by Diana Palmer
“I’m not trying to. Stop fighting me.”
“Stop making horrible remarks.”
He laughed. Laughed! He rubbed his face against hers affectionately; it felt like a pincushion. He lifted his head, and his eyes were blazing with laughter and something much harder to identify. He looked down at her, searching her eyes, her face, and looking so utterly smug that she wanted to hit him.
“You are something else,” he said, and she remembered the words from the night he’d made love to her by the fire. She blushed scarlet, and he lifted an eyebrow. “Remembering, are you?” His eyes went down to her blouse and stayed there. “I’ll never forget.”
Her eyes closed because she couldn’t bear the heat of his gaze. “Neither will I. I never meant—”
“Don’t,” he whispered, bringing her close again. “We made magic that night. I had this opinion of you, you see. For a long time. Kati, I wasn’t telling the truth when I said I’d read your books, I’d only read a passage or two. Just enough to support my negative assessment of your character.” He lifted his head and looked down at her. “Night before last, I read one. Really read it. There are some pretty noticeable gaps in those love scenes.” He searched her eyes. “But some pretty powerful emotions in them, all the same. They were beautiful.”
Her eyes burned with tears. “Thank you.”
He touched her cheek softly. “I’d like very much to make love with you that way, Kati,” he whispered. “I’d like to lie with you on a deserted beach in the moonlight and watch your body move, the way that pirate did in your last book….”
“Don’t,” she pleaded, burying her face in his shirt. She didn’t feel at all like the very cool author who spoke to writers’ clubs with such poise. She felt…young.
“So shy with me,” he whispered, lifting her across his lap. “And I was the first, wasn’t I? The first man to look at you, to touch you, to be intimate with you. My God, I ache just thinking about it, when it never mattered a damn before how many men I’d followed with a woman.” His hands smoothed over her back gently while his face nuzzled hers. “I’m like a boy with you, Kati. When we share those deep, hot kisses, I shake all over.”
Her fingers made patterns on his shirt, and she loved the bigness and warmth of his body so close to hers. But he was admitting to nothing except desire. And she wanted much, much more.
“We’d better go and eat, I suppose,” he murmured. “And I need a shave and a bath.” He lifted his head and studied her pink cheek where his had scraped it, and he smiled slowly. “If we made love and I hadn’t shaved, you’d look like that all over,” he commented.
It brought to mind pictures that made her ache, and she couldn’t get away from him quickly enough.
“There’s just one thing,” he added, watching her with a lazy smile. “If I ever turn up in one of those damned books, you’re in trouble.”
“I don’t write about real people,” she defended, and prayed that he’d never see the first few chapters of her new book before she had time to turn the hero back into a blond.
“You’d better not,” he said; and although his voice was pleasant, there was a hard glint in his eyes. “What we do together when we make love is private. For the two of us alone.”
She frowned. “You can’t believe I’d do that!”
He searched her eyes slowly. “I’m not a writer. Explain it to me.”
“It would take hours,” she told him.
“I’m not leaving for the rest of the day,” he told her. “Let me get my bath and shave. I’ll meet you downstairs. You can ask me anything else you need to know about the ranch while we’re at it.”
The prospect of spending a day alone with him was heady and sweet. “All right,” she said.
He winked and went out the door, already a different man. For the rest of the day, they talked as never before. He told her about the early days of the ranch and how his grandfather came by it. He told her about his own plans for it; his dreams; the career he once thought he wanted in politics. In return, she explained to him how she felt her characters come alive on paper and take over the actual writing of the book, right down to the love scenes. She explained how she researched the historical facts and how she’d learned to grit her teeth and smile when people asked where she had learned so much about intimacy when she was unmarried and apparently living alone.
“You see, it’s just that you can’t write fiction without a little romance.” She sighed. “And these days, the more sensuous the better. I won’t go the whole hog and write explicit scenes, but the sexiest books are the biggest sellers. I must be pretty accurate, though, because my reader mail is mostly kind.”
He shook his head, sitting quietly by the crackling fireplace, watching her. “A virgin. Writing what you write. My God.”
“Well, most fiction about scientists isn’t written by scientists. Most fiction about lawyers isn’t written by lawyers. It’s just a matter of research, like anything else,” she added.
“You do it very—”
The telephone interrupted him. Expecting news about Al, he sprang to his feet to answer.
“Hello?” His face changed. “Yes, how are you, Jennie?”
Kati felt her body go rigid. That woman! So they did have something going, even after he’d left New York.
“Yes, I know.” He toyed with a pen-set on the desk. “Umm-hmm. Yes, we did, didn’t we?” He smiled. “Here? No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, honey. We’re snowed in. That’s right, about five feet of it. No, we’ve closed the landing strip. You’d have to fly in to Jackson. Maybe. Tell you what, let’s put it off until spring. Yes, I know you don’t, but that’s how it is, Jennie. No strings, remember? I told you at the very beginning how it was going to be. That’s right. Sure. Next time I’m in town. So long.” He hung up and turned, watching the expressions cross Kati’s face.
“She wanted to stop over for a week or two on her way to California for a screen test,” he volunteered. “I said no. Anything else you’d like to know?”
“She…was very pretty,” Kati muttered.
“Surely she was. And experienced,” he added deliberately. “But she wanted ties and I didn’t.”
“Freedom is your big problem, isn’t it?” she asked on a laugh. “Well, don’t look at me as if I had a rope in one hand—I don’t want strings any more than you do,” she lied, and looked away just in time to miss the expression that froze his face.
“I thought all you women wanted marriage,” he said in an odd voice.
“Not now I don’t,” she returned as casually as she could. “I’m too involved in work.”
“Going to remain a virgin for life, I gather?” he asked cuttingly. “Give up a home and children so you can keep writing those damned books?”
She looked up with a deliberate smile, in spite of the glittering anger in his eyes. “I like writing those damned books.”
He turned away. “So I noticed. Don’t let me hold you up, you probably have a lot of work to get through if you’re leaving by the end of the week.”
And he walked out of the room, leaving her speechless. Well, what had he expected her to say, she wondered achingly—that she loved him? That she’d lie on the floor and let him walk on her if she could stay with him?
Fat chance! If he could brush Jennie off so easily, when he’d obviously had an affair with her, what chance did she have? Probably he was just biding his time until he could get her into his bed. He knew she’d surrender, she thought miserably, he knew very well that she couldn’t resist him. And once she’d given in, he’d be letting her down easily, just the way he’d done Jennie. And he’d be in pursuit of some new woman. With a tiny moan, she went upstairs and opened the case that held her computer. What a miserable end for a wonderful day!
Chapter Eleven
It wasn’t hard to avoid Egan after that. He wasn’t home. He worked from dawn until late at night and appeared only briefly to eat. He treated Kati with grudging courtesy, but he didn�
��t come near her.
She packed Friday morning to go back to New York. The snow was melting again, and the skies were sunny and clear. Perhaps, she told herself, it was an omen.
“I sure am going to miss you,” Dessie said gruffly as she had breakfast with Kati and Egan. “Been nice, having another woman around the place.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” Kati said genuinely as she finished her eggs and drank her coffee. “I’ve learned a lot while I was here.”
“I reckon Gig’s talked more in the past week than he has since I’ve known him,” Egan said mockingly. He leaned back precariously in his cane-bottom chair to study her as he smoked a cigarette. He seemed to smoke all the time these days. “Have you satisfied your curiosity about ranch life, Miss Author?” he added.
“Yes,” she said, refusing to let him irritate her. “And about the cattle business. Thank you for letting me come.”
“My pleasure. Any time.” He swallowed the rest of his coffee and got to his feet. “Ramey’s going to drive you to the airport.”
“Ramey?” Dessie burst out. “But Egan, you never let Ramey—”
“Just never mind, if you please,” he told the old woman, a bite in his voice. He glanced at Kati hard, and his eyes accused.
“I’ll clear this stuff away,” Dessie murmured quickly and retreated into the kitchen with two empty platters.
“Have a safe trip home,” he told Kati quietly. “And give Ada my love.”
“I’ll do that,” she said stiffly.
He started to pass by her, paused, and suddenly jerked her out of the chair by her arms, hurting her as he dragged her against his chest.
“Damn you,” he breathed furiously, with silver eyes that glittered dangerously. “Do you think your career is going to keep you warm at night? Will it give you what I did on that bearskin rug by the fireplace?” he demanded.
Her body melted against his and she wished she had the strength to hit him, but she was drowning in his eyes and the feel of his taut, powerful body.
“What are you offering me?” she asked. “A night in your bed?”
His hands tightened on her arms and he looked hunted. “I don’t want you to leave,” he said gruffly. “We’ll work it out somehow.”
“How?” she persisted. “Egan, I’m not like Jennie. I can’t take an open affair.”
“What do you want, then?” he asked under his breath, watching her. “Marriage?”
She searched his angry eyes defeatedly. “You’d hate me for that,” she said with quiet perception.
“I don’t know,” he replied. “We might get used to each other, make a go of it.”
She reached up, touching his face softly with her fingertips. “You’d better stick to girls like Jennie,” she said softly. “I couldn’t settle for what you’d be able to give me. I couldn’t live on crumbs.”
“I’m a rich man,” he said curtly. “You could have anything you wanted, within reason. And in bed, I’d be everything you’d ever need.”
“I know that,” she agreed. Her fingers traced his hard mouth, feeling its automatic response with wonder. “But it’s still not enough.”
“Why not, for God’s sake?” he growled, catching her wandering fingers roughly in his own.
“Because I’m in love with you, Egan,” she said proudly, watching the reaction flare in his eyes, harden his face. “You can’t match that with money or sex. I’d wither away and die of neglect and pity. No, I’d rather be totally alone than on my knees at your heart.”
His lips parted and he couldn’t seem to find the right words. He touched her hair hesitantly. “You love me?” he whispered huskily, frowning as if he found the words incomprehensible.
“Occupational hazard,” she whispered, trying not to cry. “I’ll get over it. Good-bye, Egan.”
His fingers tightened in her hair. “No, not yet,” he said uncertainly. “Not just yet. You don’t have to go right now—”
“Yes, I do,” she said, on the verge of tears. “I’m running out of pride—” Her voice broke, and she tried to get away, but his arms tightened like a vice and he held her despite her struggles.
“Don’t,” he whispered, shaken. “Don’t fight me. My God, Kati, don’t run.”
“Egan,” she moaned.
“Egan!” Dessie called sharply from the kitchen. “It’s the hospital on the phone! Something about Al—Can you come?”
He cursed under his breath, looking down at the tears on Kati’s cheeks with eyes that frightened her. “Don’t move,” he said shortly. “Not one step. You hear me?”
She nodded, but the minute he was out of sight, she grabbed up her bag and made a run for the front door. She couldn’t face him again, not after the fool she’d made of herself. If she couldn’t have his love, she didn’t want his pity. She couldn’t bear it!
As luck would have it, Ramey was just getting out of the pickup truck. She dived in on the passenger side.
“Ramey, can you get me to the airport in Jackson in a hurry?” she asked quickly. “There’s an emergency—I have to leave!”
“Emergency?” Ramey jumped back in and started the truck. “Why sure, Miss James. Don’t you worry, I’ll get you there!”
He turned the truck, and Kati reached down and very unobtrusively cut off the two-way radio.
“That noise is just awful,” she murmured, “and I have such a headache. Can’t we leave it off just until we get to town?” she asked with a pitiful smile.
He hesitated, then he grinned. “Sure. I don’t reckon we’ll need it.”
“Good!” And then she began to talk furiously to keep his mind occupied. It didn’t hurt her, either, to stop thinking about Egan and the look on his face when she’d confessed. She didn’t know if she’d be able to hear his name again without going mad.
It seemed to take forever, and despite the four-wheel drive and snow tires, they almost bogged down a few times. But Ramey got her to the airport. It wasn’t until she was getting out that she realized she’d left her computer at the ranch.
“I’ll tell the Boss,” Ramey assured her. “He’ll get it to you.”
That wasn’t a comforting thought; the Boss would be out for blood. But she smiled anyway. “Thanks.” She’d just do those chapters over on her stationary computer at the apartment, she assured herself; she could remember most of them.
“Have a good trip!” Ramey called and was off with a wave of his hand.
There was a seat on an outgoing plane to Cheyenne. She’d hole up there for a few days, letting only Ada know where she was. She wasn’t strong enough to resist Egan, so she wasn’t going to try.
She kept watching the door, although she couldn’t help wondering why. Egan wouldn’t come after her. Besides, she thought, he’d never make it through the snow anyway.
She checked her bag, went aboard with only her purse, and sat down heavily in her seat. It was over. She was leaving. Now all she had to do was get her mind off Egan and find some way of not thinking about him for the rest of her life. Facing Ada was going to be hard. Living with her would be sheer torture. She knew she’d die every time Ada mentioned her brother.
The plane was running now, and she knew it wouldn’t be long until takeoff. She was just starting to fasten her seat belt when she heard a commotion in the back of the plane.
A sheepskin coat came suddenly into view, with a hard, furious face above it.
While she was getting over the shock, Egan reached down, unfastened her seat belt and scooped her up in his hard arms, purse and all.
“You can’t do this!” she burst out, oblivious to the amused eyes of the other passengers.
“Like hell I can’t,” he replied curtly and carried her off the plane.
“Oh, Egan, let me go!” she wailed as he walked back toward the terminal, burying her embarrassed face in his warm collar.
“I can’t,” he whispered huskily, and his arms tightened around her.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. He wanted her, that w
as all, but she didn’t have the strength to walk away again, even if he’d let her. So she lay in his arms, crying softly, and let him carry her all the way to his pickup truck.
He put her in and got in beside her, picking up the radio mike as he started the truck. He gave his call letters and told somebody he was on his way back with Kati and signed off.
“My bag,” she began.
“I hope it has a nice trip,” he said curtly, glaring at her as he pulled out into the road. “I told you to stay put.”
“I couldn’t,” she muttered miserably, staring into her lap. “I was too embarrassed.”
“Bestselling author,” he scoffed, glaring toward her. “The sensual mistress of the ages. And you can’t tell a man you love him without blushing all over?”
“I’ve never done it before!” she burst out, glaring back at him.
His silver eyes gleamed. “You’re doing a lot of firsts with me, aren’t you, city girl? And the biggest and best is still to come.”
“I won’t sleep with you, Egan,” she said angrily.
“Won’t you?” He lit a cigarette and smoked it with a smile so arrogant she wanted to hit him.
“I want to go home!”
“You are home, honey,” he replied. “Because that’s what White Lodge is going to be from now on.”
“Do be reasonable,” she pleaded, turning toward him. “You’re asking me to give up everything I believe in!”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Kati. I’m not asking.”
“I’ll scream,” she threatened.
He gave her a wicked smile. “Yes, you probably will,” he murmured softly.
“Oh, damn,” she wailed.
“Now just calm down, honey,” he told her. “When we get back to the ranch, I’ll explain it all to you. Right now, you’d better let me keep my mind on the road. I don’t want to spend the rest of the day sitting in a ditch.”
She sighed. “How’s Al?” she asked dully, remembering the phone call.
“On his way home. He called to get one of the boys to drive him. Now hush.”
She folded her arms across her chest, feeling miserable and cold and helpless. He was taking the choice away from her, and she didn’t know what to do. Didn’t he realize what he was forcing on her? She wouldn’t be able to go on living afterward, because the memory of him would burn into her like a brand and she’d never be free again. How could he be so cruel?