by A. M. Mahler
“You went too far,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was actually angry or not, but despite my heart telling me to stop, my brain wasn’t getting the message.
“Oh, no,” he said. “I didn’t go far enough. No one treats you like that. Not when I’m there to stop it.”
“We’re probably unemployed right now.”
“Maybe I am, but you aren’t,” he said. “You’re cash in the bank for them, and they know it.”
I couldn’t take any more of this. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go back to that day Jimmy put that hat on my head and ask him what he meant. What his real dreams were. Did I spend my life chasing what a ghost never wanted?
“I can’t do this.” My heart was racing. I turned to leave but realized I didn’t have a car here. Snatching up Simon’s keys, I marched out of the house and was half-way to the car when the door flung open behind me. I wasn’t going to let Simon stop me. I just needed to think for a few minutes.
But when my legs were suddenly banded together and I nearly crashed to the ground, I realized that it wasn’t Simon who had come out but Marcus, who was now clutching me in his arms and legs crying hysterically.
“Don’t go!” he shouted, splitting my heart right down the middle. “Please don’t leave too. Please stay.”
Reaching down, I peeled him off my lower extremities and hiked him up into my arms, hugging him tight. Simon and Christine stood at the door. “Shh...” I cooed, rubbing his back. “I’m coming back.”
“No, you’re not,” he cried into my shoulder, soaking my shirt. “People say that, but they don’t really mean it.”
“I promise. I just need to run out, buddy. I’m just sad and need to leave for a little while. Just a little while. I’ll be back for dinner.”
“No.” He clenched harder. This is the most I ever heard him say—the most emotion I saw from him.
“Okay. I’ll tell you what,” I said, pulling my head back looking at his beautiful tear-stained face. “Why don’t you come with me?” Though I had no idea where I was going. “Then you can see for yourself that I’m coming back.” I couldn’t blame him for looking at me with skepticism. And I was sure I was overstepping my boundaries taking one of the boys with me without asking for permission, but I decided to do it anyway. Some instinct inside me screamed that this was the right thing to do right now.
I opened the back door to the Jeep. One of these car seats was Marcus’s but not only did I not know which one it was, I didn’t know how to work it. Of course, I built cars for a living and should be able to figure it out. To my surprise though, Marcus settled himself in his seat and buckled himself in all on his own. That was the son of a cop right there.
As I crossed in front of the hood to the driver’s side, I chanced a glance back at the house. Christine looked amused, and Simon looked confused. There was his girlfriend snatching his nephew and using his Jeep as the getaway car after tossing blame at him he didn’t deserve.
Love made me a lunatic.
“Where are we going?” Marcus asked as I backed out of the driveway.
Where was I going to go? Wherever it was, it had to be kid friendly now. I just needed a place to think.
“Christmas Morning, she has amazing instincts. She just seems to know what you need. She’s very in tune to human emotions... The animals are great therapy.”
My conversation with Ethan came back to my mind. It was a little risky going back to the scene of the crime, but I thought in that moment the horses were a great idea. I just hoped Ethan was at the farm and not home for lunch or something. I didn’t have a phone number for him or any way to get in touch with him that wasn’t through one of his siblings.
Marcus was quiet in the backseat as he watched the town go by. I studied him in the rearview mirror as I safely as I could while driving. His cheeks were red, and his eyes swollen from crying, but he looked ... better.
“Marcus,” I said. I waited for him to meet my eyes in the mirror. “How’d you like to meet some horses? I hear they’re nice to be around when you need to think about stuff. I have stuff to think about, and I think you do, too, right? What do you say?”
“Horses are nice,” he said. “The police at home have a horse. His name is Reggie, and the chief lets me sit on him and give him candy canes.” I smiled softly to him in the rearview mirror. It was nice to hear him talk about a good memory.
I pulled up to Ethan’s barn, keeping an eye out for any wayward chickens or pigs. The very last thing I needed was to run over a farm animal. Once I was parked, Marcus unbuckled himself and stood on the floor, waiting for me to open the door. After I helped him out, I held his hand. “I need you to stay by me, okay? And don’t pet any animals until you’re told it’s okay. Can you do that for me?”
He looked up at me and nodded. I drew in a breath when I looked into his eyes. They didn’t look so clouded anymore, and I could swear I saw hope.
The barn doors were open, so I called out for Ethan. Bravo came first. He sat down in the doorway, and I stopped walking. Anyone that knew Ethan knew that Bravo had been his working dog in the Marines. He made me a little nervous. He was not a normal pet, and I was always afraid of taking the wrong step and getting my face mauled off. After grabbing Marcus back at the house and making a run for it, I didn’t want to have to go back and explain to Simon that Marcus needed stitches because of my stellar judgment. And at the moment, I didn’t want the doctor giving him stitches to be Jackie McKenzie.
Ethan appeared in the barn door opening and waved to us. He barked something out in a language that sounded like German, and Bravo laid down. Ethan walked over and bent down to Marcus.
“Hi, I’m Ethan,” he said, gently. “That’s my dog Bravo. He used to work with me in the Marines. He was a soldier, too. If you want to go over and pet him now, you can. Just don’t be rough or try to sit on him or anything, okay?”
Marcus’s eyes widened, and he looked over at the dog again. He ran up to Bravo, and I was suddenly terrified that he was going to make a flying leap onto the poor animal, but he didn’t. Marcus stopped just in front of Bravo, introduced himself, and gently began to pat Bravo’s head.
“Ethan, I know you always have Bravo well in control, but I’m not going lie. Your dog scares the hell out of me,” I confessed with a nervous chuckle.
“Well, that’s his job,” Ethan said. “But unless you’ve got a bomb wired on, are running drugs, or you’re a terrorist, you should be okay.”
I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. Bravo was nothing like the goofy, lovable Margo.
“What can I do for you?” Ethan asked.
“Well, I hope I’m not imposing, but you said the horses were good to be around when you had to think something over, and, well, Marcus and I have stuff to think over.”
Ethan studied me quietly. He seemed to have a way about him. A gentle way of looking at you and seeing right down to your soul. Whether he liked what he saw or not, he didn’t judge. He said no questions asked, and I was depending on that. Ethan was introverted like me. I knew I could count on him not to attempt small talk. He’d leave us in peace to hang out, you know, with a horse.
“Christmas Morning just got back from a ride,” Ethan said. “I was just brushing her down. She likes that best. You and Marcus can finish the job for me.”
When Marcus heard that, he popped up and ran away from Bravo. We followed Ethan into the barn. I never actually stepped into Ethan’s barn before. I guess the opportunity or reason never presented itself. There was a black barn cat sitting along the horse stalls on the worn, wide-planked wood floors, bathing itself; another orange one lay sleeping in the sun from the light shining through the open doors on the opposite end. Large fans were on and oscillating slowly to cool the animals down. It smelled like hay. The weathered and dusty floors creaked under foot.
There looked to be six horse stalls on one side. We walked along and stopped at one in the middle. I smiled when I saw the opening was decorated in Ch
ristmas lights, fake evergreen bunting and red ribbons. A grey horse stood there swishing her tail and chewing on hay.
“Her name is Christmas?” Marcus asked, awe on his cherubic face.
“Christmas Morning,” Ethan said. “She’s my wife’s horse. You and Maggie can finish brushing her for me.”
“Can I sit on her?” Marcus asked.
“Sure.” Ethan said. “Just be careful because her saddle isn’t on anymore and you can hurt her if you kick.”
Before Ethan could pick up Marcus and set him on the mare, Danny McKenzie, chief of police, appeared over Ethan’s shoulder in uniform. I figured he must have had court today or some other official function because it wasn’t often you saw him in uniform.
“Who’s this rug rat?” Danny asked, pointing to Marcus.
“One of Simon’s nephews. I kidnapped him. And I stole Simon’s car,” I blurted.
Danny took off his sunglasses and cocked his head to the side. His piercing gray eyes were alive with amusement. “Well, aren’t you just full of felonies today?”
I was startled when Marcus ran behind me and grabbed onto my legs again. He had been doing so well. When I looked up, Ethan shook his head, also at a loss as to the change in Marcus’s demeanor. Then I looked at Danny and his uniform again.
“I think it’s Danny,” I whispered, placing my hand gently to Marcus’ head and stroking. “His father was a cop. He was shot and killed on duty a few weeks ago.” Recognition dawned in Danny’s eyes and sadness followed.
Ethan bent down and moved behind me to look at Marcus on his level. “I’m sorry to hear about your dad, Marcus. I bet he was really brave, and you loved him very much.”
Marcus turned his head to the side away from Ethan, and Danny stepped forward. I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do. Should I stop them? What if something they said put poor Marcus in therapy for life?
Danny pulled a red and black plaid blanket off a nearby chair, spread it out on the floor, and sat down. Ethan followed. It took a little bit of effort on his part, but he finally sat next to Danny with his legs extended out. Moving as one unit with Marcus, I shuffled over and sat down as well. Marcus stood behind me with his face hidden between my shoulder blades. I epically screwed up. This little excursion went from pulling Marcus out of his shell, to shoving him back in, causing more damage, and nailing the lid on. I was completely incompetent to take care of one little boy for an afternoon.
“Bravo and I were over in Iraq,” Ethan said. “We were riding in a Humvee, and we hit a bomb on the side of the road before Bravo even knew about it. You can see I didn’t die. I was very lucky. But my friends weren’t. And it’s very hard to lose someone, isn’t it?” Marcus didn’t entirely show his face, but I could feel him nod his head. “My family helped me get better, but even when I think about it now, I get sad.”
“Did you get hurt?” Marcus whispered.
“Boy, did I.” Ethan said with exaggeration. I was stunned when he pulled up his pant leg and revealed his prosthetic foot. I knew he had that. Everyone in town knew about what happened to him over there. He was a beloved war hero here, even though he hated that moniker. But I had never seen his prosthetic before. Ryan told me once that sometimes Ethan wore shorts in warm weather, but on the farm, he always wore pants for safety.
“Whoa!” A boy’s morbid curiosity got the better of Marcus, and he reached out a small hand toward Ethan’s leg.
“Marcus.” I pulled his hand back.
“It’s okay,” Ethan said, gently. “He can touch it.”
Slowly, Marcus reached his hand out again, pulling it back twice before finally touching a finger to the metal. He pulled back slightly, looked up at Ethan, and touched it again. It really was something amazing to see. I leaned in closer to get a better look at how it was put together. I could totally make this. I wondered how many Ethan had and whether or not he could use another—whether or not I could improve upon the design.
“I got shot while I was working as a cop, too,” Danny suddenly said. It seemed like Marcus forgot Danny was sitting there. When he spoke, Marcus stumbled backwards in his haste to get away from Danny. I wrapped my arm around Marcus and helped him land gently in my lap. This time, Marcus didn’t hide his face.
“I almost died,” Danny continued. “It hurt a lot. When they got me to the hospital, all I could think about was the person I loved most in the world. If I was going to die, I would go thinking of her. She made me so happy, and I loved her so much. I didn’t want to leave. She’s actually the one that saved my life.” Danny looked directly at Marcus. “Are you mad at your dad?”
Marcus started shaking his head, but then nodded tentatively.
“That’s okay,” Danny said. “Just because you’re mad at him for leaving you, doesn’t mean you didn’t love him. And he would understand. I promise you this though, Marcus. Before he died, he was thinking of you and how much he didn’t want to leave you. Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide when we go. And we don’t know the reason why some people go before they’re ready and others don’t. I promise you won’t always be mad, and you won’t always be sad. I bet you had a lot of fun with your dad.” Marcus nodded again. “Think of that when you’re sad.”
“What, are you having a barn picnic?” I tensed at the sound of my boss’s voice. He had the worst timing known to man.
“Yeah, go away, you’re not invited, Willis,” Danny said gruffly, rolling his eyes. Those two loved to poke at each other. They always seemed to have a wise crack on the ready for the other, but there was never any heat behind it. Ethan rolled his eyes, and the smallest giggle came out of Marcus.
“Come on, Marcus.” Ethan said, struggling to his feet. He reached a hand down, and Marcus tentatively took it. “Let’s go meet Kodak. He hasn’t been out for a ride yet, and I bet he’d love for you take him around the yard.”
Marcus walked away with Ethan while Danny and I stood up. I brushed off my pants and Danny picked up the blanket, shook it out, and folded it up.
“I saw Simon’s Jeep,” Ryan said by way of explanation.
“What, were you coming to fire him?” I was nastier than I intended to be. I was not doing myself or Simon any favors.
“No,” Ryan said. “He was right. He was bordering on disrespectful, and I don’t react well when someone is disrespectful to my sisters. But Jackie was harsher than she needed to be.”
Snorting, I turned and started walking in the opposite direction than Ethan and Marcus went. I left my cell phone in the car and needed to check it. I was sure there were a few frantic texts on there.
“Well, if you’re not here to fire Simon, are you here to tell me no?” I demanded as we walked back out into the afternoon sunshine.
Ryan stopped walking and touched my arm. With a roll of my eyes, I turned to face him. I realized in that moment that if his answer was no, I would leave. I was good at what I did. There were plenty of companies that would back me. Hell, Audi was probably one of them. I would do it without WRR, and I would still win.
“Maggie,” Ryan said. “Cut us a break. We had no idea what you wanted to talk about. My initial reaction is not no. You’re out of your brilliant mind if you think I’m going to let you go to someone else. I know what I have in you. Jackie knows what we have in you. She is always cautious when it comes to anything like this. Hell, it took me months to get her to consider taking even one driver on.”
I found that amusing since we now had four teams.
“You needed to have more faith in me,” Ryan said. “Simon, he doesn’t know me as well as you do. You know how I work. The question is not if we’re going to do it. It’s how and when we’re going to do it. But you leave that to me.”
I felt a rush shoot through my blood at his words. I actually bounced in excitement and clapped my hands. I would have kissed him if that wouldn’t it have crossed the line. He was going to do it. Holy shit, we were going for it.
He dropped his hands to his hips, and I knew the conversation
was going to get serious. “I scanned the paperwork, but I didn’t do a close reading. How long are we talking about here?”
“Three years,” I said. “We have to finish the design. Then we have to tweak the design. Then we have to start building. Then we have to scrap everything and start over. Then we need to hire three drivers and listen to their opinions on the whole thing. Then I’ll ignore them—”
Ryan held up his hand for peace. “Okay, okay, I get it. You and your brother will head this up. I want a detailed timeline of milestones to hit. I can get far on your name, Maggie, but only so far before I have to show results.”
“Okay.” I nodded like a bobblehead doll. I’d agree to anything right now.
“Jackie wants you to consider the Aston Martin engine. She’s particularly partial to it.”
“Nope.” I popped the P and grinned like a hyena. Turns out, I wouldn’t agree to anything. I did respect Jackie’s opinion, even if I was mad at her then. But I did my research, and I had my reasons.
“Right.” Ryan laughed and walked away shaking his head. Taking a deep breath and letting the stress of the day back out, I watched my boss disappear back into the building. I glanced into the barn and saw Marcus atop a horse with Ethan holding the reins and explaining how to make the horse start walking, stop, and turn. Smiling at the success of the afternoon, I turned and started walking back to the car. I needed to at least get my phone to take pictures of Marcus on the horse.
Christine’s SUV skidded to halt, and Simon scrambled out of the driver’s seat. “Jesus Christ, I’ve been looking everywhere. Is your phone dead or something?” He wasn’t angry, but he was frantic. I raised a brow. Did he think I couldn’t take care of Marcus? If he did, well, I was not sure I disagreed with him.
“It’s in the car,” I said. “I was just on my way to check it.”
“I knew you’d be coming back to at least return Marcus and my car, but I wasn’t sure if you were coming back back.” He cupped my cheek while his eyes ran over my face.