by Radclyffe
The fog had started to burn off when we pulled up to the little coffee shop across from the pier in the beach town.
“You sure the coffee here’s fit to drink?” I asked as I held the door open for her.
“You wanted coffee at the beach. Our choices are limited.”
We sat sipping our coffee and catching up on our lives. We talked about some of the houses I’d renovated in Seattle. She seemed surprised that I owned my own company and had for five years. She had moved back to town so Tawny could grow up in a small community. She was also painting full time, and the Central Coast of California was the perfect backdrop for a landscape artist.
“So you’ve raised Tawny all by yourself?” I asked.
“Yep. It’s been just the two of us.”
“You never met anyone else, then?”
“Oh, I’ve dated a few women. But none of them seemed special enough to disrupt Tawny’s life over.”
I nodded.
“And you, Remy? Surely some woman got her hooks into you.”
I shrugged. “I’ve been too focused on building my company. I haven’t really had time for a relationship.”
It was so easy to talk to her, so comfortable. Two hours later, the fog was completely gone and the weather was perfect for the beach—low seventies with a slight breeze.
“How about a walk on the pier?” I asked.
Her response was dead silence and again I wondered if I’d crossed a line. The end of the pier was where we’d shared our first kiss so many years before.
“Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, no. It’s okay. I’m being ridiculous, I know.”
“No, you’re not,” I said, instinctively reaching for her hand. “I don’t mean to bring up painful memories.”
She pulled her hand away, her eyes shimmering with tears. “The memories of the pier aren’t painful, Remy.”
I didn’t say anything at first. Thoughts were racing in my head—could it be that she remembered our time together fondly? Did she ever think about me? About us? What would have happened if we’d stayed together? But I knew the answer to the last question. I was too heavily into partying when we’d been together. I was too immature to be a partner, much less a parent.
“How ’bout we just head back?” I asked, standing.
“No. Come on. Let’s walk the pier.”
We walked silently, each lost in our own thoughts. I was having serious fantasies, wishing I could be with Willow again, but I had no idea what she was thinking. Until we reached the end.
“You’ve grown up,” she said matter-of-factly.
I just stared at her.
She turned and looked out over the water. “When we were together, all I ever wanted was for you to grow up.”
The urge to touch her was overwhelming. I slid my hands into my pockets for safety. “And now?”
She moved closer to me and ran her hand over my jaw. Her touch, so new yet so familiar, seared. “And now you’re all grown up and responsible and mature.” Her hand dropped. “And you live a million miles away.”
“But I’m here now, Willow. I’m right here right now.”
“I have a life, Remy. A life without you. A lonely life, but it’s a life. And here you are being everything I want in a partner, and I can’t have you.”
I placed my finger under her chin and tilted her face so I could look into her eyes. “Why shut me out? Why not explore these feelings? We’re both feeling it. Let’s see where this goes. Okay?”
Her eyes searched mine. “You can’t be feeling what I feel.”
“Oh, yes, I can. That and more,” I said before lowering my mouth to hers. Our lips barely met, we were both so tentative. But the sparks from that brief passing heated me from head to toe. When the kiss ended, I rested my forehead on her shoulder.
“Please, Willow. Don’t deny this. Don’t walk away without seeing where it takes us.”
“You’re right,” she said, taking my hand and leading me back to the car.
We kissed again, this time allowing our passion to flare. We were both breathless when the kiss ended. We drove back to the farmhouse in silence again, but this time, it was silent anticipation. Our fingers intertwined, but our thoughts were our own.
Just before we got there, Willow spoke. “We’re doing the right thing, aren’t we?”
“Nothing has ever been so right, baby.”
When we got to the farmhouse, we were like two nervous kids on a first date.
“Can I get you something to drink?” she asked.
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” I mustered up enough nerve to take her in my arms again.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m as nervous as a virgin on her wedding night.” She smiled. “I’m not even sure I remember how to do this.”
“We can go slowly,” I said before I claimed her mouth. It wasn’t long before the passion flared again, and our kiss intensified.
She finally broke the kiss and led me to her bedroom. I looked at her queen-size sleigh bed and imagined sleeping there every night, waking up with her every morning. I drew her to me again and unbuttoned her sweater while I nibbled her neck.
Her bare skin quivered at my touch. As I kissed downward, I felt her body tremble. Concerned, I stood upright and pulled her tightly against me. The feel of her hardened nipples poking me through my T-shirt threatened to cloud my judgment, but I contained myself and simply held her.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She nodded and whispered, “Never better.”
I gently laid her on the bed and lowered myself next to her. I kissed her neck and sucked her earlobe while my hand teased her body. I itched to close my hand over a breast, but I needed to know she was ready. Her hand soon covered mine and guided me over to a waiting breast. She rolled me on top of her and our bodies melded as one. Our mouths fit together perfectly, tongues dancing together, lips hungrily devouring each other.
Soon our hands were roaming all over each other’s bodies. In a tangle of arms and legs, we managed to get our clothes off, and finally we lay skin to skin. I was in awe of Willow’s beauty. She was even more beautiful than she had been all those years earlier. I couldn’t get enough of her. I touched, kissed, licked, and drank of every inch of her.
I was insatiable, as was she. The more I gave, the more she wanted. The more she wanted, the more I gave. I needed to meet her every need. I wanted to fill her up and leave her wanting more.
We made love until we were both completely spent. We lay, limbs entwined, relishing the simple pleasure of togetherness. I kissed her shoulder.
“I’ve missed you, baby.”
“I’ve missed you, too. I just didn’t realize how much.”
“Life’s not the same without you. It never has been.”
“So now what?”
I propped myself up on an elbow and looked at her. I used my free hand to trace her body anew. “Now what, what?”
I saw fear in her eyes. “You know what I mean. You leave here and that’s it?”
“No. No, no, no, no, no.” I kissed her. “It’s not like that. Besides, I’m not going back to Seattle anytime soon. Even after Mother passes, I’ll be in town helping to get her affairs in order.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to spend time with me while you’re here?”
“Yes. I will. If you want me to.”
“I want you to so much it hurts.”
“Okay. So it’s decided. And who knows? I’m sure there are houses around here that need renovation, too, right?”
“Do you mean that?”
“Like I’ve never meant anything before.”
I moved on top of her, needing to rediscover everything I once believed I’d lost for good.
Toluca #9 - Lisa Girolami
LISA GIROLAMI has been in the entertainment industry since 1979. She holds a BA in Fine Art and an MS in Psychology. Previous
jobs include ten years as production executive in the motion picture industry and another two decades producing and designing theme parks for Disney and Universal Studios. After six years as the director of creative development for a firm in Los Angeles, she has returned to Disney as a senior show producer. She’s also a counselor at a mental health facility in Garden Grove. She also has two romance novels, Love on Location and Run to Me, both with Bold Strokes Books. She currently lives in Long Beach, California.
Toluca #9
Lisa Girolami
With one last heave, Sarah hoisted the crate of CDs up against her chest and started up the poolside stairs of the Toluca apartments, her new and unexplored residence in North Hollywood, California. A few children splashing in the pool and enjoying the summer sun displayed mild interest in her efforts as she hooked the screen door of apartment number nine with her foot and flung it open.
Sarah carefully stepped over the boxes that held the few meager belongings she had brought from a houseful back home. After setting the crate down next to five other crates of CDs, she picked up the small television from the floor. She placed it on one of the boxes, plugged it in, and turned it on. Since she’d left a week before, she’d felt the anxious ambience of her solitary life. In the motel rooms across the States, on her way toward her new life in California, she’d kept the televisions on to help cut through the stillness.
She checked the refrigerator. It was as empty as a desert well. Dense brain, she thought, who did you think would have stocked it? There was no girlfriend anymore. No roommates. This was it, pal. A one-bedroom apartment for one person. She raised her hand to her chest to quell the aching clutch that lodged there. It was the same clutch that had followed her out to California.
With a heavy sigh, she looked over at the paperwork that her new employer had sent. It needed to be filled out before she started her job on Monday, but as she listened to the sounds coming from the pool outside, she decided that for the moment, her stomach was more important than anything else. She scooped up her keys and went out the door to scout her neighborhood for grocery stores.
*
“She’s cute.” Judy adjusted the top of her blue knit bikini.
“She certainly is.” Shayna sipped her soda.
“Who’s cute?” Caitlin joined her two friends and laid her towel out on the chaise closest to the pool.
“Toluca number nine.” Shayna motioned toward the apartments on the other side of the pool. “She just left.”
Judy gestured toward the street. “We’ve been watching her carry boxes upstairs. Got to be from out of state.”
“Cut-off denim shorts.” Shayna nodded, confirming Judy’s suspicion. “And I think she’s single.”
Caitlin laughed. “All that from a few trips between the street and her apartment?”
Judy dramatically adjusted her sunglasses. “I’m a practiced observer of human nature.”
Shayna leaned over and kissed Judy. “Yes, you are, baby.”
“And I think she’d be just right for you, Cait.”
“What makes you think that?”
“She’s cute…”
“You already said that.”
“And there hasn’t been anyone that’s piqued your interest in a long time.”
Caitlin harrumphed. “There’s a difference between my interest being piqued and actually wanting any piquing.”
Judy and Shayna stared at her.
Caitlin grabbed the suntan lotion a little too forcefully and splurped coconut SPF 8 everywhere. “I just want to enjoy my summer without any drama.”
Shayna shook her head, “Girl, you said that all through last spring and last winter, too.”
*
Sarah arrived back just before dusk. With an armful of grocery bags, she walked between her apartment and the Vineyard apartment next door. The Toluca and the Vineyard were two-story, ten-unit mirror images of each other. Facing inward, they shared a garden-encircled swimming pool. The same two women who were there when she left still sat in chaise chairs on the Vineyard side. They cuddled cozily and Sarah grinned a little shyly.
She made her way around potted plants, trying to see around her bags when, from the deep end of the pool, a cheerful voice called hello. Sarah shifted her bags to see a blond-haired woman lounging in the water. Her arms were crossed, resting on the edge of the pool.
“Hi.” Sarah smiled, noticing that crystal drops of water dotted the woman’s freckled shoulders.
“You’re the new neighbor?”
Sarah nodded. “Drove in this afternoon.” She held out her bags. “The cupboard was bare.”
“Welcome! Where are you from?”
“Texas.”
“I heard it’s beautiful there.” The blonde smiled up at her.
A voice from across the pool broke in. “Why don’t you put those groceries away and come back and enjoy this incredible weather?”
“Those are my friends. And neighbors,” the woman in the pool said.
Sarah hesitated, suddenly feeling dreadfully shy, and fumbled for a response. “Thanks, but I’ve got some work to do before Monday.”
“I’m Caitlin Hill, by the way.” Caitlin held up a hand in a pleasant wave and then crooked her thumb behind her. “I’m in Vineyard number two.”
“Sarah Cavanaugh. Toluca number nine.” A sudden rush zipped up her spine. What a gorgeous woman she was! She smiled again and turned to walk away, suddenly feeling excited and lonely at the same time.
*
Caitlin watched Sarah climb the stairs. Sarah was shorter than she was. And a little thinner. The curls of her brown hair framed a face that was more natural and pretty than she was used to seeing at the bars in L.A. Just before Sarah disappeared into her apartment, she turned and looked right at Caitlin and smiled widely. Caitlin waved again, delightfully intrigued by the new neighbor. Having caught her infectious smile, Caitlin swam over to Judy and Shayna, who had been watching the encounter.
“We told you she was cute,” Judy said.
“And single, I bet,” Shayna added. “Didn’t have many boxes. Her ex must have taken her for everything she had.”
Caitlin laughed but had to disagree. She was more than cute. She was beautiful.
*
Sarah got up early the next morning and unpacked her boxes. She set up her laptop and then took a mental inventory of the apartment. The kitchen was stocked with food and the bathroom had the essential toiletries. Except for a single futon, she didn’t have any furniture, nor did she have extra sets of sheets, but she’d take care of those things once she got her first paycheck.
The Sunday morning sun brazenly beckoned Sarah as it blared through her blinds. It was just after eleven, so she decided to reward herself with a break. She changed into her swimsuit, grabbed her only towel, and headed down to the pool.
There were a few kids in the pool and some adults lying around the perimeter. Caitlin and her friends were not there, though, which produced a slight lump in her throat. Pondering the silliness of the feeling, Sarah settled into a chaise lounge by the deep end. She lay in the sun for an hour, feeling the warmth seep down into her bones. The suntan lotion she’d applied had worn off as she’d turned over and back a few times, so she decided to take a dip before reapplying.
The water instantly cooled her down when she dove in. She ran her hands along the bottom, feeling the cement’s roughness before pushing herself back up. Breaking the surface, she immediately felt the sun’s heat again and reveled in it. She could get used to this.
“Hey, Toluca number nine!” Sarah heard someone call as she was getting out of the pool.
Caitlin’s two friends had arrived and were setting their towels down. “I’m Judy and this is Shayna,” the taller one called from the other side. “Vineyard number seven.”
“Sarah,” she called back, over the splashing of some kids.
“Barbeque at eight. Right here.” Judy indicated the pool. “Wanna come?”
She did. “Sur
e! What shall I bring?”
“Just a beverage and you. We have everything else.” Judy and Shayna waved and then settled into their lounge chairs.
Sarah applied more lotion and lay back to soak up the early afternoon sun, happy for the first time in months.
*
Just after eight, Sarah moved her blinds aside and peered down at the pool. She counted about twenty or thirty women, some sitting in lounge chairs, others standing by three BBQs or sitting at the edge of the pool.
Nervous and excited about attending her first California party, Sarah took a deep breath. “Here you go.”
Clutching her can of beer, she mingled with the crowd. Though she didn’t know anyone, she was happy to be around what looked to be an all-lesbian party.
“That’s quite a spectacular smile,” a voice behind her said.
Sarah turned. “Caitlin! Hello!” She was thrilled that her first new California friend had come over to greet her.
“The smile?” Caitlin pressed with a warm smile of her own.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been around this many women.”
“Yeah.” Caitlin’s expression grew somber. “I said the same thing when I was released from prison.”
Sarah felt her throat clutch. “Prison?”
Caitlin laughed and then looked around the pool speculatively. “No. I was just joking. Although I can’t vouch for absolutely everyone here at this party.”
Sarah was amused, liking Caitlin’s humor. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You look hungry. May I show you over to the barbeques?”
“That’d be great.”
“What brings you here to the Toluca apartments, Sarah?” Caitlin asked when they sat down on the steps of the Vineland apartments overlooking the pool and party, just far enough away that the music would not impede their conversation.