by Hart, Alana
"If you keep bring Aaron everywhere, you're work will suffer. Where's his father? He should bare some of the burden.”
Hilda felt her face blanch., Charles had never mentioned Aaron's father before, and he'd never referred to Aaron as a burden. Hilda wrested her should free. "I'm not sure if Aaron's father's whereabouts should be any concern of yours. And wherever I go, Aaron comes with me.”
Seeing the stern looking in Hilda's eyes, Charles began to stutter an apology. However, Hilda's phone rang.
As she walked away, relief washed over Hilda that a call interrupted a quarrel that might have turned nasty. Tension had seized her body, and as she walked away her frayed nerves began to subside. Peering down at the phone, she was excited to see Melanie's number. She stopped in her tracks. It was not Mel.
Mother.
The well of anxiety began to build as she prepared herself for the commanding voice that was soon to take refuge in her ear. If Charles didn't respect her decisions as a mother or an independent woman, her mother raised the bar when it came to criticisms.
Hilda answered, her hand already shaking.
"How you managed something so careless, I'll never know."
Now Hilda was positively trembling. Feeling relief at getting away from Charles only to be caught by her mom was like seeing the light at the end of a tunnel only to have it be an oncoming train. Hilda's mother always threw a monkey wrench into the mix and brought devastating results.
"Mother, Aaron is safe with--"
"Oh please, Hilda, you're all up on your high horse with your Christian crusade, but should things require an ounce of truth, you tell me lies. Aaron is only safe with family, Hilda. Those that are capable, mind you, and since I seem to be the only one who fits the description, Aaron should be with me."
Hilda quickly sat down. Luckily she had found a remote area of the airport. As soon as she sat, all strength left her legs. She almost folded forward as if someone had delivered a blow to her stomach, which pressed intensely. Taking deep breaths, she consciously had to steady her hand that held the cell.
"Mom, it was the spur of the moment. Mel asked to keep him for the week and drop him off with you. We didn't think--”
"Oh, you are correct about that – you didn't think. When you speak to that friend of yours, you can tell her you made a mistake, a grave, grave mistake, by going behind your mother's back and do things your way." Hilda's mom spat out the words.
Hilda understood what her mother alluded to since subtlety was never a weapon she yielded. Nevertheless, Hilda couldn't help but feel ashamed for her past actions.
"Mom, Aaron likes visiting Mel and Scott, you'll get to see him."
There was a dreaded silence.
"Mother, please. I've got to go, but we can talk once you get to Guatemala. Okay?"
"You use me as if I were a delivery service. The only reason he is coming to see me is because you could not find anyone else. If he hadn't had to take his vacation late, you would not have even picked up your phone now."
Hilda strived for calm, and she rubbed her sweaty Palm on her jeans.
"That's not true, Mom."
"All you care about is spreading the gospel and save the world. What about me, huh?"
Hilda winced at the tone in her mother's voice. Before giving birth to Aaron, emotional manipulation was a tactic Hilda's mother used to control her.
"You're going to keep running away from your responsibilities, keep gallivanting around the globe when you have a life to sort out here?"
"I'm not running away from problems."
"You're going to be a secretary all your life? With all the money I invested for you to go to Washington University?" Her voiced clogged with repressed frustration. "And look at what happened? You did the most unChristian thing, embarrassed me, and now you want to save the world. Your father wanted the best for you before he passed and I'm just trying to do it, alone."
"Yes, Mom, I've made mistakes and God has forgiven me, can't you? You can't make every decision for me. This is what the Lord has called me to do." Hilda quelled the emotion in her voice. It's what her mother would have wanted. If she became upset with her mother, the commandment to honor thy parents would have been used, and it was the only time her mother mentioned the bible anymore.
"How dare you just throw your life away for some hopeless cause and expect me to be done with it? And don't sass me."
Hilda's heart pounded with anger.
"I try hard mom. I have a job. I'll make my own way, even if I did drop out of Washington."
"If you've chosen to live a life of mediocrity and resigned yourself to try your hardest to earn minimum wage, then that's just fine. However, my grandson should not have to suffer because of your grand delusions at martyrdom."
"Mother."
"I have tried so hard with you. I don't want my grandson going the same way."
"Mom, that's not fair."
"Hilda. What's not fair is that I put some much into you and this is all you've amounted to – a nomad, a drifter who hasn't made her place in the world at 25."
"Mother—”
"I'm going now, Hilda."
"Mom."
"Goodbye."
The line went dead. Tears rose in Hilda's eyes, but she refused to let them fall, refused to weaken. Hilda knew if she allowed her mother to get to her, she would lose all fight and give up on her dreams. She wanted Aaron to be proud of her. She had so much promise growing up, the top in every class, from ballet to music, admired for her beauty and her hardworking attitude that eased her along. But a single decision, a momentary lapse of judgment and she lost everything. Even so, God had blessed her with a bright, beautiful, and healthy boy. She couldn't ask for anything else. Could she?
Hilda made the call again.
The volume of noise grew around her as she heard Charles and the team nearby. They were here now. She knew she had to tolerate the noise if she got through to Melanie, and though she heard the chatter about her, it was not loud.
She had been calling all afternoon. This time the cell connected to the out of breath sound of Melanie answering the phone.
Knowing what Melanie must have been going through, Hilda ignored the open wounds left by her mother and focused on her friend.
"Mel, are you alright, you sound tired."
"I am and I've just had a nap. Sorry I missed your calls, Scott was must have taken it to call a friend. And when I'm asleep I never hear the downstairs one.”
“How are you?”
“Shattered and aching.”
"How's Aaron?"
"Oh, Aaron's great, he's been playing in the garden with Scott and Zakky, they've been out there for the past half hour."
Hilda smiled and she felt her shoulders fall slack. She didn't realize how charged up she was about Aaron's absence until that moment. So Aaron was having fun. The moment Aaron spotted Zakky, he run to the dog and hugged it. Zakky, a German Shepard, was very careful around Aaron. Now doubt a large part of Aaron having a good time was due to Zakky.
"I was so worried/ When I called and couldn't get an answer."
"We waited because you said you'd call at one. When you didn't, guess who volunteered to wait indoors for you to call?"
"Aww, Mel." Hilda appreciated Melanie's efforts and understood only too well how hard it was for her. "I'm sorry, I know it's hard."
"I'm the one who is sorry. I should have taken Scott's cell. Mine still hasn't arrived."
"Don't be silly, I'm just glad to hear that Aaron is having a good time."
"He's an energetic little guy, he's running poor Scott ragged." Melanie managed a laugh.
Hilda's mood lightened at the sound of her friend laughing. Not everything had to be looked at as serious and demanding, even if they were tough. And she never got the feeling of being judged by Melanie or Scott. When she felt that a child outside of wedlock would make it impossible to return to the grace of God, Melanie and Scott took every opportunity to reach out to her with the gos
pel and the love of Christ. As much as they loved Aaron, he loved their company. She knew they would make great parents.
"Is Aaron within earshot?" Hilda said.
"Scott's probably fixing Aaron a snack." Melanie called out to Scott.
Hilda heard Scott's deep voice followed by an excited high-pitched shout that put merriment in her heart.
"Hi, Mommy!"
Hilda gasped for air, and the tears she held back earlier now fell.
"Babykins, having fun?"
"Yes, Mommy. I bathed Zakky."
"Oh, wow, well done. How is Scott?"
"Eh, he's slow. He can never catch me." Aaron sounded proud of himself.
"Really?" Hilda didn't have to see Aaron to know how his face was lit with joy.
"Yes. He is a slow poke. I have to run slow sometimes." Aaron whispered the last words. Hilda was sure whoever stood in the room shared their secret.
"You are such a good boy."
"And we're having cupcakes."
Hilda could see his curls bobbing whenever he jumped happily.
"And make sure you eat all of your dinner, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy."
"I'll see you in a week. Be good to Scott and Melanie. Next week they are dropping you off at Grannie's."
"Grannie makes me eat vegetables all the time."
"Thats because she loves you very much." Hilda smiled.
"Now be good, Babykins, and see you soon."
"Bye Mommy, I love you."
"I love you too, Sweetie.”
Hilda's heart fluttered at the sound of her son's feet running off.
"How're things with you, everything going okay?" Melanie asked.
"Charles, Mom, leadership difficulties." Hilda sighed, realizing lately that she only seemed to talk about her woes to Melanie. She experienced a tinge of guilt.
"The usual, then."
"It's hard to be respected as a woman and a single mom."
"Keep praying for strength. God will comfort you." Melanie always stayed positive.
"I know. Listen, I've got to get back to the team or I'll call you once we land."
"And don't worry about Aaron he's..." Melanie began. "Who am I kidding; it's your job to worry, I guess. But rest assured God is watching over him, just as he is watching over all of us. Okay?"
"It makes me feel much better to hear it said every now and then." Hilda said. "If there's anything, make sure you call immediately."
God provided her with the courage to undertake mission trips and opened the door for her to participate in short term trips despite the cost. Yes, her weakness had been preyed upon, and as a consequence, fears and doubts plagued her.
"Just go and help whoever you can through Christ. We really admire you, Hilda."
Hilda thanked Melanie for her warm words. She ended the call feeling stronger and more confident about her direction. Hilda stood up in a better mood, and turned the corner only to collide with a brick wall. Hilda looked up and was startled to see Aaron's eyes.
The eyes were definitely Aaron's eyes only darker... older... and serious. The eyes of a soldier.
She dropped her phone to clasp a hand to her mouth.
Her shame. The very thing she was running from, hiding from, had found her. The fight, her strength and resolve, all escaped in a single gasp. Hilda's phone slipped from her hand. She quickly went to pick it up. Believing if she looked away, he'd disappear, likely a projection of her wild imagination. As she rose from picking up the phone, he was still there. The man who she fell for six years ago, whose bed she chose over her faith in Christ, her temptation to backslide. He never wanted marriage, Christianity or even fatherhood, he said he just wanted her. This had overwhelmed her, she was young and not fully aware of the dangers of lust.
After six years, why here? Why now? She took her Christianity seriously, even though he was a Christian and raised in a Christian household. Back then, she only wanted to impress him, and she had hidden her joy for Christ away from him.
"Hey Red. I almost didn't recognize you." His eyes were dazzled as he watched her, as if he couldn't believe that she was real.
His hair was short at the sides with scruffy curls on top. He wore a tank top and had the same athletic build that she remembered. The combat trousers, large backpack, and army boots didn't escape her attention. He and Scott were in the army back then. Apparently, he was still a soldier.
Hilda didn't meet his eyes. She tried to look around for an exit. The mission team, Charles, her mother, they were all erased from her concerns. All she could do was think about Aaron. She needed to get to him. Seeing Nathan here frazzled her nerve endings with panic.
Red. He always called her Red. Hilda shut it out.
"I couldn't believe my eyes. I still can't. What are you doing here?"
Hilda retreated, but when her back met the solid wall, she knew she was trapped.
He stepped closer.
"All these years, I've thought about you. After we--”
Hilda flinched, folding her arms to her stomach, she turned away.
"Why did you up and leave?"
The question was stab to the gut. The life he suggested for them six years ago was not the one she wanted to live. He was a dominant personality and he would have left her without a moment's hesitation, should she have gone against him.
She clenched her jaw. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. Relax, she told herself, I am not the person from six years ago.
"It's been a long time, Nathan." She fought for calm. For composure. For patience. But she couldn't help latching onto him with an intense glare.
In response, Nathan leveled her with his dark eyes, making it obvious her indifference displeased him.
"Really Hilda? After all this time that's all you've got? I didn't know what happened to you, I was worried out of my mind. And now with you acting like leaving the way you did is not a big deal? It wasn't some little one night stand."
Hilda began to shudder. Her folded arms flapped and her knees knocked. She fought hard for composure. Astounded by seeing him here and him dredging up the past overwhelmed her. Terrified she might fall over, she managed to keep her balance by pressing a palm to the wall, despite the fact that panic, worry, and angst raged within her.
Beginning to speak, it proved too difficult to continue looking into his narrow eyes. So she focused on the hand pressed to the wall – it had turned a red with a bluish cast.
"You made it clear that you never wanted to accept Christ, that you were just a Christian because of your family. Running away with you was a ridiculous idea. I just figured there was no future for us."
"We were under a lot of pressure from our families at the time. I wanted to be the type of man who could take charge and make decisions. I never though you'd just up and leave after one night."
Pain pulsed at the back of her mind. A plethora of guilt, frustration, and disbelief swelled her thoughts. She placed a hand on her stomach, a sickly heat filled the air, it become agonizingly difficult for her not to run.
"I left because I was a Christian, I didn't want the life you wanted. That night was my first time, I never had the courage to tell you that I did prefer marriage, that I did enjoy being a Christian. If you weren't going to wait, then there should have been no 'us'. I feared bringing a..." Hilda halted and shook her head.
"What are you saying that--”
"Excuse me." A voice from behind Nathan exclaimed.
Both Hilda and Nathan turned.
Hilda became flooded with relief when she saw Charles. He stood chest out, chin up, and stared directly at Nathan, who looked toward him.
"I don't meant to interrupt. The team is ready and waiting Hilda." Charles did not take his eyes off Nathan. "And who might you be, Sir?"
Nathan stood towering over Charles.
Then he did something Hilda didn't expect. He put out his hand. They shook hands and introduced themselves. This was unlike the Nathan, who liked to be called 'Nate', from Hilda's past. T
he Nathan of six years ago was a tattoo wearing, commanding guy who was always overprotective towards Hilda.
Seeing her opportunity, Hilda darted around the two men and made a beeline through the crowded airport to where her team stood. Hilda apologized for keeping everyone waiting. She felt it was important to get back to her work, to leave the past behind her. She dared not to glance over her shoulder. Soon Charles joined them. Hilda ignore his comments that Nathan was a nice guy, dangerous looking at first glance but very respectful.
Hilda knew if she looked back and didn't let go of the past, it would eat her. The past is the past for a reason. She could get wrapped up in her mistakes. She could let him back into her life. He could find out the truth.
Hilda sat on the plane, certain she would not see Nathan again. Then she realized she forgot something.
Her cell.
Chapter 3
He watched her keenly, with a touch of fear, a touch of need. Her amber eyes had disconcerted him, he felt mocked by them. Looking into her eyes, it felt impossible to reach her. But he knew she wanted to escape. Again. Sensitive to what she wanted, he let her meld into the group of people she was with, blend into her new life. She used to be wild and long. Now, it was cut short. Perhaps to represent the more reserved side she wanted to portray? Nathan wondered. Watching her in the crowd, he found it difficult to comprehend that the woman he looked at was Hilda. The girl he used to call 'Red' on account of how her hair looked like a living flame. She blazed with life back then. Cutting her hair appeared to be a gesture that was bitter, inconsolable, a depreciation of her own beauty, but harshly insistent that she has undergone a change, a change mixed with sadness and outrage.
Nathan stood watching her go, feeling helpless as she led the group toward the terminals. The man called Charles was next to her, he'd suggested that he and Hilda were quite close. Nathan knew when to back off. He needed to respect that she had moved on. He didn't want to be where she was going. It wasn't as if he would get much more out of her if they saw each other again.
Right then his foot brushed something. Looking down, he saw her cell. She had dropped it the moment when he accidentally startled her. He picked it up. What faced him sent a shockwave through his body. Nathan peered down at the face of a baby boy. Well, a toddler to be exact.