by Hart, Alana
"Hilda isn't aware that Melanie even knows?"
"Not as far as we know. Melanie feels Hilda was always ashamed. All she could do was help her come back to Christ, it was what Hilda always wanted. Watch out - it's hot." Scott hand Nathan the cup of of coffee. Nathan held the cup feeling the burning throb at his palm.
"I'm going to have to take a few days away from my office."
"I understand."
"Which is why I'm here."
"You want to know where she is staying?" Scott's lips twitched.
"I can find her on my own. But it would be easier if you helped me. I just want to talk to her."
Scott looked past Nathan. "Hey, sweetie. Are you okay?" Scott rushed to her.
Nathan turned around to see Melanie at the kitchen entrance. "Mel, hi. Heard what I was asking Scott?"
"Nathan." Melanie shooed the panicked Scott away. "You should give Hilda a little time to figure out what she's going to do. She had help, but I'm sure, now that you know Aaron is your son, it is overwhelming for her." Melanie walked to the kitchen island and sat on a stool.
"But I can't just leave her to run away again. My brain is wracked at the moment. I won't even be able to sleep until I see Hilda and my son."
"She doesn't know that Scott and I have known you were the father. All this would be too much. Let me speak with her first, okay?" Melanie covered her hand over Nathan's, which trembled a little. Speechless, he nodded his assent.
Nathan headed to the office as soon as he left Scott and Melanie's place.
"Any business calls?" Nathan asked his secretary Wendy.
"Just a few messages about next Thursday's meeting. Oh, and Mr Grady called."
"Thanks, Wendy." Nathan headed towards his office. He wanted to get all of his engagements sorted out and take a few days off. He couldn't sit still. He paced his office with balled fists. He felt helpless and pathetic. But he trusted Melanie.
Looking around his office he saw various things, his targets and projects. He looked over at the wall and saw the calendar, which had red marks on most of the days, indicating times when he was either having meetings or going away to handle affairs relating to his business. The previous night he had prayed for the opportunity to be in Aaron's life. And as he stared at the board, he realized what had to be done.
"Wendy." Nathan stepped out of his office to see her typing.
"What's up, Nathan?" She raised an eyebrow and smiled with her lips parted in a usual seductive manner that Nathan had always chosen to ignore.
"Cancel all of my engagements. I'm taking the month off. If anyone asks, tell them I have family matters to deal with."
Wendy leaned forward, "Are your parents okay?"
"They're fine." I just have to go.” And with that Nathan left the office.
Chapter 15
The moment her cell rang, Hilda answered. Aaron had been put to bed and Hilda relaxed in front of the TV.
"I was debating whether to call and check on you. Mel, you read my mind."
"Hey, Hilda. Call away, between sleeping, TV, and thrashing Scott at backgammon, I'm bored out of my mind."
Hilda giggled. "He'll never get better at it, will he?"
"Nope."
Hilda noticed an awkward silence between them. There had never been an awkward silence whenever they spoke.
"Everything okay with you Melanie?"
"Yeah, everything's fine on my end. I'm just waiting for him to come out. How was the mission?"
"Adventurous." That was the first word that popped into Hilda's mind.
"Hilda..."
"What's the matter, Melanie? Something's not right."
"Okay, I'll come right out with it. I know about you and Nathan. I've always known."
At hearing this the hairs on the back of Hilda's neck spiked. "Oh."
"I know what happened between the two of you in the past and I know what happened in Guatemala."
Hilda got up, switched off the TV, and found herself a wall to lean against. She cradled the cellphone and closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. What happened was between you, Nathan, and God. I wanted to leave it up to you to tell me, if you wanted."
"So, you knew all along." Hilda's mind went into overdrive. "You've been so helpful to me. When I told you I was pregnant, that same month I was given an interview for the position as medical secretary, did you have anything to do with it?"
Melanie sighed. "Yes."
"I thought you might have put a good word in for me. You've been looking out for me all this time."
"Please, don't think it was charity..."
"No, thank you. You held me and Aaron from the beginning. Without your help I wouldn't have passed the secretary course, my head was in shambles at the time. Thank you. But why tell me this now?"
Melanie was about to speak, when Hilda's doorbell rang.
"Hold on. Someone's at the door." Hilda got to the front door. She opened the door only to be staring up into the green eyes of Nathan.
Hilda faced Nathan and she realized the man she had feared for so many years had arrived. All he had to do to enter into her new life was step over the threshold. Hilda had never seen him in a suit before, but there he stood, dressed in black and his suit looking disheveled.
"Hilda, is everything alright. Should I call back?" came this voice of Melanie through her cell. Hilda realized Melanie was still there.
"Nathan is here Mel." Hilda fought to control her breathing.
"Oh. He was supposed to let me speak with you first. We never told him where you lived, Hilda."
"I know. He was always resourceful." Hilda's hand was poised on the door, and every muscle in her body twitched for her to close the door. Maybe it would make him disappear. But she hesitated. Aaron was inside, she couldn't just let Nathan in.
"Do you want me to speak with him.?" Melanie's question snapped Hilda back to the present. She realized that she had not said anything to Nathan. It was as if she had lost the ability to speak. Keeping the cell pressed to her ear, Hilda fixed Nathan with a intense glare. She walked towards him, forcing the large, imposing figure of Nathan to retreat into the hallway. Then she pulled the door closed quietly.
"Aaron's asleep." Hilda spoke in a whisper.
Nathan nodded. "That's okay."
"Melanie wants to speak with you." Hilda handed him the phone.
Nathan nodded, and his gaze ran over Hilda's face and hair. Then he handed the phone back to Hilda.
"Okay, I told him if he dares to upset you and not comply with your rules, he would not hear the last of it from me, and in my current state I'm pretty grumpy."
Hilda smiled at Melanie's support, that tiny Melanie could intimidate the enormous Nathan. But looking at him, she saw how subdued he seemed.
"Thanks, Mel, I'll take it from here."
"Okay. I'm not pleased that he showed up, but somewhere deep down I knew he couldn't sit back and wait. If you need me, just call, okay." Melanie said.
"I will. And thanks again." Hilda hung up. And the silence that clung to the air made the atmosphere tense.
"She wanted me not to upset you." Nathan smiled.
"I might have expected you'd show up. I guess I was naive to think that once the door was open, it could be closed again. How did you find me, then?"
"I called Scott and had him tell me. He's going to get an earful from Melanie, but he knew I wouldn't give up until I saw you tonight." Nathan's tall frame made the hallway seem to shrink. "Besides, you weren't too eager to tell me your whereabouts in Guatemala. But I didn't think you would be too far from here."
"You were right about that." Hilda looked down the long corridor, just for somewhere to look, away from Nathan.
"Are you going to introduce me to Aaron?" Nathan looked hard at Hilda. She could not ignore the rod of pain that shot through her.
"He's asleep right now." Hilda shook her head while reaching out for the door.
"Is it okay if I come in, then?" Natha
n lifted his eyes at the door.
Hilda relented with a sigh, letting go of the door and stepping back. Nathan walked in and Hilda followed behind him. As soon as he walked in, his eyes traced the size of the apartments interior. It reminded her that he never could stomach meager living, or anything that didn't boast of wealth. Hilda knew the apartment was too small for his liking. Nathan, in her home, cast a dull light on everything she had achieved thus far.
"It's homey here." Nathan took a few more steps.
"Mommy" Aaron's call was low, but Hilda recognized the familiar tone. She rushed past Nathan.
Hilda pushed open Aaron's bedroom door. "How are you, my little Prince?" It broke Hilda's heart to see Aaron cowering in fear. He had his face buried in the pillow.
"I had a nightmare." Hilda sat on the bed and hugged him.
"Oh, don't worry Baby, everything is okay. There is no one under your bed. It was just a bad dream. I will check." Hilda peered under the bed. "No one's there. You are safe."
"It was the bad man." Aaron hugged onto Hilda. Hugging him, Hilda rubbed his back.
"No. He won't come back again." Hilda closed her eyes tight. It had hurt her that she had put Aaron in danger in Guatemala, and ever since then he'd had nightmares.
Then Aaron faced the doorway to where Nathan watched them. Aaron stared a little while longer, then he said pointing, "that man saved us."
Hilda felt her heart wane. "Yes. Sweetheart. He has come to visit us."
Aaron's fear seemed to dissipate as he lifted his head up and stared at Nathan curiously.
"Really?" Aaron sat up.
"Yes." Hilda's squeezed around hand. "Just this once."
"Wow." Aaron seemed surprised by Nathan's statue.
"You can thank him if you want." Hilda looked at Aaron.
"Thank you." Aaron said. "Mommie, will he protect us?"
Hilda was almost dumbstruck by Aaron's question. "Yes. He will. Now get to sleep. I'll keep the door open and we'll watch over you, okay?" Hilda felt Aaron's body relax.
"Okay." Aaron got under covers and Hilda tucked him in and kissed his forehead. She went to the door and stood watching him, until he went to sleep. Nathan was behind her, but she was thankful that he made no move to touch her. They would never have that sort of relationship again.
Chapter 16
Nathan regarded the little boy who slept peacefully. Though in the dim light shining through the living room, Nathan saw his own features reflected by Aaron. Nathan's mind went back to pictures of himself at that age, and no doubt there was a resemblance. Nathan wanted to see him properly. When Nathan first saw the picture of Aaron on Hilda's cell, the stinging realization that she had a son clouded his vision.
Every fiber in his body wanted to go into the room and wake Aaron, just to hold him. To pull him close and to hug him. Nathan had missed so much of Aaron's life already. He'd never heard his first cry, held him or comforted him, never heard him say his first word or helped him take his first step.
Nathan sat down on the arm of the loveseat. "I want to see him again. I want to see you again." Nathan couldn't bring himself to look at Hilda. A litany of thoughts and emotions raced through his head. What if she didn't let him? Could he afford to allow any more time to pass?
"Okay." Hilda was standing so close to Nathan.
Nathan wanted to reach out and touch her. But he now controlled the urge.
Nathan watched Aaron run at the pigeons as they scattered in flight only to land a few feet in front of him. This happened a few times. Watching this made Nathan's heart spring at the fragility, beauty, and innocence of their son. Hilda walked beside Nathan, and she wore a gray cardigan, and her hair was tied back.
The weather was impervious to the obscured thoughts going through Nathan's mind. The sun had its own goals for the day, clear and bright, fueled by its own need to scorch the park grass. They walked along the footpath. Within Nathan's chest, pangs of anxiety were ever-present.
"Thank you for letting me see him." Nathan said to Hilda, who looked back at him and pressed her lips into a smile. "I was biting my nails all week, wondering if you would change your mind." Nathan walked with his hands in his pockets, while Hilda held a carton of orange juice for Aaron.
"I almost backed out." Hilda looked ahead at Aaron. "Don't go too far, Sweetie."
"I'm glad you didn't."
"Don't you ever bring your camera out here?"
"Oh, that thing?" Hilda waved away the idea, "Ha! What a thought. I haven't done that sort of thing in years."
"You mean, since us?"
"Yes."
They walked along. He kept her in his peripherals and he wondered if she did the same. It took all of his will to not see her as the girl she used to be, as a trophy for his conquests.
Aaron ran to them. "Mommy, I'm hungry."
"Okay, sweetie, we won't be long. When we get home, I'll make you lunch." Hilda squatted and tidied Aaron's hair.
The thought of their time together ending shot through Nathan's chest. But he had expected this, and in his usual fashion he had prepared for it. "Let's say we all have a picnic?" Nathan looked at Aaron and Hilda. While Aaron's face lit up, Hilda's eyes inspected Nathan, her shoulders tensed.
"We don't want to put out of your way, Nathan."
"It's nothing. I prepared a picnic already." Nathan watched as Hilda's shoulder slacked and she let a short exhale. Nathan wondered if he had made a bad decision. Had this been one of the traits about him that made her hesitant about accepting him into her new life?
"Yeah! Mommy, can we have a picnic?" Aaron jumped up and down.
Hilda looked back and forth between Aaron and Nathan. "Okay." She kissed Aaron's cheek.
Aaron ran to Nathan, and Nathan embraced Aaron in a hug, ruffling his hair. It was his first time holding Aaron. Nathan felt his lips quiver. He closed his eyes and tilted his head over Aaron's shoulder.
Nathan raised his head to see Hilda looking at them. Her lips were flattened, and she gave him a single nod. Nathan was unsure what it meant. Was she frustrated that he had overstepped his boundaries? Boundaries that were not really discussed. Or had she been suppressing something she wanted to say? Nathan didn't know. He only knew that he had a little more time to get to know Aaron and Hilda.
Nathan went to his car and opened the trunk where he kept a large blanket, and a mini cooler filled with a variety of drinks. He had not heard Hilda's approach.
"Let me help." She grabbed the plastic cups and boxes with sandwiches.
Hilda was at Nathan's side. He struggled to focus on gathering as many items as he could. But from his peripherals, he saw her. His hands that remembered what an amazing experience it was to hold her, almost dropped everything and pulled her to him. Nathan looked at Hilda, and she turned to him and he held her gaze.
"I want to help." Aaron moved between them excitedly, breaking the spell of what might have or might not have happened.
Nathan was slightly shaken.
"Come on. There is a nice area by the tree." Hilda led the way in quick strides. Aaron, running, overtook her, and Nathan followed behind. There was a shaded spot under a tree. Holding the corners of the blanket, they spread it across the grass. After they set out the food and beverages, Nathan said he'd be back. He went to his car and sat in the front.
"Okay, God. I still have feelings for her. I think seeing her mature into such a beautiful woman, I won't deny that it's hard. Give me strength to control my desires and not sin."
As Nathan returned to the area where Hilda and Aaron sat, Hilda looked at him. She smiled. Nathan was taken aback. It was a warm smile. He saw that her coldness toward him was beginning to thaw.
"Aaron loves the sandwiches."
"You like them?" Nathan looked at Aaron who nodded with his cheeks bulging. "I think I've made a good impression"
Nathan sat down, and his eyes caught Hilda's fleetingly before she looked away. Still, a feeling of warmth seemed to settle in his chest. He remember Hilda in h
er younger years, though she had been aware of her beauty, as he showed her off to everyone, he always fought the nagging sense that she was not truly happy about being regarded by others solely for her beauty.
Laying on the blanket, Nathan saw the lengths she had gone to hide herself from people. She never wore makeup, yet he was more drawn to her than ever. Her clothes were simple, but Nathan felt he was seeing a part of who Hilda truly was inside.
After they ate, Aaron had moved closer to Nathan. "Wanna play catch?"
"Sure!" Aaron jumped at Nathan's offer. Hilda rested against the tree.
"How about you join us?" Nathan got up, picking up the ball, and he smiled at Hilda.
"I'll just watch you guys. I'm feeling lazy today." Hilda caressed Aaron's hair as she hugged him.
Nathan threw the ball to Aaron and their game began as Hilda looked on. Nathan wondered at the joy he felt. Aaron and Hilda were a family, and he desperately wanted to know if he had place among them.
When it was time to leave, Aaron hugged Nathan, again transferring the feeling of belonging Nathan had never really felt in his life.
"Thanks." Nathan extended a hand to Hilda, which she took. After they parted ways, Nathan felt the handshake disguised any affection they had. It felt too unnatural.
Chapter 17
"Go inside, Mommy has to speak with Grannie for a minute.” As Aaron hugged Hilda's mother, Hilda's heart sunk into her stomach at what she was about to say. Watching Aaron run into the house, Hilda spun around to her mother.
"Enough mother." Hilda pursed her lips and tightened her jaw. Although, adrenaline course through her, she was still hoping that she did have to go through with this.
"Sorry?" She raised an eyebrow and cocked her head at Hilda. "Do you have something to say, Hilda?"
"No more battering me down over the past, I won't, I can't stand it any longer. You are intolerable and I will not stand for it anymore."
"How dare you?" Her mother's lips curled back to expose her teeth, her eyes widened and she shook. "Have you forgotten who you're speaking to? All I've done for you and all I've put up with?"