by Jenika Snow
She took a seat next to him, both of them staying quiet, their attention on the people around them. She felt the lightest of touches and dropped her gaze when Tallin’s hand covered hers. She could see his tattoos peek out from under the rolled up sleeves of his shirt, that dark ink snaking up and around his wrists and forearms. His touch was light as his thumb ran over her flesh. She swallowed, fighting back her emotions. She looked up and into his face. He was already looking at her.
“You always were the strong and silent type.” She moved closer to him, held his hand tighter, and rested her head on his shoulder. He chuckled softly, the sound deep yet emotionless.
“When do you have to go back to Denver?”
“I don’t know if I’m going to go back.”
She felt him tense, and she lifted her head to stare at him. “What?”
He looked down at her. A flicker of emotions reflected in his eyes but was gone as soon as it had appeared. He smiled, and she saw a happiness cover his face she hadn’t seen since she had come back to Burkett.
“I’ve missed you so much, and with everything that has happened, you being here would be incredible.”
He pulled her into a hug. She rested her head against his chest, and the steady rhythm of his heart went through her. “I love you, Tallin. You know that right?” She felt his hand cup the back of her head and heard him exhale.
“Not as much as I love you, Lilly.”
She felt tears well up and closed her eyes, letting herself be surrounded by the ones she loved.
Chapter Four
The Happiness Isn’t Gone
Lilly brought in another trash bag filled with plates, napkins, and cups. Stepping into the kitchen, she couldn’t help but smile at the scene before her. Tallin had his dress shirt unbuttoned at the neck, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He had a dishrag in hand and was busy wiping down the counters, his movements efficient yet quick. Riley was unloading the dishwasher, the first few buttons of his shirt undone as well, and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up his thick forearms. His tie hung loosely around his neck as if he had gotten frustrated and yanked on it. Her boys were quite domestic when they wanted to be.
“Look at you two. Who domesticated you guys?” She laughed as she set the trash bag by the backdoor, amid the numerous ones already piled up.
Tallin looked up at her, his lips tilting at the corners, and shook his head. Riley glanced at her, winked, and went back to unloading the dishes. She just stood there for a moment, watching them as they did such mundane things. She would never take anything for granted again, even if it was hanging out with the two men she loved the most as they cleaned the kitchen.
She walked into the living room to make sure she hadn’t missed any trash. She straightened a few things, then went over by the fireplace, and stood in front of it. She wrapped her arms around her waist and watched the flames. Her gaze traveled to the mantel where a silver-framed picture of the four of them sat. She picked it up and stared at it, the flames reflecting off the glass and making the picture seem to move with life.
The picture had been taken three years ago, right before she’d moved to Denver. The four of them had decided to take one last big trip. They ended up going to California, driving instead of flying and making it one long road trip. She had hated that part of the trip, even in Tallin’s massive, roomy truck. It had been three days of cramps and aches, but once they had finally reached the beach, it had been well worth it.
She ran her finger over the glass. The four of them had posed for the picture, the men in the back in their trunks and her standing in front of them in her polka-dot bikini. She put the picture back, refusing to cry anymore today. She just didn’t have the energy or the strength. She felt big hands land on her shoulders. She closed her eyes and leaned back, enjoying the sensation of her muscles starting to relax.
“Here, sweetie.”
Lilly opened her eyes and saw Riley holding out a full glass of red wine. She took it, grateful for the small distraction. She let him lead her over to the couch and sat beside him. She curled her feet beneath her legs and took a sip of her wine. She knew that if her senses weren’t so numb, the wine would have tasted exquisite. She stared at the fire for a moment but then got the distinct feeling of being watched. She turned her attention to Riley, surprised he was staring right at her, an expression she couldn’t read covering his face.
“What?” Lilly chuckled, his features seeming of deep concentration. She lifted her hand and ran her finger down the bridge of his nose. He closed his eyes, and his hand came up and cupped her palm against his cheek.
“Can I hold you?”
“Oh, Riley.” Sympathy welled up within her, knowing he must be so torn inside. She set her wine down, moved closer to him, and snuggled into his hard, muscular chest as she wrapped her arms around him. “Everything will be okay.”
“I know.” He exhaled and started rubbing her back lightly with his hand. He whispered, “Everything will be okay now that you’re here.”
She didn’t comment, knowing that she knew she would never be able to go back to Denver. They watched the fire before she knitted her brows and sat up. “Where’s Tallin?”
“Shower.”
“Oh.” She laid her head back down on his chest, smiling when he covered them up with the throw that hung over the couch.
“It’s snowing pretty heavily out there. Why don’t you just stay the night? The roads are most likely horrible. I would feel better knowing you’re here and safe.”
“I have no intention of leaving tonight.” She didn’t, not because of the snow, although that was a big unavoidable factor, but because she just wanted to be with her boys.
****
Four days had passed, and Lilly was finding it a little bit easier each day to cope. The storm had been immense and hadn’t stopped for those four days. Several feet of white, crystalline powder covered the ground, the scene breathtaking in its beauty. She hadn’t been able to leave because the roads were closed. Plow trucks hadn’t been able to clear the streets because the snow had just kept coming, especially this high in the mountains.
Being snowed in wasn’t so bad, especially since she was with Riley and Tallin. Luckily, she had forgotten to take a bag of clothes out of her trunk when she arrived in Burkett.
It was like old times, like one giant adult slumber party, although they were missing one person. Lilly would wake up in the middle of the night, crying so forcibly that it had been hard to catch her breath. As the days progressed, she was crying a little less until she was feeling the strength grow inside of her. The anguish was still there, but she realized the more time she spent with Tallin and Riley, the more the pain was tolerable.
She knew that if she went back to Denver, she would crumble and the grief and pain would be too much for her to cope with. She was just so thankful that she had two incredible men in her life. The three of them worked together, drawing strength from one another and making sure they each got through it.
Lilly padded barefoot into the bathroom connected to the guest room she was staying in. It housed a Jacuzzi in the corner and lots of shiny tile and marble. The tub was her favorite amenity at Riley’s place.
She looked at herself in the mirror and ran her finger under her eyes. Although she rarely wore makeup, she wished she had some cover-up to hide the dark circles under them at least. She ran a brush over her hair, the straight, light strands lying lifeless on her shoulders. She grabbed an elastic tie, put her hair in a ponytail, and smoothed her hands down the thin cotton t-shirt and fleece pants she wore. She turned off the light, walked over to the dresser that sat off to the side, pulled the top drawer open, and grabbed a pair of socks. Riley kept the house extremely warm, so the thin material of her clothing, even though it was ten degrees outside, kept her comfortable.
It was barely eight in the morning, but she knew they would be up. Tallin usually woke before the sun even rose, and Lilly assumed it was because of all of his years
in the military. She could smell bacon when she reached the top of the stairs, and, despite not having much of an appetite lately, she found her mouth watering and her stomach grumbling.
She descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen, seeing Riley behind the stove and Tallin sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Something smells good.”
They both regarded her and smiled. She walked to Riley and gave him a hug, then did the same to Tallin. She sat across from him and poured herself a glass of orange juice from the carafe sitting on the table. It was fresh squeezed, but then again, Riley never did anything half ass.
“Are you hungry, sweetheart?”
She turned her attention to Riley as he brought over two plates and set them on the table. Bacon and eggs filled one plate and pancakes and waffles the other. She wasn’t surprised to see the spread. During the week, Riley had made every meal like this. That she hadn’t had an appetite and hadn’t been able to fully enjoy it was just a shame.
Tallin grabbed a plate, added a little bit of everything on it, and then handed it over to her. She raised her eyebrows as she took it. “I’m a big girl, Tallin. I could have gotten my own plate,” she teased.
“You’ve lost weight. I can tell. You need to eat more protein.”
She looked down at herself, knowing her clothes were a little looser but embarrassed he’d actually noticed. “Thanks,” she mumbled as she reached across the table. Tallin’s hand landed on hers as she grabbed the bottle of maple syrup. She lifted her eyes to his.
“I didn’t mean any offense. It’s just that you’re going to get sick. I’m just worried about you.”
She breathed out and nodded. “I know. It’s just that with everything that has been going on, my appetite has been pretty nonexistent. I’m starting to feel better though, and I’m actually hungry this morning.”
His nod was tight and quick, but he still examined her eyes and kept his hand on hers. She stared into his bright blue eyes, and her heartbeat accelerated with an emotion she wasn’t too comfortable with. It was a feeling she didn’t want to explore too much into, because that would be crossing a line. Her cheeks became hot from his intense gaze, and she quickly glanced down, thankful when his hand didn’t give her any resistance. What’s wrong with you, Lilly? She poured the warm syrup on her pancakes and started eating.
“I’m going to go get some more wood. I’ll be back a little later.”
Lilly glanced out the window as she chewed her food. “How do you plan on getting wood when there’s like six feet of snow out there?” she said around a mouth full of food. She raised a brow at him, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly with amusement.
“Snowmobiles, love. Besides, we went through a lot of wood the past week and are running low,” Riley smiled softly at her.
Riley had a generator for if the power went out, but on several occasions this past week, the lights had flickered and everyone worried about the power going out because the storm was so bad. No, not worried about it going out, but trying to be prepared for when it did go out. It was only a matter of time.
Tallin got up and brought his dishes to the sink. He walked back over, kissed her on the head, and left out the side door. She watched as the door shut and then, turning back around, noticed that Riley had taken Tallin’s seat. He pushed a bowl of fruit in front of her as he started eating. She picked up a strawberry, brought it to her mouth and gently bit the tip, and let the sweet juice fill her mouth. She stared out the window again and saw Tallin get on the snowmobile and speed away. The machine was loud and fast as he disappeared in the bordering forest. She took another bite of the strawberry, again leaving it in her mouth so the sweet juices coated her taste buds.
The back of her neck prickled, the sense of being watched filling her. With her lips still around the strawberry, she turned to look at Riley, feeling her eyes widening at the expression that covered his face. His head was slightly downcast, his eyes at half-mast as he gazed at her mouth. She realized that she still had half the strawberry in her mouth and the juice was spilling out of it while her lips were suctioned around the red flesh. His fork was midair, the syrup covering the pancake square slowly dripping from the prongs.
She put the strawberry on her plate and finished eating, very aware of the tingle traveling through her. She knew she shouldn’t be feeling the emotions currently bombarding her. These were her best friends, and here she was, experiencing unfamiliar emotions that she had no right to feel. It was wrong to feel arousal when they had done nothing but comfort and protect her.
The fact that the sight of them made her lustful had shame and guilt filling her. She remembered how Tallin had stared at her, his smoky emerald eyes seeming to see right into her soul, and Riley’s heated amber gaze that spoke of hidden desire.
Lilly shook her head, knowing that there was no way they could possibly feel arousal for her. For God’s sake, they had been friends since they were toddlers. They had never showed sexual interest in her before. Both of them had had plenty of dates in high school, even serious girlfriends during college.
Stop thinking about them like this. Stop thinking they might want more from you.
It was all in her imagination. Her brain was fried, and she was imagining things that could and would never be.
“When do you have to go back to work?” She glanced up at him, needing to change the subject.
His jaw was tense as he stared at his food. “I took some personal time.” His words were gruff, and he cleared his throat. “What about you? When do you have to go back?”
She had had this conversation with Tallin and had told him she didn’t know if she was going back. As the days passed though, she really had no desire to go back to Denver. Her mind was pretty much made up. She would be losing a really great job, but there was work in Burkett, and just being around the people she loved was worth the financial loss she would take.
“To be honest, I don’t think I am going back to Denver. It doesn’t hold the appeal it used to. I’d rather stay in Burkett where I can be close to you guys.” It was the honest truth. Tallin and Riley were her rocks, and she knew that without them, this situation would have broken her.
“Really?”
There was surprise in his voice, and she glanced up again. She beamed at the happiness that shone on his face. “Yeah, seriously.”
His smile was broad.
“I’m glad my decision makes you happy. My feelings might have been hurt if you had suggested I go back.”
His face had gone serious, all hints of the previous happiness gone. “Why would I do that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. During Christian’s wake, a lot of people were telling me I should go back to Denver. They told me staying in Burkett might be too hard. I know they meant well and didn’t want to see me in pain, but the more I thought about it, the more the idea of leaving hurt.” She heard his chair scrape across the floor a second before she was being pulled out of hers and wrapped in his warm embrace. He just held her, neither one of them speaking as he led her into the living room, their dishes forgotten.
Chapter Five
Something More
The fire crackled and popped, and she felt the cushion beside her dip as Riley sat next to her. Shoulder to shoulder, they just watched the fire, which seemed to be they’d been doing a lot of lately.
“It makes me immensely pleased that you’re deciding to stay in Burkett.”
She drew her gaze away from the flames and looked over at Riley. “I like staying here and being with you guys.”
They sat for several moments in silence before he spoke again.
“I don’t want to lie to you. It was hell while you were away. I hated it.”
“I was only a phone call and drive away.”
He was shaking his head before she even finished. “No, you know it isn’t the same. I missed giving you hugs, having lunch with you. Just being with you.”
Tears started to well in
her eyes as he spoke such soft and loving words. She reached her hand out and cupped his cheek. He leaned into her embrace, his eyes closing momentarily before opening again as he looked down at her. She let her hand fall, swallowing as their gazes continued to stay locked. He lifted his hand and trailed his finger along her jaw.
This isn’t right. Stop thinking about Riley like that. He’s your best friend.
“Do you know how much I care about you, Lilly?”
She nodded. “I love you, too.”
“No.” He stopped speaking for a second and just looked into her eyes. “Do you really know how much I love you?”
She swallowed from the intensity of his voice. “I love you, too, Riley,” she said again. He gave a humorless laugh and shook his head, running his hand over his hair. The short strands stuck up haphazardly, but it looked good on him.
“It’s hard, Lilly.”
Her brows knitted as she stared his profile. “What’s hard?” She had a feeling he wasn’t talking about Christian’s death.
He glanced at her again with an emotion she couldn’t quite place. “Loving you—wanting you when I know I can’t have you.”
Her mouth opened slightly at his admission because she knew the love he was talking about had nothing to do with the love two friends shared. “What?”
Oh, she had heard him, but her mind was reeling with what he had just revealed. She blinked a few times as both of them stared at each other. Her heart started to pound frantically when he slowly moved forward.
Oh God, he’s going to kiss me.
“Stop me, Lilly. If you truly don’t feel the same way, then stop me.”
He sounded strangled, haggard. His mouth was an inch away from hers, his sweet breath brushing along her lips in a sensuous way. Even though she knew she shouldn’t do it because they were friends, lifelong ones at that, she couldn’t help the rush of emotions that filled her by Riley’s admission. She did love him, was so in love with him that her heart hurt with the pent-up emotions. Even though what they were about to do may not be right, she was helpless to stop it.