At least he knew the prognosis.
He couldn’t sit in this room for the rest of the day, avoiding his life. He pulled on his boots, shoved his hat down on his head and left the exam room behind.
He headed for the waiting room and Grace. He’d stopped at Duke’s for coffee that morning and she’d been there. When she’d found out he was heading to Austin, she’d asked for a ride. Of course he hadn’t been able to tell her no.
He was going to have to practice if she planned on staying in Martin’s Crossing any length of time. He mumbled, “No, Grace,” to himself, then shook his head. He was really losing it.
“No, Grace, I don’t need someone to hold my hand,” he grumbled. “No, Grace. I don’t think I’ll give you a second chance,” he whispered to himself.
“Are you talking to me?”
She was heading toward him, coming out a door near the exit. No, Grace. The words evaporated as she stepped close, a sweet expression on her face, lingering dark brown eyes. She could turn a man into a fool with that look.
“Nope,” he said. He’d been talking to himself. It made him half-mad that he couldn’t hold on to his anger when she was around.
His gaze went to the baby bump her loose shirt didn’t hide. Her hand moved to that bump and her smile faltered. He hadn’t meant for that to happen.
“You okay?” Her voice was soft in the quiet room, where a dozen people waited.
“I guess so.” He hooked his arm through hers and they headed for the elevator.
“You’re lying,” she said when the elevator doors slid closed.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
He shook his head and pushed the lobby button. “Nope. Where do you need to go?”
“Brody, we’re at a rheumatologist.”
Yeah, he knew she would put two and two together. That didn’t mean he was ready to talk about it.
“Yeah, I guess we are. Where do you need to go?”
Silence for a blessed moment.
“A department store, please. I need a few things that I can’t get in Martin’s Crossing.”
For some reason that lightened his mood. He doubted she’d planned it that way, but he’d take any rope he could grab hold of.
“What? There are things you can’t get in Martin’s Crossing?” He smiled as he teased her. “I thought the feed store had everything.”
“If everything includes grain, rubber boots, lead ropes and work jeans.”
“Sounds like everything a person needs.”
“Yes, everything a person needs. But what I need the most is my friend,” she said, her amusement fading.
“Don’t.”
He led her across the parking lot to his truck. When he reached to open the door for her, she placed a hand on his arm. He drew in a deep breath and looked down at her. She had a serious look on her face, the kind that went right through him.
“I know you don’t want to talk, but if you change your mind, I’m here.”
“I appreciate that.”
She bit down on her bottom lip as she studied him. “Brody, I do care. We...”
“Don’t. We’re not a ‘we’ anymore. Whatever you do or I do, there’s no ‘we’ involved.”
“I know that. I’m just saying, I know you’re in a lot of pain. And I know your surgery last year didn’t go well. There was a lot of damage that they probably couldn’t...”
He cut her off, motioning her to get in the truck. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Gotcha. But you know as well as I do that you’re going to have to face it.”
“It isn’t fatal, Grace.”
“No, but I’m sure it’s life changing.”
“Yeah, well, there’s been a lot of those moments in the past year.” With that, he closed the truck door.
When they got to the mall, he dropped her at the door, then parked the truck. She waited for him at the entrance. Her hand touched his, but then she must have thought better of it because she walked a little ahead of him. He followed her inside.
The first thing she did was head for the baby stuff. He felt a little itchy when she started touching pretty little dresses and pink shoes. He hadn’t thought about it, really. That baby bump was going to be a little person in a matter of months. It would wear lacy dresses. Or maybe it would wear jeans and cowboy boots. He picked up a pair of miniature cowboy boots and grinned.
“It’s going to be a girl.” She stepped next to him, taking the boots from his hand and putting them back on the shelf.
“It’s a boy,” he teased. “I’ve heard that boys are always right out front and girls spread themselves around their momma’s entire middle.
She looked down, her eyes widening as she covered the bump with her hand. “Do you think?”
He shrugged. “It’s what I’ve heard, but I don’t really know.”
What he did know was that this baby wasn’t his. She wasn’t his. He walked away from miniature boots, tiny Wrangler jeans and T-shirts with cute sayings about tough guys and daddies. He didn’t belong there.
What was he doing with Grace? She was a Fort Worth princess who was waiting for a prince to sweep her away to his castle. He lived in a single-wide trailer, owned some cattle and had a degree that made him feel smart but would never pay much.
She followed him as he made his way from baby clothing, through women’s clothes, and finally to an exit that led to the rest of the mall. He found a bench and sat down. Grace sat down next to him. He glanced sideways at the woman with her softly rounded form in a loose cotton candy pink T-shirt, jeans and boots.
“You go ahead and shop. I’ll wait here for you.”
“Do you want me to go?” she asked, her voice soft, unsure.
Go? He knew she meant permanently, out of his life. What did he want her to do? “You mean, go get your shopping done? Yes, I’d like that. I’m not really up to walking the entire mall. But I can wait here. I’ve heard that’s what men do. ‘Waiting on a Woman.’ It’s one of my favorite pastimes and a decent country song.”
“Brody, I meant I can go home.”
“Yeah, I know what you meant. I don’t know what you want me to say.”
She sighed. “I don’t, either. I’m not sure what my next move should be. I can’t stay here forever. I know that. But I can’t go back to Aunt Jacki’s, and I don’t want to face people in Fort Worth. I’d like my own space, a place I choose.”
“I get that. I guess you’re going to have to remember who you are. And remember that we all mess up.”
She leaned into his shoulder. “But that doesn’t mean there aren’t expectations for Howard Thomas’s granddaughter. My grandfather has built one of the largest churches in the state. He’s respected and known across the country. I don’t want to hurt him. Or hurt my parents.”
“There are expectations for all of us. Ask Jake and Duke. As Martins, people expect something of us. We founded a town and we’re leaders in our community, not that there’s much to Martin’s Crossing. But the expectations are there. And we’re all human.”
He was angry, defeated, half in love and still jealous. He leaned back and pulled off his hat. When he did, a timid hand brushed through his hair, smoothing it back. He nearly closed his eyes at the touch. Not a second too late he remembered why he needed big thick walls between himself and the woman beside him. She was all sweetness and soft touches, but she didn’t know what she wanted. Scratch that. She knew one thing; she didn’t want him.
“Grace, don’t,” he muttered and her hand dropped.
“I’m sorry. Brody, I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
“You’ve said that before and I get it. But I’m not going back. You can sow whatever wild oats you need to sow, but leav
e me out of it.”
Because that was all he’d been to her. For him, it had been much more. She’d filled in the missing pieces that had kept him strung out and wild for most of his life. He’d started to believe she’d be his life forever, that she wouldn’t walk away. No other woman had ever made him believe he could have it.
“I’m going to finish my shopping. But I want you to know I’m sorry. I can’t undo what I did last year.” She touched her belly. “I can’t undo this. I also can’t give this baby up. She’s mine and I won’t let her down, even though I seem to be letting everyone else down these days.”
“That’s the most important thing, Grace. Be there for him, and if you do that, you’ve done everything right.”
“She,” Grace said as she walked away. “My baby is a girl.”
“Nope, that’s a boy you’re carrying, Grace Thomas. I’ll eat my hat if it isn’t,” he called out after her.
The thinnest laugh carried back to him as she walked into the department store. He watched her go, thinking back to when he’d first met her. She’d been traveling with her aunt Jacki, who trained barrel horses. Grace Thomas, socialite, nursing student and granddaughter of a man who pastored one of the biggest churches in Fort Worth, Texas. She’d had it all, but she had wanted to spend a year being a cowgirl on a ranch in the heart of Texas.
He’d loved her fearlessness. And then he’d just plain loved her.
He still loved her, but he was determined not to let it show.
* * *
Grace piled everything on the counter at the register. Socks, T-shirts and a tiny sleeper in pale green. It was soft and made her think she could do this. She could hold a little baby in that sleeper and be a mom.
The cashier smiled at her as she lifted the sleeper. “This is sweet. When are you due?”
Grace blinked back tears. “February.”
In a matter of months everything would change. Again. She would be someone’s mother. She managed a smile for the cashier, who continued a steady stream of conversation about babies, clothes and the weather. Grace tried to keep up but her thoughts were trailing far behind, still caught up in the thought of being a mom.
The cashier looked up, her eyes locking on someone just beyond Grace’s left shoulder. Grace knew from the appreciative look on the other woman’s face that it was Brody. She glanced over her shoulder and saw that she’d been right. She also saw the slightest grimace on his face just before he winked, pretending everything was fine.
She wasn’t fooled. Not by a long shot.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes. I just have to pay.”
The cashier watched them, and Grace knew the other woman thought they were a couple, parents-to-be. At any moment she would say something, maybe congratulate them.
Brody picked up her bags as she paid. Just when Grace thought they would escape, the cashier called out, “Best wishes to you both with that new little one.”
Grinning, Brody turned back to the lady, a big grin on his face. “Thank you, ma’am. We’re both real excited.”
As they headed toward the exit Grace glared at him.
“What?” His eyes widened and he stopped walking. “Did I do something?”
“You’re terrible.” But she didn’t feel even the slightest bit of irritation.
Instead, she laughed.
Brody chuckled, the sound rumbling over her.
“Were you going to break her heart?” he asked. “She was all excited for us.”
“I know. It’s just I’m not sure what to say to people.”
“Thank them and move on. You’re having a baby. People are going to comment.”
“Yes, I guess they will. The hardest thing is...” She shrugged and couldn’t admit it to him.
He opened the truck door for her to get in, and as she got settled, he opened the back door of the extended cab Ford. As she buckled up, he leaned in the open door. His hands were now free of her purchases. He must have put them in the backseat.
“The hardest part is what?” he pushed.
She avoided looking at him.
“Grace?”
“I’d like to go to church. But...”
“But you’re afraid of what people will say?”
“Yes, and how they’ll look at me.”
He stood there for a minute looking at her, and her heart stumbled over his nearness. His spicy scent wrapped her up, and slowly her hand stole to his face. His eyes closed, then opened. He shook her hand off his cheek and backed away.
“Probably best not to do that,” he said as he put a few feet between them. “You were telling me about church?”
“I want to go to church. I need to go to church.”
He sighed. “I’ll take you Sunday. It’ll be easier to walk in with someone.”
The offer unsettled her, but she knew it would be easier to walk in with him. The next time she could do it on her own.
“Thank you.”
The door closed softly. For a moment she was alone in the quiet of the truck.
“It’s all about you now, sweet girl,” she told the baby bump beneath her hand.
Brody got in and started the truck. His quick glance landed on her belly. “You okay?”
“I’m good. She’s starting to move. It’s only a flutter, like butterfly wings brushing my abdomen, but it makes it all very real.”
He reached into the backseat and tossed her the bag he’d carried out of the store. “I bought these for him.”
Him. She shook her head and laughed a little. When she opened the bag she wasn’t surprised to find a tiny pair of cowboy boots.
“She’ll look cute in these.”
He shook his head. “He. I kinda like the name Lyle.”
She didn’t know what to say, and he was looking at her so intently, so seriously, she couldn’t laugh.
“Lyle? For a girl?”
“For a boy. After Lyle Lovett. You know he’s from Texas, right?”
“So is George Strait.”
“I guess you got me there. You could name him George.” He grinned as he eased into city traffic. “So have you called your folks?”
“I’ve talked to them, I just...” She glanced out the window at city traffic and the Austin skyline. “They’re going to be disappointed.”
“Maybe, but they won’t be devastated. Your parents are good people.”
“Yes, they are. But they wanted so much for me.”
They drove in silence for a few minutes.
“You keep talking in past tense. You know your life isn’t over, right?” Brody reached to turn down the radio. “You’re having a baby. People do it every day. They still have careers. They still get married and have good lives.”
“I know. It’s just that...” She brushed a hand across her cheeks. “I used to sit on the bed with my mom and we’d talk about what I wanted for my life. We talked about weddings, about being a nurse, about the home I’d have someday.”
“You can still have those things.”
“What about Lincoln?”
He gave her a quick look. “Do you still want Lincoln?”
The question made her head feel fuzzy. Did he think she wanted to spend her life with a man who had beaten her? A man who didn’t want the baby she carried? As the thoughts spun through her mind she realized that Brody didn’t have to think highly of her. She hadn’t given him reason.
She’d shattered him when she’d broken up with him. She hadn’t expected that to happen. For some reason she had thought Brody, like her, wasn’t interested in settling down just yet. He was chasing a world title. She wanted a year of just being young and chasing her own dreams. “No, Brody, I’m not interested in Lincoln. I just need to figure out how to keep him from hurtin
g us.”
“I think you’ll have to get a restraining order. Tomorrow you can talk to Jake’s lawyer.”
Of course the Martins had connections. They were ranchers, but they were businessmen, too.
“Okay. Brody. Thank you for everything. I’ll make it up to you.”
“I don’t need you to make it up to me, Grace. You knew when you decided to come to Martin’s Crossing that I wouldn’t turn you away. I’ll do everything I can to help you, but I don’t need you to make anything up to me. What’s done is done.”
Yes, what was done was done. Her aunt Jacki had encouraged her to find herself, to experience life before settling down. Now Grace wanted a do-over.
The thought of a do-over was disconcerting with Brody Martin sitting next to her. He was her past. She doubted he would be her future.
Chapter Five
Brody woke up early Saturday morning, way earlier than he’d planned. He put on a pot of coffee, swallowed a couple of pills and then headed to the barn, moving slow but better than when he’d first woken up. The walk did him good, getting the kinks out and loosening up his joints.
The last person he expected to see at the barn this early was Duke. He assumed his older brother would be having breakfast with his wife-to-be and their daughter. Or he’d be at the restaurant serving the breakfast crowd. Instead, Duke was tossing bales of hay on the back of the truck.
“What are you doing up and around so early?” Duke asked as he tossed another bale on the growing pile.
“It isn’t that early. Sun’s up.”
“Yeah, guess it is.” Duke pulled off his work gloves and tossed them through the open window of his truck. “I’m taking these over to Jake’s place. Want to ride along?”
“Doesn’t Jake have his own hay?”
“Yeah, he does. But Breezy talked him into getting a couple of llamas. I don’t know why, but he agreed to it.”
“It’s because he’s going to be a daddy, and he wants to give Breezy anything that makes her happy,” Brody answered. Instantly his thoughts turned to Grace, because she was alone, with no husband to make her happy, make her feel safe and cared for.
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