‘Why don’t you have a long distance relationship? Stephanie and Jason are staying together while he’s overseas and then—’
‘Long distance relationships just don’t work.’
‘Why not?’
‘You’ll understand in a few years.’ He shrugged and pulled out his phone.
Maybe he was right. But why was Jason okay with distance instead of taking a break and Peter wasn’t? Relationships were way too confusing. Staying single was best for me.
Day two: after breakfast, the beach was calling me again. The wind hadn’t picked up and from the balcony, the sun reflected off the sand, showing sure signs of the day being a scorcher. I slipped out the door before Mum could plaster me with sunscreen. This time I decided a jog before a swim would be more fun. That way I could check out the surfer boys further up the beach.
I took my time to jog a fair distance, concentrating on keeping my ankle from rolling, until my heart pounded and sweat dripped down my back. Then I paddled around in the ocean to cool off. There were some fine-looking boys out on boards. Possibly a little old for me, but none the less, they were enough to get me dreaming about the ‘one day when’ I’d meet Mr Wonderful.
I spread my towel out and pulled out my novel. The sun warmed my brain into a groggy haze, urging me to close my eyes. Soon after I drifted off, dreaming about my ‘one day when’ Mr Wonderful, who looked a lot like Mr Biceps but even more like Danny. He swept me off my feet and took me off into the sunset to live an incredibly wonderful, expansive and luxurious life.
‘Tabbie!’ Peter’s voice woke me. ‘Tabbie, you’ve been down here for hours.’
‘Oh ... must have fallen asleep.’
‘Your back,’ he gasped.
‘Is it bad?’ I didn’t need to ask. It stung as I rolled over.
‘You’ll need some aloe vera on that tonight.’
‘Ice, I think I need some ice right now.’ Major pain shot through my body every time I moved.
Mum and Dad told me off me as I walked into our apartment. That night, I tossed and turned, pulling the sheet up then throwing it off again. My skin must have been burned to the third degree. My clothes clung to all the sorest spots.
Day three: I asked Peter to turn the air conditioning on. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I had no intention to leave the apartment until my sunburn had calmed down.
After lunch, I was bored out of my brain and rang Stephanie. She still hadn’t told me whether or not she was going to move back to Sydney. I was sick of waiting and wondering what she was up to.
‘Look, do you want to move back or not?’ I probably could have at least spent some time on the niceties.
‘I thought you were going away this week?’
‘We are. I’m on the mobile, on the balcony overlooking the beach …’ A group of boys distracted me. ‘Just checking out the hot boys.’
‘Tabbie!’ She laughed like I’d said something completely off the ground hilarious.
‘So, tell me. Have you spoken to your parents yet?’ I gritted my teeth as the sun hit my burns and retreated back into the air-conditioning.
‘I did ask, but my timing was lousy—again!’ Stephanie said. ‘I’ll ask again this week—promise.’
Whatever, Steph. My brain heated up like it was sunburnt too. Maybe she didn’t want to move back. I’d just have to get over it. I guess I’d just pictured her back in Sydney and started expecting it to happen.
For the rest of the week, the unit became my hideaway. My back came up in blisters that stung when they burst, leaving patchy red and white skin. Not attractive. Definitely not what I’d choose to take into public with my pear-shaped body.
My mood was as fiery as my burns. All I wanted was a best friend I could rely on. Like the one I’d had since year seven, before the Stronges up and left town. A hot ‘one day when’ boyfriend. And a fit, healthy, toned, to-die-for body. Was that too much to ask for?
Peter bought me some magazines to flick through while my burns were settling down. They were filled with who was dating who in the land of Hollywood, where all the beautiful people lived. Yes, that’s where everyone starts beautiful and ends beautiful.
I closed my eyes, resting the magazine on my chest. Hollywood became my home and I had the hottest boyfriend, the hottest body and I was adored by all. I awoke with a vile acidic taste swirling in my mouth and reached for my water bottle.
I had to shake off the dream. Those pictures don’t portray the truth. We only see what the stars willingly reveal and what the media wants us to see. We don’t see them with third-degree burns, because they hide away just like I was hiding away. If I had a personal trainer, chef, and a glamour entourage, I’d look that good too.
Why was I attracted to good looks? My ‘one day when’ boyfriend had to have more going for him than just looks. Danny ... now, he had Mr Biceps’ looks but he was such a dork. Jason, Stephanie’s amazing boyfriend, was good looking—so she’d told me—yet she seemed to be a mess most of the time.
Where was the balance?
My sunburn had calmed by the end of our holiday and my mood had cooled as well.
I rang Stephanie. ‘Hey, sorry I was kind of cranky the other day.’
‘You don’t say.’
‘I got really sunburnt. Dumb, hey?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I really want you to move back to Sydney. This year has been pretty crappy without you around.’
Silence. She didn’t even breathe.
‘What, Steph?’
‘Nothing. Well, I haven’t heard from Jason or anything, and I guess I should move on. I just don’t want to.’ Her voice wavered. ‘I’m such a mess.’
‘Please talk to your parents about coming to live with us. Just see what they say.’
‘Okay,’ she whispered.
‘Hey, I hope you have a nice Christmas if I don’t speak to you before then.’
‘Sure.’
I returned to youth group after our beach holiday. It was fresh and new and even more exciting than when I was going before I stuffed my ankle.
The friends I had made through the youth group weren’t replacing Steph. They just filled a void. I still hoped for her return.
CHAPTER 15
‘I’m coming.’ Stephanie’s voice boomed through the phone.
‘What? Where?’ I asked. She hadn’t even said hello.
‘There, next week, if it’s still okay.’
‘Of course it is.’ My Christmas wish was about to come true. I hung up and tried to gather my spinning head. I hoped Mum and Dad would still be okay with Stephanie staying with us. It hadn’t come up in conversation for a while.
They were.
‘Do you think we could use your old doona cover for Steph? Would that be okay?’ Mum asked.
‘I don’t think Strawberry Shortcake would be right for her. She screws her face up when she comes into my room. She hates little girlie things. Remember, Steph is sophisticated and elegant. Can we buy some new things?’
‘Why not?’ Mum smiled, waving her hands in the air.
I could have jumped over the moon at Mum’s enthusiasm. She even seemed a little more relaxed while she had something to distract her from the fact that Peter was about to leave home.
The next day, Mum and I stood in the driveway and waved them off. Dad drove Peter’s rusty Datsun, loaded with CDs and clothes, ready to start uni in Melbourne. The plan was for Dad to stay until Peter was unpacked, check out some cricket and whatever other sport they could find, then fly back in a week or so.
Mum and I jumped head first into playing interior decorators. We searched the internet for ideas then traipsed from one interior design shop to another. We came up with a fresh, sleek look using shabby chic furniture with clean lines. Our approach was to create a minimalist yet warm room, so Stephanie would get nothing but excellent school results.
After we sorted out the room, I spent a few hours getting crafty. Using my primary school creative talent, I found ol
d paint, glitter and some streamers in the cupboard. The result was an attractive poster. I knew Steph would be more than embarrassed if I made a dodgy one. So she got the best. It looked almost professional. So much so, I wondered why I hadn’t taken art as a subject.
*~*~*~*
Mum and I stood a couple of metres back from the doorway in the arrivals lounge. People streamed past us. Mum held one side of the poster as we flapped it in the air. We laughed at the super prudish people who shook their heads at us.
Stephanie walked down the tunnel like she was on a cloud.
She cried.
I cheered.
The poster fell to the floor as I wrapped my arms around her. We happy danced while Mum picked up the poster.
‘I can’t believe you’re really here!’
‘I know, I know,’ Stephanie said as she kissed Mum on the cheek.
‘We’ve fixed up your room already. You’re going to love it!’ I said.
Stephanie’s smile wilted. Hmm, maybe she didn’t trust my decorating skills. Little did she know.
I climbed into the backseat with her and whispered, ‘Have you heard from Jason? Is he back?’
‘No.’ She stared straight through the front windscreen.
‘Maybe it’s for the best.’ I knew it was a lame comment. I wished I hadn’t said it.
Stephanie’s chin jutted forward, her focus unwavering.
I wanted to say, “Come on Steph, you’re here with your old friends now. You’ll be fine.” But instead, ‘You didn’t really think it would last forever, did you?’ spilled from my mouth.
‘Guess that’s what I was hoping.’
I had to help her move on. Quickly. And watch the words that jumped from my mouth.
‘Everyone is going to be so happy you’re back! School just hasn’t been the same.’
She mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out.
‘Did you get your classes sorted?’ I asked.
‘Yeah. I couldn’t get into all the subjects I wanted. Some were full. Are you going to get a part-time job this year?’
A job? I was talking about school. ‘Mum and Dad aren’t pushing me to get one. I’ll see how I go.’
‘When I was working over the holidays—I loved it. I’d rather work,’ she said.
‘No way, Steph. You’ve got to finish school and go to uni.’
‘What if I don’t want to go?’ Stephanie said. ‘I can’t think of anything I want to do that needs a degree.’
‘Or at least finish so you get some qualifications. You used to want to dance and perform and get your Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.’
‘I’ve changed. I told you I don’t want to dance anymore.’
‘I thought that was just because you were in Toowoomba.’
‘No. No more dancing.’
She had said it several times to me over the last year, but surely that would change now that she was back. I looked her up and down. It was like she was trying to be someone else. I knew all too well what chasing someone else’s dream looked like. I glanced at her. Had she become someone else?
‘I’m going to look for a job,’ Stephanie said in a low voice.
We drove the rest of the way in silence.
When we arrived home, I grabbed Stephanie by the hand and pulled her up the stairs to see her new room. She walked through slowly, looking over every detail before she pulled open the curtains. She turned, running her hand along the fresh doona and cushions before sitting in the new chair at her desk.
‘Thank you, Tabbie.’ Stephanie pushed herself out of the chair and hugged me with a little tremble. When we parted, tears were swelling in her eyes.
‘You’re so welcome, but I didn’t do it by myself. Mum helped. I kind of just pointed her in the right direction and helped put it in place.’
Stephanie dropped her handbag and luggage inside her room then demanded we go for a walk to our local shops. She found a dodgy shop-slash-café that was hiring part-time juniors. Her eagerness to jump at the opportunity to work a trial shift that night tripped me up. I’d assumed she’d want to get settled into school before she went off searching for work. But I was wrong.
‘Hey Mum, what’s for dinner?’ I was starving by the time we arrived home.
Mum smiled pointing to the chicken in the oven.
‘Mmm.’ Saliva gushed into my mouth. I could’ve eaten the roast then, but it wasn’t quite ready.
‘Where did you girls disappear to?’
‘Steph wants to work at some dodgy place down on Mainland Road.’
‘I’ve got a trial. Tonight.’ Stephanie glared at me. ‘And it’s not dodgy.’
‘Are you sure you want to work so early in the term?’ Mum lifted the saucepan lid and stirred the veggies. ‘You don’t really have to. We’re happy to cover any costs the government living away from home youth allowance doesn’t meet. Why don’t you settle into school and see how you go?’
‘I just want to see what it’s like. I won’t take the job if it’s horrible.’
‘Let me drive you, then. I don’t like the idea of you walking around on your own at night.’
*~*~*~*
I spent the night in my room, sorting through my desk to start the year fresh. I began to dream of having a job and all the new clothes I could buy. Maybe Stephanie had the right idea and I was wasting time.
The next day, the owner of the shop rang Stephanie. I waited nearby for her to hang up.
‘So, did you get the job?’
‘Yep.’ She began to walk away.
‘Did you get the hours you wanted?’ I asked.
‘More.’
‘More? Like?’ I pressed her.
‘Like ... twice what I hoped for.’
‘How are you going to manage school, working that many hours?’ I saw double as I dipped my eyebrows.
‘I told you, I’d rather work anyway. I hate school.’
‘Since when do you hate school? Didn’t you just hate the school in Toowoomba? Now that you’re back at Hill Top, that’ll all change. You’ll see.’
Her sarcastic smile could have set cement.
‘Hey, I’m going to youth group this Friday night. Want to come with me?’
‘No thanks. I’ll be working.’ Stephanie walked into the kitchen and turned the kettle on.
I followed. ‘Can’t you take the night off?’
‘I can’t ask for time off in my first week. Tea?’
‘Love one.’ I knew she was trying to distract me but I continued anyway. ‘What if you give them some notice? What about next week or the week after?’
‘They’d probably tell me to get another job if I try to take a Friday night off.’
‘That sounds like a great idea. There are heaps of other jobs available.’
‘Okay, okay. I’ll look for another job in a couple of weeks.’
I hoped she would. But I was beginning to see that I couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. But it was good to see a smidgen of her confidence return.
CHAPTER 16
School returned with a bang. Well as much of a bang as you’d expect in a private all-girls school. On the first day, we were given no grace. It was straight into assessments with due dates.
‘Don’t expect a free ride this year. If you want to get into uni, you’ll have to work your tails off,’ was the message from our welcome back assembly.
I had assignments for three subjects due way too close to ignore. So much more work than I wanted to do, but I couldn’t get out of it.
During the first few weeks, I couldn’t fathom how Steph kept up. She worked late nearly every night. I was already in bed when she got home, yet somehow she managed to get to school and be organised.
Just as I was finishing my homework, Steph ran in.
‘Tabbie, Tabbie, he’s back. Mum just told me Jason’s back.’
No way! He’s meant to be out of her life. ‘I thought you were moving on. He can’t neglect to call you for over two months and
expect you to hang around for him.’
‘He dropped by Mum and Dad’s yesterday and asked for my number.’ Stephanie bounced on my bed like a pre-schooler.
‘Steph, careful.’
‘Why?’
‘Just be careful. I don’t want to see you getting hurt.’ Like in the major tears and dark depression kind of way.
‘Jason wouldn’t ever hurt me. He’s just really bad at keeping in touch when he’s away. But now that he’s back—’
‘Steph, he’s in Toowoomba, and you’re here. Remember? Hometown, Sydney?’
‘I guess.’
Her face glazed over. I’d burst her bubble. My realistic comment had cut her deep. I wondered how I could smooth over the blow.
But there was still a little piece of nasty in me that almost delighted in seeing her miserable. Where on earth did it come from? I detested it. I did want her to be happy. Yet in all of her elegant and sophisticated beauty, she was a mess when it came to Jason. I left for youth group appalled at my own behaviour. I was nasty. Stephanie was hurting. It wasn’t something to delight over.
*~*~*~*
While engaged in reading my Biology text book, the phone snapped me out of a trance.
‘Hello.’
‘Hi, is Stephanie there?’ A male voice. Oh no, not Jason. I hoped it wasn’t.
‘She’s sleeping. Can I take a message?’ I smiled, trying to keep my voice pleasant but I knew a snarky tone had already slipped through the phone.
‘It’s Jason. Can you get her to ring me?’
‘Umm ...’ I could hear water running upstairs. Steph was up, but I didn’t want to let him know. The nasty Tabbie monster reared its face again.
‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll call her back later.’
'No rush,' I wanted to tell him. But all I said was, ‘Okay,’ before hanging up with a broad smile.
‘Jason just rang,’ I told her when she came downstairs.
‘Why didn’t you come and get me?’
‘Because you were in the shower. He can ring back. You’ve got to make him chase you after what he put you through.’
Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) Page 8