Train wrecks were kind of like that. And whatever this was, it was definitely a train wreck.
“Margrite, it’s me, it’s Aodan.”
“Whatever the fuck you are, it’s not Aodan,” her voice was hard as nails.
“Trust me, it’s me. Ask me something. Anything.”
“What was in the lunch you tried to steal from me?”
“A ham and cheese sandwich, and you tried to steal it from me.”
Her mouth opened again, but nothing came out. She blinked, and closed it, inhaling deeply. “Aodan?” She said. “How—what?”
I held up a hand—a claw. “I have no idea. What the fuck am I? An iguana?”
Her eyes widened. “No. You’re…” she stopped, coming into the room. “Stand up.”
I did, and my bed gave up and collapsed even more. I didn’t think there was any more that could break, but apparently, I was wrong.
“Jeesh, you think the floor is going to hold?” She asked.
“Thank for the confidence,” I grumbled, and it was the growl when I spoke. Wow.
I finally stood. I didn’t feel like me. I felt like anything but, and I didn’t like it.
I didn’t have any clothes, either. What the hell was that about? Although I supposed it made sense—nothing I had would fit me at this size. My head brushed the ceiling.
“You’re not going to believe this, but you are definitely not an iguana,” she said, a slight smile on her face.
I didn’t care that she might be laughing at me. I was glad she wasn’t looking at me with fear.
“What do I look like?”
“You look like a dragon,” her smile widened.
“What the hell?” I looked around. I had a tail.
A. Fucking. Tail.
“What is going on with me?” I asked, feeling panic as I looked at her. The floor creaked alarmingly under me.
“I don’t know. Let me get you a mirror. You’re really…” she stopped and then hurried from the room.
With all the creaking, I was afraid to move. If I moved, this whole thing might blow up somehow, so I held still, barely breathing. Worse, I might fall through the floor.
Smoke came out of my nostrils.
Just like in the warehouse.
“What the fuck?” I whispered. “What am I?”
Aodan! The voice from last night shouted.
It was in my head.
That’s what I’d heard downstairs last night. In my damn head. It wasn’t someone outside. It was inside—inside my head.
Okay. So, I had a voice in my head. Normally I’d write this off as crazy, but I was a dragon who was breathing smoke, and I had a tail.
Voice in the head was nothing big.
What is going on with me? I asked.
What are you? The response was immediate.
I’m sure as shit not me anymore.
There was silence, and then I heard how it sounded when another grumbling growl laughed. It was a deep rumble, and it lasted longer than I liked.
This isn’t funny, asshole.
No, the voice was serious instantly. It’s not. I’m not there with you, and you must do this on your own. Until you can get to me.
Oh, you mean come to you? I asked.
Yes. You must. You will need my help to manage it. Since your parents are not there.
You knew my parents? I asked, heart beating faster. It was like listening to a drum in my chest and my ears. My senses were on overload. I struggled to keep everything from swirling away from me like paper in a wind storm. That’s how it felt. I was in the middle of a tornado, and I had no way out.
Yes. The one word carried a wealth of feeling.
“Look!” Margrite had come back in, holding a mirror. “Look at yourself. You’re really beautiful. Like one of those dragons from the fairy tale stories.” A frown creased her forehead. “You’re… ah, not hungry are you?”
“What the hell, Margrite?” Wow, my voice sounded intimidating.
She took a step back, her hands holding the mirror dropping down. There was fear on her face. I hadn’t seen that expression from her in years, and it made me want to cry and break shit that she was looking at me in that way.
“Let me see,” I rumbled.
She came forward, holding the mirror out in front of her. I could tell she didn’t want to get close.
Damn it.
“Margrite, I’m not going to eat you. I can’t even deal with being hungry. I’m scared, and I don’t know what’s going on. I need your help. Please.” I locked eyes with her, hoping to convince her that it was still me in here, no matter how I looked.
Even though I got it. I scared the shit out of myself.
She took a small step toward me, and then another, still holding the mirror in front of her.
I reached for it and then let my hands—claws—drop. “I think you need to hold it,” I said.
Aodan! The voice in my head was insistent.
I ignored it. Peering at myself, I thought that being an attractive dragon, despite the admiration in Margrite’s tone, wasn’t a plus.
Because I was still a damn dragon.
“What am I going to do?” I looked up at Margrite. “We can’t leave with me like this.”
“Well, you changed somehow. Lay down… well, maybe just lay on the floor, and let’s see if we can reverse this.” Her voice sounded calm again, more like the Margrite I knew.
Thank God. I couldn’t bear this if my best friend walked away from me, and I wouldn’t even blame her if she did.
“You have got to be kidding,” I said.
“You got a better idea?” She was mad.
“No.” Slowly, I lowered myself down, first to a sitting position, and then onto my side. I had a ridge of vertical scales that didn’t allow me to lie flat.
How the hell do I change back? I thought. I don’t know how to be me again.
Imagine yourself in your form as a man, the voice was there instantly. See yourself as you know yourself in human form.
It was the last thing I heard from him. I could hear Margrite shouting, but she seemed very far away.
Not only did I hear and smell and sense everything around me, I could sense a presence in a dark room—a cave? And I was tired, very tired. How did I manage to keep my eyes open?
We were at battle. There was smoke, and I could see fire and flames in the distance. The tang of blood—there were different types. I didn’t know how I knew that, but I knew. I could smell it. Dragons were flying in the air, and there were men on the ground below, tossing spears, and some of them threw light. When the spears hit a dragon, the dragon burst into a green flame. Same when the light hit them. Some dragons fell, and the rest still in the air roared and sprayed flame across the men as far as I could see.
Then I saw bars in front of me. As though I were in jail.
The scene shifted, and a dark man was in front of the bars, then a woman. Then another woman, and another. Too many women to keep track of.
An overwhelming sadness and anger came over me. I was so angry I wanted to destroy everything in front of me. And so sad that I wanted to crawl into a corner and weep.
Then a small, dark-haired woman was in front of the bars—sometimes alone, sometimes with a dark-haired man. I felt a wash of emotion that was so strong but it passed by me so fast I couldn’t identify it. The small woman stuck with me. I felt like I should know her.
What the hell was going on? What was I seeing?
Aodan! The voice said again. More like yelled in a growl.
“I don’t want this shit!” I yelled as I opened my eyes to see the cracked ceiling above me.
The room went still as though someone had taken a picture. Everything was captured in that moment. “I want to be me,” I said.
Aodan—
“Shut up! Get the hell out of my head!” I wanted this to go away, and I just wanted to be me again.
Margrite said something, but I couldn’t hear exactly what she said.
And then, the pain came.
I opened my mouth, to scream, maybe? But it hurt so bad, I didn’t have breath.
Without warning, the earthquake and the pain stopped all at once. I opened my eyes slowly and Margrite was staring down at me in horror.
I was naked.
“Clothes,” I croaked. My voice wasn’t the deep rumble I’d heard when I was in dragon form. Thank god. It meant that I’d come back to me. That I was myself again.
Margrite remained frozen for another moment and then she sprang to the box where I kept clothes and threw some at me.
“Turn around, would you?” I asked. I felt that I’d lost enough dignity. I might fall over if I tried to stand and put my pants on, so I wanted a little privacy and time to manage it.
Finally, I got my pants on, and although I struggled with the button, I managed. I put on a tee shirt. It made me feel a little more normal. “You can turn around now,” I said.
She did, and her hands were still over her mouth. “What the heck was that?” She spoke in a whisper.
I got scared then. Margrite never spoke in a whisper. I hadn’t heard her muffle herself since we were kids. She figured she had the right to be as loud as she wanted to be.
“I don’t know. Did you hear anyone else other than me in here?” I had to know if the voice was just me.
She shook her head slowly. “I think you made enough noise for the entire place. We’ll be lucky if the cops don’t come.”
We stared at each other. “Did I really—”
“Yes,” she answered before I could even get the words out. “You did. You were beautiful, but it scared the living hell out of me, Aodan. Why did you ask about someone else?”
I told her about the voices, both before and then after I woke up. I tried to tell her some of what I’d seen, but it made me feel an overwhelming sadness, so I skipped a lot of that, telling her that I thought I was seeing things that happened to someone else, or a pretty big hallucination.
She didn’t speak after I finished.
“Say something,” I said.
“I don’t know what to say. Normally, I’d tell you everything was fine and then haul your crazy ass to a looney bin, but I saw you. I saw you,” she repeated. “I know I’m not crazy.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “I think you need to close your eyes and see if the voice talks to you. I can’t believe I just said that,” she shook her head and slid down the wall to sit on the floor.
“I can’t either. You think the voices are a good thing?”
“I don’t know. But it seemed to know what this—” she indicated my now wrecked room, “Was all about. I think you need to at least ask.”
I glared, and she glared back.
“Fine,” I said. “Fine.” I squeezed my eyes shut, and thought.
What was that all about? Start talking now. I sent my thoughts out, willing someone to answer.
Aodan?
Were you expecting someone else?
Are you human once more?
Yes. Why wasn’t I human?
There was silence and then I could swear I heard a sigh.
There is so much I need to tell you. I may be able to come to you, to bring you here.
Bring me where? What the hell is this? Did I hit my head?
“What’s he saying?” Margrite asked.
“Nothing important, yet. Shut up,” I said, without opening my eyes. I felt a kick on the bottom of my foot. “Abuse isn’t going to help,” I added.
She made a noise of deep disgust. I forced my face not to smile.
Where the hell is here? I’m here in a shitty building.
What happened to you?
What do you mean? I felt a wariness at his question.
I know that your mother brought you back. What happened?
Why don’t you know?
Another silence, and then the voice spoke again. I could actually hear sadness in it. When your father died, I lost the ability to know what happened to you, or your mother. I tried to pinpoint you, but you were in the Human Realm, and I couldn’t sense you.
Why now?
Something has changed. The tone of the voice changed. What has happened to you recently? What has been out of the normal for you?
Other than waking up as something other than myself? Gee, I don’t know.
Don’t be sarcastic. This is important.
I felt a reluctance to give this voice—I thought it was a him, but with the growling voice, who knew? It could be a girl dragon, for all I was able to tell.
For someone who wants all sorts of information, you’re not giving much up. I tried to keep the resentment out of my thoughts.
I could say the same thing.
We were both silent.
Then the voice said, I suppose we are at an impasse. Let me take some time to decide the best way to come to you. I can bring you here. Then I can tell you everything.
Maybe.
Don’t you want to know? The voice was impatient.
Maybe.
Don’t be foolish, boy. You either come with me to find out or don’t.
That sounded rather threatening.
I forced myself to shove the voice out. I pictured a door closing with the mysterious man? Dragon? Behind it.
I could hear the voice again, but it was faint, like hearing a radio in the distance. I ignored it and got up.
“Are you all right? What happened? What did he say?” Margrite scrambled up, following me.
I needed water in the worst way. I went to our kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the ancient refrigerator. We lived in a condemned building, but like I said, you can learn how to do anything on the internet. Electricity was one of those things.
After I sucked down almost an entire bottle, I felt a little better. I grabbed another one and then wiped my mouth with the bottom of my shirt.
“Ew,” Margrite said. “Is that dragon slobber?”
“Really? This is where we’re going to go?” I glared.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Are you going to tell or what?”
“Let’s sit down. I’m tired.” I headed for the sofa. We had a couple of them, which was nice.
“Okay, spill.” She flopped down opposite me.
“It’s weird, and it doesn’t make any sense. Before I… changed back to me,” I still couldn’t believe I was saying that, “the voice was telling me to imagine myself as me again. Then, after I changed, the voice came back but… it was different. Almost like I wasn’t talking to the same person. And he, because I do think it’s a guy, was all about getting me to come there, wherever the hell there is. He said something,” I remembered, “About me being in the Human Realm. He said it like it was a known place, or something.”
“The Human Realm? What other realm is there?” Margrite shook her head.
“Right? Margrite, you really don’t think I’m crazy?”
“Do you?”
“Thanks,” I said. “I don’t know, or I sure wouldn’t be asking you, Ms. Nice Bedside Manner.”
“I don’t lie to you, Aodan. You know that. I don’t think you’re crazy, but if you tell me differently, I’ll go with that. The only thing that stops all of that, for me, anyway, is that I saw you become a dragon, like right out of a story. There’s no unseeing that,” she added with feeling.
“Try being the dragon,” I muttered, leaning back and opening the other bottle of water.
After taking another drink, I looked at her. “We need to get out of here. If I am crazy, I don’t want to be around when Caleb finds out—”
“Don’t even say it,” Margrit
e held up a hand. She was superstitious.
I thought it was nuts. Things happened, and that was it. You influenced what you could and dealt with it when you couldn’t. Pretty simple, no star charts and hocus pocus shit involved.
But since I’d just turned into a dragon, I thought that maybe I wasn’t able to just brush all that shit off anymore. That might have sucked even more—I’d have to admit Margrite was right about this mumbo jumbo. I sighed. As if things didn’t suck enough.
“I wonder,” she was tapping her teeth.
Which was never a good sign?
“What if we went to see Nala?” Margrite sat forward. “She might have an idea!”
“I am not going to see some chick named after a kids’ movie,” I grumbled, and I could hear the growl of my dragon voice in it. That was new. I wasn’t sure I liked it. “And I don’t want to tell anyone. No one, Margrite! No one! We have to get out of here, and today. Or tomorrow. What time is it?”
“It’s four-thirty in the morning,” she said. “You’re sure you don’t want to talk to someone?”
“What would the cartoon girl fake psychic know that my weirdo voice doesn’t?”
“Maybe she could tell you something, which is more than weirdo voice seems to want to do!” She glared.
AODAN.
Holy shit. I nearly fell off the couch.
What? Why are you yelling?
I’ve been yelling since I tried to tell you how to change. Did you change?
Now Weirdo Voice sounded normal, not on the verge of angry and out of patience, like he had before. Great. Weirdo Voice also experienced multiple personalities. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I needed info, and such a thing seemed like it would get in my way.
And I didn’t have time for this. No time at all.
I managed, I said in my head.
Good. Where are you? Are you safe?
Except for the part where my roommate and I were both screaming, and probably will have the cops on us in a while, yeah, we’re fine.
What are cops?
It doesn’t matter. What am I?
The voice laughed, and there was nothing but genuine humor in it. You have to ask? Didn’t you look at yourself?
Well, he got me there. Yeah.
What color are you?
Blue-green?
Your father was a bright blue, with green eyes. He was not as dark as I am, but we are from the same line.
Dragon Lost Page 5