Chapter 24
December 1996
“I’m so sorry, Jake,” Sara said for the third time. “I really, really am.”
He hadn’t seen her on Christmas Day due to plans his mother had made; but now, on December the twenty-sixth, he had his chance. It was she who had called him, actually, demanding that they somehow make time for each other. Now he knew why.
Snow fell as they stood on Holy Faith’s wraparound deck, and he couldn’t help but stare absently into the flurry of flakes. Beside him, he could hear Sara fidgeting with the railing, sniffling and holding back tears. She had just told him something awful, something he wasn’t expecting. She tried to kiss Phil.
It was a single attempt, and she knew it was mistake as soon as she’d done it. According to her, she had run away immediately but didn’t know what to do afterward. That was why they hadn’t spoken for several days. She’d asked Phil not say anything until she was ready to talk to Jake about it, and he kept his promise to her.
“I was wrong,” she told Jake only moments ago. “Phil admitted to having feelings for me, but he couldn’t let that hurt what you and I have. I don’t love Phil. I was just confused after our fight; and, for a moment, I just… I don’t know. He pulled away before our lips could touch and I feel horrible about it. I’m so sorry, Jake.”
“So you didn’t actually kiss?” he asked after taking some time to think about it.
“No.”
“But if Phil hadn’t pulled away?”
“I think I would have come to my senses. I’m not like that. I don’t know what... I would have been devastated.”
“Then it’s a good thing Phil was able to resist.”
“I’ve thanked him, like, a thousand times.”
Jake took a deep breath and lightly tapped the railing. He looked at her and she looked away, her shame evident. He could tell when she was lying; this wasn’t one of those times. She genuinely felt bad for having tried to kiss Phil. Phil’s attraction to Sara had been evident since they first invited him into their circle, but Jake couldn’t blame him. He didn’t understand how Stan didn’t lust after her with how much time they spent together. She was amazing! He took a nervous breath and slid a hand into his coat pocket.
“I’m not mad,” he finally said. “I’m not upset at all. I think you’re tormenting yourself enough for the both of us.”
“But I tried to kiss him!”
“And failed. The thing is, we had a fight. I know that can get confusing, and sometimes people do stupid things. You know, I even get Phil’s appeal. He’s a good looking guy, and a lot nicer than he used to be.”
“Thanks to you,” Sara added quietly.
“Thanks to all of us. I got the ball rolling, but you and Stan really took him under your wings. Now he’s closer to you two than he is to me.”
“I don’t think so,” she said, still refusing to look at him. “He hangs out with us more because your mom doesn’t let you out as much, but he respects you a lot.”
Jake wasn’t really interested in discussing Phil. He nervously fiddled with the felt box in his pocket.
“I don’t like that you tried to kiss him, but I forgive you. Let me ask you this, though,” he turned toward her and waited for her eyes to meet his, “do you ever dream of being with someone other than me? Do you ever want out?”
“No, never” she said, taking his elbow. “I really don’t. It was just a weird moment, and I messed up.”
“I’m not worried about that anymore,” Jake said quickly. “I just want to know if you’re happy.” She nodded, so he cleared his throat. “I know we’re young and maybe we shouldn’t say anything to anyone, but I was just thinking.” He debated on dropping to one knee, but with her locked onto his elbow, he opted to simply pull the box out. Her eyes went wide as he opened it, revealing the tiny diamond ring set in a white gold band. “I was wondering if maybe you’d want to marry me.”
She didn’t answer. Her eyes were fixated on the ring, her mouth open. Her jaw began to move but no words came out, and the hesitation caused Jake to panic. He stuttered a moment and cleared his throat. “N-n-not, like, right now,” he said quickly, “but in the future—when we’re ready—like maybe after college. It can just be a promise ring if you want, not an engagement ring.”
She stopped him with a kiss. It was long and soft, and his nerves subsided immediately. She wrapped her arms around him and giggled, snuggling against his coat-padded chest.
“Yes,” she said in a broken voice. The tears ran freely now. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
The cold seemed to vanish, despite the falling snow that etched a beautiful snow globe in their memories. Jake imagined a day when they would be sitting with their children or grandchildren, sharing every detail of this night, and it would be the snow that romanticizes the scene. Sara had always loved snow. That was why Jake wanted to ask her tonight, during this heavy fall.
Sara pulled away and instantly dug something out of her purse. She held up a small metal file and began carving something into the church railing.
“I don’t want to ever forget this moment,” she said. “When we’re old and standing in this spot, I want to remember what we were doing on this day.”
Jake brushed the snow and wood chippings from the rail and held Sara snuggly around the waist. SC + JR 4-Ever was what the railing read, and he liked the way it looked. For as long as this rail stood, so would their etched memory of this moment.
“You know,” he said with an amusing grin, “we could have just gotten a snow globe instead of defacing the church.”
“Oh, shut up.”
He kissed the top of Sara’s head as she snuggled against him.
“Jake,” she said quietly. “Thank you for forgiving me.”
“You’re welcome. Just promise to never do it again.”
“I definitely promise.”
Digging into her purse, she put the file away and pulled out a small, throwaway camera and held it out in front of them.
“One more memory,” she said while drying her tear-soaked cheeks. “Smile.”
The camera flashed. Then she put the camera away and melted back into Jake’s arms, squeezing him tightly.
“I love you, Mr. Ramsey.”
Jake laughed as she reached up to kiss him again.
“I love you too, Mrs. Ramsey.”
Cicada Song Page 25