by Chloe Walsh
And all along, he had been putting his junkie hands on her?
Hurting my goddamn woman?
Hell fucking no.
"I had no choice," Hope continued to say over and over, as the biggest teardrops I'd ever seen dripped down her cheeks. "I was so afraid for you… the thought of you going back to prison for protecting me? I couldn’t live with that. I needed to protect you. I needed to keep you safe."
"You should have told me, sweetheart," I bit out through clenched teeth, battling to reign in my temper. It wasn’t easy though, and grew damn near impossible when she looked at me with those big, scared eyes. "I would have fixed this for you, HC."
"I knew what you'd do if I did – how you'd fix it," she countered shakily. "It's what you're thinking of doing right now, but you can't, Hunter. You can't hurt him."
"Hurt him?" I snarled, practically choking on my fury. "I'm not going to hurt him, Hope. I'm going to fucking end him."
"See," she cried, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "This is exactly why I couldn’t tell you." Twisting in her seat to face me, Hope begged, "Don’t do anything, Hunter. I'm handling it now, so it's okay. He won't rat. I know he won't. Not anymore. So just…just stay away from him. Please –"
"If you think I'm capable of letting him get away with this, then you don’t know me," I told her. She flinched at my words, but it was the truth. "I can't, Hope. That's not how I work, baby," I growled. " An eye for a motherfucking eye."
"Then I went through all of it for nothing," she hiccupped. "That's what you'll do if you hurt him," she whispered. "You'll make it all for nothing."
"What kind of man would I be if I let him get away with this?" I demanded, torn between vengeance and pleasing her. "He put his goddamn hands on you, Hope. That bastard hurt you."
****
Hope
I watched with my heart in my mouth as Hunter digested everything I told him.
Shame and guilt crashed against my conscience the entire time, but I forced myself to be honest.
To tell him.
Because it would come out.
I realized that now.
Secrets never stayed buried for long.
That was the only inevitability in my world now.
Everything else had been altered.
Every possible emotion flashed across Hunter's face as I spoke, until finally settling on pure, unadulterated rage.
There was only one thing I held back, one revelation I couldn’t find the words to confess, because I knew that once he knew, all bets were off.
Somehow, I had managed to convince Hunter to stay right here with me and not go looking for trouble, but if I told him what happened that night, it would be a very different situation.
I could see it right now, right there in his storm-filled, blue eyes, that he was seconds away from hunting Jordan down.
I couldn’t allow that to happen.
Sure, I no longer felt the emotions inside of my heart to stay and try and help him.
But that didn’t mean I wanted him dead.
Fear threatened to smother me, rendering it impossible for me to tell him about the pregnancy.
I couldn’t tell him about the baby.
I was too frightened.
Of what he would do.
Of the possibility of him walking away from me.
I couldn’t do it.
"Forgive me," I begged, knotting my hand in his shirt. "Forgive me," I repeated, my voice torn, eyes bloodshot. "Be with me."
"Forgive you?" Hunter looked at me like I had grown three heads. "There's nothing to forgive you for."
"Really?" I whispered.
He nodded. "I'm pissed you didn’t come to me earlier with this. But I get why you felt you couldn’t." A vein in his temple ticked as he spoke. "I would never hurt you," he said, tone laced with disgust and anger. "I would never put my hands on you in anger. You know that, right? Shit, Hope, I'd rather cut my fucking hands off first."
"I know that," I told him honestly. "I do."
"I want full disclosure, HC," he added, eyes locked on mine. "From here on out, no more secrets between us. "You got that?"
I sagged in relief. "I get it."
"I'm not fucking around here, sweetheart," he said in a voice thick with emotion. "If you're coming with me, then there's no turning back."
"I know."
"I mean it, Hope Carter." He drew me closer. "I won't go through this again." With one hand knotted in my hair, Hunter used the other to clutch my chin, tipping it upwards. "You need to mean it." He pressed to his forehead to mine and exhaled heavily. "I can't lose you twice."
"You never lost me, Hunter Casarazzi," I responded, and it was the complete and utter truth. "Not even once."
****
Chapter Forty-Five
Jordan
I woke up in a sterile looking hospital room, with several wires attached to my body, my wrists bandaged, and my parents sitting at my bedside.
Together.
For the first time in almost seventeen years, my mother and father were sitting side by side.
There were no words of cruelty, no accusations being tossed around.
They were just here.
Looking at me.
Seeing me.
For what felt like the first time in my life, I felt seen.
"Am I dead?" I croaked out, turning my head to look at them. "How are you both here?"
"Hey, baby," Mom whispered, smiling down at me with a pained smiled. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I'm dead," I admitted hoarsely. "Am I?"
"You're not dead, Jordy." I watched as she stood up and leaned over my bed. "But you came close to it." Her small hand was trembling violently as she placed it on my cheek. "Baby, why would you do that to yourself?"
"Because I'm done," I choked out, clenching my eyes shut as I absorbed the feel of her touch.
This woman.
I held so much emotion inside for her.
I felt so much for her.
It was hard to look in her eyes.
It was even worse to remember.
The beatings she endured from him.
The abuse she suffered trying to get me out.
Him raping her.
His friends raping her.
Taking turns on her over and fucking over as she begged them to stop, and then, as the years went on, just letting them do whatever the hell they wanted.
I saw it all.
I watched as she slowly lost her mind.
And I couldn’t save her.
Paul Smith was serving thirty-five years in prison for the crimes he committed against my mother and me – my uncle Danny had made damn sure of that – but it didn’t change anything.
Putting him behind bars couldn’t erase the past.
The memories.
And now?
I'd done the same thing.
I had condemned the one person in the world I had never wanted to hurt to the same fucking torture I had suffered.
I couldn’t take my mother's sympathy.
If she knew what I did?
She wouldn’t be here now.
I didn’t deserve to be saved.
****
Chapter Forty-Six
Hope
It is said that we are all one decision away from an altered life.
One decision can change the path of your future forever.
After today, I knew it was true.
When I woke up this morning, I had prayed for divine intervention to give me the strength to do what needed to be done. To find the courage inside my heart to walk away from what I didn’t want, and chase what I did.
I was back in Hunter's bed, with my clothes scattered across his bedroom floor, and my heart in the palm of his hand.
There would be time for talking later, but right now, all I wanted to do was be with him in every way humanly possible.
He slid his tongue up my slit, causing me to buck wildly. My pulse skyrocketed, my breathing
uneven, as I flailed weakly under his devastating onslaught. "Sit on my face."
Shaking my head, I mewled and tried desperately to contain myself. "No…" I moaned, breathless, as I tried to balance myself on trembling knees. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, not when he was drawing jolts of pleasure from my clit. "I'm too heavy."
"You're fucking perfect," he hissed, not missing a beat as he lapped and sucked at my clit. "Sit on my face, baby."
"I can't," I cried, gently kneading myself against his face, wanting to fall into this moment. "I'm too…uh…shy…fuck!"
Growling hungrily, Hunter clamped his hands around my thighs and dragged my body down roughly.
Sagging weakly, I dropped forward, landing heavily on my elbows and cried out as the sensation of his tongue spearing my pussy rippled through me.
Greedily, I grabbed his shaft and pulled on his thick, hard cock, reveling in delight when
Hunter grunted and, lost to his pleasure, deepened his kiss.
Feeling empowered, I leaned forward, dipped my chin and took him in my mouth.
The feel of him in my mouth while he was eating me out was incredibly erotic.
I couldn’t seem to get enough.
This was the man who'd saved my life.
Who'd taken life to protect me.
Fuck, I was so turned on I could hardly stand it.
****
"What's this one for?" I asked, pointing to the dove scored onto his left pectoral in permanent black ink. I'd spent the last thirty or so minutes picking out random tattoos on his body and asking him to explain their meaning.
"The dove?" he asked, looking down at his own chest. "That's for my mom."
"What was she like?"
"Too good a woman to end up with a son like me," he replied without hesitation.
"Hunter, don’t –"
"Relax, HC," he chuckled. "I'm not having a crisis here, I'm just stating the truth." Sighing heavily, he tucked an arm behind his head and said, "When I went down, she came every week. Every fucking week without fail. I knew she was sick. She'd been fighting it for years. The visits slowed during chemo. Dropped to once a month, sometimes six weeks. Then there was nothing…" Pausing, Hunter reached up and scratched his chin before adding, "Nothing but a letter from the warden and a clap on the back." He shook his head and exhaled a heavy sigh. "My mother was dead – the only family I had."
"Hunter…" Feeling helpless, I pressed a kiss to his tattoo and said, "I wish I could have met her."
So I could thank her in person for creating this beautifully broken man.
"She was beautiful," he added. "Best woman I ever knew." He cast a glance down at me and frowned. "She would've loved you, Hope Carter."
"Yeah?"
He nodded. "Her wayward son finding a good woman?" He smiled fondly. "Shit, if the cancer hadn't killed her, she would've died and gone to heaven meeting you."
Warmth flooded my belly.
Listening to him explain his feelings for his mother gave me hope.
It showed me that he was, indeed, human.
Sometimes it felt like he was gone from me, like he was on a playing field I couldn’t quite reach. But then he gave me a glimpse of his humanity and we were side by side again.
"What happened then?" I whispered, the need to know every thought and feeling inside of this man burning me up. "After you found out she had passed?"
"Lost my mind a little after that," he admitted. "Got fucked up real bad. Fell in with the wrong kind of people… I won't disturb you with the details. Just know that it was bad. I was bad." He shook his head and exhaled a heavy sigh. "And then something happened."
"What happened?"
He flashed a smirk. "I got a new cellmate."
"Noah," I whispered.
He winked. "The very one."
We were quiet then, just laying together on his bed, both lost in our own thoughts until Hunter shifted beneath me.
"What are you doing?" I asked when he reached an arm over my naked body and grabbed the remote from the nightstand.
"I want you to listen to this song," he said. "Reminds me of you."
"Hozier?" I asked with a smirk.
"Not tonight," he countered, tapping my nose with his finger.
He pressed a few buttons and then the sound of Kings of Leon's Closer began to drift from the iPod dock across the room.
Hunter looked me dead in the eyes just as the lead singer began to sing, his lyrics haunting and full of meaning.
The words of the song flooded my mind.
They were deep, meaningful, and everything to me in this moment.
Because they reminded him of me.
He wanted me to hear this.
To listen.
To feel.
Unable to stand another second of this silent torture, and with the song still playing loudly in the background, I pushed Hunter onto his back and straddled his lap.
Without a word, I pressed my palms against his hard, tattoo covered chest and stared into his icy blue eyes. He felt so good under my touch. The heat of his skin, the hardness of his muscles.
Hovering close to his mouth, I pressed a kiss to the corner of his lip and exhaled heavily. "Don't ever leave me."
He didn’t say anything in return, but I knew he heard me.
I could feel it in the way his muscles contracted under my touch.
"Because," I whispered as I slipped a hand between our bodies. "I," using my hand, I guided his rock-hard cock inside me. "Love," he filled me to the brim and I gasped at the pressure before crying out, "you."
A sharp, erotic hissing sound tore from his lips seconds before his hands clamped down hard on my waist.
The feel of his hips gyrating beneath me was too much, bringing with it friction to my throbbing clit that only he seemed to know I needed.
It was too much.
He was too much.
My feelings.
Everything.
"Say it again," Hunter growled as he rocked me on top of his cock.
"I love you," I cried out the dirty truth as I rode him hard and rough.
"Open your goddamn eyes and look at me when you say it," he ordered, his tone husky and full of want.
"I fucking love you, Hunter!" I snapped, clawing at his chest. "Jesus, I'm crazy in love with you."
"Good," he practically snarled before tossing me onto my back and re-entering me in one swift movement. He pressed harder, pushed deeper, demanded more from me with every thrust of his hips. "Because I'm fucking lost in you."
I threw my head back and cried out loudly as the familiar swell of desire pooled inside of my body, causing my pussy to clench and my body to tremble.
This man knew how to handle me. He knew how to touch me and he knew how to take.
He was going to make me come again, and I was going to revel in every moment of it.
****
I woke in the middle of night to an empty bed and an aching throb between my legs.
Climbing out of bed, I slipped Hunter's shirt over my head before padding into the kitchen.
Hunter was sitting at the table, shirtless, and with a cigarette balancing between his lips.
Several pieces of black metal were strewn on top of a towel along with what looked like ammunition. Now, I was no gun expert, but I guessed what all those pieces went into it.
I felt his eyes on me as I walked over to the table and sat down opposite him.
Leaning back in my chair, I watched as he continued to polish each piece.
Resting my elbow on the arm rest, I touched my fingers to my swollen lips as a tremor of fear and pleasure rolled down my spine.
He looked up from his task then, blue eyes landing on mine, and in that one, simple glance I was ruined.
Morals disintegrated.
Ticket to heaven burning in the heat of his stare.
Keeping his gaze, I tilted my head to one side and let my legs fall open.
He cocked a brow as his eyes took a slow, sinful
appraisal of my body.
I rocked my hips slowly and waited in wistful anticipation, never taking my eyes off him.
He lowered his gun.
My heart hammered violently against my ribcage.
He reached for his cigarette, then tossed it in the ashtray.
Biting my thumb, I watched him stand up slowly.
And then he was moving towards me with a hungry, predatory gleam in his eyes.
I couldn’t breathe, the knowledge of what he was going to do to me made it hard to see straight. He was so fucking dangerous.
Those hands…
That face…
That body…
I was burning the hell up.
And when he looked at me like that?
Like he wanted to eat me up?
I was down for whatever he wanted from me.
Stopping in front of my chair, he leaned down and placed a hand on either side of me.
Without a word, he leaned in and pressed one chaste kiss to my bottom lip.
Pulling back, he stared into my eyes. "You want something from me, HC?"
Yeah, I wanted something from him.
"Everything," I whispered.
****
Lucky
With a heart full of hope, and a brain racing with doubt, I brought her home with me.
All evening, I waited for it to happen; for the sudden change of heart to occur.
The change of heart that always happened to her when she allowed her conscience to rule her heart.
It didn’t.
Confused and desperate to keep her with me, I fucked her until she slipped into a semi-coma, needing to show her what I had to offer.
I needed her to see how much better I was for her.
How much better I could protect her.
How I could and was more than willing to give her whatever the hell she wanted.
I was fairly sure I'd broken my own dick in the process, because I couldn’t calm the fuck down.