I am going to have a special treat for you when you get home. I will make you a feast that you will never forget! I am busy making moccasins for the storekeeper and his family. He even paid me half ahead of time. He says he’ll pay me the rest when he gets them. That was nice of him, since I will have to buy more thread, needles and beads.
It is snowing again outside. It is really pretty, but it is hard walking through the snow. I don’t worry though. I have a big stack of wood and I am cozy warm.
Write again soon, Pynut. I really miss you.
Love,
Grandma
December 1966
Thursday, December 1
I decided to write a letter to Mother before the supper bell rings. I have no homework right now. I really hope she is getting my letters.
December 1, 1966
Dear Mother,
I just got a letter from Grandma and she has found a friend at Sandy Bay and she doesn’t have to get a hotel room anymore. Her friend has a little house that she can stay at.
Sorry that I have not written earlier. I have nothing to write about. I’m doing all right and I look forward to seeing you all at Grandma’s at Christmas. Where will we all sleep in Grandma’s little cabin? Some people will have to sleep on the floor between the two single beds. That will be fun!
I have a pair of glasses now. They have a black frame and they are curved a bit at the corners. I can see really clear now. I didn’t know that there was anything wrong with my eyes. I also got a filling in my back left tooth. It didn’t hurt at all.
It’s hard to believe that it is actually December now. I can’t wait to get home.
Write again soon.
Your daughter,
Violet
The bell just rang and we have to line up.
Friday, December 2
I went with an older girl to babysit on the next street. Her name is Helen. We walked through the woods to get there.
The blond woman was nice. She has two children, a boy about four and a little girl about two years old. I was telling her about the paper dolls we used to play at home that we cut out from an old Eaton’s catalogue. She ran downstairs to her basement and came up with an old Eaton’s catalogue and she gave it to me to cut up when we get back to the Residential School. I was so grateful!
Saturday, December 3
Someone noticed that Princess was missing from our lineup for breakfast. The three girls do not know where she has gone or when she had left. They were crying in the lineup and Miss Tanner had to take them away.
Sunday, December 4
There’s still no sign of Princess. Everyone is whispering ideas and suggestions, but no one knows, and Miss Tanner won’t say, either. One older girl said that they probably sent her to another Residential School. I don’t understand any of this.
Monday, December 5
After supper, my two friends Sarah and Mary decided to ask if we can go upstairs to the storage room to cut up the Eaton’s catalogue. Miss Lewis is on duty for a couple of days because Miss Tanner had to go somewhere. She gave us a pair of paper scissors and we sneaked up to the third storage floor and we sat down beneath the window and cut out our paper dolls. We had a lot of fun!
When we were ready to leave, Mary told us that this is her second year here and that two of her sisters had stayed here too, but that this third floor was where the little ones used to stay. It was called the Junior Dorm then. The older girls on the second floor could hear their little sisters crying up here, but they were not allowed to come up to comfort them. That sounded very sad.
Tuesday, December 6
I really enjoyed supper. It was some kind of hamburger and macaroni casserole with lots of cheese on top. Some of the girls always complain of tummy aches every time we have cheese in our meals. Or some, even when they have a glass of milk at night. I don’t know why. I can eat anything, it seems. It doesn’t bother me.
Nothing much to write about.
Wednesday, December 7
I noticed one of the girls on a park bench on the way home from school. I went to her because I could tell she was crying. Her name is Wendy. She is from a Reserve next to the one where Mother lives. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she got a letter yesterday saying that her mother got married. I asked her how that was bad. She said her father just died last year and she has two small brothers and a baby sister. When I asked if she knew the man her mother married, she nodded her head. She said that his wife died two years ago and that he has four children. They are all under ten. That’s a lot of children, I am thinking. But he has no wife to look after his children and she had no husband to look after her and her children. I told Wendy that her mother would need someone to look after and take care of her and her children. I asked her if the man was a bad man or violent. She shook her head. So I asked her why she was crying. She got mad and said, “You don’t understand anything!” and ran off.
I guess I don’t.
Thursday, December 8
Miss Tanner took a look at my chest when I was taking off my apron and she said, “Come with me.” I followed her upstairs and she opened a door and there were rows and rows of shelves. She walked along and then stopped and pulled out a stack of bras. She glanced at me and pulled down two of the bras and put down my number on them and told me to put one on. I looked at it, trying to figure out which way the clips were supposed to go, and then she sighed, pulled open my blouse and showed me how to put it on, and then I was back downstairs again. I looked down at my small tits poking out beneath my shirt and I got very shy. I didn’t want anyone to see my newly pointed tits!
Nobody paid any attention to me at all!
Friday, December 9
The Gym teacher had us sit on the floor and he got us to stretch our legs apart and stretch out and reach as far as we could on the floor. I did not like this at all! It seemed very — well, girls just don’t do that! You never, ever, spread your legs out like that. So, I pretended to hurt my side. I don’t mind the running around or playing ball. I’m still trying to get used to the bra. It feels like something pressing my ribs in, and my shoulders are sore from the straps too.
Saturday, December 10
The Cree girls must have found our paper dolls. Everything is gone!
Sarah started crying, but Mary said that it was probably not the Cree girls. She said that maybe Miss Lewis told “the others” about the paper dolls and maybe they told her to get rid of the dolls and the catalogue because we would be playing about home and having our dolls talk in our language. I think so too.
I told them that we would talk about home instead. Sarah said that she was glad to have left home. She said her mother was never home and they were hungry most of the time. She has a little sister and brother there. It was sad to hear her story.
Mary came from a big family, but her brothers and sisters had already left home. She says she really loves spending all her time at home with her parents, and they always go somewhere camping when she gets home.
I remember her telling us that her two sisters were at this school too. She said they are married now and had to move to their husbands’ Reserves, and her brothers are working at an airport of some kind.
I told them about Grandma and Mother. We spent all afternoon there until the bell rang for supper. We had to scramble fast down the stairs in order to line up in time before the Supervisor came. Then we all marched down the stairs and lined up before the dining room again to say the prayer there before we go inside. After the meal, there’s that prayer to say and then we get up and clean the dining room. It is getting so that I don’t even think about what I am saying at prayers anymore. We just all speak and say the same thing together.
Monday, December 12
My letters are gone again! I thought I was going to explode — I was so mad!!! I’ve calmed down a bit now. Everyone is just going about their business and no one’s paying any attention to me. I never see anyone upset either. I see the other girls get mail, a
nd they put the letters in their lockers, but I never hear anyone say that they are gone. I feel ready to burst into tears, but I will not cry!
It’s after school and I don’t have any homework. I’m just going to write this until the supper bell rings.
I’ve been thinking about Wendy. I think I finally figured out why she was so upset.
She thinks that her father has been replaced and her mother is now with another man. That got me thinking about Grandma. I remember asking her about my grandfather. We were sitting along the shoreline cooling off after picking blueberries along the railway tracks. I am thinking it is important for me to write this down so that I can read it when I am feeling really lost and stripped down. Grandma seems too much a part of me to lose. I want to feel her alive with me every day.
She said that her family lived up north at her father’s trapline. One winter they came into the village to pick up some groceries and supplies. They were at the store when a young man walked in. He was the son of another trapper, and when he saw her, his face lit up. He walked toward Grandma’s father to say hello, but he was so close that he stepped on one of Grandma’s moccasins and she lost her balance when she tried to step back and landed flat on her bottom! They were married that summer when she was nineteen years old, and then a year later, Mother was born. Mother was five years old when the Government plane landed at the trapline and took her away, under threat that my grandparents would be thrown in prison and would never see their child again if they didn’t let her go. Grandma was thirty-four years old when Grandpa fell through the ice and drowned. She never remarried. She looked after her parents until they were gone. All those years while Mother was at Residential School, Grandma lived in the cabin by herself and hunted and fished to keep herself alive. And then I came along. For a long time there were just the three of us. I don’t remember much of that though. Then Mother married Izzy. That was when we had to move away from Grandma, and Izzy took us up north to his Reserve. I remember that I wasn’t very happy.
Now, here I am. I won’t forget who I am.
Tuesday, December 13
I don’t know where the information came from or if it’s just gossip, but someone said that Princess had made it home. I don’t know. I hope she did. I often wondered how she made it out of the building without anyone seeing her. She must have had some money to be able to get away like that. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do to get out of here. I’d have to make it to the train station and buy a ticket, and then to where? I can’t even remember the place where we had to spend the night. I bet the train ticket agent would be on the phone to the Residential School the minute I showed up!
I’ve also noticed that Princess’s three Cree girls aren’t even speaking to each other now. Maybe they feel mad at being left here. Who knows!
Thursday, December 15
Countdown to going home! Six more days!
We had a pork chop each with mashed potatoes and peas for supper.
There’s a high excited feeling in the dorm. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like everyone is waiting for something to happen. Some of the girls began running around and chasing each other up and down the stairs when I heard a man’s voice bellow from down below. That must be the boys’ Supervisor. Their lounge room is across the double doors to the stairway.
It’s very quiet in the dorm right now. I don’t feel like writing anymore. I keep thinking about Grandma. I can’t wait to see her.
Friday, December 16
Five more days until I see Grandma!
Everyone in my class at King George is talking about Christmas. They are mostly talking about the presents they are hoping to get and what they have asked their parents for. Also the decorations that they are putting up inside and outside their homes. There are also shiny decorations hanging along the hallway and at the school office window. Everyone seems happier than normal. I just don’t understand what the excitement is about. I also don’t really understand who this Santa Claus is and why he is so important. I know that there are usually boxes of toys that are sent to the Reserve. They are given out to the kids at the school at Christmas, but there is really no mention of Santa Claus that I can remember. Maybe he really is something like the Halloween pumpkin.
Saturday, December 17
Four more days until I see Grandma!
There are all kinds of Christmas shows on television too. Wendy, Mary and I went downtown this afternoon and there are Christmas decorations on the store windows and everything is glittering and shiny! It was really pretty. We just walked up and down the street looking at the window displays. Then we had to run back in a hurry because we forgot to look at the time. We just got in the door and kicked off our shoes and hung up our jackets and were barely in time to line up for supper outside the dining room.
Sunday, December 18
Three more days until I see Grandma!
We will be walking along the path back to her cabin. We will pass by Blackie’s cabin too. I wonder if he will come out to greet us? It will be nice to see him too.
If the snow is very deep, Grandma makes a path to the train tracks from her cabin because the train tracks are always clear of snow. We’ll probably sit with the lamp on and talk for a while before bed — me from my single bed beside the window and her from her bed at the other corner of the room. She’ll have the stove going nice and warm too.
Can’t wait to get home!
Tuesday, December 20
There was an announcement over the intercom.
Our trips home have been cancelled!
One of the girls has developed German measles and we are quarantined! I don’t even know who the girl is. She is in the infirmary under quarantine. I really wasn’t sure what quarantine meant, so I asked one of the girls.
I can’t stop crying. Everyone is red eyed.
The girls are saying that if we go home, we might carry the sickness home, where some pregnant woman will lose her baby. I don’t know any pregnant women back home! I want to go home!!!
Wednesday, December 21
We were supposed to be going home today!
I cried a long time last night. I feel so cheated!
I wasn’t the only one either. All night in the pitch-blackness, I kept hearing sniffles and silent screams. Someone actually screamed into her pillow. It was awful!
Thursday, December 22
There was one girl who seemed very happy. She was laughing and chatting when she had always been quiet. She was even getting very angry as it came close to going home too. She was laughing at me when she noticed that I had been crying when I came out of the toilet stall. “What are you laughing at? Why aren’t you sad?” I asked her as I bent to wash my face. There were just the two of us in the bathroom. She said, “I am not going home, that’s why! I get to avoid Christmas at home this year. People kill each other at Christmas where I come from. We are always so scared. I had to hide under the bed with my two little sisters for almost a whole day last year. It’s just so …” Then she just turned and said “Never mind!” and went out the door.
I’ve heard that in some places there is a lot of alcohol and violence during the holidays. That must be what she means.
Friday, December 23
There is a concert for us tonight. The local Anishinabe high-school boys have a band and they are going to come and play for us!
We had to line up as usual before we entered a large room that I had never seen before. It was right across from the Principal’s office, I think.
Later
Well, we just got back and no time to watch television. The kitchen girls just brought us our evening snack of a slice of cake each and hot chocolate, and we just sat around the floor and talked about the concert. We don’t usually have cake, so this is a nice treat. Chocolate cake with thick icing on top!
The concert was in a large room that they called an auditorium, with a stage of some sort at front. The guys were up on a floor about 4 feet higher than us. They had guitars and drums
and one guy sang at the front. The four guys sang some songs and I did recognize some Beatles songs from the time that I was home on the Reserve when the radio was on, and then here on the television. Some other songs I had not heard before.
Oh, well. I think I would have preferred to watch television.
Saturday, December 24
Nothing happening today. I didn’t feel like going anywhere, so I thought I’d write to Grandma. There isn’t even anything to write about. I gave up on that idea. I don’t even feel like writing my Blackie story either. I keep wanting to end the story, but then I think of something else Blackie could get into. I am just going to leave it for now.
My sketch of Grandma’s cabin is finished. I just added myself walking beside Grandma. I am carrying a bag of potatoes!
Sunday, December 25
We had to pin the little doily things to our heads again this morning. Then we trudged through the bush in deep snow to get to the Church for the Christmas service. Same thing. The man up front was talking and talking, and I watched the people bobbing up and down the whole time. Maybe it kept their legs from falling asleep. I want to go home!!!
Dear Canada: These Are My Words Page 6