A stream of tears ran down my face, and with it all my pain and brokenness. The old was washed away, and I was made brand new. Born again. And this time, the Father was with me when I arrived. I lifted my face to the Light.
“Your name isn’t really Micah, is it?”
His tender eyes sparkled as he took my hands and held them to his heart.
“No, dear,” he smiled tenderly. “But then…your name isn’t Mira either.”
Nothing could have prepared me for this moment of complete and total awareness of who I was and how much I was loved by the Father and the Son. My body trembled from joy that could not be contained. I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with air so pure that it made me dizzy. My heart sent a rush of life-giving blood coursing through my veins. I was transfixed by His glory, spellbound by the Light that burned within Him. And when I gazed into His eyes…I saw myself for the first time.
CHAPTER 24
THE TRUTH
I can’t claim to know how we came out of the woods that day. One moment we were standing before the great canyon, and the next we were in the meadow. It was Him, of course. The man I knew as Micah. It was always Him.
As we walked along the woods, I heard a rustling and thought it might be the Seeker. I grabbed Him by the arm, and we both froze.
“Listen,” I whispered, my finger to my lips. “Did you hear that?” But there was nothing.
“Did you think it was the Seeker?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“She’s gone,” He said softly.
Mum’s words about the Seeker leaving when she stopped believing came back, and my heart was heavy.
“When did she leave? Why did she go?”
“The other night, when you set the picnic table for those who wouldn’t come in, she watched you from behind the trees. She was troubled because you were being kind to them. You see…she knew the four and she’s held each one in contempt for a very long time. But the angry man and the woman he detests had both wounded her deeply, and she couldn’t forgive them for the pain she endured at their hands. She chose, instead, to carry the scars of her woundedness as reminders that she is unworthy of love, and must not expect too much from the world, lest she’ll be disappointed.”
I felt as if I’d just been torn in two, and I searched Micah’s face for answers. He took my hand and stroked it gently as we walked slowly through the meadow.
“When she was a child,” he explained, “the Seeker tried to befriend the angry man. They were only ten years old at the time. She was a sweet, tenderhearted little girl who was highly sensitive to people’s feelings, and she knew he was bullied every day by some very cruel boys. He was lonely and afraid, and he desperately needed a friend. But, the Enemy deceived him into believing that the Seeker wanted to make a fool of him, so instead of accepting her gesture of kindness, he turned against her. He continued to be bullied throughout his life and he placed the blame for every blow he withstood squarely on the Seeker. You see…the angry man is a coward who doesn’t have the capacity to examine his own behavior and be accountable for it. His pride will not allow him to admit when he’s wrong. His obsession with the Seeker grew, until one day, a door of opportunity was opened and he had to choose between compassion and revenge.”
Micah paused and kissed my hand. I could barely breathe as I waited for the story to continue. My eyes cried out in desperation as anguish filled my heart.
“What did he do?” I asked, anxiously.
“Pride is a monstrous sin, little one. It binds people to themselves and blinds them from the Truth. There is no hope for those who hold onto pride and reject the Light. I’m sorry to say that the angry man is filled with it.”
I was overcome with sorrow for the man who was without a single friend and whose vengeful heart might never be mended. But I ached for the plight of the Seeker, and I needed to know what happened to her. Micah answered my questions before I could ask them.
“As is true of all cowardice, the angry man could not confront the Seeker face-to-face. He chose, instead, to hurt someone she loved. He did a lot of damage, and she cannot forget his hateful acts. But she has the capacity to forgive in her heart, and when she finds it, it will empower her. Never give up hope, little one. And know that the Father is always for us…never against us.”
I hung on his every word with great expectation, as I suddenly understood the power of faith and prayer. A flood of gratitude washed over me for the unrelenting love that covered the Seeker over the years, and for the family that prayed for her every day without judgment or reproach. My heart was overflowing, but my mind reeled with questions I had yet to broach. They were difficult questions. And I was afraid that the answers might be too painful to hear. I looked at Micah who waited…so tenderly and patiently…until I found the courage to speak.
“The hated woman,” I began. He squeezed my hand. “What did she do to the Seeker?”
Micah gathered me in his arms and pressed my head to his chest. I could hear his heart beat as he stroked my hair and held me tightly. There was sadness in his voices as he spoke.
“Evil exists in the world, little one, and in people. I’m afraid the woman is one of them. She has manipulated others for self-gain and in the process, she has destroyed many lives. But no one has been more severely wounded by her cruelty than the Seeker. The woman took the Seeker in when she was an orphaned child with nowhere to go and no one to care for her. Her deeds were considered honorable, at the time, and she was lauded for her compassion and charity. But her motives were far from altruistic, and the child soon fell victim to the woman’s evil schemes and desires. The Seeker became her prisoner as well as her slave. She wasn’t permitted off the property, nor was she allowed to interact with anyone who ventured near. The woman derived great pleasure from taking everything she could from the Seeker, and robbing her of her dreams and desires. The Seeker had no hope for anything more from life and believed she’d been forgotten by the world. The woman had convinced her that she would never be able to survive without her; and the child lived in constant fear.”
“Why didn’t anyone help her? People must have known something was wrong!”
“There were some who questioned the situation, but the woman denied allegations against her. And, since there was no proof of wrongdoing, there was nothing that anyone could hold against her. And, of course, she was an exceedingly wealthy and very powerful person whose influence could make or break most people. No one was willing to take the risk; even if it was for a helpless child.”
Micah held onto my hand as he sat down on the cool grass and led me to his lap. My head rested against his chest as he cradled me in his arms. The most difficult question lingered on my lips, but I was unable to speak what my heart needed to know.
Where was the Father in all this? How could He allow His beloved child to endure such pain and suffering? Why didn’t He rescue the Seeker from this cruel fate?
Micah held me close as I struggled with questions that seemed to have no acceptable answer. His own heart had been broken many times by those who would not believe in something they could not see, and refused a love they could not touch.
“We must learn to trust Him, little one. This can be difficult in times of trouble, and when the world seems to be falling down around us. But, in the most harrowing times, we must remember that He has a plan for each and every one of us. And His plan is not to harm us…but to proper us; to give us hope and a future.”
I curled up closer to him as he gently rocked me in his arms.
“The Seeker’s parents knew and loved the Father and the Son with their whole hearts. Their passing was premature and they were deeply grieved. In their final prayers, they asked the Father to provide abundantly for the child they would leave behind, and that He would lead her to her life’s purpose. Many things that happened in the Seeker’s life are unconscionable in the eyes of man; but they have prepared her for what is yet to come. The Seeker’s gift of imagining worlds and ci
rcumstances that were far beyond her own experiences is what led her to this place and to this family. And…with the help of her only child…it will lead her to her life’s purpose and the destiny that awaits her in His Kingdom.”
In an instant, I was aware of all that was around and about me…and the knowledge of who I was and why I was born saturated my body, soul and spirit. I searched Micah’s eyes for affirmation of what I already knew to be Truth, and I was suddenly drenched with a love that would bless all humankind. My gifts were meant to further His Kingdom…and my mother was meant to be with me.
“Mommy!” I gasped, as Micah stood and swept me up in his arms. His strength kept me from succumbing to an overpowering sense of urgency that threatened to overwhelm me, and I knew He was going to lead me home.
“Are you ready, Lily?” He asked with a grin.
“Oh, yes! Yes! I’m ready! But how? How do I get there from here?”
“The same way you came in, little one. Down the hill…by the stream…and through the meadow.”
My arms were wrapped around his neck and I held onto him with everything that was in me. I never wanted to let him go.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me. “I’ll never leave you nor forsake you. Whatever you need, ask in My name, and it will be given. If you need courage…ask for courage. If you need strength…ask for strength. My Spirit dwells within you, Lily. And there is nothing that can take my Spirit from you. I am always within…and you’re never without.”
I smiled, knowing he would always be the voice that would speak somewhere near my heart.
“Thank you, Micah!”
“My pleasure, little one. Now…are you ready to go?”
“Oh, yes! But…what about Mum and Gram and Daddy? Won’t they wonder where I went? I mean…I should at least say good-bye.”
Micah turned toward the only house on the only hill in U-R-Here, where Daddy, Mum, Grammy, and little Mira stood waving from the porch.
“Wave to them, Lily. They aren’t fond of good-byes.”
“I love you,” I called out as I blew a kiss through the air.
“We love you!” they all replied.
And sweet Mira added, “As much as the whole wide world!”
I gasped when I heard her beautiful voice, and I waved one final farewell.
“I’m ready,” I said.
And just as quickly as I found myself in U-R-Here…I was gone.
CHAPTER 25
THE LIFE
I opened my eyes slowly and squinted at the bright white light above my head. A pungent aroma passed beneath my nose and made me flinch. “Phew! Bleach!” I deduced.
The sunlight poured through the sheer curtains, adding to the difficulty I had in adjusting my sight. I shut my eyes and turned away from the window. When I opened them…she was there…sleeping in a brown Naugahyde chair next to my bed. Her arms were wrapped around a book that lay on her chest as if it were a lifesaving device. She looked out of place curled up in a chair that wasn’t her own. But far more than that, she looked tired. And, oh, so tiny and frail. The waiting had taken a great toll on her, yet she stayed by my side.
“I’m so sorry, Mommy,” I whispered.
The sound of my voice was like a signal sent straight to her heart, and she awoke instantly. The book dropped to the floor as she unraveled herself from her awkward position and squinted at the bright morning light.
“Lily?” she asked as she shielded her eyes with one hand and reached for me with the other.
The sound of her voice paralyzed me, and I was unable to move or speak.
“Lily?” she asked again as she clutched my hand.
My eyes were flooded with tears as I nodded my head and smiled. She threw her arms around me and buried her face in my chest.
I wanted her to know this moment was real. I swallowed as hard as I could and cried out, “Mommy!”
“Oh, my dear Lord! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She smothered me with kisses as her hands touched my face. “Oh, Lily! My Lily! He sent you back to me. Thank You, God! Thank You, Jesus!”
We held each other for a long time as she traced the fingers of my hands and breathed in the fragrance of my hair. I soaked in her voice, her sobs, her breath, her touch, her tears. We were drenched with the love that we knew was a gift and overwhelmed by the undeniable truth that only God could have done this. When hope had departed, and faith was nowhere to be found, He was there. His love saved us both.
My mother sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the book that had fallen to the floor. She picked it up and opened it to a place that had been marked with tears. She shook her head in disbelief.
“I had reached a point where I nearly gave up.” She looked down at the book, and her right hand swept lovingly across the page. “The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with you, so they couldn’t treat you. I begged them to help you, but there wasn’t anything they could do. They said there was no medical reason for why you wouldn’t wake up. I didn’t know what else to do, so I got down on my knees and I prayed. For hours, I prayed. I didn’t eat or sleep. The hours turned into days, and I was so angry at God; I demanded that He tell me why my little girl was lying unconscious in a hospital bed and why He never answered my prayers. He didn’t answer them when my parents died. He didn’t answer them when your father left. And He wasn’t answering them now. I fell asleep that night from sheer exhaustion and unbearable pain. I had a dream. In my dream I saw Jesus carrying you when you were too weak to walk. I didn’t know what it meant. The next day one of the nurses gave me a Bible and told me a story of a man named Jairus whose daughter had died, and Jesus brought her back to life.”
She took a marker from the book and handed it to me. “She gave me this as well.”
I looked at the paper that had been folded and unfolded many times. I smiled as I pictured my mother pondering the words that were written in faded blue ink.
“Read it,” she said softly. “It’s from the book of Mark.”
I closed my eyes and pictured the Seeker darting back and forth in the woods of U-R-Here, searching desperately for the Truth that I now held in my hand. “Praise you, Father,” I whispered before reading the passage aloud:
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (Mark 11:24)
“When I read those words,” she said, tears streaming down her face, “I knew that Jesus would save you and bring you back to me. I had no doubt. And here you are.”
My eyes hadn’t stopped crying since I first opened them to the light. We laughed at what a mess we were. I handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes, but, instead, she wiped mine.
“Lily!” she cried as she clutched her heart. “What happened to your eyes?”
“My eyes? I don’t know. What’s wrong with my eyes?”
“Oh my heavens!” she exclaimed. “They’re emerald green!”
I instantly felt Micah’s fingertips covering my eyes, and I heard him say, “I want to give you something before we leave here.”
I looked toward the heavens, although I knew that He was there with me. “Thank you. Thank you for this gift! Thank you for your love! Thank you for your Spirit! I will never, ever forget. You are always within. And I am never without.”
My mother sat in awe as she gazed into the face of the miracle before her.
“Mommy”—a wise grin took hold of my face—“I think you should get comfortable. I have a story to tell you.”
Her beautiful smile warmed my heart as she curled up next to me in bed, and I began the tale that she would never end.
“Did you know,” I asked as my emerald eyes twinkled brightly, “that there once was a girl who had no reflection?”
EPILOGUE
Jules and Lily Johnson packed their belongings and left Lindenwood the day Lily was released from the hospital. Lily’s heart broke when she learned that Spirit would not be coming with them. The days that Jules spent away from the cottage left h
im without anyone to care for him; so Jules made the very difficult decision to find him a good home. And that, she did. Spirit went back to the farm where he was born and was surrounded with love. Lily was filled with gladness as she imagined him with his new wish come true, and she carried him in her heart forever.
The two didn’t know where they would go or what they would do. But their trust was in the One who brought them back together, and their journey was in the hands of the One with the plan.
The last rays of sunlight broke through the branches of the giant elms as they drove down the path toward the front gate.
“Make a note of the time that we pass through the entrance,” Jules said as she kept her eyes on the road ahead.
“7:14 p.m.,” Lily noted, when the tail lights had cleared the gate.
“7:14 p.m.” Jules reached for her daughter’s hand. “Life has just begun,” she said with a smile.
“Amen,” replied Lily.
And the two never looked back.
But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:14 (NIV)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A native of New Jersey, Linda Lee Bowen was raised in the Christian & Missionary Alliance Church and gave her life to Christ at age seven. She loved Sunday school and her teacher; but, mostly…she loved Jesus. She got caught up in the world at an early age and travelled throughout the country as a professional singer for several years. Tired from the road, she settled down in her hometown in her late twenties, got married, and began a career that lasted nearly twenty years in concept development and marketing. In those years, she had two sons who gave her life meaning and brought her immeasurable joy. But something was missing; she felt incomplete. That something was her faith. At age sixty, she was baptized in water and in the Holy Spirit. Five years later, she wrote A Face Without a Reflection, which she hopes will be a blessing to anyone who struggles with why they were born, and thinks they aren’t lovable enough for God. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He knows our hearts because He created them. And He sees the beauty that lies within each and every one of us.
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