“You mean, if I decide to stay.”
“That’s just it,” Charlotte said. “You’re saying if. I’m saying if. My hunch is that Harry is saying when.”
“We haven’t had the conversation though.”
“Which means you haven’t told him you’re leaving, but you also haven’t told him you’re staying. Like I said. He’s an eternal optimist. Prone to giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.”
Zoey stifled a frustrated laugh. “Does the man not have any flaws? Any walls that he hides behind?”
Charlotte tilted her head thoughtfully. “He’s pretty transparent. Granted, he made some stupid decisions when he first got famous. And his priorities were all kinds of messed up. But he’s been so much better the past year or so.”
“Yeah. He’s told me about that a little. About how much he’s changed.”
“Zoey, look. I don’t want to pressure you into making a decision right now. Just, be careful, okay? Think about the kids, too. And maybe talk to Harry about your decision. If you guys are a couple, you should make it together, right?”
Zoey did think about the kids. And about Harry. And about how much she didn’t want to lose them. But she still couldn’t bring herself to tell Channel 4 she wasn’t interested. It felt so final. So . . . life changing. There would be other jobs. And Harry was right that she could always try and find a job in Los Angeles. But she’d worked so hard to establish herself in Chicago. And the Channel 4 job was the job she’d been thinking about for years. Starting over felt huge.
For three days she stared at the email, unable to respond.
Harry noticed she was distracted.
Nana noticed she was distracted.
Even Hannah asked her why she was always staring into space and not talking.
Zoey hardly knew how to answer. She was paralyzed. Overwhelmed. Terrified of making the wrong decision.
On Thursday morning, she took the kids to Park Play, deciding they needed the entertainment—she’d hardly been on her A-game the past few days—and since she’d have to face the mommy brigade eventually, she might as well go ahead and get it over with.
It took less than five minutes for Rebecca to descend upon her, ushering her into the circle of moms sitting next to the sandbox.
“Okay,” Rebecca said. “Tell us everything. You’ve obviously been keeping some secrets.”
“Lay off,” Ashley said, immediately coming to Zoey’s defense. “Can you blame her? We circled like vultures the first time we met her.”
“Vultures is maybe a little harsh,” Rebecca said. “Come on. Spill it. You were gorgeous, by the way. Loved the dress. But why didn’t you tell us? How long have you been dating?”
Zoey forced a smile. “I, um, it’s complicated.”
“But you are dating, right?” Rebecca said.
“I thought that was pretty obvious after all the pictures and everything,” Zoey said.
Rebecca closed her eyes. “Seriously. I’m so jealous. So tell us how it happened. And also, how does a news anchor from Chicago end up working as a nanny in California? I’ve been trying to figure that part out for days.”
At least that was a question Zoey could answer. “I’m here taking care of my grandmother. She’s recovering from a stroke and she needed someone to be with her in the evenings and on the weekends. I’m between jobs, so nannying felt like an easy thing to do to cover my expenses while I’m here.”
“Right. So you just casually looked for a nannying job and started working for Harrison Beckford?”
“He’s a friend of my grandmother’s,” Zoey explained. “I wasn’t looking for a nannying job.”
“Do you think you’ll go back to Chicago?” Ashley asked. The gravity in her voice told Zoey she didn’t ask the question lightly or just out of curiosity. Zoey sensed Ashley understood the multilayered nature of the question.
Before she could respond, Rebecca scoffed. “Are you kidding? Why would she leave now? She’s dating Harrison freaking Beckford.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Because her life is in Chicago. Her career is there.”
“But she could move her career,” another woman said, this one someone Zoey had never spoken to before. “Better yet, just give it up. She’s with Harrison now. That’s all I’d need if it were me.”
“No joke,” Rebecca said. “Plus, there are already two kids to take care of. That’s basically a full-time career as it is. Why work if she doesn’t have to?” Rebecca suddenly stood up, yelling across the playground as she ran after a little girl Zoey could only assume was her kid.
Zoey looked back at Ashley, fighting the panic rising in her throat. She’d been battling her fears since her conversation with Charlotte earlier that week. But Rebecca’s comments seemed to ratchet everything up a notch.
“Hey, Harrison could afford another nanny,” Ashley said calmly. “It’s not like if you keep dating him you have to be an insta-mom.”
But she would be, wouldn’t she? She didn’t need a degree in psychology to recognize that she’d filled a hole in Hannah’s life by being with her every day. The last few days, they’d spent hours talking about kindergarten coming up in a couple of weeks. About all the things Hannah was afraid of, all the things she was excited about. They’d talked about first-day-of-school outfits and whether or not she wanted her dad to walk her all the way into her classroom or just drop her off at the door of the school like all of the bigger kids.
Hannah had even called her from Harry’s phone before bed the night before so she and Oliver could say goodnight to her before they went to sleep.
It was too late to backpedal now.
Zoey had always dreamed of having a family. But in her head, it had always been something she would build slowly. She’d meet the guy. Fall in love with the guy. Marry the guy. Build the career. Buy the house. Then have a baby. When she felt ready. Jumping into a ready-made family with both feet, especially when her entire Chicago life was on the line was a big ask, even if the asker was the famous Harrison Beckford.
“Well, speak of the devil,” Rebecca said, lowering her sunglasses and staring at something over Zoey’s shoulder.
Zoey turned and saw Harry climbing out of his truck. She quickly stood and crossed the playground to meet him.
“Hey,” he said as she approached.
She stopped in front of him. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I finished early. I thought we could take the kids somewhere together. To the zoo, maybe.” He looked over her shoulder. “Would it help or hurt your situation if I kissed you hello?”
Zoey shrugged. “What if you just kiss me hello because I want you to?”
He grinned. “That is a good enough reason.” He leaned down, his hand lingering on the small of her back while his lips pressed against hers. The intensity of the kiss caught Zoey by surprise. It wasn’t a hello peck; it was more of a steamy, hey baby kind of kiss. Zoey was pretty sure more than one of the moms behind her gasped out loud.
Zoey pulled away, a shocked expression on her face. “You did that on purpose,” she said playfully.
Harry shrugged, his grin wide on his face. “Maybe.”
She smacked him on the chest. “There are children at this park, Mr. Beckford. I expect better behavior out of you.”
He only laughed. “I’ll get the kids, you get your stuff?”
“Uh-uh,” Zoey said, taking his hand. “You’re coming over and saying hello. After that public display, I’m not facing them by myself.”
She tugged Harry toward the group of moms. She reached down and gathered up her stuff before tossing out a brief introduction. “Everyone, this is Harrison Beckford. Harry, this is everyone.”
Harry shifted into performance mode—something Zoey still found fascinating—and greeted the women. He smiled for pictures, said hello to babies, and even offered a sincere opinion when one of the women asked him a remodeling question about her house. He was charming—so charming—an observation that filled Zoey wi
th an emotion she hadn’t expected.
She was jealous.
But jealous of who? His fans? The public? This wasn’t the first time she’d seen him in Harrison Beckford mode. But the red carpet had felt different. The photographers and reporters had felt a little more removed, and he’d had his hand wrapped tightly around hers the entire night. But now, watching the moms fawn over her boyfriend, finding reasons to touch his arm or his shoulder, she realized how weird it was knowing that all the time, women all over the country were likely having entire conversations about how sexy he was, about how great it would be to meet him.
On the one hand, it was thrilling. He was hers, after all. And Charlotte had been right when she’d called Harry transparent. She didn’t doubt his feelings for her at all. But on the other hand, would they ever be able to go anywhere when his fame wasn’t competing for his attention? How would that play into regular life? Would they even be able to have a regular life?
Harry pulled a baseball cap onto his head and wore dark sunglasses when they took the kids to the zoo, but it still didn’t completely curb the attention from strangers. At one point, while they stood outside the gorilla habitat, she noticed three different people standing off to the side, taking pictures of him.
Zoey stepped up beside him, slipping her hand into his. “Do you ever get used to that?” she whispered, motioning with her head toward the would-be paparazzi.
He squeezed her fingers briefly before dropping her hand so he could pick Oliver up. He shrugged. “You learn to ignore it.” He pointed into the habitat. “Look, Ollie, do you see the baby gorilla? Right there with her mom?”
He made ignoring it seem easy, but the entire day left Zoey feeling shaken. She’d worried she’d be wooed by the glamour in Harry’s life. And thinking about the benefit and the red-carpet attention, she couldn’t deny that was still a real possibility. But now she’d been forced to think about the downside to his fame, to experience it firsthand. It only made her more confused.
That evening after dinner, Zoey got a follow-up email from Channel 4. Hi, Zoey. Just checking to make sure you got our email. We’d love to meet with you. Next Wednesday? Let me know ASAP. The email was signed by the producer she’d worked with a few years prior.
Now she really did have to make a choice. She found Nana in the kitchen, wiping down the counters. A month ago, Zoey never would have let Nana stay on her feet long enough to do the simple task. But she’d made so much progress. Her walking was steady, her hand-eye coordination was so much better, and her speech was back to normal.
Zoey sat down at the kitchen table, setting her phone face down in front of her.
Nana turned around. “Hey. What’s got you looking so glum?”
“I talked to Cassandra this afternoon before she left.”
Nana dropped into the chair across from her. “Okay.”
“She said your insurance is only paying for one more week of home-care?”
Nana nodded. “That’s right. After that, I’m on my own.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Oh, I’m more concerned about being lonely than anything else. Cassandra has spoiled me with her easy company. But I feel fit as a fiddle these days. It’s time for her to move on and help someone else.”
Zoey bit her bottom lip, hesitant to meet her grandmother’s eye. “What about me?”
Nana raised an eyebrow. “Are you ready to move on too?”
“I don’t know.” Zoey’s shoulders fell. “I don’t want to leave you. I love being here, and . . .”
“And Harry is here.”
“Yeah.” Zoey sighed. “Harry is here.”
“But?” Nana prompted. “I can tell you’re working up to tell me something. Just spit it out.”
“Channel 4 in Chicago wants me to come in for an interview,” Zoey said. She looked up. “Next Wednesday.”
“Is that a big deal?”
“The biggest. It’s the job I’ve wanted since I first started working. It’s only an interview. They might have me guest anchor a night or two to see how I test with viewers. I don’t have to go though. Not if you aren’t ready to be on your own.”
Nana rolled her eyes, a sight that nearly made Zoey giggle. For a split second, Nana looked fifty years younger, her sassy younger self shining through the wrinkles. “Don’t even begin to pretend like I’m the reason you aren’t sure if you should go. I’m fine, Zoey. You’ve seen that the last two weeks. We always knew you staying with me was temporary. Besides, your mother is coming in next week. Has she not told you that? She’ll be here through Thursday so you can go to your interview no problem, supposing you work something out for Hannah and Oliver.”
“Mom is coming here?”
Nana nodded. “Sunday night. Why didn’t she tell you, I wonder?”
Zoey had been ignoring her mother since the benefit when photos of her and Harrison had hit the internet. She’d finally responded to her text with something vague and equally brief and then declined the dozen or so call attempts she had made. “She probably knew I’d find a reason to disappear if she did.”
Nana frowned. “You’ve always gotten along with your mother. Why are you ignoring her now?”
Zoey sighed. She hadn’t been fair to her mom and she knew it, but it still stung to have Nana call her out. “She hasn’t done anything wrong. I guess I’m just feeling like I’m at a crossroads right now, and her advice is not the kind of advice I need. I don’t think she likes that I’m working. You know how she feels, Nana. She wants me to have what she had. And now there’s an actual man in my life and she’s determined to make sure I get my hooks all the way in. That way, I can quit my job and let Harrison take care of me just like Dad did her.”
“Zoey,” Nana said, censure in her tone. “That’s a bit harsh. Your mother was a good mother to you. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to stay at home to raise your children. She gave you everything for years. That’s no small sacrifice. She just doesn’t want you to miss out on what brought her the most joy.”
“I don’t want to miss out on it either. But why can’t I have a career too? Why does it have to be one or the other?”
“Has your mother ever said that to you? That it has to be one or the other?”
Zoey huffed. “No, but I can tell that’s what she thinks.”
Nana shook her head. “I don’t think you give her enough credit, Zoey. She’s proud of you. She wants you to get married; of course she does. Because she wants you to be happy. And her family is what made her the happiest. You can’t hold that against her.”
Nana was probably right. But there were too many things her mother had said over the years, too much history for Zoey to forget. Her mother would never value Zoey’s career as much as Zoey did.
“I get it. I’m sorry. I love that Mom was with us when we were kids. I’ve always thought I would do the same thing someday. But she doesn’t understand why my career is also important, maybe even more important right now.”
“More important than what? Are we talking about relationships in general, or are we talking about one man, specifically?”
Zoey’s shoulders fell. “Of course we’re talking about Harry. I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“I thought that’s what this conversation was about,” Nana said. She reached across the table and took Zoey’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze.
“Honestly, I don’t even know if I can talk about it anymore. I’ve thought myself in circles all week long. But now the station has emailed again and needs me to confirm an interview ASAP and I think I have to do it. Even if I end up turning down the job and staying in L.A., I think I have to at least go and see how I feel about it.”
“Have you told Harry?”
Zoey shook her head. “Not yet. He’s not . . . he doesn’t even know I’ve been looking for jobs.”
“Oh, Zoey, call that man. Tell him what’s going on. He’ll understand.”
He would. Zoey knew he would, though a part of he
r almost wished he wouldn’t just to make leaving a little easier. But no matter how much she loved being with Harry, she couldn’t shake the feeling that if she turned her back on Chicago, she’d always regret it.
Chapter 14
Harry pulled out his phone as soon as the plane hit the tarmac. He’d had to take an impromptu trip up to Portland to meet a family his show was featuring in a special on-location episode of Right-On Renovations. With two special needs kids, the family had been trying to make life work living in a house with too many stairs, and doorways and hallways that were too narrow for the wheelchairs the children used. Harry didn’t often agree to filming away from home; this was a detailed project that would require him to be gone for several weeks. But after meeting the family, any doubts he’d harbored had disappeared. They needed help, and he was happy to be involved.
He wasn’t sure what he’d do with the kids. Bring them along, probably. His show would help him find someone to watch them while he was filming. A sudden desire to ask Zoey swelled inside him. What if she came with him to Portland? She could keep the kids while he was working, then they’d all be together during his downtime. Like a family.
Zoey had mentioned that Ms. Emily’s home healthcare nurse was only staying through the following week. That had to mean she was good to be on her own. Would Zoey be willing to leave her? Filming in Portland didn’t start for another couple of weeks. Surely she would at least feel ready by then.
With his phone out of airplane mode, it dinged with the messages and texts he’d missed during the flight.
The kids were fine. His mom had been with them in the hours Zoey hadn’t covered the past couple of days.
There had been a minor emergency during demo of Right-On’s current project—the young couple remodeling grandma’s house—but Jason had handled it while Harry was still in the air and all was under control.
Zoey had texted, asking him to let her know when he landed, and could she come over to see him later?
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