.”
Before Ava could press the question, the bell chimed.
Lori waved to them. “I’m going to go sit with my fiancé if you two don’t mind.”
“Tell him I said congratulations,” Ava called after her, and Joseph added, “Me too.”
They hurried inside, and Joseph turned toward the steps to the balcony, where they always sat.
But Ava tugged him back. “Let’s sit with your family.”
“Yeah?” He scrutinized her. “You think that will be okay?”
She squeezed his hand. “I’ll be fine as long as you’re with me.”
“I’ll always be with you.” He let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him, letting his warmth soak into her.
When they reached the pew his family occupied, Joseph nudged Zeb, who offered Ava a smile before turning to tell the rest of the family to make room. They managed to find just enough space for Joseph and Ava. Ava settled against Joseph’s side as his father began the service.
Over the past few months, church had begun to feel like a safe place―a place to heal in God’s Word. Even so, she sometimes felt like there was still something holding her back. Something keeping her from letting go of the scars on her heart that stopped her from giving it fully to anyone―not to Joseph and not even to God. And she didn’t know how to change it.
Lord, show me how, she prayed as she sang along to the hymns and listened to the Scripture readings.
When Pastor Calvano moved to the pulpit to deliver the sermon, she slipped her hand into Joseph’s. He leaned to give her a quick kiss on the top of her head.
“Children of God,” Pastor Calvano started. “Y’all trust me, right?”
Ava glanced around her as heads bobbed. Who wouldn’t trust the kind-hearted pastor?
“Good.” Pastor Calvano rubbed his hands together in front of him. “So I’m going to pass around a piece of paper, and if you’ll just write down any passwords you use. Especially for your bank accounts. Okay?”
There were a few nervous chuckles.
“What?” Pastor Calvano lowered his hands. “You don’t trust me enough for that?”
He laughed along with the congregation. “Y’all can stop looking so nervous now. I don’t really want your passwords. In fact, you responded exactly like I hoped you would. You got uncomfortable about giving out information that could allow someone to steal your identity. Right? We hear it all the time. Protect your identity. Because lots of identities get stolen every year. And when someone steals your identity, they can do real damage to you.”
He paused, letting the words sink in, and Ava could feel the tension in the room build as the congregation waited to see where he was going with this.
“So why is it―” Pastor Calvano’s voice went quiet. “That we don’t work harder to protect our true identity?”
Ava let out a slow breath. Sometimes she wasn’t sure she knew what her true identity was anymore. She used to know―she was the head cheerleader, the model, the pretty one. But now―now she was the broken one.
“To be clear―” Pastor Calvano seemed to look right at her. “When I talk about your true identity, I’m not talking about your name or your Social Security number or even what you do for a living. I’m talking about your identity in Christ.”
Oh.
“Fortunately, that’s not an identity that hackers and thieves are after,” Pastor Calvano continued. “But there’s a deceiver even more powerful than they are―Satan. And he wants nothing more than to rob you of your identity in Christ. He wants to make you think that your sins are too great for God to forgive. He wants to make you think God’s promises aren’t for you or even that God’s Word isn’t the truth. He wants to make you think you are unworthy of love.”
Ava sucked in a breath.
Unworthy of love. Pastor Calvano’s words echoed through her scarred heart. Was that what she felt? Unworthy? Was that what was holding her back?
“And that’s not the worst part,” Pastor Calvano continued. “The worst part is, he not only tries to steal your identity; he tries to replace it with a new one. He hurls all these new id
entities at you: broken, unlovable, ugly, stained, marred, despicable, abhorrent. I could keep going . . .”
Ava closed her eyes. Those words―she’d thought every one of them about herself in the past eight years.
No matter how many times Joseph called her beautiful, she still let those other words win out.
“Those words are lies.” Pastor Calvano’s voice was forceful, and Ava opened her eyes to find Joseph watching her, his face filled with concern.
“Are you all right?” he whispered.
She nodded, pressing her lips together.
She wanted to believe that those words Pastor Calvano had said were lies, but . . .
“Do you know who you are? Do you know your true identity?” Pastor Calvano asked. “Your true identity is as a bride.”
Ava’s head jerked from Pastor Calvano to Joseph.
He gave her a nervous smile and murmured, “I promise I didn’t put him up to that.”
“A bride of the great Bridegroom,” Pastor Calvano continued. “You know, at a wedding, everyone’s focus is on the bride. But I’ve been to my fair share of weddings over the years, including my son’s yesterday.”
Ava glanced at Asher, beaming next to his new wife.
“And one thing I can tell you,” Pastor Calvano continued, “is that if you want to see someone who’s about ready to burst with joy, the person you should be watching is the bridegroom the moment his bride steps through those doors.” He gestured to the back of the church, and everyone’s heads swiveled that way, as if expecting a bride to be standing there.
Ava pictured the stunning shots she’d gotten of Ireland framed in the doorway yesterday. And then, in spite of her best efforts, she imagined herself standing there, waiting to walk down the aisle to Joseph.
“Isaiah 62:5,” Pastor Calvano continued. “As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” His smile traveled around the room. “Can you imagine that? Imagine walking in that door and at the other end of the aisle is God. You’re wearing this beautiful white gown that Jesus has given you, and God rejoices over you like a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.” Pastor Calvano looked toward the ceiling as if he could see it.
Then he shifted his gaze back to the pews. “But see, here’s where Satan comes in again. He whispers in your ear, ‘Surely God won’t rejoice over you. You don’t deserve that. You’re not a beautiful bride, you’re wicked, mean, stupid, broken, ugly. You’re unworthy.’”
“And you know what?” Pastor Calvano shook his head. “He’s right. Every one of those things is a reason for God not to love you. A reason for him not to marry you.”
Ava stiffened. That wasn’t what he was supposed to say, was it? Wasn’t he supposed to tell her that God loved her anyway?
“And yet,” Pastor Calvano held up a hand. “He does love you. He rejoices over you. He makes you his bride. He does this for one reason and one reason alone, and it has nothing to do with you.”
He flipped through his Bible. “Ephesians 2:8,” he said. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith―and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”
Pastor Calvano looked up from the Bible. “Grace. Grace is why God rejoices over us. Why he loves us even though we are unlovable. Why he finds us beautiful even though we are broken. Why he delights in us even though we despise him. His grace makes us lovable. It makes us beautiful. It makes us his brides.”
By the time Pastor Calvano closed the sermon, Ava felt like she’d been caught up in a whirlwind. The verses he’d quoted were verses she’d known her whole life.
But somehow, she’d let herself ignore them. She’d let Satan rob her of her true identity as she’d focused on herself. On what she looked like. On how she felt about herself. Instead of on what Christ had done for her. On how he loved her. On how he’d put people in her life who loved her.
She sniffled a few times―but it was no use. The tears refused to be held back. They slipped from her eyes and down her cheeks, probably leaving tracks in the makeup she’d applied so carefully this morning.
But she didn’t care.
Because this makeup, the scars it hid―that wasn’t her identity.
She’d finally gotten her true identity back.
And she wasn’t afraid to let Joseph―or anyone else―see it anymore.
Chapter 39
Joseph gripped Ava’s hand tightly as he drove toward the Children’s Hospital. He didn’t know what else to do for her.
She’d stopped crying, but she was still quiet, unreadable.
When Dad had mentioned brides in the sermon, Joseph had thought she was going to flee the building. When she’d instead burst into tears and buried her head in his shoulder, he’d held her close and prayed for God’s love to wrap around her.
And when she’d finally lifted her head at the end of the service, he’d seen the peace on her face.
Thank you, Lord, for letting her realize how much you love her. Now please let her see how much I love her and rejoice over her as well.
He sighed as he pulled into the parking lot of the Children’s Hospital.
“You okay?” Ava touched his hand.
“I get to spend the day with the most beautiful woman in the world. How could I not be okay?”
Instead of the look of protest she usually wore when he called her beautiful, Ava smiled and leaned across the console, bringing her lips to his.
He inhaled in surprise but let his hands come to her shoulders, bringing her closer. He’d needed that.
A dog muzzle pressed between them, and they pulled apart, laughing as Griffin turned to lick Joseph’s face.
“What was that for?” Joseph asked.
“I think he likes you.” Ava patted her dog’s head.
Joseph nudged her shoulder. He wasn’t going to let her get away with avoiding his question. “I meant your kiss. What was that for?”
Ava met his eyes. “To thank you. For not giving up on me. For not letting me push you away.”
He held his breath. Was this her way of saying she was ready to accept his proposal?
But Griffin shoved his head between them again.
Joseph patted the dog, then opened his car door.
He’d keep waiting for Ava.
And in the meantime, they had kids inside who shouldn’t be kept waiting for their presents.
Ava handed her last gift to a young patient, then glanced across the room, where Joseph and Tasha were delivering a gift to a little boy in a wheelchair.
The box was huge, and Joseph was laughing with the boy, trying to guess what might be in it―but guessing all tiny items, like a stone or a paper clip. The boy was giggling so hard that he started coughing, and Joseph’s hand went protectively to the boy’s shoulder as he waited for him to catch his breath.
Joseph glanced up, catching Ava’s eye and giving her that look she realized now was the same look he’d always given her. Before her scars. And after.
She may have forgotten her identity. But he never had.
“Allie, can I borrow that gift bag?” she asked suddenly, pointing to the small gold bag one of the little girls had gotten. “I’ll give it back.”
Allie nodded and handed it to her.
“And Sebastian, can I use a piece of paper from your new notebook?”
The boy, who had been drawing in his notebook, nodded, and Ava helped him tear out a sheet.
“Here’s a pen.” Brianna readjusted her new chemo cap and then passed Ava the gold pen she’d been using to make a card for Wyatt.
“Perfect.” Ava took it from her and studied the paper, suddenly at a complete loss.
No words seemed adequate. Until . . .
She scribbled on the paper, folded it in half, and tucked it into the gift bag.
Then she looped the bag on Griffin’s collar. “Bring it to Joseph, boy.”
She held her breath. The dog had never been
given that command before. But maybe in some sort of almost-Christmas miracle, he’d understand it.
Or not.
The dog wandered toward a pile of empty wrapping paper in the middle of the floor.
“Griffin,” Ava hissed. “Go find Joseph.”
Griffin gave her a happy wag, then trotted in the other direction.
“No,” several of the kids called, and Griffin stopped, looking confused.
“Go to Joseph,” they all shouted.
Griffin turned in a slow circle, then laid down right there in the middle of the room.
Ava groaned. All right then, she was going to have to do this herself.
She retrieved the bag and carried it toward Joseph, who watched her with an amused expression, still crouched next to the boy in the wheelchair.
When she reached him, she held it out silently.
He pushed to his feet. “I thought we were waiting until Christmas for presents.”
“Open it.” She giggled. She couldn’t help it. This felt so perfect. Joseph. Her. The dogs. The kids.
He took the bag from her hand. “It’s light.” He gave her a teasing look. “Are you giving me an empty bag?”
The kids around them giggled. “Open it,” they all called.
Joseph reached into the bag, pulling out the folded up piece of paper. “A mysterious note.” He waved it around.
“Read it.” Ava appreciated him playing it up for the kids, but she also needed him to hurry up and read what it said.
Slowly, he unfolded the paper. When his eyes fell on the words she’d written, he swallowed and blinked a few times. Then his eyes came to hers.
“Promise?” he whispered.
She nodded, too overcome to say anything.
But she didn’t have to. Because Joseph had already swept her up in his arms and caught her lips in his.
As he spun them in a slow circle, the kids cheered and rained balls of wrapping paper onto them.
When they finally pulled apart, Joseph reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet bag with a silver monogram. A bag Ava hadn’t seen in years. Her hands came to her face. She’d known he had a ring, but . . .
Pieces of Forever: A Christian Romance (River Falls Book 1) Page 19