by Debbie Kump
Only this time Alyssa doubted her chain of command.
Her mind reeled as she relived intense feelings of remorse. She tried to close her eyes, but couldn’t block out the images of the eleven dead pilot whales littering the sandy beach.
All because of her.
“I honestly had no idea,” Alyssa whispered, attempting to reassure herself. “I was just following orders.” But her voice was weak. Unconvincing.
Besides, what action would she take during their upcoming test scheduled for next week? Would she be able to conduct another active sonar test, now that she knew the possibility of a repeated outcome? Just thinking about the loud ping resonating through her eardrums sent shivers down her spine.
A sudden knock on the door jarred her from another pity session. Who could possibly be coming to see her? She didn’t think she was permitted any visitors.
Alyssa scrambled off the end of the mattress to open the door, but found no one there. Only a tray covered in aluminum foil. She snatched her lunch and placed it on the bed, not before realizing her ravenous hunger until she smelled the intoxicating scent of a greasy cheeseburger and fries. Peeling the wrapper, she leaned closely, closing her eyes as she relished the first bite.
Usually Alyssa loved burger days; often lingering a few minutes after finishing her meal to savor the smell of grease from the deep fryer and cheeseburgers off the grill. Closing her eyes, she’d pretend she was in her backyard in central Virginia instead. While her mom grilled corn on the cob and burgers, Alyssa would set the table, then immerse herself in a book until dinner was served. Her golden retriever, Tucker, lounged under the patio table by her feet, patiently awaiting his traditional handout at the end of the meal.
As the sun dropped below the horizon, its last rays tickled the undersides of the clouds, bathing them in muted shades of pink and peach blossoms. Alyssa would lean back in an Adirondack chair on her wrap-around porch, enchanted with the bright oranges and reds that followed, like tongues of wildfires dancing across the sky.
As the sunset faded into darkness, pinpricks of starlight became visible above the shadowed, rolling peaks of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Tiny gleams of fireflies soon sparkled across her dusky backyard, like dozens of miniature candles repeatedly lit, then extinguished. Their abdomens flashed brightly as each searched for a mate.
When she was younger, she’d run barefoot across the thick grass with Tucker at her heels, seeing how many lightning bugs she could catch inside a Dixie cup. Covering the top with her hand, she’d create a homemade paper lantern, emanating a warm glow as the shroud of nightfall descended upon the valley.
Alyssa took another bite of her burger, inhaling deeply to block out the stale smell of the recycled air, desperate for her old life. She hadn’t predicted how much she’d miss the hint of pine and oak as the wind rustled through the forest. The delectable fragrances of honeysuckle and wildflower sweetly carried on the breeze. Even the dank smell of wet dog as Tucker emerged from his dip in the creek, spraying her when he shook off.
Finishing her meal, she stacked her tray upon the sink and laid down again, hoping that with a satiated stomach, sleep would find her.
It never did.
Chapter Fourteen
Restless and achy from lack of movement, Alyssa squirmed on the mattress, unable to find a comfortable position.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to block out the agonizing memories of her deadly sonar test, her contagious condition, her forbidden love. Nevertheless, her thoughts inadvertently turned toward the first time she laid eyes on Justin. Alyssa knew it was foolish to allow her heart to prevail over logic and reason, yet she felt powerless to change her fate.
They set sail on one of those typical southern Triple-H days: hot, hazy, and humid. Wearing her smoke gray and blue camouflage service uniform and matching beret, Alyssa felt professional, ready to tackle any challenge she’d confront while on duty. She carried only a small drawstring backpack of the few personal effects she was permitted onboard. But after a few minutes of standing outside in the blistering sun with the rest of her future crewmates, Alyssa was dripping. Her shirt clung to the thin layer of perspiration across her back and under her armpits. Beads of sweat trickled down her neck and pooled inside her collar.
“I’ve got a funny feeling about this,” Linda Kensington whispered, as if disclosing a vital secret. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes as she squeezed Alyssa’s hand.
Though Alyssa was glad she had someone to see her off, in a way she wished it were someone less embarrassing than her mother. But since she broke up with Steve and Ellen had to work, she didn’t have other options. Alyssa shifted uncomfortably on her feet, thinking of something to say to mollify Linda. At least the seamen closest to her seemed too preoccupied to overhear their conversation.
“Why’s that?” Alyssa replied distractedly as she glanced around the platform, watching the other submariners bid farewell to loved ones. Young infants squirming in the arms of their parents. Couples clinging to each other, professing their I-love-yous. Luckily, they could converse with their families back home through the DOTS–at least until the Siren sank below periscope depth. How did the World War I era navy crews manage, Alyssa wondered, when their sole communications occurred by mail whenever they reached port?
Her mom sighed deeply, as if releasing a huge weight from her shoulders. “Honey, I’m really worried about you.”
“Worried?” Alyssa snorted, running her fingers through her short brown hair. She still hadn’t adjusted to its new length. “Mom, I told you before that we’re not going to be in danger.” After all, the U.S.S. Siren was sailing off to conduct a series of tests for a highly advanced and more powerful prototype active sonar system–not to engage in warfare.
Linda’s voice cracked as the tears spilled over, “I feel like I’m never going to see you again.”
Alyssa rolled her eyes. “Oh, Mom. Please!” She patted Linda’s back in reassurance, just as she’d done all those years after Dad died. Tucker would have to provide adequate company for her mother until Alyssa returned on leave. “I’ll be back in a few months. I promise.”
Granted, there were risks involved on the Siren: fighting fires, fixing leaks, and contending with the intense pressure of the surrounding water that forever bore down upon the double-layered hull of the ship. But at least she didn’t fear sinking by an enemy sub or accidentally falling overboard like if she were on an aircraft carrier.
No need to disclose such information, Alyssa figured; it would only augment her mother’s worry. Besides, Alyssa was certain that she would be fine. Linda wouldn’t be decorating the trees in their front yard with yellow ribbons again.
Nevertheless, Linda clung to Alyssa madly, her voice choked with tears.
Alyssa glanced over at the top of the sub sitting above the surface, its tear-dropped black hull perfect for hiding underwater. Which was exactly what Alyssa wished to do right now: hide. She couldn’t wait to begin the boarding process.
It was then that she spotted him standing alone, patiently waiting.
He lifted his face toward the sun, as if savoring the last few moments of daylight for sustenance during the next six months underwater. Despite the discomfort Alyssa felt in this oppressive heat, sandwiched between couples with lips locked in parting, he seemed perfectly at ease. Alyssa studied the seaman, his military buzz cut obscured by his beret, his dark complexion shiny in the baking sun. Just like her, he wore the Stars and Stripes over his left shoulder. The sun caught one of decorations, making his golden dolphin fish pin glitter brightly. An officer. Alyssa glanced down at her own submariner insignia, embroidered in silk, like the other enlisted men. She wouldn’t earn this prestigious award until she made officer herself.
Alyssa never believed in love at first sight. But something about the officer held her enraptured. Maybe it was the confidence he emanated. Or his muscular chest, angled cheekbones, and warm, deep eyes. But whatever the reason, Alyssa couldn’t take
her eyes off him. Smothered in her mother’s embrace, she’d stopped listening to her mom’s growing list of concerns of Alyssa’s impending peril.
Squinting, Alyssa tried to perceive the name centered above the officer’s right breast pocket. She could only make out an H, I, and D before he caught her glance, smiling in an amused way. Alyssa’s face flushed hot as she diverted her eyes. She knew from basic training that officers never mingled with her class. The consequences were too severe.
Redirecting her attention to her mother, she finished her goodbye, then slung her backpack over her shoulder and stepped into line. And kept her eyes on her feet.
Alyssa waved to Linda from the gangplank, then found a spot topside, away from the railing where those who desperately wanted one last opportunity to say farewell vied for position. Setting her backpack on her lap, she tried to remain still and forget about the officer in the muggy air as perspiration poured down her cheeks. Guided by a pair of tugboats, the sub finally pushed away from the dock and out toward the sea. The breeze felt hot against Alyssa’s cheeks, but at least the air was moving to dry the sweat from her face.
A few minutes out, the submariners shuffled into line to descend below. Alyssa rose and slipped her backpack over her shoulders as she walked unsteadily across the 585-foot long, 45-foot wide black hull of the sub.
At the top of the ladder, Alyssa lingered. She suddenly realized the need for a memory to sustain her during the long months underwater. Scanning the horizon, her eyes landed on the solitary officer who’d smiled at her, stationed up on the Bridge of the sub’s Sail. Not good, Alyssa, she scolded herself. Try something else. But her descent was long overdue; another seaman already waited his turn. Inhaling one last breath of the briny air, Alyssa sighed as she climbed down the ladder into the bowels of the metal beast.
After dropping off her bag at her assigned rack in the Torpedo Bay at the bow of the ship and changing into her navy blue work gear, Alyssa greeted her berthmate, Rosemary DeLa Cruz, with a brief handshake. Unlike Alyssa with her hair cut short, Rosemary wore her thick black hair up in a bun. Then they stowed their dress uniforms flat under the mattress, one on top of the other. Little did Alyssa realize this was one of the few exchanges the two of them would share for the duration of their tour.
As Alyssa navigated her way through the narrow corridors, allowing higher-ranking officers and crewman to pass by turning her back against the wall, she bumped into Carly Zapelli, one of her friends from basic training. Though assigned different shifts, the thought of a familiar face on board warmed Alyssa. She smiled the whole length of the corridor and down to the Command and Control Room. But when she reached her station, her smile quickly faded.
Not him again. Ducking past the group of officers milling near her station discussing the success of their initial descent, she immediately spotted the officer from the Bridge, despite the periwinkle blue background lighting that distorted the color of everyone’s skin tones. Though she told herself not to look, she couldn’t resist. Well, at least now she could make out his entire name: HIDALGO. Officer Hidalgo, she reminded herself.
While manning her station to familiarize herself with the sonar controls, Alyssa couldn’t help but catch bits of the officers’ conversation. She should’ve turned on her ear DOTS to block out the noise, yet curiosity overcame her. Apparently before the dive, they’d spotted dolphins. Unconsciously, Alyssa craned her neck, listening to Dive Officer Hidalgo describe the pod of bottlenose that rode the surf of the bow.
She closed her hazel eyes, imagining herself standing up on the Bridge, too. The ocean breeze rustled her bobbed hair as she watched the dolphins frolic in the submarine’s generated waves while it plowed through the seas. Their arced silver backs glistened in the sun as they leapt from the water, one after another. A dreamy expression passed over her face as she opened her eyes, eager to hear more. Only she realized Officer Hidalgo had caught her staring at him. Again. He flashed her a quick grin, displaying all of his white teeth. Alyssa’s face turned red as she wheeled back to her computer monitor, forcing herself to focus on the task at hand. “How could I be so stupid?” she muttered to herself. But it wasn’t really her fault.
She couldn’t help that he looked so amazing in his dress uniform.
Though she knew, deep down, she should demonstrate more restraint. Her future–and his–depended on it.
Chapter Fifteen
“Stop it, Alyssa!” she screamed, drowning her voice in her pillow. She had driven herself crazy reliving their first encounter. Resisting the overwhelming urge to rub her eyes, she sat up in bed again, stretching her stiff, achy joints. It must be that time again. Alyssa tilted her head back, letting the soothing liquid coat her irritated eyes. Placing the drops in her pocket, she blinked, then eased back onto her pillow, keeping her eyes closed.
Remembering…
“S.A. Kensington? Is that you?”
Alyssa blushed as she noticed Officer Hidalgo leaning against the Mess Hall door. Her heart leapt up her throat.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
In a feeble attempt at nonchalance, she gestured toward the screen.
Justin Hidalgo turned, instantly grimacing at the near blinding movie screen. Quickly glancing to the side, he switched off the night mode on his eye DOTS. His grimace fading, he pulled out the chair next to Alyssa and settled down. “Right. I forgot all about the email. The Skipper’s into nostalgia, I guess. Didn’t know anyone actually came to these things.”
“They don’t,” she snipped. Why would anyone attend these movie nights when they had full access to a vast wealth of movie titles at any time of the day? Officer Hidalgo must think she was the biggest loser on the ship.
“Is it any good?”
“Not really,” she responded in a flat tone.
Hidalgo’s voice softened. “Everything okay?”
She shrugged and crossed her arms, returning her attention to the movie. She shouldn’t be here with him. Just speaking to him alone was a recipe for disaster.
Nevertheless, she spent the next ten minutes berating herself for acting so irritated. Just great. Her first attempt at normal conversation in the past few weeks and she blows it with her sour mood. From the corner of her eye, she peeked at his chair, convinced he was mad at her. Then again, he was so quiet, maybe he’d left altogether. But not only was his chair occupied; he appeared spellbound as he intently watched the film.
She cocked one eyebrow skeptically. “Officer Hidalgo? Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” His eyes never left the screen.
“Do you like this movie?”
“Nope.” A wide grin spread over his face. “Mostly, I was trying to figure out how you’ve managed to endure such a piece of crap this long.”
Alyssa bent over double, a full-bellied roar. “It’s been a test of my perseverance, that’s for sure.”
“I’ll bet.” He turned toward Alyssa, his face growing serious. “Can I ask you a question?”
Alyssa’s eyes opened wide. She had no idea where this was leading. Had he picked up on her crush, possibly noticing her staring at him at the boarding dock? Or one of those other times she’d passed him in the Command and Control Room, her eyes lingering a bit too long on his visage? This was not going to be good.
“Um, okay,” she replied tentatively. “Go ahead.”
“Do you remember the day we set sail?”
Of course she did. Alyssa gulped. Oh God, Oh God. He knows! Why did I have to be so obvious? she fretted.
“Why–?” Hidalgo paused momentarily, as if searching for the appropriate words. Finding his voice again, he continued, “Why did you seem so interested in my story from the Bridge?”
A wave of relief spread over her face. Perhaps her feelings were not as apparent as she had assumed. “I’m sorry, Officer Hidalgo, I didn’t mean–”
“It’s just us here,” he interrupted. “You can call me Justin.”
Us. The mere concept of him consid
ering them an entity warmed Alyssa from the inside, like the rosy glow of a campfire when she’d roast marshmallows on cool summer nights. She took a deep breath before apologizing, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I just wished I could have been up there on the Bridge, too, watching the dolphins leap from the water.” (She purposefully omitted the part about being with him.) “It must have been pretty amazing.”
Justin leaned back in his chair, recalling the event. “Yeah. It was.”
Alyssa glanced at him again, a dreamy look glazing over his eyes. How many times had she longed for a moment to personally converse with someone? To break away from the daily routine of sub life? Now here she was–ironically with the object of her infatuation–and at a loss for words. Her stomach began to knot, thinking of the risk involved and what would happen if they were caught. She shouldn’t be fraternizing with an officer. It could ruin him.
She really should get out of here. Mustering her resolve, she stood to go.
“You’re leaving already?” Justin asked, placing his hand on her arm to stop her. She looked down at his hand. Touching her. His warmth penetrated her skin. Alyssa froze, speechless.
“It just seems like most people are too busy to talk these days,” Justin explained. “I can’t remember the last time I got a chance to just sit around and shoot the breeze with anyone.”
Alyssa blinked. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Against her better judgment, she sank back into her chair.
“You probably don’t know how it is, but sometimes I feel like I just want a break from the constant barrage of information. Like I could go back to when I was a kid and would sit for hours under a blanket on a cold, rainy day, just reading a good book. You know…a real book. Holding it in your hands. Flipping the pages. The smell of the paper.”