“I can't tell you what I don't know, Sean. I don't know who you killed. I don't know when or how or where. What I do know is that man hates you like you are a plague to this Earth.”
“He's the one, isn't he? The one in your ear, making you question me at every turn?” I thought he was going to turn the car around that instant and make it so that Gavin could join his newly departed wife. “Why would he do that? Who is he?”
“I don't know! Maybe he just wants you to feel the pain of loss like he has, okay? Maybe he knows that the best way to do that is to take me away from you!”
“And you would let him succeed.” His words were not a question.
“Where am I right now, Sean? Where have I been since the day I met Gavin? I've been with you, that's where. In fact, the very night I met him is the night I realized that I couldn't be without you, just in case you've forgotten. Making the decision to put myself out there for you to possibly turn me away was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I'm not sure that I ever would have if it weren't for the events that occurred that night. So stop worrying about Gavin and his hatred of you, and start worrying about keeping me here at your side, because going after him is only going to prove his point, isn't it? Maybe that's exactly what he wants you to do—kill him so I would see you for what he thinks you are. For the love of all that's holy, Sean, please don't do this. Don't resort to the ways you promised me you had buried in the past. I could forgive you killing someone out of duty, but killing someone because you think he poses a threat to our relationship or your happiness? That would be more difficult for me to accept.”
My plea was met with silence.
While I waited for him to say something—anything—I picked at a snag in my dress, hoping that both it and my relationship would not unravel that evening. Minutes passed, and I started to get nervous. Really nervous. Sweat began to roll down my back. In all the fights Sean and I had had in the past, he'd never clammed up on me like he did that night. Change was said to be a good thing, but I couldn't help but fear the worst. The way my night had been going, who could blame me?
Just before we arrived back at Ronnie's and whatever was left of the chaos, he pulled off the side of the road and turned off the engine.
“I was wrong to do what I did to you tonight, Ruby, and for that I'm sorry. Truly. The last thing I ever want to do is drive you away, but please understand that this will never be easy for me. You, more than anyone, should know what it's like to have an internal war being waged inside you on a daily basis. Multiply that feeling over a few centuries' time, and you can start to understand why my actions aren't always what you'd like them to be.”
“Sean,” I started with a sigh, “I know this is hard for you, and I swear I'm not trying to make it harder. You asked me to leave the past in the past. I accepted those terms. I am not reneging on our deal, but it is not fair to expect full disclosure from me when I get only a fraction of that from you on any given day. If I tell you that I can't share information with you, it's because it is not mine to share, okay? Meet me halfway on this...or even part of the way.”
He reached over and cupped my face in his hand. Closing my eyes, I pressed against it, finding the perfect balance between us.
“When did you become such a good negotiator?” he asked, his breath suddenly on my face.
“I would say I learned from you, but negotiating really isn't your style.”
His laughter blew the few stray strands of hair that had fallen onto my face away. Then his lips were on mine, his kisses slow and evenly paced at first before his intensity deepened and I found him nearly crawling over the console to overwhelm me. There was a sadness underlying his urgency that distracted me. I didn't like it.
“What's wrong?” I asked, trying to peel myself away from him long enough to get an answer. I received none. “Sean, please. I can feel it. Tell me what's wrong.”
He sighed heavily, falling back into the driver's seat of the SUV.
“You must promise me something, Ruby,” he said, his voice sounding suddenly weary. “Scarlet too.”
“What?” The heaviness in the car was oppressive, and I found myself fighting against the urge to escape it.
“You must never go after Ares again. Ever. Not under any circumstances, do you understand?”
“Not really, but―”
“Say you understand. If ever you decide to heed one of my warnings, please let it be this one.”
He pressed his forehead against the steering wheel, gripping it tightly. He looked like he too was grieving that night, though I couldn't fathom why. But I could tell him what he wanted to hear.
“Okay, okay,” I said, leaning over to put my arm over his shoulders. “I promise. I'll never go after Ares, no matter what.” He turned his head, which still rested against the wheel, up to look at me. The brilliant green eyes that I loved so deeply met mine, and my heart melted instantly. “Do you think you might be able to remind me whenever I see him, because he really makes it hard not to want to kill him, you know?” My jest was met with a smile that didn't quite reach his stunning eyes. “I'm sorry...you know I joke when I'm uncomfortable. I don't like seeing you like this. You look so defeated, and I don't know why.”
“Ginger.”
That single word was supposed to explain everything.
“I'm really not trying to be thick, Sean, but you're going to have to give me a little more than that if you want me to follow along.”
“You could have been Ginger. As much as you think you endanger those around you, I do too. The thought of someone delivering your body to me is beyond my comprehension.”
“Yes, but Ginger was human, Sean, and I am not. I have a half-cocked bodyguard with me 24/7. It's one of the only perks.”
“There are things that not even Scarlet or I can protect you from, Ruby. I don't like being reminded of that fact.”
“Well,” I replied, sounding contemplative. “I guess we'll have to deal with those things if and when they should arise. For now, I think it would be best that we go do a little damage control at Ronnie's and call it a night, providing she hasn't taken everyone out already.”
He smiled as he straightened himself up, and that time, it did reach his eyes.
“She really is a nut job, isn't she?”
“You don't know the half of it,” I scoffed in response. “You didn't have to duct tape a blue-handled gun to Peyta's thigh so the nuptials could proceed.”
He shot me a dubious glance before pulling back onto the road.
“You're not kidding,” he said, utter disbelief coloring his words.
“I don't kid about Ronnie and guns. That's how people get hurt.”
“I have a feeling that whenever Ronnie and guns are involved, kidding or not, people get hurt.”
“Amen. She didn't even seem fazed by helping me carry a body across her backyard.”
His face turned grim momentarily.
“I'm getting the feeling that I need to learn a lot more about this Underground group of hers. Reactions like that are not developed overnight. It takes years and a lot of bodies to become that desensitized.”
The unsaid “I should know” hung heavily in the air.
As much as I didn't want Sean to go probing into Ronnie's past or the Underground's present, I knew he had a point. Anyone who could react the way that she had had likely seen their fair share of death. Sean was going to want to know the details of those deaths and even more, the people involved in them. If there were renegades amongst the human race out hunting werewolves, they fell within Sean's policing reach. Unfortunately for them, they had no idea that Sean's reach wasn't a place you wanted to be.
Not unless he was naked in bed with you.
* * *
The scene we returned to couldn't have been more mundane. You never would have known a death had just occurred there.
“Jay took Peyta to Boston for the night,” Ronnie said as she approached the vehicle. “A bunch of the others followed sh
ortly thereafter.”
“I'm so sorry about all of this, Ronnie,” I said, not really knowing how one should apologize for all that had taken place there that evening.
“Not your fault, Ruby,” she said, hedging slightly. “This time, anyway.” Sean stepped forward slightly, towering over the petite woman. It seemed he was unhappy with her assessment. “You can stand down, big guy. The rest of your pack is tearing down the tent. I want any reminder of this night gone by the morning.”
He looked down at me, mild bewilderment in his eyes. I don't think he was used to being bossed around, but it wasn't as if Ronnie hadn't done it before. She'd go toe-to-toe with anyone. The woman was a pit bull.
“Excuse us for a sec, Ronnie,” I said, guiding Sean far away from an impending standoff.
“Like I said, the woman is a nut job.”
“Agreed. Now what's the plan, Sean?”
“I'm going to check in with the boys and see what happened in our absence, then I'm heading back to the apartment. Meet me there?”
“Sure. I'll be over in a few minutes. I'll drop my car off at the house and walk over, just in case the boys need it tomorrow morning. I don't want to leave the kids high, dry, and transportation-less, especially since you took the SUV away from them after the drive-thru incident.”
He laughed.
“You take such good care of them. You'll make a great mother one day,” he said with a devious grin, turning back toward the yard.
“Wait...why? Why would you say that?” I stammered, chasing after him. Damn those big strides of his.
“I'll see you in a bit.”
“Is that even an option? Kids? I mean, really?” I rattled off the questions quickly, my mind trying to catch up with the implications of what he'd said. Joking or not, his comment had me totally derailed.
Perhaps you should have asked him to stop and get some condoms on the way, Ruby. With everything else going on, I hardly think you two need to add diaper changes into the mix.
“Subject change,” I said aloud to her as I got into the driver's seat of my car.
Sitting next to me in the passenger seat was precisely that―a change in subject. A tiny white envelope lay there, begging me to reach for it. It was addressed to me with no other information anywhere to be seen. Unsure that I wanted to, I picked it up and opened it, pulling the plain white paper out of its casing. What was said on that single sheet would change my life forever.
For the second time that evening, I found myself peeling out of Ronnie's driveway. I wasn't headed for home though; home could wait. What couldn't wait was a confirmation that what I had just read was true.
And only one man could give me that.
Chapter 18
“Is this true?” I blurted out the second a very somber and surprisingly unfazed young Gavin opened his door. I shoved the handwritten note at him and stormed into his house, plopping myself down where I had sat not even an hour earlier. I'd come to deliver news to him then. But this time I came to confirm news I had already been given.
While I watched him read, I remembered the note's message, word for word. Who knew that so few lines could contain so many revelations.
Dearest Ruby,
I find myself at a crossroads. My illness is taking me faster than I had bargained for, so there isn't much time left to do what needs to be done. I haven't the time to divulge this more gracefully, so forgive me for dropping this on you in this manner, but I feel this is the best way.
If you are reading this, then I am already gone, and that, my dear, is for the best. There was a reason for me seeing you tonight; I came to say goodbye. I do not wish to suffer any longer, and I needed to know that, in my death, you would turn to Gavin. I have watched you two at one another's throats since the day you met, and it saddens me to no end.
This was never his plan.
Had he known that it would be so difficult to reach you, perhaps he would have tried a different approach. But what's done is done and cannot be undone, so now I find myself asking you on his unknowing behalf for understanding. If you knew the burden he bears and has borne for centuries, I wonder if you would find yourself less inclined to push him away. You are far more powerful than even he thought you would be. In the strangest way, it makes him proud, though you'd be hard pressed to get those words past his lips.
There are things you need to know. Things only he can and should tell you. I know you are already rolling your eyes at me, but know that I have left him a note too. I think you'll find him far more forthcoming from now on—by Gavin’s standards, that is.
I love you, Ruby. More than you could possibly know or understand. I've loved you from the day you were born, and I will love you long after I am gone. And I need you to love Gavin as he too has loved you all these years. You are all he has now.
The only family he has left.
Love always,
Ginger
With widened eyes, Gavin wearily slumped down in the chair across from me.
“Is it true?” I asked again.
“Ginger was always far more sly than I remembered to give her credit for at times, but even I never thought she would have resorted to this.”
“Is it true?”
“She was no liar, however, so yes. It is true.” I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. While I stared blankly at the real version of the man I knew as Gavin, the Chameleon, he slowly pulled a similar piece of paper out his pants pocket and held it up between two fingers. “I found this shortly after you left, tucked away in the bedroom. I knew you would be back tonight, though it offered me little time to prepare.” He then laughed in the most cynical way. “I had years to prepare, and yet I now find myself without the words I need.”
He unfolded the paper he held in his hand, clearing his throat before he read it aloud.
My Love,
Ruby has the answers you need, just as you have the answers she so desperately seeks. Tell her everything, Gavin. Everything. I need to know that in my absence you will not be alone.
And be understanding. She does not know yet why you did what you did.
With all my love,
Ginger
He looked up to find me still staring and silent. With a sigh and a look of pity, he did as Ginger had bade him. He began to tell me everything.
“We came to this land so long ago now that I no longer remember the date. It’s not of importance to me. What was important at the time was escaping. Finding safety, cover, and starting over. We were given a rare opportunity, and I was determined not to waste it. But eventually there was a wrench thrown into the plan, as is often the case.” He glanced over to me and met my eyes, immediately seeing the unspoken question in them: Who is we? “Ginger spoke out of turn once in your presence. She spoke of an eradication. That eradication was of our people, Ruby. The mass killing of the fey.” My eyes went wide, but my mouth remained closed. I didn't even know where to begin.
“Eventually, you came. After that, priorities changed. We'd lost the other few remaining survivors―their RB offspring—but by then I knew. I knew how to keep you safe. When you were born, we saw what none of us could have ever foreseen. A defect. An aberration. None of our kind had ever created something with such a delightfully necessary imperfection. It was thought impossible. Your blindness, Ruby, it was a gift. A sign. A sign that you could live when the others had not.
“Once I realized the full implications of your disability, I formulated a plan,” he said, his gaze and control unwavering. “The ring―your ring―was pinned inside your diapers, always against your skin. We waited and watched as you grew. Years went by, and nothing happened. After you outgrew diapers, we hung the ring around your neck, and it protected you from yourself. Eventually, you came to wear it on your finger, just as I had intended. And it did its job. It kept you safe—until it didn't.”
For the first time in his speech, Gavin's emotions showed through. A combination of anger, guilt, and frustration coursed through him and t
husly through me, allowing me to bear the weight of his feelings when he thought back to that fateful night. The night my parents were murdered.
“I had gotten lax over the years, thinking that we had things so under control that my arrogance prevented me from seeing what became so painfully obvious later: Your ring could be removed. And on that night, you were not wearing it.”
“I know,” I whispered, unable to contain my scattered thoughts. “I took it off right before we left. I was wearing gloves. My parents must not have noticed.”
“No, and for that oversight, they paid the ultimate price.” He bit out his words through clenched teeth. “They all did.”
“What happened that night, Gavin? How do you know?”
“I know because your parents are dead, Ruby. I saw what was left of them. Arianna called me the second she realized what had happened. She was inconsolable.”
“Arianna? She was there? She's still alive?”
“No,” he said as a wave of sadness crashed through the room. “My sister is dead now too.”
“Sister...”
“Arianna was my sister and your aunt, Ruby. Your father was my brother.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered as the realization hit me. “Arianna was my aunt.”
“Yes.”
“Wait, that makes you my uncle?”
“Yes.”
“And all of you are fey? I'm fey? What the fuck does that even mean?”
“It means you are a magical being, in the purest sense. Magic from the earth that is both ancient and powerful.”
“Holy fucking shit, Gavin,” I rambled, my head about to explode. “How did you not tell me this before now?”
“I didn’t tell you for your protection,” he countered sternly. “Plausible deniability.”
“I just...I don't...what the fuck?”
“I understand this is a lot. I did not wish to deliver this news to you in this way.”
“Whatever,” I said, shaking my head slightly. “Just tell me what happened to her that night. Please. I need to know.”
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