He nodded. “I make a living with my camera. I’m not rich but I do okay. I think my dad figures that as long as I’m not locked into place by a job I might just get up and go.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I thought it was, but now… My dad and I’ve grown close lately. I know he’s lonely and he likes having me there. He doesn’t like living alone.” He drained his water glass and set it back down on the table. “I guess I feel a little resentful at times. I’m thirty-four. I’m supposed to be living my own life. Then I feel guilty for thinking that way.”
He laughed without any humor. “I’ve spent the last ten minutes spilling my guts. What about you? What happened to you after your parents died?”
“Nothing very amazing. I went to live with my grandfather. My grandmother died when I was little, so it was just me and my grandfather, living in the apartment over the shop.”
“No siblings?”
“Two older brothers. One’s a cop in Houston and the other’s a soldier in Afghanistan.”
“Are you close?”
“More so now than when we were kids.”
Switching to something a bit lighter he told her about growing up on a small ranch in Wyoming until he was eleven.
After dinner he took her home, walking with her up the outside stairs. When she fumbled the keys trying to get them in the keyhole, he took them from her, opened the door, and held it back for her.
Now what? she thought. It had been over a year since she’d had a date. She supposed she could offer him something to drink, but she’d already gone way over on her fluids this weekend. Of course she could just pretend to drink hers.
He stepped behind her, sliding his arms around her waist and drawing her close. His lips found the responsive little spot below her ear, grazed the spot with the gentlest of kisses then gave it a little nip.
She leaned her head back against his shoulder. His ministrations moved down to the curve where her neck met her shoulder. She let out a soft moan. His hand moved to her breast, cupping it gently as his thumb brushed over the nipple.
She whimpered, wanting to turn, but trapped by the strength of his arms.
“You have the softest hair and skin,” he murmured.
She wriggled until he loosened his hold, then turned, wrapping her arms around his neck. Between the cold outside, and the heat he was creating inside, her nipples were stiff little points. Her breasts ached and she pressed against him hoping for a little ease.
His hands cupped her bottom, lifting her from the floor and pressing her tight against his body. The apex of her thighs snuggled the ridge of flesh pressing against his zipper.
Oh, it had been so long. She had almost forgotten how wonderful that delicious tension felt. She would have been happy to spend eternity kissing him.
She didn’t realize he had slipped one hand beneath her dress until his fingers dipped into her panties.
“Tell me you’re on birth control,” he whispered in her ear.
His question acted like a bucket of cold water. Her libido slammed on the brakes. She shook her head, breaking their kiss. She hadn’t been on the pill in two years, maybe a little longer.
“We barely know each other,” she stammered.
He rained quick, warm kisses across her face. “We can change that.”
“You just broke up with your girlfriend a couple of days ago. You could be on the rebound.”
“Trust me, I’m not on the rebound.”
“And I’m not on the pill.”
He cupped her cheek. “Any condoms?”
She shook her head.
“Okay. I could drive to the pharmacy.”
“No,” she said, her voice so low even she couldn’t hear it. She pressed her hands flat against his chest. “I like you. I had a goodtime yesterday and tonight. It’s just things are moving a little faster than I’m comfortable with.”
His chest swelled as he took a deep breath and let it out in a ragged exhale.
“Not happening tonight. Gotcha.”
“Are you angry?”
The harsh lines across his forehead faded and a smile touched his lips. “I’m disappointed as hell, but no, I’m not angry.”
Some of the tension let go of her shoulders. Would he ask her out again?
His lips brushed hers. “And on that note, I’ll take my upside down cake and say goodnight.”
****
His father was sitting at the kitchen table when Jim returned home.
“Why do I suddenly feel like you’re going to tell me I missed my curfew and you’re taking the car keys?”
His father laughed. “I tired to go to sleep. Just kept tossing and turning. Anyway, it was your mother who always waited up when you had a date. Couldn’t sleep ’till she knew you were safe and sound.”
Jim set the cake on the table. His father leaned forward to look at it. “Pineapple upside down cake?”
“Aubrey bought it for us at a church bake sale. I’d mentioned that Mom used to make them.”
“Your mother used to put just a little bit of sour cream in the batter and a tiny bit of brandy and orange juice in the pineapple part. That was how her mother used to make ’em. The two of them took the prize at the county fair every year back when we lived in Wyoming.”
Jim glanced at the half-full carafe sitting on the coffee maker’s warming plate.
“Coffee still hot?”
His dad nodded. “It’s unleaded. Can’t drink the good stuff this late at night.” A grin split his face. “It would go pretty well with a slice of that cake.”
Jim opened cabinets and drawers, pulling out paper plates, forks and a cup for himself.
“You and you’re lady friend have a nice time?”
Jim chuckled. “Yeah, she’s a sweet lady.”
“You gotta hang on to the sweet ones. Your mother was a pretty girl, but she was also sweet. And she knew how to handle life. ‘Hard work and prayer,’ she used to say.”
He looked up as Jim set a slice of cake in front of him. James broke off a forkful and put it in his mouth. Tears glazed his eyes.
“Dad, you all right?”
His father nodded and swallowed the bite of cake. “Sour cream,” he said. “Sour cream and brandy.”
Chapter Nine
“I bought them at a yard sale,” the woman said. “I thought my grandson would like to play with them but my daughter had a fit. ‘You can’t give him used toys. They’re full of germs.’ I told her I’d clean them off but she said she wasn’t going to let someone’s garbage into her house.” She shook her head. “I don’t know where my daughter gets the attitude from. She played with used toys and wore hand-me-downs when she was little.”
“I guess we all have our quirks,” Aubrey said as she peeled back the newspaper. It was a wooden duck pull toy. The paint was chipped here and there, but overall it was in great condition.
“There’s supposed to be more in there,” the woman said. “The woman I bought it from at the yard sale said there were three. My grandson’s two. I thought he’d like pulling them around the house.”
Aubrey set the duck on the counter. The other two pull toys were a dog and a horse.
“These are beautiful.”
“Liar, liar.”
The woman looked up, startled.
Aubrey just shrugged. “Sorry. My friend keeps threatening to turn him into parrot pie.”
She quoted the woman an amount for the toys, wrote a check and handed it over.
The woman looked at Aubrey’s feet, swollen from the weekend. She’d put on her summer flip flops because her sneakers hurt.
“When are you due?” the woman asked.
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Oh, I’m sorry…I—”
“It’s okay. I retain fluids sometimes.” Sometimes being 365 days a year.
The woman tucked the check into her purse and left. Aubrey placed the pull toys on a shelf with several others.
She looked down at
her puffy toes. They looked like little white sausages. Frozen sausages. It was probably just as well that Jim had called in the morning to say he’d be gone. He was taking pictures of a wedding in Anadarko then he was going to drive to Binger to look for an old, one room school house someone had told him about.
Her cell phone rang, and Tess walked through the front door at the same time.
“Hello?” she said to Tess and into the phone.
Tess waved, Jim called her “Babe,” an endearment that sent a sweet little shiver down her spine.
“Must be your man,” Tess whispered.
“I finished a little sooner than I planned. How about I swing by and take you out for dinner?”
“I’d love to, but I’m not feeling all that great.”
Tess gave her a little push, almost knocking her off balance. “Tell him,” she whispered.
Aubrey ignored her.
“Do you think you might feel better tomorrow?”
Butterflies twirled in her stomach and her toes grew warmer.
“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
They said their goodbyes and she pushed ‘end.’
“What?” she asked Tess. “I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I’m not feeling that great right now, and I will feel better tomorrow.”
Tess folded her arms across her chest and straightened her spine. Two indications that she was in “mother-of-teens” mode.
“You know he thinks you have a headache or cramps or even a date with another man. You’re not being fair to him. If you want a relationship with this man, and judging by the way you light up whenever his name comes up I’d say you do, then you owe him some honesty. A lie by omission is still a lie.”
She felt like a scolded child. “You’re right. I just…” She swallowed the tears that threatened to clog her throat. “I just want a normal relationship with him for as long as I can have it.”
Tess’s arms came around her, holding her close while she cried.
****
Aubrey stepped into the dialysis center right on time. “Step right up,” Ginny said. “Hand me your purse and we’ll get your weight.”
She handed her bag to the nurse who made of show of it being too heavy to lift. Aubrey laughed out loud.
“Seriously, girl. What are you carrying in that thing?”
“Two books this time. I’m almost finished with the one.” She stepped onto the scale.
Ginny shook her head. “I could tell by the shoes that you were retaining quite a bit. What happened?”
Aubrey shrugged. “Weekend?”
Ginny walked her to the recliner. Aubrey took off her coat, keeping it handy to use as a cover, and pulled off her sweater, revealing the t-shirt beneath. Ginny bent over her. Within minutes she shook her head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Aubrey, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but your fistula’s clogged. We can’t dialyze you. I’ll call the hospital, let ’em know you’re coming.”
****
Jim lifted the slender white vase out of the cup holder. He’d stopped by the florist on his way to the store and picked up the vase with its three red carnations. OU colors, he thought.
The toy store was open but he didn’t see any sign of Aubrey. A middle-aged woman with long, dark hair sat behind the computer Aubrey kept on an antique desk.
“Good morning. Can I help you?”
“Is Aubrey in?”
She looked at the flowers and her face softened. “You must be Jim.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She laughed. “At least your mother taught you manners. That’s more than I seem to be able to do with my two hooligans.”
Hooligans. Now there was a term he hadn’t heard for a while. Although the expression on her face said it was more an endearment than anything else.
“You must be Tess. Aubrey’s friend.”
“Seems our girl’s been talking about us.”
“She’s all right, isn’t she? I called her yesterday. She said she wasn’t feeling well.”
“Obviously she didn’t give you a call to let you know.”
“Let me know what?”
He had the impression Tess was weighing a series of items in her mind, debating just how much to tell him. She nodded her head the tiniest bit, as if she were agreeing with herself, and looked him in the eye.
“Aubrey was admitted to the hospital last night.”
She’d told him she wasn’t feeling well, but…
“What happened? She seemed fine Sunday when we had dinner. A little tired, perhaps.”
“She had too many fluids over the weekend then, when she went to dialysis, her fistula clogged.”
Her words hit like a blow, punching the air out of his lungs.
“Her what?”
“Her fistula. It’s where they graft a vein and an artery together. They use it when they do dialysis. Hers clogged. They hospitalized her overnight. She said they were going to do dialysis this morning.”
“Which hospital?”
She wrote the name of the hospital, along with the room number, on an apple-shaped sticky note.
“How serious are you?” she asked, holding out the sticky note.
“I beg your pardon?” He reached for the note but she pulled it back.
“How serious are you about Aubrey? She’s dealing with things right now that I can’t even begin to imagine. If all you’re interested in is getting her into bed, she doesn’t need you hanging around just to break her heart.”
Jim set the vase with its cheerful red flowers next to the cash register. Stepping behind the counter he pulled the other stool closer and sat down. Damn, but this was a lot to take in.
“How long has she been on dialysis?”
“About ten years. The machines take off the extra fluid and help filter the blood, but it’s just not enough anymore. Her creatine’s going up. She’s starting to build up toxins. Soon it’ll be more than her body can handle.”
“And then?” He had a sick feeling he knew what Tess was going to say.
“Her doctor gave her a year to live, unless she gets a kidney. “That was several months ago.”
Chapter Ten
Aubrey pushed the door open with her shoulder. She couldn’t remember the last time a dialysis had been as hard as this one. Of course she hadn’t been that far over on her fluids in years.
The door closed behind her, the frog let out a ribbit and she knew she was in trouble when she saw Tess and Jim sitting at the old candy counter.
Jim stood up and hurried to her. His hands folded over her shoulders as he bent to kiss her forehead.
“How do you feel?”
She offered him a smile. “Tired. Really tired.” Her gaze shifted to Tess, sitting on one of the stools, arms folded across her chest, looking rather pleased with herself.
“You told him.”
“I wish you’d told me,” he said hurt edging his voice.
Tess stood and clapped her hands together one time.
“You’re tired. The two of you need to talk. I’m here to watch the store.”
Jim and Aubrey just looked at her. She made a shooing motion with her hands. “Go upstairs. Both of you. Talk. When you’re done, Aubrey, you take a nap.”
“Yes, Mother.”
Jim picked up a slender white vase with three red carnations. They had been her mother’s favorite flowers, although her mother was partial to white ones.
When he held the vase out to her, she took it, feeling a little bemused.
“I bought them this morning, before I knew you’d spent the night in the hospital.
She accepted the vase, drinking in the spicy scent of the carnations.
“Upstairs,” Tess said. “This is worse than trying to get two small kids to go to bed.”
Jim looked around. “I thought, since your apartment is overhead, there’d be a set of stairs in here.”
She shook her head, pointing to a door at the bac
k of the store. “Stairs are in there.”
They walked upstairs, standing awkwardly in the living room trying to avoid each other’s eyes.
It startled Aubrey when his arms came around her. He tucked her head beneath his chin. Her arms encircled his waist and for a long moment they stayed like that.
Finally he moved back, holding her at arm’s length.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I hate it when people pour out their medical problems to everyone they meet.”
Sharp blue eyes studied her. “Okay, I could buy that excuse if it weren’t for one little thing.”
“What’s that?”
“When I called yesterday to ask you out, you could have said ‘I wish I could, but I have to go to dialysis.’ See how simple that would be? Short, sweet and to the point.”
She bit her lip and stared at the floor. His fingers closed firmly, but gently around her chin, forcing it up until her eyes locked with his.
“So, I’ll ask you again. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I want the normal things in life. I want to be able to go to a convenience store and buy a thirty-two ounce drink and drink the whole thing. When I’m thirsty I want to be able to drink a bottle of water and not have to keep track of how many ounces of fluid I’ve had for the day. When I’m tired, I want to be able to drink a second cup of coffee and not worry that it’ll put me over.”
When she started to tug off her jacket, he let go of her chin, but held her eyes with his.
“I want to not have scars.” She showed him the scars on her left arm from the fistula, then tugged down the neck of her sweater to reveal the scars from the first catheter they’d put in when she was still in high school.
“I want to go on vacation and not have to plan around dialysis centers. And most of all,” she said, her voice threatening to break, “I want to be able to have a normal, healthy relationship.”
Jim let out a sigh. “We haven’t known each other long, but I thought we were heading in the general direction of a relationship.”
Tears threatened to choke her. “I thought so, too.”
Were heading. Past tense.
“I know it wasn’t fair to you, but I just wanted to forget, for a little while, about all of this hanging over my head.”
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