‘Sometimes I think dreams are just your subconscious working overtime. Sometimes they could have a deeper meaning.’
‘Do you think God could speak to us through our dreams?’
‘Maybe.’
CHAPTER 42
I threw the last of my toast into the bin and swapped my pyjamas for a T-shirt, shorts and runners. The solitude I found in the run was spent not alone, but with God. I asked him if there was any truth in my dreams. If there were signs about real life. I ran for miles and found myself outside Jason’s apartment building. I caught my breath mounting the stairs and was greeted at the door by Jason.
‘She’s not here,’ he told me.
He looked completely out of it. Not in the same way Janet looked when she was drinking. His eyes were streaked with red—I wondered if it was drugs.
‘Can you tell her I dropped by?’
‘Sure,’ he said, closing the door in my face.
I took the stairs two at a time and continued running. I prayed for Steph’s safety, I prayed that she would get out of the relationship with Jason. I didn’t trust him. I wished she would call me.
I returned home to have mum stop me on the way to the shower. ‘Hey love, I didn’t realise you’d be gone for so long. Danny rang about an hour ago and asked if he could drop by. I figured it would be okay with you, considering you went to his party last night. Is that okay?’
‘That’s fine.’ My heart tumbled a little. I am so over that crush!
I thought last night was the last time I would see him. He was probably just going to ask something about Anna. Taking a couple of deep breaths to calm myself, I ran the shower to cool my burning up face and wash my sweaty armpits.
‘Tabbie.’ I just caught Mum’s voice over the streaming water. ‘Danny’s here.’
Argh. Why did I start washing my hair? He wouldn’t hang round ’til I dried it. ‘Be out in a minute.’
I turned the water off, jumped out and saw some fluffy bubbles still in my hair. I tried to wipe them away with my towel but I still looked sudsy. So I jumped back in the shower to wash away the shampoo, and arrived downstairs two minutes later looking a little drippy.
‘Sorry,’ Danny smiled, looking towards my mother. ‘I didn’t mean to get you out of the shower.’
‘It’s okay, I just needed ...’ I stopped myself from blabbering. ‘What can I do for you?’
‘It’s just that, um ... you didn’t write your email address in my book, and … well, if you didn’t want to that’s fine but I’d like to write to you and email is quicker than snail mail but I understand if you don’t want to give me your email address. I have your home address anyway, but just tell me if you don’t want me to write.’ He shut his mouth and looked like the king of nervousness.
‘I can give you my email address.’ I looked around to where Mum was standing, but she’d disappeared. She must have left during Danny’s gibbering. I took the book he was holding and wrote in the back. ‘Anna’s pretty messed up that you’re leaving.’
‘Yeah.’ He scratched his head, sending hair over his left eye. ‘Have you got time for a coffee or anything?’
‘I’d better get back to studying, after taking last night off. I’ve still got a couple of exams.’
‘Of course you do. And I’d better get back to packing.’ He took steps towards the door.
I followed him. Should I hug him goodbye? No. If I did, I just might stay glued there for too long. Awkward. ‘Bye, then.’
‘See ya.’ He lingered for a moment and then ran out to what I guessed was his parents’ car. He beeped the horn and waved as he left.
A tear clung to my lashes before it dripped down my cheek. There was no way I was over my Danny crush. How could I be attracted like this to a friend’s possible boyfriend? I was glad to see him leave. I needed to focus on school. I needed to get good grades. Maybe the dream about a baby was confirmation to work toward getting a Social Science degree.
*~*~*~*
‘Can you believe he’s really going and I didn’t win him over?’ Anna stopped me on the way into school on Monday.
‘Well, yes, I can believe it. He’s chasing his dream. Something I’m about to do.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m going to focus on exams ...’I began to explain what I meant, but stopped.
Anna didn’t seem interested anyway. ‘Yeah, exams. He came to see me yesterday.’
‘Yeah?’ Is this where I tell her he came to see me too?
‘Prick.’
Ah ... probably not. ‘Why, what happened?’
‘He apologised for leading me on and said he probably wouldn’t get a chance to write.’
‘Oh. I’m sorry.’
‘Sure you are. I saw the way you were looking at him. You’ve got a huge crush, don’t you?’ She went to say something else, but let out a groan and stormed off.
My friendship with Anna was short-lived after all. She didn’t give me the time of day after that.
I flew through my last few exams and said goodbye to year ten, knowing I needed to see Steph. I continued to pray for her, sensing she wasn’t safe. Every day for the last week I’d sent text messages, mostly without reply.
After dumping my school bag at home, I caught the bus to Steph’s. It took forever to get there. It would have been quicker to walk.
As I got close to the staircase, the sight in front of me caused me to stumble. Each step I took was suspended in time. There in front of me, lying on the concrete, buckled and bleeding, was my best friend. I urged my legs to run to the base of the stairs. She looked lifeless. Sticky blood clumped in her hair while a slow trickle oozed out of the wound.
I fumbled to grab my phone and punched in 000. ‘I need help!’
The emergency operator took the address and said the ambulance wouldn’t be too long. I hoped she was right.
‘Steph? Steph! Can you hear me?’ There was no response. I lifted her arm and couldn’t find a pulse. I leant in close. The faintest whisper of breath swept across my cheek. ‘Steph, you’ll be okay.’ Tears blurred my vision. ‘Please, Lord, keep her alive!’ I screamed, then sat holding her hand until the siren bleared and paramedics took control.
‘Would you like to ride with us to the hospital or get your own way there?’
‘With you.’ I sat in the van, watching them work to keep Steph alive. It was like time froze as we sped through the city streets to the hospital. Please don’t let another friend die.
CHAPTER 43
‘Stephanie is still unconscious.’ A nurse met me in the waiting room. ‘You’re welcome to come in and see her for a while.’
I nodded, following the nurse to find Stephanie attached to tubes.
‘Hi, Steph.’ I tried to keep my voice bright but I doubted I’d fooled anyone. ‘It’s me, Tabbie. You’re going to be okay.’
Stephanie didn’t respond. The machines whirred and a digital line pulsed with her heart beat. That night I slept in the waiting room for a couple of hours then returned to her side.
Mum was with me, only leaving for a few hours to get some sleep at home. Stephanie showed no change. She was stuck in a coma. But I was thankful she was alive.
When Mum arrived the next morning and saw there was no change, she jingled her car keys, grabbing my attention. ‘Tabbie, why don’t you come home with me for a while? I’ll bring you back after you’ve had a sleep in your bed.’
‘No, I want to stay here. If she doesn’t wake up today, I’ll sleep at home tonight. But today I want to stay.’
I walked Mum to her car, then returned to Stephanie’s bedside. Her eyes fluttered a little. ‘Steph, I’m back. I just had to pop out for a few minutes.’
Stephanie blinked. I pressed her buzzer to call in the nurse in. ‘Steph, it’s me, Tabbie.’
‘Tabbie?’ She began to cry.
‘You must have fallen down the stairs.’ I grabbed her hand. ‘You’ve been unconscious for hours. I found you yesterday afternoon.’
She looked frightened. I hated seeing my best friend in such a state. ‘It’s okay, everything will be okay.’
Stephanie fell asleep again. She continued to drift in and out of consciousness.
‘The next few weeks will be hard,’ the nurse told me. ‘It’ll take a while for her body to detox from the drugs and alcohol.’
*~*~*~*
Over the next few weeks I spent a lot of time visiting and praying for my best friend. Steph moved into a rehab centre. And I found refuge at church.
‘Shelly, please pray for my friend, Steph.’
‘I’ll do better than just pray for her myself. Let’s put in a prayer request. Our intercessors would love to pray for your friend.’
‘Thank you.’ If faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, I sure hoped God could move for Stephanie.
Priscilla snuck up beside me. ‘Are you keen for a day at the beach?’
‘I’d love that.’
‘Great, we’ll pick you up in the morning at nine.’
I wasn’t ready when Shelly and Priscilla arrived. I was still in my pyjamas, sitting at the computer, reading an email for the hundredth time.
‘Come in.’ I heard Mum say. ‘She’s at the computer. You can go through.’
‘Caught!’ I laughed looking down. ‘In my PJs.’
‘No rush.’ Shelly smiled. ‘But sometime this morning would be good.’
‘I’ll go and get changed.’
‘Hey, how’s Stephanie going?’ she called after me.
‘She’s going to be okay now. I just know she will.’ I ran upstairs, got changed in a flash and returned, to find Priscilla was now also waiting in my lounge room.
‘Everything else okay?’ Priscilla asked.
‘I got the craziest email this morning. I’ll tell you all about it on the way.’
CHAPTER 44
When I had woken that morning, the first thing I did was check my email. Not something I usually did, so I don’t know what I was expecting or hoping for. But when a message came through from Danny, a smile ignited my face and my eyes were glued to the screen. I hit print as I read the email over and over. I couldn’t wait to show it to Steph tomorrow.
Dear Tabbie,
I hope you did well in your exams. I did way better than I expected in mine. I’m looking forward to stretching year twelve over two years. But now that I’m here, I can’t imagine leaving. I’m already thinking about staying longer.
I have a confession. Truth is, I’m in love with you and had to run away from the country to control myself. I wanted so badly to start dating you right now but I had a feeling it would lead us down a path that we both aren’t quite ready for.
I’m sorry I completely lost my voice that first time I met you. All I can say is … it must have been love at first sight. You were amazing the way you looked after everyone who was drinking and out of control. Anything could have happened to Janet, but you were there to look after her.
Then when I saw you at the pool ... again, I couldn’t speak. All I could do was gawk at you like a complete knob. When you fell, I wanted to dive in and save you, but you’re so capable and elegant in everything you do, you didn’t need me to fish you out.
The way you brought your friends with you to youth group when you started coming, you seemed to really care about them. And the way you took them home when they weren’t having fun. I was praying that they’d want to come back so you would find it easier to stay, but you kept coming anyway and I wanted to congratulate you for your courage. It’s not easy coming into a bunch of high school kids and not knowing anyone. And then when you started coming to the beach, it was almost enough to admire you from a distance until we were both old enough to date without rushing into some crazy teenage romance.
Your beauty far surpasses anyone else I’ve ever seen. You don’t seem to know that you are beautiful and that makes you even more attractive.
The way you set up the movie date for Suzie and Joey was completely out of this world. I’ve never known anyone to do so many selfless acts for their friends. At that movie night, I nearly said something, but I was sure you still saw me as that complete knob.
And then at the funeral you took the time to think of Joey and got him to call me. I can’t imagine the grief you would have been dealing with yourself.
I thought you had absolutely no interest in me when you went out with Rhett. I’m so sorry you went through with that date. After he told me what happened, I wanted punch his lights out. I hope you shoved him really hard. I told him to never go near you again.
The day you came to the beach with your sprained ankle gave me a chance to do something for you, just like you are always going out of your way to help others. But when I picked you up, the surge that went through my body was almost too much. It was good the water was cold that day—I sure needed it to cool off.
I guess I didn’t get it right with Anna. She didn’t seem to get the message. I tried to push her away, but the more I said no, the more she seemed to think I’d change my mind. The one thing I didn’t mind about Anna hanging around was that I could see more of you.
I know I’ve got an ocean of courage between us, and I don’t know how much longer I would have held out if I was still in the country. I also know you may very well reject me, but I’m hoping you might think about it.
All I am asking is that we get to know each other a little more over email or maybe even Skype. And we can see where it leads.
Yours
Danny.
EPILOGUE
‘I don’t know, love.’
‘Yes, Mum. I know I’d be taking a risk, but Steph is worth it. She’s tried so hard the last few months to get her life back in order but she just needs someone to walk with her for a while.’
‘Has she asked you to move in?’
‘No.’
‘But what about school.’
‘Mum, now you are just repeating yourself. I’m nearly eighteen—’
‘Not for another year and a half,’ Francine said.
‘It’s just over a year away now.’ I’d counted. ‘I could move out without your blessing, but I’d rather not.’
‘What do you think ... Tom?’
I looked from Mum to Dad. I could just move out, but I’d never gone against them before.
‘I know you’re always wanting to help your friends, but don’t you think this is going to the extreme?’ Dad asked.
‘No, she needs someone. Her parents seem to be happy to let her drift, but I know she can get past this.’
‘It’s barely been a month,’ Mum said.
‘Yeah, two months of grief, rehab, and addiction counselling.’ I knew Steph still had a long way to go. ‘She needs some support.’
‘We’ve asked her to move back here.’ Dad scratched his head. ‘Why move in with her?’
‘She won’t move here, especially not with her extra baggage. She feels really bad about how she treated everyone.’
‘You really want to move out of home?’
‘Yes.’
‘Guess we can’t really stop you.’ Dad wrapped his arms around me. ‘You have to remember, while you’re such a caring best friend, you mustn’t let your friends take over and stop you from living your life.’
‘That’s right love.’ Mum rubbed my back. ‘And if you ever need to come and stay a couple of nights to study, please tell us you’ll come home.’
‘I will. Thanks, Mum.’ I hugged them both at the same time. ‘Thanks, Dad.’
Aussie Terms
Blinkers – what horses wear to stop seeing behind and to the sides
Chooks – chickens
Dobbed her in – tell on someone ... tattletale.
Doona – duvet bed cover
Eisteddfod – competition of a particular performance dance or musical.
Incy - tiny
Maths – is what Australians shorten mathematics to.
Red frogs – candy or jelly lolly in the shape of a frog that is
red. It’s also the name of an awesome organisation who are present at school leavers week (Schoolies) and university parties.
Servo – service station where you buy fuel
Vegemite – a dark coloured salty brewer’s yeast spread similar to Marmite
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Thank you…
To my daughters, my son and my husband – you bring joy and laughter into everyday, I am so thankful we are family.
I am also thankful to my parents who first recognised my gift for writing back in my early primary years when I chose to write dialogue for my spelling sentences.
Thank you to Roald Dahl who ignited my passion for reading.
A huge thank-you to all of my critique partners and beta readers - some who stayed with me right through the novel and some who helped me with just a few pages - you are all appreciated, and I am scared if I start naming you that I would miss one.
I mustn’t forget my local cheer squad and my online friends, your support is welcomed and appreciated and I hope to meet you all in real life one day!
And above all I am thankful to my creator, the giver of life, the one who showers me with crazy favour and ridiculous grace.
Cause…
I am passionate about seeing girls and women pick up the pieces and move forward in life after major upheaval and one of my favourite local organisations that help to facilitate this is the Soul Centre. A portion of sales from Spiralling Out Of The Shadow will go towards providing programs for women and girls on the Gold Coast.
Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) Page 22